Ngeli xesha kwiminyaka emibini eyadlulayo ndandineminyaka eyi-19 kwaye ndandibetha kufutshane nelitye ukuya kuthi ga kwi-porn. I-PIED entle kakhulu - andinakukufumana konke konke, ngokusisiseko-kwaye ndiziva zonke izinto ezimbi eziza naloo nto. Ukuzithemba okuphantsi, ukunqongophala kwenkuthazo, iphonografi indimisa ekufumaneni inkqubo efanelekileyo, yonke loo nto. Ndaya kwiintsuku ezimbalwa kunye nentombazana e-uni endandiyithanda kakhulu. Wayendithanda kakhulu naye, kodwa andinakuze ndenze nantoni na naye, ngezizathu ezicacileyo. Lilonke, uziva ngathi ungcolile.
Ndichithe iinyanga ezimbalwa ezidlulileyo ndizilahla, ndizama ukufumana umthombo weengxaki zam, kwaye ndiyifumene le ndawo, kunye nabafana abatyebileyo be-nofap. Ndifumene iCawa yeNowa kunye neGabe kunye ne-yourbrainonporn- kufuneka ukuba ndifunde lonke iphepha leso siza izihlandlo ezilishumi, nayo yonke into edibene nayo, zonke izifundo kunye nazo zonke iiakhawunti zabantu. Ndizifundile ndaphinda ndazifunda ezo ngxelo, uninzi lwazo zisuka kule subreddit. Yile nto indinike ithemba.
Elinye inqaku lafika ngo-Epreli, andazi ukuba nini kanye, ukuba ndigqibe kwelokuba ndiyeke iphonografi. Emva kokuqalisa kokuxoka, ndaqala ukudibanisa imifanekiso yamanyala yokuqala yamanyala ngenyanga kaMeyi. Kuqala iveki enye, mhlawumbi iiveki ezimbini okanye ezintathu - ekuqaleni kwekhefu lasehlotyeni bendizimisele ukuba ndiza kubeka iphonografi emva kwam, ndibuyele e-uni sele ndenze iintsuku ezidumileyo ze-90. Ngapha koko, ndiyalikhumbula inani elichanekileyo leentsuku kwelo khefu lalijikeleze i-107 okanye njalo ukusuka ekuqaleni ukuya ekugqibeleni. Ndikhumbula ngokuyinxenye kuba ndakhetha enye yezo ntsuku ndaza ndabala nganye njengoloyiso.
Ngokwenyani, ndicinga ukuba ndiyalikhumbula inani ngokuchanekileyo kuba bendikhathaza inkqubela yam ngalo lonke ixesha. Emva kokufunda iiakhawunti ezahlukeneyo bendisazi ukuba abafana nam, abaqale abaselula (mhlawumbi nge-12 okanye i-13) bathathe ixesha elide ukuba baphinde bachache, ngenxa yoko ndandikulungele oko. Kodwa kwangaxeshanye, bendinexhala kakhulu ukuba ndingathathi ixesha elide. Inxalenye yenkuthazo yam yayikukuba nakho ukuba nobudlelwane nale ntombazana xa ndibuyele e-uni. Kwakunzima ukuhamba ixesha elithile kwaye kwafuneka ndenze umgudu omkhulu wokuba ndingatyibiliki. Ndalala kunye neekawusi okanye iiglavu ezandleni zam kuba ndandisazi ukuba ndiza kuqala ukubamba idick yam iya kuba ngumdlalo. Kwaye ndihlala ndihlala ne-PMO ngaphambi kokulala, kwaye ndafika kwindawo apho ndingakwazi ukulala ngaphandle kwayo. Ke, babukho ubusuku obuninzi obunqabileyo. Andikhumbuli ngokwaneleyo ukuba ndingachaza kakuhle ukuba kwakunjani ngoku; Ndiyakhumbula nje ukuba kwakunzima.
Nangona kunjalo, ukukhawuleza phambili kwiinyanga ezintathu kwaye ndibuyele e-uni, okwangoku akukho phuculo lukhulu kwi-PIED yam yokugcina ixesha elifutshane elilandelwa ngokukhawuleza lilide. Ithemba lam lokuqalisa kwakhona ngokukhawuleza laliphazamisekile. Ukutsiba ukuya esiphelweni, kuthathe iinyanga ezintlanu ukuya kwi-streak ngaphambi kokuba ndenze ngokuhambelana okuthile. Kwakukho amaxesha amnandi ekuqaleni, kodwa ndikwazile ukuwenza ukuba usebenze kunye nentombazana kwaye besisandula ukubhiyozela isikhumbuzo seminyaka emibini. Ndonwabe nyhani yilento. Ndiyazingca ngokuyeka kwam. Yeyona nto inzima endakha ndayenza ndicinga, kwaye yeyona inomvuzo. Njengoninzi lwabantu ndaziva ndifumana uncedo ngokubanzi ngokongeza ukuziqeqesha ebomini bam-ndiqale ukuzilolonga ngakumbi kwaye ndenza kakuhle esikolweni, olo hlobo lwento.
Ndibuyile ngoku kuba ndiziva ndityibilika kwakhona kwezi nyanga zimbalwa zidlulileyo. Ndacinga ukuba kulungile ukuphulula amalungu esini kwiminqweno nakwizinto kwakhona, endicinga ukuba ukumodareyitha kunokuba kungenabungozi kuzo ngokwazo. Ngapha koko, xa ndandicinga malunga nokuphulula amalungu esini (okt ngokumodareyitha, kuphela xa ndavuswa ngokwenyani kwaye ndingafuni nje) ndiyifumene iluncedo.
Kodwa imigca yaqala ukufiphala kwakhona kwaye yanganyanzelekanga ukuba inyanzelise. Kungekudala, kwaye ngokukodwa ngokuhlukaniswa yedwa, ukwahlukana nentombi yam (nangona ndimele ndixelele ukuba sele iqhubeka ngendlela encinci kwiinyanga ezimbalwa) ndijonge ezinye izinto. Ihlala intle isoftcore, ezinye izinto zombhalo.
Kodwa ndiyazi ukuba le ndlela ikhokelela phi kwaye sele ndiziva iziphumo ezibi. Ke, ndiza apha ukubuyela ehashe. Ndicinga ukuba i-streak yam yokugqibela yahlala ngaphezulu konyaka, ndayeka ukubala emva kokuba ndiziva ndonelisekile, ndaphiliswa ngokupheleleyo ngoFebruwari. Ukuba bendikwazi ukwenza konke oko ngenqanaba lokulutha ebendinalo, ndiyazi ukuba ndingayenza ngezinye iintsuku ezingama-90 nangaphaya, ukuqala ngoku.
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