Molweni nonke,
Le yingxelo yam yosuku lwe-90 + kunye nesithuba sam sokuqala sangaphambili seReddit… Yiza ucinge ngayo, iposti yam yokuqala ye-intanethi kwiminyaka.
Kudala ndicinga ngento emandiyithethe ngoku, kodwa ndingafiki ndawo. Ndiye ndagqiba kwelokuba ndiqale ndichwetheze kwaye ndibone ukuba ndizophelela phi. Nceda uxolele naziphi na iingcinga ezingahambelaniyo kunye neempazamo zopelo.
Nantsi iya. Ndingumfana oneminyaka engama-35 ubudala… ndicinga ukuba ndiza kuqhela nditsho nge-36, kuba ziiveki ezimbalwa kuphela kude. Ukuphulula amalungu esini okokoko ndingu 10, 11 okanye 12. Akukho maphephancwadi, liphupha nje. Unayo i-intanethi xa ndandineminyaka eyi-18. Andikhumbuli xa iphonografi iba yingxaki, kodwa ke yingxaki kule minyaka ilishumi idlulileyo. Akuzange kubekho ntombazana okanye sele isondele ngokwaneleyo emfazini ukuba iphuhlise ubudlelwane, nanjengabahlobo. Nangona ngokwenyani ingeyontombi, ngokweemvakalelo ndinguye.
Kwiminyaka embalwa edlulileyo bendindwendwele ihenyukazi elinemiphumela enganelisiyo. Unokuqikelela ukuba iziganeko ngeyure. Ulungiso oluphakathi ngexesha lokufutshane, kodwa xa iimpahla zaphuma zahamba ngokukhawuleza. Amaxesha ambalwa ibuyile kancinci ngokwaneleyo ukuba 'ngobuchwephesha' buphele ubuntombi bam. Kodwa ngalo lonke ixesha lobunzima ipenisi yam ayivanga kwanto kwaye ayizange inciphe. Ewe bendiyibeka ityala kwimithambo-luvo, kwaye ngasemva kwengqondo yam ndade ndamsola. "Ukuba nje wayenokugungqa umva ukubonisa loo mgca phantsi komqolo wakhe, okanye ukuhambisa iinqumlo zakhe ngendlela endifumana ngayo inomdla". Emva koko ndabuya ndaziva. Ndandinomfazi omhle olele ze phezulu / ngaphantsi / ecaleni kwam. Kuya kufuneka ndikwazi ukuba nzima, kanye njengokufika ekhaya, ndedwa, emva kwekhompyuter.
Ndayazi ukuba iphonografi yingxaki… kwaye andenzanga nto malunga nayo ixesha elide. Uninzi lobomi bam ndinengxaki yokwenza kunye nokugcina unxibelelwano lwasentlalweni oluye lwathi chu lwazitshintsha lwaba luxinzelelo lwentlalo kunye nobuntu obunokuphepha. Ngehlobo ephelileyo, emva kokuchitha iiveki ezintathu ndisekhaya ndedwa, ekugqibeleni ndanele kwaye ndazifihla ngeempumlo ezicaphukisayo ndaya kugqirha. Ndiphantse ndakhupha intshontsho, kodwa emva kokuba ebhalele ezinye iimpumlo ngempumlo yam ekugqibeleni ndavuma iingxaki zam zengqondo. Yeyona nto inzima endakha ndazenza ebomini bam. Ukuvuma ukusilela kwam kunye nokusilela komnye umntu bekusoloko kungacingeki. Andikwazi ukuthetha ngeenyembezi bendizama ukuzifihla. Kodwa ndiyenzile.
Inene ibangele into kum. Elo nqanaba liye kugqirha yayiliswitshi elindenze ndafuna ukutshintsha imeko ephuthileyo kunye nesithukuthezi endandinaso ngekamva lam. Ke ngoku ukuphela kweposti ye-nofap september yabetha ngaphambili, kwaye ndachitha iiyure ezimbalwa ndifunda iiposti kule sub. Ndigqibe kwelokuba le yinto endinokuthi (kwaye kufuneka ndiyenze).
Ndabeka usukelo lweentsuku ezingama-90 eziqhelekileyo ezazingqamane nonyaka omtsha, ke ndakhetha uJanuwari kuqala njengomhla wam wokuphela. Njengomvuzo wokufezekisa loo njongo ndazithembisa ukuba ndiza kusebenzisa la mandla makhulu bendikhe ndifunda ngawo kwaye ndinomtsalane kwabasetyhini abahle ebhedini. Okulusizi kukuba ndakhawuleza ndafumanisa ukuba kufuneka ndihlala kwidiphozithi enkulu yekryptonite, kuba… akukho mandla makhulu.
Okanye zikhona? Kudala ndicinga ngala magunya amakhulu kunye nento abanokundenzela yona ukuba bendinayo. Ezi nyanga zintathu zidlulileyo ze-nofap kunye ne-pornfree, zidityaniswe ngoncedo lokhathalelo lwempilo yengqondo endilufumeneyo, ingqondo yam iye yacaca ngakumbi kwaye yonwabile. Unomdla ngakumbi wokudibana emehlweni nokumomotheka. Into ibhobhozayo ngaphakathi kwam izama ukuphuma. Kwaye xa ndoyisa amaxhala am, ndiyazi ukuba aya kuphuma. Ndicinga ukuba yile nto ibizwa ngokuba yimikhosi emikhulu… kodwa ayingowamandla amakhulu. Zingamandla abantu. Ukubanjiswa yiyo nantoni na ekubambezela ebomini. Baziva nje bengaphezulu xa bekhululwe. Kulungile… ndiyathemba.
Yintoni elandelayo kum. Akusekho iphonografi. HAYI. NGONAPHAKADE. KWAKHONA. Ngokubhekiselele kwi-nofap: Andiqinisekanga. Emva kokuqonda iminyaka yam emitsha emashumi mathathu kwakungathandeki ukuba kwenzeke umvuzo wam namhlanje yayiza kuba kukukhululwa okuhle. Kodwa ngoku ndiyabona ukuba kulucelomngeni ukucwangcisa into enjalo kude kube ngoku. Ke andizukuyenza. Ndiza kulinda de ndifikelele ubuncinci kwiintsuku ze-100 kwaye emva koko ndiza kuzivumela ukuba zenzeke xa sele ndikulungele.
Ekugqibeleni; iingxaki zam zentlalo ziya kujongana ngoncedo oluvela kwinkqubo yokhathalelo lwengqondo kusetyenziswa unyango lweqela lokuthetha, i-CBT okanye indibaniselwano (andazi okwangoku). Kwakhona amanye amanqaku okuzinceda kwi-Intanethi kunye nokuzinikezela kwam okunzulu. Ndiza konwaba. Ndizakwenza abahlobo abatsha. Kwaye ndiya kufumana umfazi olungileyo ukuba ndimthande, ndimenze andithande. Ndiza kuqala ukuphila ubomi bam. Isigqibo sam seminyaka esitsha.
Enkosi nonke ngamabali enu. Ukuzifunda kuye kwandinceda kakhulu. Yiba nefip kunye ne-porn yasimahla ye-2013.
TL; DR Ukuphuma nje. Yifunde ..
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