Yeah, I’ve definitely strained into the tgirl/shemale territory. I noticed though that in my mind I still identified them as female. I think that what happens is the dopamine reward you get from your regular porn starts to tapper off and not feel as exciting. So as a result, your brain starts to seek more taboo or “harder” types of porn to get the same thrill. Hence the shemale/bi/gay porn.
At the end of the day I would not want to be in a relationship with anyone other than a female which gave me peace of mind over my sexuality. Am I %100 straight? No, I don’t think anyone truly is. But the porn definitely lead to some strange alone times I’ve had.
Past a month my ED started getting better. I didn’t exactly have ED, but it would be kinda like I couldn’t be full mast with my wife, more like 75%, and I’d never ejaculate.
Ngoku, nangona ukuba ndiphinga, isondo kunye nomfazi wam nje kumnandi, njengokuba kufanelekile, kwaye ndininzi kakhulu naye. Ngenxa yokuba andisayi kuba neengcamango eziphazamisayo kunye neengxaki ezivela kuzo.
Two years ago, I used to think that it was impossible to even make it a day without using. The urges were too strong and I lacked self-respect and self-empathy.
I used to opine that the first week was the hardest, yet here I am, breezing through the first week since the last relapse. You really do heal over long streaks (last one was 8 months). The physical cravings are much, much weaker than I remember them, and I am much, much more capable of self-love.
I think it helps that I trained myself over time to see porn use as legitimate self-harm. In a similar vein of drugs providing temporary relief at the cost of long-term health, using porn for me today means I am in such a bad spot that I think that hurting myself is better than seeking real healing.
I have a really good feeling about this next year. I just know it. Things are really different this time, and I have this irresistible thought that I am finally going to be the person I have been dreaming I’d be. That person:
- Loves himself and embraces his sexuality
- Can take care of himself, seeing it as genuinely relaxing and joyful
- Accepts life as it is, all the good and bad, and makes the best of it
- Organizes his life around the people and things he loves
I am feeling overwhelmingly positive. I’m going to make it. We’re going to make it.
LINK - It really does get easier over time
by sihlalo
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