Usuku 7
Nali ibali lam. Ndineminyaka engama-47 kwaye ndiphethwe yi-ED ubomi bam bonke. Ngelishwa kum ndifumene indlela ye-porn ngaphambi kwamava am okuqala ngesondo. Ukuqala kwam ukuyijonga ndabanjwa (ubhuti washiya ikopi ye Penthouse phandle ebhedini yakhe) njengoko bekukho into eyothusayo ngayo. Kwandula ke, xa ndandimalunga ne-15 leminyaka ubudala, ndandisiba amaphephancwadi abonisa amanyala kwivenkile yam yasekuhlaleni. Xa ndandineminyaka eli-18 ubudala kuxa izinto zaguquka ngokwenene njengoko ndandingena kwiTheatre yasePussycat. Uhlobo endandiluthanda kakhulu yayiziilesbians ezimbini. Ndikwayabona ngoku ukuba ukuvulelwa koku kukude kangakanani ekuvulweni ngokwabelana ngesondo okuqhelekileyo umntu anokukufumana.
Ngethuba ndifumana i-experience yam yokuqala yesondo kwi-21 sele sele ndiphulula i-pornography iminyaka engaphezu kwe-6. Njengoko unokucinga ukuba andizange ndikwazi ukuyiphakamisa okanye ukuba ndikwazi ukuthamba ngexesha lokungena.
Ngethamsanqa kum kwakumalunga neli xesha endathi ndafuduka kwikhaya labazali bam ndaya kuhlala kwigumbi elinabahlali ababini. Eli lixesha apho andizange ndikwazi ukujonga kwaye ndiphulule i-porn ngokukhululekile - kunye nexesha endiye ndakwazi ukuphumelela ukungena ngaphandle kwe-ED. Ndafumanisa ukuba ndidibana kwaye ndilala ngesondo kunye nabasetyhini abaninzi (mhlawumbi i-15 ngaphezu kwexesha leminyaka emibini) ukuba andizange ndibe nomdla kakhulu wokuphulula i-porning. Kwaba kusemva kokuba ndifumene indawo eyeyam endathi ndabuyela kumkhwa wam wakudala wabuya no-ED. Ngoku ndingaya kwivenkile yevidiyo yengingqi ndize ndiqashe emva koko ndiphulule amalungu entsapho kuzo zonke iividiyo ze-lesbian zamanyala endandizifuna kwaye akukho mntu unokuze azi ngayo.
Ngeli xesha bendinamantombazana aliqela kwaye emva kwexesha lokuqala lokungakwazi ukuphakama bendizokwazi ukuba neentlobano zesini nabo ngempumelelo ngaphandle kokuphulukana nokuvuka kwam. Ngoku ndiyakholelwa ukuba oku mhlawumbi ngenxa yokuba andizange ndiphulule i-pornography ngexesha lobudlelwane. Ngoku ukuba ndijonge ngasemva eyona nto ibuhlungu kakhulu yokulutha kwam kukuba ndahlukana nentombi enye endandinayo kwaye ndandilala ngesondo ngenxa yokuba ndandifuna ukubuyela ekuphululeni ama-masturbating kwi-porn lesbian ngaphandle kokuziva ndinetyala ngayo.
Oko kwakumalunga neminyaka eyi-13 eyadlulayo kwaye kude kube kutshanje andizange ndibe nobudlelwane bezesondo ukususela ngoko. Into malunga nokuphulula amaphambili kwi-porn (ingakumbi ngoku ukuba igcwele i-intanethi kwaye ifikeleleke ngokulula) ebulala i-drive yokuhlangana kunye nomhla wabasetyhini. Ndandinawo amathuba kodwa ndandisoloko ndizixelela ukuba “andiziva nje”.
Kwiinyanga ezininzi ezidlulileyo ndadibana nomntu kwaye ndaqalisa ubudlelwane bezesondo kunye naye. Ukuqala kwam ukuba kunye naye bendilindele i-ED yokuqala kodwa le ibimbi kakhulu kunayo nayiphi na into endikhe ndadibana nayo njengoko ndingakwazi ukuvelisa naluphi na ukwakhiwa. Ndazama i-Viagra kunye ne-Cialis kwaye nangona le nto yavelisa i-erection yahamba ngokukhawuleza xa ndingena kuye. Xa ndingaphakathi kuye kuba ngathi ikuku yakhe ikhululekile kakhulu xa ithelekiswa nokuqina endikuqhelileyo ngesandla sam.
Izinto ziye zabangcono mva nje njengoko ngoku ndikwaziyo ukuyigcina inzima kodwa ndicinga ukuba usenokuba uphelelwa ngumdla (andikwazi ukuthi ndiyamgxeka). Into endinokuyenza kukuhlala i-porn kunye ne-masturbation simahla. Ndifunde apha ukuba kuthatha i-30 ukuya kwiintsuku ze-60 ukuqalisa ingqondo kwikhoboka le-porn ngoko ke ndisenendlela ende yokuhamba.
Usuku 57
Olu luhambo olunjani.Njengoko ndagqiba ekubeni ndiyeke i-PMO ekuqaleni kwalo nyaka ndiyenzile kwiintsuku ze-6 kabini, iintsuku ze-12 kanye, iintsuku ze-28 kanye kwaye ngoku ndingumhla we-57 wokuba i-PMO ikhululekile.
Ndingatsho ukuba bekufanelekile ngokupheleleyo ukungakhululeki ukufikelela kweli nqanaba. Ndiye ndazuza kakhulu ukuba ayizizo zonke iimvakalelo emva kwentloko yelungu lam lobudoda. Kwaba ngathi utshintsho lubuyile kwiziphelo zam zemithambo-luvo emva kokuba ndicinyiwe kuyo yonke iminyaka yam yokuxhatshazwa kwe-PMO. Ndaqala ndalubona utshintsho ngomhla wama-52 xa ndandidlala nentombi yam kwaye ndaziva ngathi ndinokukhupha isidoda ukuba sasinokugcina kuyo (yayingeloxesha okanye indawo yokufumanisa). Andizange ndikwazi ukwenza nantoni na ngaphandle kokwabelana ngesondo kunye naye isizathu sokuba andizange ndive nantoni na xa ngaphakathi kuye mhlawumbi ukusuka kuyo yonke iminyaka yam yokusebenzisa ukubamba ukufa kum.
Ngoku ndiyakwazi ukufezekisa i-erection epheleleyo malunga ne-orgasm ngaphandle kwe-porn okanye i-porn fantasy ngaphambi kokuba ndiyeke ukusebenzisa nje ukukhanya ngesandla sam. Eyona nto ingcono ndiyakwazi ukuhlala nzima kwaye ndizilawule ngaphandle kokuphuma. Andizange ndehlelwe yile nto ukususela oko ndandikwishumi elivisayo. Le yinto endingazange ndikwazi ukuyenza ngaphambi kokuba ndiqalise kwakhona kwaye njengenyani andinakuze ndizikhuphe ngaphandle kwe-porn. Naxa ndenza njalo ndandisele ndiqina. Ngoku ndiyayibona indlela i-PMO enokuphazamisa ngayo ingqondo yakho ngakumbi xa uyenza iminyaka kunye neminyaka.
Ndifuna nje ukukhuthaza wonke umntu ojongene nalo mkhwa ukuba anganikezeli. Kufanelekile ngokupheleleyo ukuhlala kwikhosi. Ndiziva njengomntu omtsha!
;