IINKCUKACHA: Ugxininiso lweli nqaku lubonisa ukuba "ukusebenza kwesigqeba" kunethuba lethu lokungathembeki. Kubalulekile kuba umnqweno (dopamine) wokulala ngesondo iqabane lenoveli lisebenza imijikelezo efanayo ye-neural (isekethe yomvuzo) yomnqweno njenge-porn. Ukukwazi ukumelana (umsebenzi olawulayo) usebenzisa iisekethe ezifanayo zangaphambili ngokuchasene nokusetyenziswa kwe-porn. Ukusebenza okuphantsi kwezi setyhula ziluphawu lokungxamiseka kunye neziyobisi. Ubungqongqo kuxa amandla okujikeleza engafikeleli emsebenzini.
I-Article: Kutheni Abanye Abantu Bengafuni Ukunyaniseka Kwangcono Kunabanye
UScott Barry Kaufman, Ph.D
Kuthunyelwe: 05 / 17 / 11 09: 21 AM ET
Ungumntu onomtsalane kubudlelwane bothando, ukuzibophelela kunye nolonwabo. Okwangoku, kukho ukulingwa ngalo lonke ixesha. Kwivenkile yokutya, umntu othandekayo kumgca wokukhangela uncuma nawe ngebhiya eliphakanyisiweyo. Uqala incoko yokudlala ngothando, kwaye lo mntu ufuna inombolo yakho. Wenzani? Kutheni ungaqhathi nje? Yintoni ekunqandayo?
Ngexesha elifana neli, kukho ungquzulwano phakathi kwesimo sakho samanzi esiswini (lala nalo mntu ngoku!) Kunye nenjongo yakho yexesha elide (hlala uzibophelele kwiqabane lakho!). Ukuba nethuku emathunjini kukodwa akulunganga. Luphawu nje lokuba ungumntu. Isikakhulu wonke umntu, ongatshatanga okanye ongatshatanga, utsalwa ngokuzenzekelayo esiya kubantu abahle. Xa ujongene nomntu onomtsalane, indlela abantu abathanda ngayo isebenza ngokuzenzekelayo kwaye bathambekele ekujongeni ixesha elide emehlweni alo mntu unomdla. Konke oku kuyenzeka ngaphandle komzamo okanye ukulawula konke. Ukwenza ujongano lwamehlo nomntu onomtsalane kuye kwanomvuzo kwingqondo yethu, ukwenza ukuba isekethe enxulumene nomvuzo.
Ukujonga ukuba olu tyekelo lukuphela komhlaba, luzenzekelayo, kwaye lunamandla kangakanani, umntu unokuzibuza: kutheni le nto wonke umntu engakhohlisi? Ngokucacileyo, wonke umntu akakhohlisi, ephakamisa umbuzo: kutheni abanye abantu bekwazi ngakumbi ukuxhathisa esihendo sikhawulezileyo kunabanye?
Uphando olutsha lubonisa ukuba impendulo ininzi enokuyenza ngokulawulwa kwengqondo. Isimo esingagqibekanga kukuba senze isigxina. Ukugqithisa le mivakalelo enamandla kufuna umzamo wengqondo, kunye nezinye iindlela ezithandekayo onazo (cinga zonke izibonelelo ezinika iTiger Woods), kunzima ukulawula iimpembelelo zakho.
Kwiminyaka yakutshanje, iingcali ze-neuropsychologists zifumene iseti yeendawo zobuchopho kwindawo yangaphambili (ejikeleze ibunzi) labantu abaxhasa iinkqubo zokuzilawula. Le nto ibizwa ngokuba "yimisebenzi yesigqeba," eyayiyinto yokugqibela yengqondo yethu yokuvela, kubandakanya ukubanakho ukucwangcisa, ukuthintela okanye ukulibazisa ukuphendula. Nanini na xa umntu kufuneka egxile kakhulu emsebenzini kwaye angazihoyi iziphazamiso, le ndawo isebenza ngokukodwa. Ubungakanani bezi ndawo zobuchopho ezikhanyayo ziqikelela uninzi lweziphumo ezibalulekileyo, kubandakanya nokuba ngaba abantu banokulandela imigaqo yolawulo eluntwini, baxhathise izilingo ezahlukeneyo kwaye bazibandakanye nokuziphatha okuyingozi. Ulawulo oluphezulu lude luqikelele amandla okuxhathisa umnqweno wokutya iM & Nks xa usitya.
Ke ngoko, ulawulo oluphezulu lunokudlala indima ekuziphatheni okukhohlisayo. Ukuba injongo yakho yexesha elide kukuhlala uzinikele kwiqabane lakho, kwaye unesilingo esininzi, oku kufuna ukuba ube nolawulo oluninzi. Ulawulo lwesigqeba lunokunceda abantu ukuba baphephe iimeko kwasekuqaleni apho banokufumana khona umtsalane wamaqabane anokubakho anomdla.
Ubungqina bwakutshanje bubonisa ukuba imisebenzi yesigqeba ininzi enokuyenza ngokukopela. U-Simone Ritter kunye nabalingane bakhe kwi-University of Radboud Nijmegen bafumanisa ukuba phantsi kweemeko eziqhelekileyo, abantu ababesithandana nabo besithandana nabo babecala ukuba banomdla omncinci kubantu abathandana nabo ngokwesini. Zonke iibhentshi zacinywa, nangona kunjalo, xa zihlawuliswa ngogqirha, njengokuba zinikwe uxinzelelo lwexesha elibi. Kule meko, kunye nokulawula kwabo abalawuli, akukho mfahluko phakathi kwabantu abangatshatanga kunye nabathandanayo! Ngoko ke, kubonakala ukuba abantu abathandana nabo basithandana nabanqwenelekayo xa befumana izixhobo ezinokwenkcenkcesha kunye nexesha lokugqiba isigqibo.
Kwisifundo eshushu-esishicilelweyo kwiJenali yoBuntu kunye neNtlalontle yezeNtlalontle, uTila Pronk kunye noogxa bakhe kwiYunivesithi iRadboud Nijmegen bajonge lo mbandela ngokuthe ngqo ngophando lwezesayensi ukuba kutheni abanye abantu benobunzima ngakumbi kunabanye ukuhlala bethembekile amaqabane abo abathandanayo. Kuzo zonke izifundo ezithathu, baphande ubudlelwane phakathi kwento eyahlukileyo yolawulo oluphezulu kunye nokukwazi kwabantu ukuhlala bethembekile.
Kwisifundo sabo sokuqala, abafundi abangama-72 ababandakanyeka kwezothando bagqibezela umsebenzi wolawulo oluphezulu ukulinganisa amandla abo okutshintsha phakathi kweeseti zemiyalelo kunye nephepha lemibuzo elifutshane elibabuza ukuba bahlala bethembekile njani kumaqabane abo (umzekelo, "Ukuba ungumfana othandekayo / Intombazana ibonisa umdla kum, ndikufumanisa kunzima ukuxhathisa isilingo ”). Bafumanise ukuba abo banolawulo olusezantsi bathanda ukunika ingxelo yokuba banobunzima obuphezulu bokuhlala bethembekile. Kwakungekho mahluko ngokwesini.
Kwisifundo sabo sesibini, bajonga iimpawu zehlabathi zangempela kwisampuli samadoda kuphela. Amadoda angamashumi amabini anesibini abesilisa abathathu baqeda umsebenzi wolawulo olulawulayo olufuna ukukwazi ukugcina iibhokisi kwimemori ngelixa linye lucwangcisa ulwazi. Lo msebenzi ufuna imemori yokuhlaziywa rhoqo, iirhafu zenkqubo zolawulo olulawulayo. Emva kokugqiba umsebenzi, abathathi-nxaxheba bacelwa ukuba bahlale kwigumbi lokulinda de kube kubizwa ngabahloli.
Emva koko kwangena umntu obhinqileyo onomtsalane, owathi wavavanywa ngabo bazama ukubanceda kulingo lwabo. Umntu obhinqileyo wayeyalelwe ngabavavanyi ukuba baziphathe ngendlela enobuhlobo kodwa kungacaci ukuba banomdla okanye banomdla. Akukho namnye kubathathi-nxaxheba oxele esazi ukuba abafazi bayinxalenye yovavanyo. Unxibelelwano lwenziwa ngevidiyo, kwaye emva koko, abasetyhini kunye nababukeli abane abazimeleyo baboniswa imizuzu emihlanu yokuqala yokunxibelelana, kwaye bagweba ubungqongqo bokuba mfo. Bonke ababukeleyo bavumelana omnye nomnye kakhulu kwinto ababeyibona. Ngokuhambelana nesifundo sabo sokuqala, bafumanise ukuba inqanaba elisezantsi lolawulo oluphezulu, kokukhona kukuziphatha kothando.
Kwisifundo sabo sesithathu, bajonga ukuba ngaba ulawulo olulawulayo lunceda abantu ukuba bangapheli kwimeko kunye neyona ndlela ekhangayo kwindawo yokuqala. Amashumi amabini anesithandathu amadoda namabhinqa agqiba uvavanyo oludumileyo lweStroop, apho bafanele bawuthethe umbala welizwi ngelixa bengayinaki intsingiselo yaloo gama. Lo akuwona msebenzi olula: zama wena!
Emva kokuthatha umlinganiso wolawulo oluphezulu, baxelelwa ukuba bazakudlala umdlalo wokwazana nomntu othathe inxaxheba ngokungacwangciswanga, apho baya kubuza baphendule imibuzo yobuqu (umzekelo, "Ngaba ungathanda ukuba nodumo?") . Baboniswa umfanekiso walo mntu uthatha inxaxheba (osandula ukuba ngumntu onomdla wesini esahlukileyo!). Emva komdlalo, bachaza indlela abanomtsalane ngayo xa befumene omnye umntu othathe inxaxheba ngokuhambisa isilayida kwindawo ethile phakathi kokungatsali kwaphela nokunomtsalane kwaye banqwenela ukudibana nomnye othatha inxaxheba ebomini bokwenyani.
Akumangalisi ukuba, xa umntu ethatha inxaxheba efumanisa ukuba omnye umntu unomdla, uyafuna ukudibana naloo mntu. Ngokuhambelana nengqikelelo yabo, nangona kunjalo, bafumanise ukuba ulawulo oluphezulu luyanciphisa umnqweno wokudibana nomnye onomtsalane, kodwa kuphela kubantu ababandakanyekayo kwezothando. Ngokuqinisekileyo oku kungenxa yokuba abantu abangatshatanga bekungafuneki ukuba basebenzise izixhobo ezinokuqonda ukwenza isigqibo nangona iminqweno yabo yomelele njengaleyo ikulwalamano. Kananjalo, ngelixa amadoda ngokomndilili ebeka omnye umntu othathe inxaxheba njengonomtsalane ngakumbi kunabafazi, amadoda nabafazi (abangatshatanga okanye kubudlelwane) babenokubonisa ngokulinganayo umnqweno wokuhlangana nomnye umntu.
Kuqhubeka ntoni apha? Kutheni le nto ulawulo lwesigqeba lubaluleke kangaka ekuchaseni isilingo sokukopela? Abaphandi bacebisa ngamathuba ambalwa.
Enye into enokwenzeka kukuba ulawulo oluphezulu lunceda ukuthintela ukusebenza kwimpembelelo evakalayo kuye wonke umntu. Kwamaqabane amaninzi, ukuba nefuthe kulungile, kodwa ukwenza oko akunjalo. Ulawulo oluphezulu lunokunceda ekuthinteleni umdla wokunxibelelana nomdla kumaqabane anokubakho, anje ngokudlala ngothando nokungena kwiimeko apho isilingo siza kuqhubeka nokuzibonakalisa (umz., "Ukuzixhoma"). Lonke olu thintelo lufuna izixhobo ezinengqiqo.
Abo banamanqanaba asezantsi olawulo oluphezulu banokucinga ngakumbi malunga namaqabane anokubakho. Uphando lubonisa ubudlelwane obomeleleyo phakathi kolawulo oluphezulu kunye nokuzula kwengqondo ngokubanzi. Abo banamanqanaba aphezulu olawulo oluphezulu banokuzula nje engqondweni, kwaye ngenxa yoko babe sengozini xa bejamelene neqabane elinokubakho. Ulawulo oluphezulu lunokuba negalelo kumandla okugcina umfanekiso weqabane engqondweni ngelixa unxibelelana nomnye umntu oshushu. Abantu abaphantsi kolawulo oluphezulu banokuba nobunzima ngakumbi bokugcina lo mfanekiso ezingqondweni zabo kwaye ngenxa yoko banokungakwazi ukucinga ngokupheleleyo ngeziphumo zokunikezela kwisilingo. Kuyenzeka ukuba abantu abanamanqanaba ahlukeneyo olawulo oluphezulu abasebudlelwaneni bafumane amanqanaba ahlukeneyo esilingo xa bejongana namaqabane anokubakho. Zonke ezi zinto zinokwenzeka zilungele ukuqhubeka kophando.
Iziphumo zolu phando zinkulu. Ngubani onokucinga ukuba into enje ngokuqonda nangokweemvakalelo-njengokukwazi ukuhlaziya oonobumba kwimemori okanye igama lemibala ngokukhawuleza okukhulu kunokunxulumana nokukwazi ukuxhathisa isilingo sokukopela? Olu phando lubonisa indlela ukuqhagamshela ngokuqinileyo ekuqondeni ngayo yonke into ebomini bethu. Nanini na xa amandla abantu okusebenzisa ulawulo lwengqondo encitshisiwe, abasesichengeni sokungathembeki.
Iimeko ezininzi zinokuthintela ulawulo oluphezulu, kubandakanya umthwalo ophakamileyo womsebenzi okanye uxinzelelo. Uphando luyabonisa ukuba abantu bathambekele ngakumbi ekungathembekini xa befumana inqanaba eliphezulu loxinzelelo lwengqondo. Khawufane ucinge xa usaziwa njengomntu odumileyo okanye osopolitiki onezinto ezininzi onokukhetha kuzo ngokwesondo kunye noxinzelelo lomsebenzi-leyo yeyona ndlela yokungathembeki! Oku ayikuthetheleli nabani na, ewe. Kodwa yongeza kancinci ukuqonda kwethu.
Yongeza utywala kumxube, uze ulibale malunga nalo. Utywala luboniswe ukuba buthathaka iinkqubo zokulawulwa kwengqondo, kwaye uye waboniswa ukuba unxulumene nokungathembeki kunye nokuziphatha kakubi kwezesondo phakathi kwabafundi beekholeji (abasele njengeqela elinamaqondo aphantsi okulawula ukulawula ukuqala).
Ukuziphatha kweli bali? Ukuxhathisa isilingo sokukopela kufuna umgudu wokuqonda. Ukuba unolawulo oluninzi, mhlawumbi akunakufane ukhohlise iqabane lakho. Ukuba awunazinto zininzi zokuqonda, kwaye ufuna ukuhlala uzibophelele kwiqabane lakho, kungcono uthembe ukuba awunamtsalane, usisityebi, udumile, uphantsi koxinzelelo oluninzi okanye unxilile. Kwaye thandaza ukuba ungazijongi zonke ezo bhokisi ngexesha elinye. Okanye kungenjalo uya kuba sengxakini.
Ngoku, ukuba ufuna ukukroba iqabane lakho elinokubona ukuba angakhohlisa kangakanani, banike uVavanyo lweStroop. Ndikucebisa ukuba ungayenzi le nto ngomhla wokuqala nangona kunjalo, kungenjalo baya kukukhohlisa- kwaye ngesizathu esihle!
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