Ndikwiimpawu zemihla eyi-100 kwakhona. Ndiyakholelwa ukuba eli lixesha lesithathu lesine ndifikelele kuloo manqaku okoko ndifunda malunga ne-pornfree ekuqaleni kwe-2013.
Ubomi bebungcono kakhulu ukusukela ngala mhla we-2013 xa ndangena iinyembezi ndifunda malunga neengozi ze-porn kunye nokuba yayiyintoni i-HOCD. Ukuba nokungaqiniseki okukhulu kunye nemicimbi malunga nokuba ndingubani (hayi nje ngokwesondo, kodwa njengomntu) kwaye yintoni eyandichazayo, andizange ndibe nesiqalo esihle ebomini. Xa i-HOCD yandibetha, eyathi yachazwa ngokungathandabuzeki okukhulu kunye nokubuza ngokugqithiseleyo malunga nokuziphatha kwam ngokwesini (oko andinakuyeka, kuya kundibetha ngamandla onke phantse yonke imini), ndandisoyika njengesihogo.
Ngapha koko, ukusukela ngala mhla, ndaqala ukusebenza ngokuba yiphonografi. Okokuqala ngokuyeka ukubukela iphonografi kunye nokuziphulula amalungu esini. Kwakunzima. Uninzi lwe-streaks zam lwaluphakathi kwe-0 kunye neentsuku ze-7. Kwakukho imijelo embalwa endiye ndadlula kuyo, phakathi kweentsuku ze-14 kunye neenyanga ezimbalwa endicinga. Kodwa bendihlala ndibuyela umva. Ngethamsanqa, kwisithuba esiphakathi kokuqala kwe2013 kunye ne-Okthobha ye-2015, ndenze inkqubela phambili ebomini bam. Ndaba sempilweni kwindlela endiphila ngayo. Ukomelela komzimba. Ukutya. Ndaphulula amancinci. Ndaye ndaba nokuzithemba ngakumbi. Noluntu. Ndilahlekelwe yi-HOCD yam. Ukuqala ukunxiba nokuzilungisa ngcono. Ndizifumane kwiinkalo ezininzi ebomini. (Oku bekungapheleli nje ngokuyeka ukubukela iphonografi kunye nokuhambisa amalungu esini, kodwa ndiyakholelwa ukuba indibaniselwano yokuyeka iphonografi kunye nokuziphucula.)
Ukusukela ngo-Okthobha u-2015, ndazivumela ukuba ndenze i-masturbate xa ndifuna, hayi nje nge-porn, i-visual stimuli okanye i-fantasy Ndiyichitha ngokukhawuleza i-masturbation (endiyibona ngakumbi njengokwabelana ngesondo ngoku) kunye noonografi. Kwaye yahamba kakuhle. Ndandingamanyala malunga neenyanga ezili-7. Ngelishwa, ndibuyele emva kwehlobo, ngokusekelwe ekubeni ndingenanto eninzi yokwenza kwaye ndiqoke ukhula kwakhona. Kwakububudenge. Kodwa inye into endiyiqapheleyo kukuba andiphindanga ndangena kwimicimbi emininzi yakudala kwakhona. Isiseko sokuzithemba kwam kunye nempilo yayiphezulu kakhulu kunangaphambili.
Ndicinga ukuba yayingu-31 Agasti ukuba ndiyeke kwakhona. Iphonografi kunye nokhula. Kwaye ngoku ndikwiintsuku ze-100 kwakhona. (Ndayeka iigarethi iintsuku ezingama-72!)
Kwaye ndiziva ndibhetele ngakumbi. Ngelishwa, ndiye ndaxinezeleka ngokuncinci emva kokuyeka izinto ezintathu ezinetyhefu kwakhona ebomini bam kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo ndinemicimbi yokurhoxisa. Kodwa nangona kukho ezinye izibonda ezinzulu, ndaphucula ngokuthe chu.
Ngoku ndikwiintsuku ze-100 kwaye ndiziva ndiqinisekile ukuba ndinamanyala ngobomi bam. Ndiyakwazi ukuphatha kakuhle, nangona ndilumkile. Ukuba ndibona ubunqunu kumdlalo bhanyabhanya okanye kumabonwakude, andikhathazeki. Ukuba ndibona ubuze kwifoto, andikhathazeki ukuba ndibukele iphonografi kwakhona. Ndingavuswa, kodwa andiyikucima iphonografi. Intle kakhulu. Andiyijongi ngenjongo (ukuya "ekuzingeleni i-dopamine"), kodwa ukuba ndibona imifanekiso engamanyala (engekho iphonografi) kwimagazini okanye nantoni na, andikhathazeki kwaphela. Ndiyayonwabela ngaphandle kokuhamba inkawu ukuze nditsho.
Ewe ewe, ndiziva ngathi ndikwindawo apho ndingamanyala ebomini. Kwandithatha iminyaka engama-2.5 ukusuka kwi-zero ukuya kwiqhawe. Ndiyazi ukuba loo nto iyavakala ngathi inekratshi, kodwa ndiqale kwindawo ephantsi kakhulu kwaye ndenze inkqubela phambili enkulu.
Ngoku ndiyindoda eneminyaka engama-23 ubudala enentembelo, indlela yentlalontle, eyilayo, esebenzayo, eqinisekisayo kwaye, ebaluleke kakhulu, eyindoda eyonwabileyo kunangaphambili. Ngokwenene ndaba ndim kule minyaka idlulileyo. Ndinomdla omtsha kwizinto endizithandayo. Ndiphantse ndagqiba isidanga senkosi yam. Ndinekamva eliqinisekileyo phambi kwam. Konke ngenxa yeminyaka yomsebenzi endiyifakileyo.
Esi sisithuba sam sokugqibela "sokuqhayisa" okwangoku. Ndiza kuqhubeka ndindwendwela i-subreddit kwaye ndinokunika uhlaziyo kwixa elizayo (iinyanga ezi-6, unyaka omnye, njl.njl.), Kodwa ndiyathemba ukuba oku kuyabakhuthaza abantu abakwindawo esezantsi ebomini babo kwaye bafuna ngenene kwaye kufuneka unyuse umdlalo wakho.
Ungayenza!
by vnnwlkr8
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