Ndineminyaka engama-24 kwaye kusenokwenzeka ukuba ndiqale ukudityaniswa kwe-pmo malunga ne-13 ukusukela ukuba mhlawumbi ubudala be-19 besiqhelo bungagcina iyure kwaye buya kwenziwa mihla le.
Ndaye ndazi malunga noluntu ngokuthetha nge-tedx ka-Gary Wilson ngelixa ndikhangela iividiyo ze-ted kwi-youtube kodwa khange ngenze nantoni na ngolwazi ngaphandle kokucinga ukuba lunomdla kwaye ndilugcina ngasemva kwentloko yam. Ke kuhambo lwam lwe-nofap: ukuya esiphelweni ku-2014 isicelo sam sokufumana isikolo samkelwa, nangoku andazi ukuba ndingene njani. Andilumkanga kwaye mhlawumbi umntu owenza ulwamkelo akaphumelelanga ukubona Umbhalo ebendifunwa ukuba ndiwunike ubonise ukuba kufuneka ndithathe enye yeeklasi kathathu ngaphambi kokupasa, okanye mhlawumbi isikolo besisemva nje kwemali. Ndabona ukuba kuya kufuneka ndifike entlokweni yam ndize kule nto kwaye kungenxa yoko ndiqalise i-nofap, eyayikungoNovemba ka-2014. Xa ndandiqala ukunikela ngemizamo enesiqingatha, ndibambe iveki okanye ezimbini apha naphaya phambi kokuzinkcinkca ngotywala -Ukudlwengula, kuba ngenene, vumela ukuba ubugqwetha obunyanisekileyo buhle kakhulu (funda ukuba andiyi kuhamba).
Ndagqibela ngo-Matshi 5 2015, kwaye umbono wokugqibela wamanyala malunga neveki kamva. Abanye abantu baxela ukuba bonwabele iiveki ezimbalwa zokuqala, kodwa mandikuxelele ukuba sisihogo esicocekileyo. Ndafumana iimpawu zokurhoxa njengokubandezeleka ngokukhawuleza kunye nokubandezeleka okukhulu kunye neemvakalelo ezibalekayo ukusuka entanyeni, ukuya ezingalweni ukuya ezihlahleni, kwaye ndaziva ngathi andinakucinga ngokuthe ngqo, njengemvakalelo yokunqongophala okubalekayo kodwa phantse iiveki ezimbini. Ndaye ndaqala ukuqaphela izibonelelo kwinyanga enesiqingatha, kodwa ukurhoxa kwandenza ndaqiniseka ukuba lo mkhwa wawuyinyani kwaye ndandihlala ndizikhumbuza "inyani yokuba uziva ngathi uyinto ebonakalayo bubungqina obubonakalayo bokuba ingqondo yakho iyabuyela".
Izinto sonke esithanda ukuziva: i-nofap indincede ndanciphisa uninzi loxinzelelo endikhe ndalufumana, kwakubi kakhulu ukuba umhlohli wandithumela kumcebisi wesikolo. Kodwa ngoku ukuphela kwento endiyifumanayo eyenza ukuba ndiqonde ukuba ndijongile kumantombazana kukuba ndibafumana bejongile; Ngaphambili andizange ndijonge amantombazana, okanye nabani na, ndiza kulinda ekhaya ndize ndiyifumane (ngaba uya kukholelwa ukuba andizange ndibe nentombi okanye ndilale ngesondo?). Ngoku, ndibona intombazana entle / eshushu / umfazi ohamba kwelinye icala kwaye engakhange ayicinge nokuyigcina unxibelelana naye yonke indlela de abe ulapha ecaleni kwam, Yandothusa amaxesha okuqala oku kwenzeka kwaye ndiza kuthi Ndimele ndime apho ndimi khona umzuzu kwaye ndicinge ngalento yenzekileyo. Ndiziva ndilungile ngoku kodwa ndiyazi kwangaphambili ukuba ndiza kuhlala kwaye ndithande into enje ngale yeentsuku, akunampilo kwaphela.
Zeziphi ezinye izinto ezilungileyo ezenzekileyo? Ukuhamba kwezithuthi kuya kusiba buhlungu kwi-esile kwaye kwindlela kaloliwe endiyithathayo izaliswe zi-weirdos ngeeyure endihamba ngazo, ndaye ndagqiba kwelokuba ndifumane ilayisensi yesithuthuthu kunye nesithuthuthu esinexabiso eliphantsi ukuze ndikwazi ukuya kwilayibrari ndifunde, apho kukho umntu iqhina elithandekayo linokuthatha ukubukeka nje okuqhelekileyo kwicala labo lokuba bayeke kwaye ngamanye amaxesha baphakame bahambe (yiza, kinda uhlekise kanene?). Kwakunjalo amandla e-nofap! hleka kakhulu. Ndichithe malunga neeveki ezintlanu zokuqala zesemester ndavuka kwi-fap ebangela ubuthongo obunobunkunkqele kungafundiswanga okanye kwenziwa umgudu, ndaphosa yonke into endinayo ekuqinisekiseni ukuba andibuyelanga kwimikhwa yakudala (mhlawumbi jonga apho ndiya khona nale).
Emva kovavanyo lokujongana ubuso ngobuso apho ugqirha wandijonga emehlweni wathi kufuneka ndenze ngcono (ngaphandle kokuba ndikhohlakele okanye nantoni na), ndaye ndagula iveki kodwa kungenxa yokuba usuku olungaphambi kokuba i-arsehole ithimle mna (kusebusika apha). Ukungagqibi ngokupheleleyo ukubanda kodwa ndikhumbula into endixelelwe yona, ndatsiba kwisitya sam sokuqala sokubanda, ebesiyinyanga ephelileyo kwaye ibiyimvula ebandayo yonke imihla, amaxesha ama-2-3 ngemini ukusukela oko. Ndifumene le nto kwizithuba zabanye abangena-apappers abathi iyabanceda ingqondo yabo okanye enye into kuloo migca. Ndingavuma ngokuqinisekileyo. Uyazi xa ujonge ngempazamo umntu onzima ngenene, andithethi ngesidenge sokuzivocavoca kodwa abafana ababonakala ngathi badlule kumava anzima, kwaye ukhawuleza uyekelele kwaye ujonge kude kwaye wenze ngathi khange kwenzeke? Ayikuko ukuba ndizame ngabom ukuba ndikhangele abantu abanjalo kwaye ndizame ukubajonga, kodwa emva kwemvula ebandayo edityaniswe ne-nofap andizukuphazamiseka ndize ndifumane imbeko njengokunqwala nje kancinci. Kwakhona, ngenxa yemvula ebandayo ndalahla ubungakanani beebhulukhwe ngaphandle kokuzilolonga ngaphandle kokuhamba nenja kunye nokutyhala okumbalwa kwigumbi lokuhlambela ngaphambi kokutsiba kwishawa. Ngaphambi kokuba kungabikho nto ndandibaleka malunga neekhilomitha ezisibhozo kathathu ukuya kane ngeveki.
Akunakuze kube lula, umlo ungomzuzu. Nangona ndibe nosuku olumatasa size ndidibane kunye nosapho okanye abahlobo besikolo esiphakeme, kungakhathaliseki ukuba ndihamba kangakanani iikhilomitha, ndiyakhuthaza ukubukela i-porn. Ndidlulile i-90, kwaye ngoku imihla ye-120 yinjongo. Ndizamile ezininzi iingcebiso ezinikezwa kwi-nofap kubandakanywa nokutya kwe-vegan; ingcamango yokutya okunempilo kunye nemveliso yezilwanyana ezingaphantsi kwehlisa i-libido okanye nayiphi na. Kwakunomphumo ochasene nxamnye nam, ndandiziva ndiba ne-horny kwaye ndivakalelwa ukuba zikhuphe; Ndandiziva ndikhungathekile kwaye ndandifuna ukuzityhutyha lonke ixesha. Ukucinga kwam kukuba kukuba ndiyifumene nengqondo yam ukuba nditshatile ubulili kunye ne-PMO, yile ndlela kuphela yokuyiveza. Emva koko, ndingazi ukuba ndiqala ukuba neembambano ezinqamlekileyo kunye nazo zonke iintombazana ezibonakalayo, kungabikho ukuhlola iingxaki zabo kwaye zijonge kodwa zijonge amehlo.
Kwaye ngoku ndifuna inkxaso yakho. Andiqinisekanga ukuba ngaba ndenzile ngokwaneleyo ukuba ndiqhawule nge-semester yokuqala ye-uni. Ukuba akunjalo, ucinga ukuba isikolo siya kundityhola? Umsebenzi endiwenzayo wawudlulileyo kodwa wawunikezwa ngokukhawuleza. Oku kubaluleke kakhulu kum. Njengomntu owayesoloko ethatha indlela yokunciphisa ubuncinci, andizange ndikhathalele nantoni na kwaye wayehlala exakekile kuba ngumxakatho. Andizange ndizisebenzise njengokuba ndaye ngasekupheleni kwe-semester. Ukuba yonke into enokuyigubungela iyenzi kakuhle kwaye yaqhubeka ndizama ukuya kwinto ethile. Andizange ndivuyiswe kodwa okokuqala ngqa ebomini bam ndivakalelwa kukuba ndinenjongo. Nangona bekufuneka ndiphinde ndizithabathe zonke iiklasi andingayi kudimazeka kodwa ukuba ndibone abahlobo ndibenze isinyathelo kude nam (oko kukuthi, ndenza abahlobo, into endiyenzanga ngexesha lam bachelors), ndiyakuvuya gxuma emva koko.
tl; dr: Ngokungabikho nto ndiye ndambona umntu ofuna ukuba. Ndikhubekile kwigumbi elingafanelekanga, kuphela ekhoneni lam iso lam ndiyibona into endiyifunayo kodwa ngoku ndiyesaba ukuba ndikhishwe ngaphandle kokuba ndikwazi ukuyifumana. Ewe, iimvula ezibandayo zihle kakhulu.
by buhlungu
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