Ukuba ucinga ukuba ngamadoda kuphela alikhoboka lephonografi - cinga kwakhona. U-Izzy Barnett uthi ukuba likhoboka lemiboniso bhanyabhanya eziluhlaza kwamlahlekisela umsebenzi wakhe ngabahlobo bakhe kwaye kwamshiya enamatyala aqhwalelayo.
Ekuqaleni, u-Izzy Barnett omhle ubonakala njengomntu oqhelekileyo, oneminyaka engama-29 ubudala.
Bambalwa abanokuqikelela imfihlo emnyama ifihlwa yingcali ye-massage-uyachacha kwintlungu ebuhlungu. ukuba likhoboka le-porn.
U-Izzy wabukela kuphela ifilimu yakhe yokuqala yabantu abadala njengomntu oneminyaka engama-22 ubudala ongenamava ngokwesondo kwingcebiso yesoka elidala awayenqwenela ukumkholisa.
Wayengenalo nofifi lokuba kungekudala uza kuba ngomnye wenani elandayo lamabhinqa aselula axhomekeke kwiividiyo zesini ezinemifanekiso ebonisa isini, ezinkcinkca kuzo ngaphezu kweeyure ezilithoba ngosuku.
Ukuthabatheka kwakhe akuzange kutshabalalise nje ubudlelwane bakhe – kumbangele ukuba aphulukane nomsebenzi nabahlobo bakhe kwaye abe namatyala aqhwalelayo ngokubhalisela iindawo ezizizo. Kodwa akayedwa uIzzy.
Amanani akutsha nje acebisa ukuba malunga nezigidi ezibini zabasetyhini e-UK balwa nobukhoboka obufanayo. U-Izzy uthe: “I-porn iseyinto engavumelekanga nangona iyingxaki yokwenene kumantombazana amaninzi. Ndandingenelwe kakhulu kwiphonografi kangangokuba ubomi bam babungenaxabiso.
“Kwakungekho nto ibalulekileyo, ngaphandle kokuba sasivela phi isilungiso sam esilandelayo. Ndandidla ngokubandakanyeka kwiifilimu zabantu abadala kangangokuba ndandide ndilibale nokutya nokulala. Ngoku, xa ndicinga ngezinye zeevidiyo endizibukeleyo ndiziva ndigula ngokupheleleyo kwaye ndigula kakhulu.
"Kodwa imifanekiso enokuthi yoyike indala, ibe yinto eqhelekileyo - eminye yayo ibibonakala imbi."
U-Izzy, owabukela ividiyo yakhe yokuqala ye-porn ngo-2008, ucinga ukuba umkhwa wakhe wabamba ngenxa yokuba wayesengozini.
“Ndandilahlekile ngokwenene,” wavuma ngelitshoyo. “Ndandisandula ukuyeka izifundo zokufota eyunivesithi kwaye ndandingenalo neliphi icala ebomini.
"Ndadibana nendoda eyayineminyaka emithandathu ubudala kum kwaye ndachukunyiswa yingqalelo yakhe kangangokuba ndavuma ukubukela iphonografi kunye naye ukuze ndicoce izinto kwigumbi lokulala.
“Wayenamava ngakumbi kwaye ndandisoyika ukuba angaphelelwa ngumdla ukuba andizimiselanga kuyeka.”
U-Izzy wayenobuntwana obuqhelekileyo, obonwabileyo kwidolophu entle yentengiso yaseTotnes, eDevon. Wathi: “Ndandingathethi ngokwenene ngesini nabazali bam. Yayingeyonto yenziweyo.”
Ngoxa wayekwishumi elivisayo, akazange akungxamele ukuphulukana nobunyulu bakhe. Ngelixa abanye oontanga bakhe bebukele iividiyo ezingamanyala, u-Izzy akazange ahendwe ukuba azijonge. “Ndandingawuqondi umtsalane. Ndandinabo abafana kodwa andizange ndenze ngaphezulu kokuwaphuza. Ndandimsulwa ngokwenene.
“Ndalinda de ndaneminyaka eli-19 ubudala ukuba ndiphulukane nobunyulu bam. Ndandicinga ukuba ukwabelana ngesondo kulungile kodwa andizange ndikrokre ukuba buza kubulawula ubomi bam.”
Kwiminyaka emithathu kamva, ngasekupheleni kuka-2008, u-Izzy wadibana nendoda endala ebharini, evusa uthotho lweziganeko ezikhokelele ekubeni likhoboka lakhe elibi.
Wathi: “Wayemhle kwaye enomtsalane. Ndaye ndafumana umsebenzi kwivenkile yempahla ndandingayithandi tuu ndandihlala nabazali bam ekhaya. Wazalisa isithuba. Salala kunye kwiintsuku nje ezimbalwa emva kokuba sidibene yaye kungekudala ulwalamano lwethu lwaba sisini.”
Kwiinyanga ezimbini kamva, isoka lika-Izzy lacebisa ukubukela i-porn.
Wathi: “Wandixelela ukuba loo nto iza kusenza sibe nomdla wokwabelana ngesondo. “Ndandingaqinisekanga ukuba ndingathanda na, kodwa ndayithanda. Yayithambile kakhulu - abantu ababini kuphela ababelana ngesondo. "
Kungekudala, esi sibini sahlala kunye kwaye umdla wabo ngamanyala wanda. U-Izzy uthe: “Sasidla ngokufaka amanyala singena nje emsebenzini size sibe neentlobano zesini. Ekuqaleni, kwakuvakala kumnandi ukuba nobomi obusebenzayo besondo.
“Kungekudala, siza kuyibukela ubusuku bonke yaye sasidla ngokulibala isidlo sangokuhlwa ngenxa yokuba sasithe phithi ziividiyo.
“Siqale ukubukela iividiyo ezinzima ngakumbi, ngesondo samaqela kunye nemiboniso ye-S&M. Ndandisoloko ndidiniwe emsebenzini kuba sasidla ngokulala de kuse, sincanyathiselwe kwilaptop.”
U-Izzy wayethe phithi ngamanyala kangangokuba waqalisa ukuzikhwebula kubahlobo bakhe.
“Babendicela ukuba ndiphume kodwa ndandisoloko ndisithi ndinentloko. Andizange ndivume ukuba ndingathanda ukuhlala ekhaya kwaye ndilungise iphonografi.
“Emazantsi entliziyo yam, ndandisazi ukuba ulwalamano lwam aluqhelekanga. Kwakungekho nto – ndandingaziva ndikhuselekile okanye ndingathandwa.
“Asizange siphume siyokutya isidlo sangokuhlwa okanye siye kwi-cinema kwaye asifane sibone iintsapho zethu kuba besixakeke kakhulu sibukele iphonografi. Yayikuphela kwento esasifana ngayo kodwa yayingabonakali ibalulekile.”
Kodwa xa isoka lika-Izzy laqala ukusebenza kude kangangeentsuku, waqala ukubukela iphonografi yedwa.
“Ndandingakwazi ukuzibamba,” watsho. Iingokuhlwa zazinde kwaye zililolo.
“Ekuqaleni, ndaziva ndimdaka kwaye ndineentloni kodwa ndakhawuleza ndalibala ukuphoxeka kwam ngamawaka eekliphu ezicacileyo ezandleni zam. Ngaphambi kokuba ndiyazi, bendibukele i-porn yedwa iyure. "
Ngelixa u-Izzy kunye nesoka lakhe babekhe bayonwabela iphonografi kunye, ukuthanda kwakhe ngokukhawuleza kuye kwaba nzima kuye. Ehlotyeni ngo-2010, wahamba.
Wavuma wathi: “Ndayeka ukubandakanyeka ebomini. "Ndandirhoxile ngokwenene - yonke into endandifuna ukuyenza kukubukela i-porn.
"Ndicinga ukuba ngendiqaphele ukuba ndigxotha isoka lam kodwa ndandixakeke kakhulu ngamanyala.
“Xa ndikhangela emva, wayengathembekanga njengam.
Wandixelela ukuba uyahamba kwaye uye wamthanda umntu asebenza naye njengoko sasisiya sisohlukana. Bendinomsindo nyani ekuqaleni, ndibhomboloza kwaye ndijula izinto egumbini.
Kodwa, emva koko, ndaziva ndindindisholo. Ndabuyela nabazali bam ndaza ndaqalisa ukuchitha lonke ixesha lam egumbini lam. Yayisisangqa esikhohlakeleyo. Ndayiqhuba yonke
abahlobo bam kude, ngoko ndandinesithukuthezi ngokwenene. I-porn yayikuphela kwento endandinayo ukuzalisa ixesha lam. "
Kungekudala u-Izzy wayebukele iiyure ezisibhozo ze-porn ngosuku.
Ndandibukela nantoni na endiyifumanayo. I-hardcore ngakumbi, ingcono. Ndabukela zonke iintlobo zeevidiyo zesondo zeqela.
“Nangona ndithe ngqo, ndabukela iphonografi yamadoda athandana namanye. Andikwazi ukuchaza ukuba kutheni.
“Andizange ndiphulule amalungu esini ngalo lonke ixesha – ukuphakama endikufumanayo koko bendikubona kwiscreen bekukholisa ukundanelisa.
“Ndandisoyika ukuba abazali bam bazakufumanisa ukuba bendiphezu kwaziphi na iimeko, ngoko andizange ndiyishiye ilaptop yam ithe ngcu kwaye ndandisoloko ndiyicima imbali yam.
Kodwa nawo onke amanyala asimahla kwi-Intanethi ayenganelanga.
"Ndandifuna imifanekiso enzima kakhulu, ngoko ke ndaqala ukubhatala ukuze ndibhalisele kwiindawo ezicacileyo ngokwenene.
“Bendifumana umvuzo omncinci kumsebenzi wam wasevenkileni ngoko ke ndenze isicelo samakhadi okuthenga ngetyala amaninzi awohlukeneyo.
Kodwa andizange ndijonge kwiingxelo zam kuba ndandingafuni ukwazi ukuba ndichithe malini kwi-porn. Kodwa u-Izzy wathotywa xa ikhadi lakhe laliwe kwivenkile yeempahla. Wathi: “Ndandothukile njengoko yayinomlinganiselo wee-£2,000. Andizange ndikholelwe ukuba ndichithe imali eninzi kwiisayithi ze-porn.
“Ubuso bam bubebomvu ngokuqaqambileyo ndaze ndambombozela malunga nokuba kukho ingxaki yekhadi ndaza ndabuyisela iimpahla. Ndaziva ndigula.
Ndothuke kakhulu ndazama ukuyeka ukubukela iphonografi kodwa bendikwazi ukuyeka iintsuku ezimbalwa ngaphambi kokuba ndinikezele kwaye ndikhuphele ezinye iividiyo.
"Ndizamile ukuya kwimihla kodwa yonke into endiyicingayo yayiyi-porn. Ndineendawo ezimbalwa zobusuku obunye kodwa isini sasidanisa ngokwenene njengoko amadoda ayengafani neenkwenkwezi ze-porn endizibone kwi-intanethi. "
Ngasekupheleni kuka-2012, u-Izzy wayexakeke kakhulu ngamanyala kangangokuba wayesokola ukwenza imisebenzi esisiseko emsebenzini.
“Ndandidinwe ndiyimfe ngenxa yokungalali kangangokuba ndandingabahoyi abathengi okanye ndibanike itshintshi engafanelekanga.
“Ndinqwenela ukubuyela ekhaya ukuze ndilungise. Ndaziva ndiphakuzela.
“Ngamanye amaxesha, ndandingakwazi kulinda kangangokuba ndandibukela iphonografi kwifowuni yam kwizindlu zangasese. Ndicinga ukuba oogxa bam babecinga ukuba ndinesifo ngenxa yokuba ndichithe ixesha elininzi apho.
“Xa ndandindedwa kwitila, ndade ndayibukela phantsi kwekhawuntara inesandi esisisimumu ngelixa abathengi babejikeleza ivenkile.
“Umnxeba wam wokwenyani wavuka xa ndibanjwe ndilele kwi-cubicle ngenxa yokuba bendidiniwe kukuzitya namanyala ubusuku bonke.
“Ndagxothwa kwalapho kwaye andizange ndiphikisane kodwa ndaziva ndineentloni.
"Kwaba ngelo xesha kwandibetha ukuba i-porn indilahle yonke into." U-Izzy waqala ukuphanda iindlela zokujongana nengxaki yakhe kwaye wabona ukuba likhoboka lokurhoxa eThailand kwi-intanethi.
Woyika akufumanisa ukuba ityala lakhe lekhadi lokuthenga ngetyala linyuke laya kutsho kwi-£4,000 – kodwa ngoko nangoko wabhukisha iinqwelomoya ngekhadi ekuphela kwalo angazange aligqibe.
“Bendisazi ukuba ukuya kwilawuni ebandayo yayikuphela kwento endiyikhethayo,” utshilo.
“Ndishiye ifowuni yam kunye nelaptop ekhaya kwaye bekunzima kakhulu ekuqaleni.
“Kwandithatha iiveki ezimbalwa ukuba ndithethe ngokuvakalayo ukuba ndilikhoboka lephonografi kodwa akukho mntu wandigwebayo. Kwaba sisiqabu. Ndathi ndifika ekhaya, ndaziva ndomelele ngokwaneleyo ukuba ndingaxelela abazali bam.
“Bothukile kodwa bandixhasa kwaye bobabini bandanga kakhulu.
Babengakholelwa ukuba zininzi kangakanani izinto endatyhubela kuzo.
“Babeziva benetyala kuba bengaqaphelanga kodwa babeza kuqikelela njani ukuba ndilikhoboka lephonografi?
“Babecinga ukuba ndikhe ndarhoxa kakhulu ngenxa yokuba ndandicatshukiswa kukuqhawuka kobudlelwane bam.” Okwangoku engatshatanga, u-Izzy akazange abukele i-porn okoko wabuya e-rehab ngehlobo lika-2013 kodwa unethemba lokuba uya kulufumana uthando ngenye imini.
“Ngoku, ndifuna ukuba neentlobano zesini ngothando,” watsho.
“Ukuba ndithandana kakhulu, ndiya kunyaniseka malunga nokulutha kwam neqabane lam ukuze aqonde ukuba kutheni singakwazi ukubukela iphonografi kunye.
“Ndikwindawo entle ngoku kodwa andizimiselanga ukuthatha ithuba ngokubukela iividiyo ezininzi. Ndihambe kakhulu.”
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