Okwangoku ndikwinqanaba apho awukwazanga ukundihlawula kwi-PMO. Eyona nto indikhuthazayo yokubhala oku kuluvo olumangalisayo lwenkululeko ngokwasemzimbeni, ngokwasengqondweni, nangokomoya endiyifumeneyo emva kokuba ndiyekile. Iinzuzo zininzi kakhulu. Ndicinga ukuba ukuba umntu omnye phaya uzimisele ngokuyeka emva kokufunda iposi yam, oku kuya kuba kufanelekile.
Ndiza kuqala ngohlobo lwesihogo endandihlala kuso ngelixa ndilikhoboka le-PMO, emva koko ndithethe ngamava akhokelela ekuyekeni kwam, iimbandezelo zomzimba nezengqondo ezalandelayo kunye nedabi endalibekayo, emva koko ubomi bam emva koko. .
Isihogo sam sePMO
Elona nqanaba lisezantsi bendisenza i-PMO yonke imihla mhlawumbi iminyaka eli-10, ngaphandle kwezinye izinto ezinqabileyo kakhulu. Kunyaka okhokelela ekuyekeni kwam ndineshedyuli edabukisayo kwaye ezinzileyo: vuka, usebenze, uze ekhaya, utshaye ibhodwe elininzi, udlale i-DoTA / i-HoN kwiiyure ze-4-6, i-PMO, kwaye ulale. Ndandisiya ndidandatheka ngakumbi mihla le, ndaqalisa ukuphulukana neenwele zam, nebala lam lalisiba mnyama. Andikwazanga ukulala ngaphandle kwe-PMO kwaye ndaqalisa ukuphuthelwa kakhulu. Ebunzulu balo mhadi wodaka, ndenza iimpazamo ezimanyumnyezi nabafazi endizisolayo nanamhla. Ndandizingca ngesondo kangangokuba ndagqiba ekubeni ndilandele kwaye ndizame izinto ezitenxileyo kangangokuba akufanelekanga ukubhala apha. Kwakusoyikeka kakhulu kwaye ndaziva ndilusizi emva koko. Oku kwaba sisiphumo se-15 iminyaka yokulutha kwe-PMO. Ndandisoloko ndicinga ngokuzibulala.
Emithathu eyona minyaka mibi yile yakhokelela ekubeni ndiyeke. Ndandina-26 xa ndayekayo.
Ndafumanisa i-masturbation xa ndandineminyaka eyi-10 ubudala. Ndandingumntwana ohluphekileyo eRashiya ngelo xesha, ngoko ke ekuphela kwento endikhuthazayo yayizincamathelisi ezize neentlobo ezithile zetshungama. Ukukhotyokiswa kwam ngokukhawuleza kwaba yinto ethe phithi. Oku kwaphazamiseka xa ndandineminyaka eli-11 ubudala ndaza ndafumana ingozi enkulu. Ndaphantse ndaphulukana nomlenze wam edolweni. Kwalandela iminyaka emibini yotyando, iicast, nezibhedlele. Malunga neenyanga ezili-9 ngeli xesha, ndandinesamente eyayigubungela yonke indawo yam ye-pelvic, ngoko andizange ndikwazi ukwenza nantoni na ukuba ndizamile. Ndikhumbula ukuba kamsinya nje ndakuba ndiyekile ndabuyela kubukhoboka bam.
Ndafudukela eUnited States xa ndandineminyaka eyi-16. Sasingenayo i-intanethi ngexesha lonyaka wokuqala, kodwa ngokukhawuleza nje ukuba siyifumene ndaqalisa ukujonga iifoto. Imeko yaba mbi ngakumbi xa ndafumana eyam ikhompyutha. Ndandikwi-loop ye-PMO yemihla ngemihla kunyaka wokuqala okanye wesibini wesikolo esiphakamileyo. Ebudeni bonyaka omncinane, ndaqalisa ukuthandana nentombazana eshushu ngokwenene eyayingaphantsi kwam ngeminyaka eliqela. Ulwalamano olwalandelayo lwaluyinto yonke yesini lonke ixesha. Sobabini sasikhoboke kakhulu. Ezinye zezinto endandizenza ngelo xesha zazinesimilo kakhulu kwaye zoyikekayo.
Olu lwalamano lwenza izinto zaba mbi ngakumbi. Emva kokufumana incopho yokwaneliseka ngokwesondo kunye nale ntombazana kunye nokudlala yonke into endicinga ngayo, umlutha waba yinto ephambeneyo. Ndandiphila ubomi bam njengomatshini ongapheliyo wokufuna isini.
Xa sahlukanayo, ndawuyeka umsebenzi wam, kwaye andizange ndenze nto ngaphandle kwemidlalo yevidiyo kunye ne-PMO malunga neenyanga ezintandathu. Ndangena kolunye ubudlelwane njengaleyo yokuqala malunga nonyaka kamva kwaye umjikelo waphinda. Xa intombi yam yesibini yandishiyayo, yandixelela ukuba sobabini singamakhoboka esondo kwaye yayimbi kakhulu. Ndothuka. Ndandisoloko ndicinga ukuba umlutha wesondo yintlekisa.
Emva kokwahlukana nentombi yam yesibini, ndiye ndawela kumjikelo wemihla ngemihla wokhula -> HoN (umdlalo wevidiyo) -> PMO.
Kukho izinto ezimbalwa ezigqamayo ngoku xa kujongwa kwakhona: - Ngaphezu kweminyaka elishumi bendixakene ne-PMO, kodwa andizange ndiyithathe njengengxaki. - Andizange ndicinge ukuyeka, lo mbono wawubonakala uhlekisa kum. - Ndandisoloko ndicinga ukuba wonke umfana wenza into efanayo nam. – Andizange ndiyiqonde indlela izinto eziye zenzeka ngayo. Kuphela emva kokuba ndiyekile ndaqonda ukuba luhlobo luni lomngxuma endikuwo.
Umlo-Ndayiyeka njani i-PMO ngokulungileyo
Ibali lam mhlawumbi alifani kuninzi lwabafana abalapha. Ndandingazi ukuba kukho uluntu apho. Ndithi nokuba ndikhe ndeva ngesinye, bendicinga ukuba siyabhanxa. Kwakhona, ndenze ezinye izinto ezingenakukwazi ukuxhaswa ngesayensi engqongqo okanye iimvavanyo. Andikho apha ukuze ndithi wonke umntu kufuneka azame ngale ndlela, ingongoma ephambili kukwabelana ngamava am kwaye ngethemba ukukhuthaza umntu ukuba ayeke indlela yakhe, okanye ijoni ngolunye usuku lokuzibophelela.
Kwinqanaba eliphantsi lobomi bam kunye nokulutha kwam i-PMO, abazali bam kunye nabantu abandijikelezileyo babona ukuba ndidandatheka kakhulu, ndingahlali nabantu, kwaye ndingaphilanga. Ngelo xesha ndandisebenza kwishishini labazali bam, ngoko babendibona ndisonakala mihla le. Ngenye imini utata wathi mandibuze omnye wabaqeshwa bakhe ngeyoga awayeyenza, esithi inokundinceda ndiphume kwifunk yam. Xa ndimbuzayo, wathi uqhelisela iFalun Gong. Ngokwenene ndandiqhelene noFalun Gong kuba ndandifunde umthambo ngexesha lohambo lwamabanga aphakamileyo kwiminyaka eyadlulayo. Uye wandibonisa i-URL yemiyalelo yokuzilolonga ndaye ndagqiba kwelokuba ndiyizame ngobo busuku.
Xa ndandigqibile ngomsebenzi ngaloo mini (abazali bam baqhuba indawo yorhwebo lwe-e-commerce) ndatshaya imbiza, ndadlala iHoN, emva koko ndaya kwiwebhusayithi yeFalun Gong (www.falundafa.org). Ndavula imiyalelo yokulolonga ndenza imithambo yokuqala kwemihlanu. Umthambo wawulula kakhulu kumphezulu, kodwa ndandibila imilambo kwimizuzwana embalwa emva kokuba ndiwuqalile. Ndikhumbula umzimba wam ufudumala kwaye ndiziva ndinamandla. Ndiye ndenza imithambo emithathu.
Emveni koba ndigqibile ndaziva ndifuna ukulala. Sekuyiminyaka ndingaziva ngolo hlobo ngenxa yokungalali. Ndaya egumbini lam lokulala ndakhulula. Emva koko ndakhumbula ukuba andinayo i-PMOd okwangoku. Ndaphakama ndaya kwikhompyuter yam, kodwa andakwazi ukuthabatha inyathelo eliya phambili. Ingcinga eyomeleleyo yafika kum - "Ukuba ndifuna ukuziqhelanisa nale mithambo, andikwazi ukwenza i-masturbating kunye nokubukela i-porn. Ezi mithambo zivakala zinyulu, andifuni kuzixuba zombini.
Ndiye ndalala, ndabiwa bubuthongo ngoko nangoko, ndalala okosana ubusuku bonke, ndivuke ndihlaziyekile. Ndothuka xa ndivuka ndavula amehlo am, bendihlala ndicinga ukuba akunakwenzeka ukuhamba ngaphandle kwe-PMO. Obu yayibubusuku bokuqala obugcweleyo bokulala kamnandi endiye ndabufumana kwiminyaka. Okokuqala emva kwexesha elide ndaziva ngathi ndiyakwazi ukulawula izenzo zam.
Olu yayilusuku lokuqala. Kwakucacile kum ukuba imithambo yeFalun Gong yandinceda ukuba nditsibe. Ndandingazi ukuba basebenza njani okanye kutheni. Kwakhona, andikho apha ukuze ndithi uFalun Gong uya kusebenzela wonke umntu ngendlela efanayo. Mna ngokwam, bendiziqhelanisa okoko ndayeka i-PMO, iyamangalisa ngokupheleleyo ngeendlela ezininzi. Ndiye ndazi abantu abambalwa abasebenzisa iFalun Gong kwaye abaninzi bandixelele ukuba bayiyekile i-PMO oko baqala ukuziqhelanisa. Kodwa ndiye ndadibana nabafana abambalwa abaye baziqhelanisa neFalun Gong ixesha elide kwaye basasokola ne-PMO.
I-Falun Gong isisiseko sokuziqhelanisa ne-qigong kunye nokuzivocavoca kunye nokucamngca (cinga i-Tai-chi). Yahlukile kwizinto ezininzi ze-qigong kunye ne-yoga ngaphandle kuba ihlala isimahla kwaye yonke imiyalelo inokufumaneka simahla kwi-Intanethi. Ikwanazo neemfundiso ezithile, ezikhokela abantu ukuba baphucule isimilo sabo. Imigaqo ephambili yinyaniso, uvelwano nonyamezelo. Enyanisweni andizange ndizifunde iimfundiso ixesha elide. Ekuqaleni ndandisenza nje imithambo.
Emva kosuku lokuqala, lwafika usuku lwesibini. Ndilandele ukhula lwam lwemihla ngemihla -> HoN, kodwa endaweni ye-PMO ndenze umthambo. Kwakhona, ubusuku obugcweleyo bokulala kwaye ndavuka ndihlaziyekile. Ekupheleni kweveki yokuqala emva kokuba ndiyekile ndaqalisa ukuva iintlungu apha kum. Ndandinoloyiko ekuqaleni, kodwa andizange ndicinge kangako. Le ntlungu yazingisa yaza yathabatha malunga neenyanga ezintandathu.
Olona celomngeni lwam lukhulu lweza kum emaphupheni. Ekupheleni kweveki yesibini ndafumana iphupha elineenkcukacha ezigqithileyo, lamanyala kwaye ndaphuma. Ndikhumbula ndivuka kwaye ndiziva kakubi kakhulu ngayo. Andiqinisekanga ukuba kutheni, kodwa ndandicinga ukuba andikwazi ukuthintela iimbumbulu. Ewe ukusilela ngale ndlela ephupheni ayisiyiyo kanye i-PMO, kodwa ngandlela thile bendiziva ndiphantsi. Ekugqibeleni ndagqiba ekubeni ndingashukunyiswa yiyo. Amaphupha ayebuya ngokuphindaphindiweyo rhoqo emva kweentsuku ezimbalwa. Kwakunzima.
Kanye njengokuba amaphupha ayendibangela ukudideka (andizange ndibe namaphupha anje ngaphambi kokuba ndiyeke,) abantu abakufutshane nam baqala ukundivavanya. Ndikhumbula ukuxelela umhlobo ukuba ndiyeke i-PMO, kwaye wathi kwakungafanelekanga ukwenza oko kwaye kunokubakho iingxaki. Wayecinga ukuba ndiyaphambana kakhulu kwaye ndazibona ndikuye. Andizange ndixelele mntu ngale ntlungu, kodwa ngandlela-thile ilizwi laphuma kwaye abanye abahlobo baqalisa ukundicinezela bathi mandiye kubona ugqirha. Ndandisazi ukuba kwakungeyomfuneko ukuba ndenze njalo, kodwa ingcinezelo yayinzima.
Njengoko ndandihamba nentlungu kunye noxinzelelo lwentlalo, yonke imihla phambi kokuba ndilale ndandiba nomnqweno. Imikhwa eqinile kwinkqubo yam yemithambo-luvo ngaphezulu kweshumi leminyaka ye-PMO yemihla ngemihla ayizange isuswe. Kodwa yonke imihla ndandixhathisa. Emva kweenyanga ezimalunga nezintandathu, ndavuka ngenye imini ndingaqaqanjelwa yaye andizange ndiphinde ndibe naloo ntlungu. Malunga nexesha elifanayo, izibongozo zemihla ngemihla kwi-PMO zanyamalala nazo. Kungelo xesha ke endathi ndafumana inkululeko epheleleyo. Impilo yam yaba bhetele kakhulu, ndandilala kakuhle, yaye ndandiziva ndinamandla yaye ndikhaphukhaphu ngokungathi ndandineminyaka eli-10 kwakhona ubudala.
Ubomi emva kokuyeka
Ndiyi-33 ngoku kwaye sele iyiminyaka eyi-7 ukususela ekubeni ndiyeka i-PMO. Ndatshata kwiminyaka emibini edlulileyo. Amandla endawaphuhlisayo ekubeni ndingabikho kwi-PMO andinceda ukuba ndenze ubuhlobo obumangalisayo nomfazi wam obungasekelwanga kwisondo. Okokuqala ebomini bam ndaziva uthando lokwenene ngaphandle lens pink of inkanuko engamanyala. Ngokwenene siye sagqiba ekubeni singabelani ngesondo phambi komtshato – ndiyazi – ndiphambene ngokupheleleyo ngokwemigangatho yanamhlanje – kodwa yasebenza ngokumangalisayo.
Ukhulelwe umfazi wam kwaye siza kuba nomntwana oyintombazana ngoSeptemba. Ndaphuma ekuphileni ubomi bomlutha ndayeka imbiza / iziyobisi, i-HoN, icuba, kunye notywala, kunye neqela leminye imikhwa emibi. Ndivuka nge-4: 30 am yonke imihla kwaye ndihlala ndivelisa kude kube ezinzulwini zobusuku iintsuku ezininzi. Ndiziva ngathi sisigidi seerandi, yonke imihla. Ukuyeka i-PMO yayiyinyathelo elikhulu kum, kuba yayiyeyona nto inkulu kwimilutha yam, kwaye emva kokuba ndiyibethe loo nto, ezinye izinto zeza lula. Amandla endawaphuhlisayo andinceda ukuba ndilawule ubomi bam ndaza ndaqhubela phambili ndathatha ukholo lwam kwaye ndasebenza kumsebenzi wam wamaphupha (ubuntatheli). Intlawulo ayilunganga njengokuqhuba ishishini losapho, kodwa into endingayifumaniyo ngemali ndiyibuyisela ngokuzanelisa.
I-PMO ayiseyiyo ingxaki kum, kwaye ubomi bam buphuculwe kakhulu emva kokuyeka, ndivakalelwa kukuba kufuneka ndixelele wonke umntu apha ukuba kufanelekile yonke imizamo yakho yokuyeka okulungileyo. Ndikhe ndawasebenzisa amachiza anzima ngaphambili kwaye akukho nto ibindibambe ngamandla njenge-PMO… Ke ulwa idabi elinzima – kodwa kuwufanele umzamo ngamnye.
Ndisaziqhelanisa neFalun Gong kwaye ndiyazi soze ndiyiyeke. Ndicinga ukuba imithambo yandinceda ukuba ndixhume kwaye ndiyeke i-PMO kwiinyanga ezintandathu zokuqala zomzabalazo. Ngelo xesha, iimfundiso zandinceda ndahlukana ngokupheleleyo nalo mkhwa ekuhambeni kwexesha. Andikho apha ukuxelela wonke umntu ukuba azame, kodwa iye yandinceda, mhlawumbi iyanceda abanye benu. Ekuhambeni kwexesha, yayisisiseko sokuziphatha endisifumene kwiimfundiso ezandinceda ukuba ndihlale ndingenayo i-PMO. Ke nokuba awuyithathi i-Falun Gong, fumana into enesikhokelo somoya kuyo-indincede kakhulu.
Ndiyathemba ukuba oku kunceda.
Kwakhona, ndicinga ukuba abafana abalapha bambalwa abakhethiweyo emhlabeni namhlanje behlukana ne-PMO. Ngokoluvo lwam yenza ukuba wonke umntu olapha akhetheke kakhulu, kuba ixhaphake kangakanani i-PMO kwihlabathi liphela. Nina nibaluleke kakhulu. Okungaqhelekanga! Ungayenza kwaye umhlaba uya kuba yindawo engcono ngenxa yoko.
LINK - Ndayeka i-PMO kwi-2010 kwaye andizange ndikhubeke. Nali ibali lam.
By I-PanAiWen
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