Ukuqala kwam ukulala nomyeni wam, akazange eze. Ndafumanisa kamva ukuba lo yayingumgangatho kuye - kubomi bakhe bonke bokwabelana ngesondo, waba nzima, kodwa emva koko waphulukana nayo. Njengoko ubuhlobo bethu buba nzulu, isini saba ngcono, kodwa akuzange kubonakale ngathi kufanelekile kum. Naxa sasisebatsha ababini abaya kwiholide yomtshato, singenabantwana kunye nexesha elininzi, asizange siyenze rhoqo njengoko ndandifuna. Kwakusekho amaxesha angazange afike. Wayesithi kungenxa yokuphelelwa ngamanzi emzimbeni, utywala, uxinzelelo lomsebenzi, ukungabikho kokulala, okanye ukuzikhathaza nge-orgasm yam.
Emva kwesibini sabantwana kwaye akukho xesha, ngokuqinisekileyo siye sayenza nangaphantsi. Ebengafane ayicele. Kwaye ukuba ndiyicele, yaba yi-crapshoot nokuba uya kuba nayo. Ixesha lalifanele libe lilungile—kufuneka aphumle kakuhle, anganxili kakhulu, angahluthi kakhulu, angaxakeki kakhulu. Ndazixelela ukuba mhlawumbi une-low drive yokwabelana ngesondo, kwaye wathatha oko ndingakufumana.
Ukutyhubela iminyaka, ndifumene i-porn kuphela amaxesha ambalwa. Wayephambana ekwazi ukuyifihla. Kodwa kwakusekho imvakalelo ekhathazayo, ibhloko kubomi bethu bokwabelana ngesondo endingazange ndikwazi ukuyifumanisa. Sakhe sahleka malunga nesiqendu esingathandekiyo seSeinfeld sokuphulula amalungu esini, ndaza ndaqhula ndambuza ukuba mangaphi amatyeli akhubekayo ngeveki. Wabonakala engonwabanga, kwaye wavuma ukuba ngamaxesha e-4-5 ngeveki. Ndothuka. Ngokuqinisekileyo ndazibuza: Unawo njani amandla okugxabhagxabhisa kangako kodwa engenawo amandla kum?
Ngenye imini ngexesha lophando lwe-Intanethi olunzulu kubudlelwane kunye nemiba yezesondo, ndafunda inqaku malunga nokulutha kwe-porn kunye ne-porn-induced erectile dysfunction. Ngaloo mzuzu, nangaphandle kobungqina obuninzi, ndiyazi.
Ndamxelela ngelo nqaku. Ndothuke, wandixelela ukuba kudala ekrokrela ukuba ulikhoboka le-porn, kwaye wayeyisebenzisa iintsuku ezininzi zeveki njengendlela yokuhlangabezana nayo. Uthe uzamile ukuyikhaba kule minyaka idlulileyo, kodwa akabonakali, kwaye wayefuna ukuyeka kube kanye, kunye nam nangenxa yam.
Ngoku ndandiqonda ngakumbi umgama wobudlelwane bakhe ne-porn, ndaziva ndisoyika, ndingcatshiwe, ndisoyika, kodwa ndinethemba. Emva kokuba eqale ukuyeka, wathi wayeziva engenanto kwaye engenanto kwaye wayengenamdla kwisini. Oku, ndifumene, impendulo eqhelekileyo yokuyeka i-pornography. Kodwa kwiinyanga ezalandelayo, watshintsha emzimbeni. Waqina ngakumbi kunangaphambili, kwaye weza ngokukhawuleza nangokulula. Wayefuna ukwabelana ngesondo rhoqo. Ndamxelela ukuba uhluke njani umzimba wakhe ukususela oko wayeka i-porn, kwaye ndicinga ukuba wayevuya, kodwa ndicinga ukuba kwakubuhlungu kakhulu kuye ukuba aqonde umonakalo owenziwe ngamanyala kungekhona nje kubudlelwane bethu, kodwa kubo bonke ubudlelwane bakhe obudlulileyo kunye nobudlelwane obusondeleyo. ekugqibeleni, kunjalo, kuye ngokwakhe. …
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