Kudala ndizimela apha okomzuzwana ngoku kwaye ndacinga ukuba ndiza kuthumela ibali lam lempumelelo ukukhuthaza abanye kwaye mhlawumbi ndibonelele ngengqondo kwinkqubo. Ndingu-SWM oneminyaka engama-30 ubudala osempilweni. Ndihlala ndilungile kwaye ndisebenza ngaphandle kweengxaki zonyango ezaziwayo. Akuzange kuphathwe gadalala, akukho trauma, ukwenzakala, njl. Ndiqale ngoononophala rhoqo xa ndingu 18 ndaya ekholejini. Eli yayilixesha lokuqala ukufikelela kwikhompyuter yam kunye nonxibelelwano olukhawulezayo lwe-Intanethi. Ngaphambi koko, ndandibonile Playboys kwaye ezinye izinto ezisisiseko ezithambileyo kodwa azange khe zibe nomcimbi wokufumana ubunzima nokuba uphuma nentombazana.
Kuqala khange ndibone ngxaki. Kodwa ngokukhawuleza phambili kwiminyaka embalwa kwaye ndadibana nezinto ezininzi kwikholeji apho ndingakwaziyo ukuba nzima. Ndiyibhalele kwiimbilini, ndingakhange ndithandane namaqabane am, ndidiniwe, njl, njl, njl, njl. Ndiqinisekile ukuba uninzi lwenu luya kuxubusha. Ewe, ukunyaniseka nawe, into efanayo yedam iyaqhubeka isenzeka kum. Ndiza kudibana nomfazi kwaye andinakukwazi ukuba nzima. Ngalo lonke elixesha bendihlala ndisebenzisa iphonografi yonke imihla kwaye ndibaleka rhoqo malunga nexesha elifanayo. Andizange ndidibanise ezimbini kwaye ndandingazi ukuba enye i-porn ingabangela i-ED.
Ekugqibeleni, xa ndandineminyaka engama-28 ubudala, ndaya kugqirha womchamo. Wazimisela ukuba akukho nto iphosakeleyo ngokwam (ubuncinci ngaphantsi kwebhanti) wandinika iskripthi seCialis kwaye wandithumela endleleni yam. Ngexesha elifanayo ndafumanisa i-YBOP kwaye ngequbuliso yonke into yavakala. Ndabona ukufana okuninzi phakathi kwebali lam kunye noko abanye abantu babelane ngako. Kwakukufumanisa okukhulu kum.
Ngoku, ukukunika umbono, ndakwazi ukulala ngesondo kwi-20s yam kodwa kwakubi kakhulu. Ngokukhawuleza ukuba ndibeke ikhondom ndiza kuhamba. Ndaye ndakwazi ukudibana ngokufanelekileyo nekhondom kodwa ndicinga ukuba kungenxa yokuba ndichithe impelaveki yonke kunye nale ntshontsho kwaye andikhange ndibaleke kwiveki eyandulelayo. Kodwa eyona nto iphambili kukuba bendisebenza nje ngendlela ebendifanele ngayo.
Ke, malunga neeveki ezisi-8 ezidlulileyo ndiqalise ukuqala kwakhona. Akukho mboniso wamanyala. Akukho kuphulula amalungu esini. Akukho orgasm. Ndenze umda amaxesha ambalwa kodwa ndayeka ndakufumanisa ukuba inokuba yingozi njani. Ndaphinda ndahlala ngaphandle kwe-OKCupid njengoko oko kunokubangela ukuba ndibaleke kwaye nokuba ndifumene imifanekiso ye-bikini okanye enye into. Injongo yam yayikukulala ngesondo kunye nekhondom yonke indlela eya kwi-orgasm. Ndigxininise amandla am kwenye indawo. Ndaqala ukusebenza ngaphezulu, ndaqala ukufunda kwakhona, kwaye ndazama ukuhlala kude ne-Intanethi (ngaphandle kokuba inxulumene nomsebenzi). Isihogo nokuba ubukele umabonwakude (hayi iphonografi) kukusetyenziswa okungcono kwexesha kunokujonga iphonografi, iifoto zebikini, okanye nantoni na ekwi-intanethi.
Ndiyifezekisile injongo yam! NgoLwesihlanu odlulileyo ndalala ngesondo yonke indlela eya kwi-orgasm. Ndisebenzise ikhondom ngaphandle kwemicimbi. Ngexesha eliphambili andizange ndibenzima ngoko nangoko kodwa emva kancinci ndabuya! Imvakalelo enjalo. Ukubeka ikhondom yayingengombandela. Ndiyithathile kancinci ngaphandle koxinzelelo. Kwaye ukunyaniseka, ukuphuma emva kokungakwenzi iiveki ze-8 + waziva kumnandi. Uyonwabele kwaye esekwe nakwindlela asabela ngayo. 
Zange ndanephupha elimanzi kwaye andiqinisekanga nokuba ndakhe ndakhe “ndakroba”. I-libido yam yenza i-wax kwaye ihamba kodwa andizange ndiqaphele umzekelo wangempela kuyo. Eyona nto inkulu endinokukuxelela yona kukuhlala kude ne-porn kunye nayo yonke imifanekiso ye-Intanethi, sukubaleka, kwaye ube nomonde! Andinakukuxelela ukuba zingaphi iintlanganiso ezimbi endiye ndadibana nazo, zingaphi iikhondom ezonakalisiweyo endikhe ndadlula kuzo ngenxa yokuba ndingakwazi ukuhlala nzima ukuzibeka. Eli linyathelo elikhulu kum, njengokunyuka intaba i-Everest okanye ukwaphula imitha ezine zemayile okanye enye into. Ke hlala apho abafana. Ungayilungisa le nto. Ndithembe!
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