Okokuqala eli ayilo bali eliqhelekileyo apho ndiza kukuxelela ukuba loluphi uhlobo lwempembelelo yomzimba kunye notshintsho oya kulubona kulo lonke uhambo. Ayililo eli bali eliqhelekileyo lendlela endikhe ndabona ngayo ukuba abantu bayaphela kulo mkhwa. Unemisebenzi emininzi malunga naloo nto. Ngandlela zonke ndisoloko ndiyifumana le ndawo iluncedo kakhulu kwaye anditsho ukuba ndilandele umendo wam nakubani na ofunda ngoku. Eli libali malunga nomntwana oneminyaka eli-17 ubudala elahlekileyo ofumana indlela yakhe kwakhona ebuyela ebomini obuqhelekileyo kwaye waphuma kuloo mngxuma umnyama kwakhona. Ngokunyaniseka, andikhumbuli ukuba ndiqale nini ukufota. Andazi ukuba njani kodwa ngaphambi kokuba ndazi ngayo, iphonografi iye yaba yimfuneko kum kunokunethezeka. Ukuya kuthi ga ngoku ndiyakucinga malunga neminyaka eyi-5 xa ndandineminyaka eli-17 ubudala okoko ndaqala ukuphulula amaphambili. Ndandinokudandatheka okukhulu kunye noxinzelelo ngaphambili ngenxa yeengxaki ezininzi endijongane nazo xa ndandisengumntwana kwaye ndifuna indlela yokuphuma kuyo, into eza kundenza ndilibale malunga neentlungu kunye nokubandezeleka ubuncinci umzuzu. Xa ndiqala ukukhangela loo nto ndakhubeka kwi-porn. Kuqala kwakulungile, okwesihlandlo sokuqala ubuncinci kwimizuzwana embalwa ndakwazi ukulibala yonke into kwaye ndaqala ukucinga ukuba le kuphela kwendlela yokuphuma, kwaye ndaqala ukungena nzulu kuyo. Kwakuyiminyaka eyi-2 edlulileyo xa izinto ziqhelekile njengokuba unokulindela kumlutha wezobisi. Ukuvuka, ukuphuma mhlawumbi ngamanye amaxesha, ufunde, kwaye ubukele iphonografi kwaye uhlabe amalungu esini kwaye uphinde ulale kwakhona. Kwakusemva kweminyaka emi-2 ndijikelezile kuvavanyo lwam, ndaqonda ukuba andinakukuphumelela oku. Ndizama ukungabukeli iphonografi okanye i-masturbate ngeveki kodwa andinako. Emva koko ndaqala ukukhangela i-intanethi kwaye ndafumana le webhusayithi nofap, kunye nezinye iiwebhusayithi ngokubhekisele kwikhoboka le-porn. Ngethuba lokuqala ndaza ndazi ukuba lo ngumlutha kwaye ndinomlutha kakubi. Ukusukela ngala mini ndaqala uhambo lwam.
Kuqala bekukho amaqashiso kunye nokuzimisela okuninzi, kuya kufuneka ndiyeke iphonografi nangayiphi na indlela endinokuthi ngayo kwaye ndijoyine amaqela e-app apho abantu bazama ukuyeka ubukhoboka abangamanyala njengam. Ndaziva kamnandi ngokwenene ekuqaleni ndabona abantu abaninzi bengamakhoboka njengam kwaye sonke silwa kunye nxamnye nesi siyobisi. Kodwa bekukho umjikelo ongaqhelekanga oqhubeka usenzeka kum, kwiintsuku ezintathu zokuqala bekukho ukuzimisela okuninzi kunye nayo yonke into enokubakho. Nangona usuku lwesine luphelile, akukho nto ikhuthazayo kangangokuba ndiye ndaqala ukubukela zonke iividiyo ezikhuthazayo ezikhoyo, kodwa zonke ezi zinto ziye zahlala kwiintsuku ze-3-4, kwaye lonke ixesha lonke inkxaso evela kule foram okanye amalungu eqela ibonakala intle kakhulu mna xa izibongozo zibetha njengolwandle kwaye ndaphinda ndabuya ngaphakathi kweentsuku ze-7 okanye iintsuku ze-14. Nangona ngalo lonke ixesha kwakuthi ndibuyele umva kwakhona ndaziva ndinetyala kakhulu kwaye ngosuku olulandelayo xa kuqala intsasa ndiqalise uhambo lwam kwakhona, kuphela ukusilela ngomhla we-7 okanye mhlawumbi ngomhla we-14. Ngokubanzi konke ukuzimisela kunye nenkxaso endiyifumene kule forum kwaye bonke abo bantu ndadibana nabo bandinika inkuthazo yeeveki ze-2 emva koko ndabuya ndabuya. Umjikelo uqhubeke nge-6-7 inyanga mhlawumbi kwaye ndiye ndaqala ukubawela ngakumbi ukuyeka. Kwakukho ixesha apho bendihlala ndikwi-intanethi apha ngalo lonke ixesha ndifunda amabali empumelelo endinawo nayo yonke into enxulumene nayo. Ndakhuthazeka ngokusemandleni am ukuba ndiyeke, nangona ndaphinda ndabuya emva kweentsuku ezingama-29. Emva koko ndiye ndabona ukuba zonke iividiyo ezinokukhuthaza kunye nokukhuthaza kunye nokuqonda okucacileyo kutheni unamanyala amanyala akuyi kukunceda uyeke umlutha. Ekugqibeleni yonke into endiyenzayo yayidla ezi vidiyo zishukumisayo kunye namabali empumelelo njengokutya okungenamsoco kunye nokuphakama kwawo. Andenzi nto ngokwam, ndibona nje indlela abanye abantu abayeke ngayo kwaye ndizama nje ukulandela iindlela zabo.
Ndifumene into engaphezulu. Ndibonile ukuba yeka umlutha ufuna uqhagamshelo. Iziyobisi zihlala zikhula njenge-moss ebumnyameni, ngasese, kufuneka uqhagamshelo lokuyeka ukutshaya. Kwaye kungolo suku uhambo lwam lwesibini lwaqala ngalo. Kwaku malunga neminyaka emithathu edlulileyo. Ndiqale ukwakha eyam indlela, eyam indlela eyahlukileyo apho kungekho namnye umntu owakhe wayenza. Ndine-counter ye-nofap ezintathu, iividiyo ezimbini ezikhuthazayo, amaqela amabini e-app, kunye neakhawunti esebenzayo ngokupheleleyo. Ndizicime zonke ngephanyazo. Kuba ukuba uzimisele ngokwenene ukuba uza kuyeka, awudingi nenye yezi zinto konke konke. Ukuphila ngaphandle koononophala kunye nokuphulula amalungu esini kufuneka kube yinkqubo yendalo njengokuphefumla. Ndihleli iminyaka eyi-3 yobomi bam ngaphandle kweziyobisi ezingamanyala, ayifani nento yokuqala endayenzayo xa ndandizalwa yayiphefumla, ndikhala kwaye ndibukele iphonografi. Ndiyeke ukugada kwam kuphela ukuba ndifumane into ephezulu yokukhohlisa kunye nokukhohlisa kwaye ngexesha ndaye ndaqonda ukuba yonke le minyaka andibaleki kuyo nantoni na eyoyikisayo kwaye nam kuphela, ndibanjiwe kakubi kakhulu kangangokuba andinakuziyeka ndiphume kuyo. Kuya kufuneka ndibhekane noloyiko lwam, kunye noxinzelelo kunye nokunxibelelana nabantu kwaye akukho gumbi lokuzihlukanisa xa unonxibelelwano, ke akukho ndawo yoononophala nayo. Ndazazi zonke ezi zinto kwaye ndaqala ukulandela le ndlela. Nangona ukwenza into akukho lula njengoko kuvakala. Ukuze ube noluntu olungenantlonelo, ulutsha olwazisayo ukuba luphume luthethe nabantu lukhulu kakhulu kwaye nangona bendinokuzinza kwengqondo kuba bendisazi ukuba yintoni indlela yam yokuba likhoboka bendisoyika ukuhamba ngenene. Kwaye ke ukubuyela umva kwaqhubeka. Kwakujikeleze iinyanga ze-17 ezedlulileyo umhlobo wam osenyongweni wandinyanzela ukuba ndivumele ukuphuma. Ndaqala ukwenza i-calisthenics, luhlobo lokuzivocavoca umzimba kwaye xa ndiqala ukukwenza, ndaqala ukuziva ndibhetele kancinci kwaye nexhala lam lancitshiswa. Kwaye kuvakala ngathi bendifana nevili ebelincamathele endaweni iminyaka, kwaye umntu ekugqibeleni wayiqala ukuba iqengqeleke. Nangona ibingasebenzi, ngokungathi ndilahlekelwe yinto esisiseko, enye into enje njengenxalenye yam kwaye xa ndiza kuyifumana loo mlutha uza kuphela. Emva kweentsuku ezingama-4 ndiye ndaqala ukwenza i-calisthenics ndadibana ne-soulmate yam ngeyona ndlela ye-craziest umntu anokucinga ngayo.
Ukusukela, mhla ndadibana naye umlutha wam sele uphelile. Kufana nomntu okhanyisa ikhandlela phakathi kwendawo emnyama, elahlekileyo endandikuyo. Emva kwaloo mini andizange ndicinge ngoononophala okanye naluphi na uhlobo lomlutha. Mhle njengemvula yokuqala emva kwehlobo elide, nelitshisayo kwaye ufana nendlu yesibane ekhombisa ngokuqhubekayo indlela endibambeke ngayo kwisikhephe esixinekileyo phakathi kolwandle. Emva kokudibana naye bendisazi ukuba into elahlekileyo endiyilangazelelayo, isiqwenga sokugqibela sephazili sisidibaniso somntu kwaye nguye. Ndiphucule kakhulu kwikhondo lam lomsebenzi. Ndifikelele kwinqanaba kwikhondo lam lomsebenzi ngoku apho ndiqinisekile ukuba abantu abaninzi abanakufikelela kwaye abantu abandaziyo bayamangaliswa yindlela umntu onje ngam owayehlala engenisa kwaye eneentloni kwaye engonwabanga efikelela kule ndlela yakhe yokusebenza kwaye zihlala zonke Usuku ndixakeke kangangokuba andihlali ndicinga ngezinye izinto kunye neengcinga. Into endiyiyo ngoku kungenxa yakhe, kwaye ndibhala le posi kuba undikhuthazile kakhulu kwaye ndifuna ukunikezela olu hambo kuye kwaye ndifuna ukunceda ukuba umntu unamathele njengam kwindawo enye.
Ke ekugqibeleni ndifuna ukuthetha loo nto, ungayenza eyakho indlela. Ukuba nawe ubambekile kwindawo efana nam apho ufuna ukufumana inkuthazo yokulwa nokulutha. Ndiza kuthetha ukuba ufuna ukuzilolonga okungcono kwaye kufuneka wazi ukuba kutheni ulikhoboka lokuqala. Iziyobisi zisoloko zisetyenziswa ukufihla into ethile, kwaye kuya kufuneka uyazi ukuba yintoni oyifihlayo ngokulutha. Ukuba uhlala unyanisekile kuwe, unokuqonda into oyifihlayo kunye nendlela yokufumana ngaphezulu kwayo. Ngokukhawuleza nje ukuba uyazi, uyazi indlela yokuphuma kuyo. Konke okuseleyo kukufumana amaqhosha okuvula iingcango kwaye uphume kuwo. Yiyo kuphela, ayisiyonto inkulu, akukho nto ine-melodramatic. Kukulutha nje kwaye ngokukhawuleza nje ukuba ufumanise unxibelelwano onokulufumana. Ubuncinci yindlela ebesebenza ngayo kum. Okwangoku ndicinga ukuba ubuncinci iinyanga ze-3 zokungazinzi ngoku. Andikhumbuli ngokufanelekileyo kuba andicingi ukuba ayisiyonto yokuzingca ngayo okanye ukugcina umkhondo kuyo. Lutshintsho nje lwendlela yokuphila ogqibe ukuyenza ukuze uzenze umntu ongcono, ke endaweni yoko ugcine ukuba zingaphi iintsuku ongaphilanga zigcine umkhondo wento oyenzileyo ukuze uhlale uphaphile kwaye ungaphumelela njani kuyo. Ukuba ndiyakwazi ukuyenza, nawe ungayenza.
Ndiyabulela ngokufunda kude kube nam apha, ndiyathemba ukuba uza kuyifumana le ndlela yokuthengisa uze ufumane oko ukufunayo ebomini. Kuba kwihlabathi eligcwele i-8 yezigidigidi zabantu ukuba bahlangane, amazwe amaninzi ukutyelelwa, zininzi izinto ezinokwenziwa, ukuhlala kwigumbi lokufihla kwihlabathi kwaye ujonge ukubukela iipikseli ziindlela ezintle zokuchitha ubomi bakho.
I-PS: andisosithethi esiqhelekileyo sase-English, ndicela undixolele naziphi na iimpazamo kunye negrama yegrama endiyenzileyo kwesi sithuba. Enkosi.
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