Bazalwana bam, yenziwe. Iintsuku ze-90, akukho manyala, akukho kuphulula amalungu esini!
Ibisisihogo sokukhwela, ndizama oku phantse iminyaka emi-2 ngoku kwaye ekugqibeleni ndiphumelele. Ndonwabe kakhulu. Ndifunda okuninzi kule nkqubo kwaye ndiza kwabelana nawe kwiposi elandelayo iingcebiso zam zokuqalisa kwakhona okusebenzayo. Okwangoku, ndifuna nje ukwabelana ngebali lam nawe, mhlawumbi ungalibalisa.
Ndineminyaka engama-38 ubudala, ndibe likhoboka le-porn iminyaka eyi-17/18. Amava am okuqala nge-porn xa ndandineminyaka eyi-13. Bendikunye neqela letshomi zixhonywe endlini omnye weza ne porn vhs endlini. Uyifake kwi vcr lonto yandenza ndandothusa. Ibindonyanyisa lento ndiyibonayo. imuvi yayinemiboniso emininzi egqithisileyo, ngaphandle komfanekiso wendalo wemifanekiso engamanyala. Isiqingatha sethu (mna ndibandakanyiwe) sayicekisa loo nto, ngoko senza ngathi siphazamisekile ngezinye izinto, esinye isiqingatha seqela sihlala sijonge ngoloyiko. Yayingamava amanyumnyezi kum kwaye ndikhumbula ndixelela umhlobo wam "mfo, soze ndiyenze loo nto entombazana, ubudlelwane bothando", wavuma nam ngoko nangoko.
Ke iminyaka ihambile kwaye malunga ne-15/16 iminyaka, ndifumanisa i-masturbation. Phantse ngokukhawuleza ndifumanisa ukufakela "kwinto ethile". Ndabanjiswa kakhulu kuloo nto; yayingamava amnandi. Ngoko ke, ndandiyi-fapper eqhelekileyo (i-2/3 amaxesha ngeveki) ikakhulu ndisebenzisa imifanekiso yezesondo erekhodiweyo kwiifilimu, akukho nto inzima.
Xa ndandineminyaka eyi-17 ubudala, kwavela i-intanethi. Yayingumdlalo wokutshintsha. Ukusabela kwam okokuqala kwaba "ze!!". Kwaye i-intanethi yayinayo ngoko, ininzi!
Emva phaya unxibelelwano lwalucotha kwaye kwakungekho maqonga evidiyo akhawulezayo. Kwafuneka sikhuphele yonke ifayile ngefayile, ukuze iseshoni enye ye-pmo ihlale iiyure.
Umtsalane wam kwi-pmo uye wanda kakhulu kwaye eli yayilixesha lokuba ndibe likhoboka elincinci, ndifakela mhlawumbi yonke imihla. Ndikhumbula ngokucacileyo ukuba olu suku alukhange luphele kakuhle ukuba ndandingenawo “amantombazana am”. I-pmo indenze ndaziva ndiphelele, ndiyindoda. Nangona kunjalo, ndikhumbula ngelinye ixesha ndandidinwe yindlela endiziphethe ngayo kwaye ndiyafunga ukuba ndiza kuchitha iiveki ezi-2 ngaphandle kwe-pmo, kodwa andizange ndihlale ngaphezu kweentsuku ezi-4.
Ke iminyaka iyahamba kwaye ndandingumsebenzisi we-porn / wokuphulula amalungu esini de mhlawumbi ndineminyaka engama-31/32 ubudala. Ukusukela kweli xesha andikhange ndifumane ziphumo zibi ebomini bam, okanye ubuncinci bendingazi ngoko. Nangona kunjalo, ndifumana iingxabano ezininzi zobudlelwane, ukungakhuseleki okuninzi, umona, inzondo kunye nomsindo. Bendicinga ukuba bubuntu bam, ngoku ndibona ukuba yi-pmo ngalo lonke ixesha oko kutshabalalisa ukuzithemba kwam kunye nobudlelwane.
Ke ngenye imini ndiye ndaqaphela ukuba xa ndingazange ndi- pmo ndaziva ndikhaphukhaphu, ndonwabile, ndiqinisekile. Emva koko kwacaca ukuba i-pmo yayibangela uhlobo oluthile lomonakalo. Ngoko ke, ndiyazama ukuyeka… kodwa andizange ndikwazi. Ndaqhubeka ndiyenza, ndisazi ukuba indenza umonakalo.
Liye ladlula ixesha elingakumbi kwaye emva koko kwenzeka into. Ndaqalisa ukusebenzisa i-pmo ukujongana nokubandezeleka ngokweemvakalelo. Uxinezeleko, ubuhlungu, umsindo, njl.njl… Oku kwakhala intsimbi kum kuba ndandisazi ukuba le yinto eyenziwa ngamakhoboka otywala, asela ukujongana neentlungu zawo. Ngaphezu koko, ndiqala ukulahlekelwa ukulawula kwiiseshoni ze-pmo, ngelixa ngaphambi kokuba ndiyenze i-1 okanye i-2 amaxesha kwaye ndanelisekile, ngoku ndiza kumisa kuphela emva kwamaxesha amaninzi, xa ndifile. Ndiba nexhala lentlalontle, ukudinwa, ukuphuthelwa… yonke imbonakalo embi esiyaziyo ngoku ziziphumo zokulutha kwe-pmo.
Ngoku ndandisazi ukuba kukho into enzulu eyayisenzeka kum. Ndajonga ulwazi kwaye ndothuswa kukufumanisa ukuba kukho into ebizwa ngokuba "yi-porn addiction". Ndifumanisa indlela yokuphila ye-nofap kwaye ndizama ukuyisebenzisa. Nangona kunjalo, bendingenabuchule, ndingenandlela, ndingenalwazi, kwaye ndingenalo uthethathethwano olunzulu, ngoko andizange ndiye kude. Ndacinga ukuba i-nofap inzima kakhulu kwaye mhlawumbi isisombululo sasimalunga nokunciphisa i-pmo endaweni yokuya kwi-turkey ebandayo.
Ke ndichithe iminyaka emi-2 yobomi bam ndizama ukulawula ukusetyenziswa kwe-pmo. “Kuphela ngezi ntsuku, okanye ezo ntsuku…” “amaxesha ka-x kuphela ngeveki”, “amaxesha ka-x kuphela ngeentsuku zempelaveki”, “ukuphulula amaphambili kuphela” bla bla bla, ndizamile zonke iintlobo zeenkqubo. Akukho nto isebenzayo. Ekugqibeleni bendiya kuhlala ndisenza i-pmo kakhulu kunokuba bendifuna. Ke ngenye imini kwacaca kum ukuba ukuba ndilikhoboka lokwenyani andinakuze ndilawule ukusetyenziswa kwe-pmo, yayiyinkcitho yexesha lokucinga ngenye indlela.
Ke kwiminyaka emi-2 eyadlulayo, ndaye ndagqiba kwelokuba ndibandakanyeke ngokunzulu ekuqaliseni kwakhona, hayi ukuba bendifuna, kodwa kuba bendifuna. Ndandingena choice. Ubomi bam babusisihogo esiphilayo. Ngeli xesha lokuzibandakanya ngokunzulu, ndifunda okuninzi, ndiphinde ndibuyele kaninzi kodwa andizange ndinikezele. Ndifunda ngeempazamo zam, ndifumana ulwazi oluninzi de kube yinto yendalo kwaye kulula ukuchitha imini ngaphandle kwe-pmo. Ndihlala ndisebenzisa inkqubo yam yokuqalisa ngokutsha, kwaye ndiyicoca, kude kube namhlanje.
Ngoku ndiza kukubonisa indlela ubomi bam obukumlutha we-pmo kunye nokuba bunjani ngoku.
PHAMBILI - amandla aphantsi kakhulu emzimbeni, ndihlala ndidiniwe, ndandingakwazi ukubaleka.
NGOKU – ndinamandla angakumbi kunye nokomelela.
NGAPHAMBI - amandla aphantsi kakhulu engqondo, ukusilela okukhulu kwengqwalasela, kunzima kakhulu ukugxila, iintsilelo ezininzi zememori, amaxesha amaninzi andikhumbuli izinto endizenzileyo kwimizuzwana emi-5 eyadlulayo.
NGOKU - inkumbulo yam iphucuke kakhulu kwaye kunye nokugxila kwam. Ndikhawuleza kakhulu kwaye ndikrelekrele ngoku. Kubonakala ngathi i-pmo iphosa inkungu engqondweni. Yonke into yayibonakala imfiliba kwaye ingekho nzulu ngaphambili. Ngoku ndiyazi kakuhle indawo engqongileyo, yonke into ibonakala iqaqambile kwaye iyaphila. Ilunge kakhulu!!!
NGAPHAMBILI - ukuxhalaba okuphezulu kakhulu kwentlalo. Ndandingakwazi ukujonga mntu, ingakumbi abafazi. Khange ndikwazi ukuthetha ngqo nowamfazi kuba bendisoyika. Ndandiziphepha iindawo ezinabantu abaninzi. Ukuba bendifuna ukuya kwiindawo ezinabantu abaninzi (umz: ivenkile enkulu) bendiya kude ukuze ndingajongani nabantu endibaziyo.
NGOKU – ndisenexhala lentlalontle kodwa lincinci kakhulu, andinalo uxinezeleko lokuthetha nolwabasetyhini, ndiziva ndikhululekile xa ndikunye nabo.
NGAPHAMBILI - ubuninzi bokungalali, ubuthongo obubi, ndivuka i-1 okanye iiyure ze-2 ngaphambi kwexesha eliqhelekileyo
NGOKU-ubuthongo bam bulungile, bunzulu kwaye bomelele.
NGAPHAMBILI-ndiziva ndinqatshelwe kumfazi wam. Andizange ndizive luthando okanye umtsalane kuye, ndivelana naye.
NGOKU – ndinomtshato omnandi kakhulu, ndiphinda ndilufumane uthando lwam nothando lwam kuye.
NGAPHAMBI kokuba ndikhuphe i-ejaculation kwangaphambi kwexesha, ndandifumana i-orgasm ngaphantsi komzuzu.
NGOKU - ndine-ejaculations rhoqo, i-orgasms ilibazisekile kwixesha eliqhelekileyo, isondo sikhulu, akukho ngcamango ye-porn ngexesha lokwabelana ngesondo.
NGAPHAMBILI - bendicinga ngesondo amaxesha amaninzi. Ndandibona umfazi njengezinto. Ukujonga amalungu omzimba womfazi njengomntu ogqwethekileyo.
NGOKU – phantse andicingi ngesondo. Ihlabathi libonwa ngendlela eyahlukileyo ngokupheleleyo. Ndibona owasetyhini unabantu abapheleleyo, abahle, banomtsalane, bakrelekrele kunye neemvakalelo. Andiziboni njengezinto kwaye ndizithanda kakhulu. Ngamanye amaxesha ndisazijonga, kodwa kumtsalane wendalo, hayi ukuzivusa.
NGAPHAMBILI-ndanditshintsha phakathi kwamaxesha e-flatline kunye namaxesha okukhuthaza kakhulu.
NGOKU – nam andiziva. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba ndiziveza kwiimeko ezinobungozi, ndiziva ndinomnqweno we-pmo.
NGAPHAMBILI - ndaziva ndinqatshelwe kwihlabathi. Ndandinentiyo ethile ngakunxibelelwano lwentlalo kunye nabantu ngokubanzi. Ndive ikaka.
NGOKU - ndiziva ndizithembile kwaye ndihlala nabantu. Ndinomonde ngakumbi, ukuqonda kunye novelwano ebantwini nakwizidalwa eziphilayo ngokubanzi.
NGAPHAMBI kobuso bam bumhlophe, bomile kwaye boyika. Iinwele zam bezisiwa njengamagqabi ekwindla.
NGOKU-ubuso bam bunethowuni yesikhumba, indwebile kwaye inemibala. Iinwele zam ziyekile ukuwa kwaye zomelela kwaye zishwabene kwakhona. Ukuthelekisa iqela lam labahlobo iinwele zam zikhangeleka zilungile.
NGAPHAMBILI - ndandingalungelelananga ngokweemvakalelo, ndizingca, ndicaphuka msinya kwaye ndibuhlungu. Iingcamango ezininzi ezimbi.
NGOKU – ndiziva ndimsulwa kakhulu, andiziva ndinetyala okanye ndigqwethekile. Ndinokuzithemba kakuhle kunye nokuzinza ngokweemvakalelo. Kuthatha ixesha elininzi ukundibeka ecaleni kwaye ukuba ndiyacaphuka, ndiphinda ndifumane uxolo ngokukhawuleza. Ngamanye amaxesha ndiziva ndinoxolo olunzulu ngaphakathi kum, imvakalelo emnandi kakhulu.
LINK - Ibali lam kunye neengcebiso
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