Amanyala, awuseyonkosi yam. Ndigqibile shame. Ndigqibile ngokugqwetheka. Ixhala lentlalontle. Ukujongelwa phantsi kwam kunye nabo ndibajongileyo. Uloyiko. Ubuxoki. Ubundibambe ngeebhola ixesha elide, kodwa ekugqibeleni ndikhululekile. Qhuba ngoku.
Yomelela kwaye usebenzele ingomso elingcono. Sonke sijonge kuwe.
Ndineminyaka engama-22. Bendikhe ndibukele nje ngamaxesha athile ngoko khange ndibone ncedo lukhulu. Kodwa ndiziva ngathi iingcinga zam zigqwethekile kancinane kwaye zinenjongo kunokuba bezinjalo.
Ndinebali elihle elingaqhelekanga ngokwenene. Andizange ndibe ngumsebenzisi wexesha elinzima: nangona ndandisebenzisa ukusuka kwiminyaka eyi-13 ukuya kwi-21, yayihlala rhoqo ngenyanga okanye njalo. Kodwa kuyo yonke loo nto andizange ndilunge kuyo, ngenxa yezizathu zonqulo ndandisazi ukuba ayilunganga. Ndafika r / nofap kuDisemba ophelileyo, eyayimalunga nenyanga ukususela ekugqityweni kwam ukubukela. Ukusukela ngelo xesha ukuya phambili, ngokumangalisayo, andifumananga zibongozo okanye iminqweno yokuyenza.
Kutheni ndicinga ukuba ndiphumelele? Ndicinga ukuba ukufumana i-nofap kuncede ngokwenene. Ndandithanda ukukrokra malunga nombono wokuba i-masturbation yayimbi, kodwa ndandisazi ukuba i-porn yayingalunganga kwaye yayindenza ndizive ndibuhlungu. Le sub indenze ndanomdla kwaye ndachitha iiyure ezininzi ndifunda amabali empumelelo kunye nobunzima bomntu. Ndicinga ukuba oku kwandinceda ukuba nditshintshe imbono yam ye-porn. Ukuba unokuzenza uluthiye utshaba lwakho uya komelela kulo. Ukufunda amabali asemphefumlweni womzabalazo wobuqu ngokuchasene nawo kunye nokuba kubalahlekele ntoni- amaqabane, iintsapho, inkuthazo, ulonwabo-kwenyani kundenze ndakubona ngenye indlela. Ndakhula ndaba nentiyo, ndazimisela ukuyichasa, eyayingazange ibekho ngaphambili. Ulwimi olukwiposi yam (“fuck off”) luvela koku. Iimpawu ze-nofap zincede ngokwenene ndiyakholelwa. Emva phayaa ndandinesimo sengqondo esithi, “Eh, akulunganga kangako, kanye ngenyanga kulungile”, esasibona ingozi encinane ekubukeni ngamaxesha athile. Kodwa ngezithuba ezininzi ezikhuthazayo kwiindlela eziphakamileyo kwaye ndingaze ndinikezele, ndandizimisele ukwakha i-steak phezulu kangangoko ndinako.
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By iChadAram
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