Xa ulikhoboka lemizimba eqingqiweyo egqibeleleyo, ubufazi be-HD, kunye ne-angles eyenzelwe ukuzonwabisa kwakho ngamanye amaxesha into eyiyo ayifanelani
Inqaku loqobo likaNeelam Tailor
Isilumkiso sokuqala: ukuxhatshazwa kwabantwana ngokwesini kunye neziyobisi ezingamanyala
Ngehlobo lowama-2010, ndandineminyaka eli-16 ubudala ndineshumi leminyaka lokuphulula amalungu esini ngokudibana kweminyaka emihlanu yokujonga iphonografi phantsi kwebhanti yam. Ukuba ngumthungi onwabisayo onamava, ndacinga ukukhusela isithandwa sam sokuqala esifanelekileyo kuya kuthetha ukuba eli yayilixesha lam lokukhanya. Ndifundile malunga nokuba kufanele ukuba kube nzima kangakanani ukuba ne-mons pubis yam, ii-moans endimele ndizenze, kunye nokuba le-doggy yayingumthunywa wevangeli omtsha. Bendilungile. Kodwa xa okunene sifikile kuyo ... bendomile njengethambo.
Kodwa, kutheni lobufazi bam bungcatshiwe? Uthando lwalusemoyeni kwaye iihormoni zazikho kuyo yonke indawo, kodwa phakathi kwamashiti bendinengxaki, singathi, kunyibilikisa indlela yokubaleka. Andifumananga ndawo kufutshane emanzi njengoko bendinjalo xa ndibona i-Pornhub kwaye ndibhidekile. Ngelixa ubengumhlobo wethu osenyongweni wayesenza imaski yengxaki.
Into yokuba ndibukele i-porn uninzi lweentsuku yayiyimfihlo yam enkulu ehlazisayo, ndacinga ukuba ndingomnye kuphela amantombazana ayenzileyo. Ke endaweni yokunxibelelana naye nabani na, njengaye nawuphi na umntwana, ndaguqukela kwi-intanethi. Reddit wayenentambo egama lingu NoFap -Iforum yabantu ababa ngamakhoboka okuphulula amalungu esini kunye ne-porn ebakhuthaza ukuba bayeke-ebibonakala njengendawo yokuphuma yamabali erectile dysfunction, ukusilela ukuzama ukuyeka ukubonwa kwi-porn, kunye nokunciphisa i-IRL. Isebenza njengendawo yokuxhasa eboniswe ligosa likaNoFap 'Sober' ngo-Okthobha apho phantse amalungu angama-500k akhuthazekile ukuba ayeke ukulala yedwa, ukuphulula amalungu esini, kunye ne-orgasm (PMO) kwaye abhale uhambo.
Nangona kunjalo, inyani yokuba andiyi-100% ukunxibelelana neNoFap ibhalwe ngegama. "Fap" yi-onomatopoeic, esekwe kwisandi esenziwa yipenisi ngexesha lokuphulula amalungu esini, kwaye yona ihlukana njengentombazana eselishumi elivisayo. Njengoko i-NoFap ikhetha ukuba ibe yindawo yam, abanye bathi xa behamba bathathe inxaxheba kwindawo yesini. Inkqubo yezentengiso ejongene nezesondo-isebenzela ukonyusa ihlazo ebantwini kumzi mveliso kunokuxhasa nokuhlonipha ilungelo labo lokuthengisa ngesondo njengenkonzo. Ngamanye amaxesha iinkolelo ezingqongqo ngaphakathi kwizikhundla zeNoFap zinokuyenza indawo enokwahlulwa kakhulu kwabantu abaziva bengasebenzi kubomi babo bezesondo, kodwa bangaziva imfuneko yokusebenzisa i-porn, umsebenzi wesondo kunye nokuhambisa indlwabu.
Ukusondelana nobomi bam bokwenyani yayiyinto yokuqala kum, ndiyekile ukujonga ukubukela iphonografi ngoko nangoko kwaye ndingakhange ndijonge emva (kakuhle, ukuphulula amalungu esini isempilweni, ngoko ke ndiyayenza loo nto qho ngexeshana).
Uphando lubonisa ukuba ulutsha olusebenzisa ngokunyanzelekileyo ukusebenzisa i-porn lunemigangatho esezantsi yokudityaniswa kwezentlalo, ukunyuka kweengxaki zokuziphatha, isimilo esikhohlakeleyo, iimpawu zokudakumba, kunye nokunciphisa ukubondana ngokweemvakalelo kunye nabanonopheli. Ngelixa, kubantu abadala, zingaphezulu kwama-75 izifundo ukunxibelelanisa ukusetyenziswa kobumdaka kunye nokwaneliseka ngokwesondo kunye nolwalamano nolwaneliseko, ngokunjalo zichaphazela kakubi iinkolelo zethu kunye neendlela zethu zokujonga ababhinqileyo. Ukulwa neDrams entsha, iwebhusayithi enikezelwe kuphando lwefuthe le-porn kwingqondo, ndikholelwa ukuba ubuchopho bethu abuyilelwanga ukujongana nenqanaba lokukhuthaza isini elivela kwi-porn.
Phambi kokuba uhlelwe yintlekele phezu kwemikhwa yakho, kuye kwakho ukuxhathisa kwezinye iintshukumo zokunganyamezeli isimo se-porn kunye ne-wanking. Ngo-2016, ugqirha we-neuroscientist uNicole Prause uxelele Guardian: "Aba bantu kwi-Intanethi bazibhaqa sele benoburharha xa amadoda exesha elidlulileyo ebengachaphazeleka. Ke kwixa elizayo xa besabelana ngesondo, bazizisela ubunzima. ” [QAPHELA: Ukufumana ngaphezulu kokukhetha isincoko esibonisa iphonografi uNicole Prause jonga Ngaba uNicole Prause Uchithwa yi-Industry Porn?]
Oko kuyithethwa, emva kweenyanga ezintathu ukuya kwezintandathu zokuyeka ukubukela iphonografi my umzimba waphola kwimpelesi yayo eyomileyo, eyayiphumla kakhulu. Kodwa, kuyavela andinguye kuphela umfazi oye kolu hambo. I-YouTuber Alana Parekh isebenzisa isitishi se-NoFap yabasetyhini kwaye ichaza imiba yethu edluleyo njengeyona "ixhaphakileyo". UAlana, oneminyaka engama-28 ubudala, wayeka ukubukela iphonografi kunye nokuziphulula amalungu esini kwiminyaka emibini eyadlulayo, emva kokuyifumana okokuqala eneminyaka esixhenxe. Njengentombazana encinci, egqogqa izikhululo zikamabonwakude "ezithambile" eChicago ngelixa abazali bakhe belele kwigumbi eliphezulu, wayengazi ukuba ujonge ntoni. “Andiyifumananga ukuba iyintoni. Ndacinga ukuba ndijonge eli lizwe liphela labantu abadala. Ndacinga ukuba yinto yonke ekufuneka yenziwe ngabadala kwaye ndinemvakalelo yokuba mhlawumbi yayiyinto ebendifanele ukuyenza nam xa ndakuba mdala, ”undixelela ngomnxeba. Oko kwaqala njengomnqweno wokuphuhlisa yaba ziiyure ezimbini ukuya kwezintathu zokubukela iphonografi yonke imihla kwincopho yayo.
Emva kweminyaka ephantse ibe ngama-20 yokulutha, u-Alana wazibeka umngeni kwiintsuku ezingama-90 zeNoFap. Emva kokuphinda uwe kwakhona okanye ezimbini, wakwazi ukuba nomlinganiso wakhe wokuqala owabelana ngesondo kwaye wathi ubuntu bakhe kubuhle bokwenyani buye banda, "ngequbuliso abantu abandijikelezileyo baqala ukubonakala bemhle ngakumbi." Uxinzelelo olwamenza waziva njenge "zombie" wabonakala ngathi uyanyamalala xa wayeka. Ngoku unceda abanye ukuba basebenze ngeziyobisi, benikezela ngenkxaso ye-Skype nganye-nganye kunye nokuvula malunga namava akhe kwitshaneli yakhe ye-YouTube. Ndiziva ndinomdla onyanisekileyo wokunceda abantu boyise ngoku. Njengokubona nje ukuba kuninzi akwenzelwe ntoni ebomini bam, ndiziva ngathi ndibuyile, ”utshilo ngovuyo.
Akukho namnye kubazali bethu baseIndiya oye waziva izinto ezibonisa amanyala okanye ezesondo nathi sikwishumi elivisayo, ngoko ke sabona ingozi njengamntu omnye. Siyazi ukuba iminyaka yobudala eqala ukubonwa ngabantwana iphonografi malunga ne-11 yeminyaka ubudala ngokutsho kwemithombo ethile, ngelixa abanye besithi kunjalo mncinci njenge isibhozo, kodwa bangaphi abantwana abakwelo minyaka bafundiswe nto ngako?
Ukubukela iphonografi ngaphandle kwelensi ezigxekayo okanye nayiphi na imfundo kuye kwashiyeka uAmana ehlelwe yinto engeyonyani: “Ndikhule ndinoluvo lokuba lunjani uthando. Oku kuchaphazele nomzimba wam. Ndiye ndaqala ukunikel 'ingqalelo kwinto ebajongeka ngayo aba bafazi. Ndaye ndaqala ukuthelekisa owam umzimba kubo, ndaze ndacinga ukuba iqheleke njani na imbonakalo, njengomfazi. Imifanekiso engamanyala eyaziwa njenge-intanethi ibonisa abafazi abancinci kunezinto zesini ngombono wamadoda: "Ibindenza ndizive ngathi ixabiso lam elininzi liza kubanjwa koko ndikwaziyo ukwenza ngokwesondo," utshilo uAlana.
Kubalulekile ukuzoba umahluko phakathi kwento yokuba i-wanking iqhelekileyo kwaye isempilweni, kwaye ukuya kwi-porn akusoloko kufuneka kube yingxaki. Imifanekiso engamanyala idlala indima entle kubomi babantu kwaye iye yaba luphawu lwabafazi abaninzi abafunda ukwenza ikholeji- kubalulekile ukuba bayinike loo nto Iipesenti ezingama-39 zabasetyhini bathi bahlala bemixhwele ngexesha lokuphulula amalungu esini ngelixa iipesenti ezi-6 bezisithi bahlala bezilolonga ngexesha lokwabelana ngesondo neqabane. I-Niche kunye ne-fetish sites ze-porn zibaluleke kakhulu kubantu abaninzi ukuhlola i-kinks zabo, kwaye kukho nabasebenzi bezesondo kwihlabathi liphela abaziva bexhotyisiwe ngorhwebo lwabo.
Ukanti, abanye abantu basetyhini baxhomekeke ekusetyenzisweni kwe-porn njengendlela yokubaleka umvandedwa odlulileyo. UOghosa Ovienrioba, ibhlogi yaseBritane yaseNigeria kunye ne-YouTuber, yahlukunyezwa njengomntu oneminyaka emihlanu. Ubonisa indlela ukusebenzisa kwakhe iphonografi engcambu kwimpatho yakhe emenza ukuba abe neentlobano zesini ngaphambi kwexesha. “Ndaziva ndinomnqweno wokwabelana ngesondo ndisemncinci kakhulu. Ngokucacileyo andikhange ndithethe namntu ngayo, ibisenzeka nje kwaye kulapho ndaqala khona ukubukela iphonografi, ”utshilo xa sithetha emnxebeni. U-Oghosa wabona i-porn njenge "ndawo ephumayo" yokubaleka, kwaye ichaza "i-Stockholm Syndrome effect apho ndaziva ndinxibelelene nomxhaphazi wam kwaye ndaziva ndinamathele kwindlela endandivakalelwa ngayo xa bendihlukunyezwa."
Xa sithetha emnxebeni, sele ebuyile kwimifanekiso bhanyabhanya kwividiyo yeYouTube kwitshaneli yakhe apho athetha khona ngobuhle, ubufazi obuMnyama kunye nokholo. Ngaphandle kwento yokuba wabukela malunga neeyure ezine zemifanekiso engamanyala ngosuku ukusukela kwiminyaka eli-14 ukuya kwengama-20, xa waphinda waba ngumKristu ozelwe ngokutsha wayeka ukubukela iifilimu zabantu abadala kunye nokuziphulula amalungu esini ngokupheleleyo. Ukhumbula elila ebhafini kwaye “ethandaza kuThixo esithi, 'Ukuba uyinyani, ndicela ungandivumeli ndibuyele kule nto'. Kwaye andizange. ”
“Ngokuqinisekileyo ndaziva ngathi ndingumntwana,” utshilo u-Oghosa njengoko sithetha ngendlela ukumelwa kwabafazi abamnyama kwimifanekiso engamanyala. Uqhubeke athi, “I-porn enamabhinqa amnyama kuyo ihlala ibaxekileyo, kwaye iyinto eyoyikisayo. Yinto yokuba abafazi abamnyama babe zizilwanyana kwaye unokwenza nje into oyifunayo ngemizimba yabo. " Ukwahlula-hlulwa ngokobuhlanga kwi-porn ngokwenene kusebenza kwisamente ekonakalisayo i-stereotypes esele ikho.
Ngelixa iphonografi ibonisa uluntu, nge Ukutyelelwa okungu-1,000 kwi-PornHub okwenzeka rhoqo umzuzwana, impembelelo yayo ebantwini ayinakuphikwa. Ngokovandlakanyo lwesiza sika-2019, bekukho umndilili wokundwendwela kwezigidi ezili-115 ngosuku (elilingana nenani labemi baseCanada, e-Australia, ePoland naseNetherlands bonke abatyeleleyo ngosuku olunye), kudidi lobuhlanga njenge "IJapan", "isiKorea" kunye ne "Ebony" ziqala phezulu kuluhlu Uninzi lwamagama akhangeliweyo.
Abasetyhini abasebatsha, ngakumbi abo basuka kwezenkolo, baziva behlazekile ngezinto abazenzayo. Kumazantsi eforum yabasetyhini ye-NoFap, ndadibana nebhinqa lamaSilamsi elineminyaka engama-21 ubudala elivela eJamani lithi “lithandaza kahlanu ngemini” kwaye likhoboka kakhulu lokuphulula amalungu esini. Nangona wayefuna ukuhlala engaziwa uveza ukuba waqala eneminyaka eli-11 ubudala, esithi: “Ndandingumntu oxinezelekile ngela xesha, ndandixhwaxhwa, ke xa ndandiphulula amalungu esini, kwakufana nokukhulula yonke into ngaphakathi emzimbeni wam. Ndafumana uyolo endiludingayo ngalo mzuzu, ndalibala iintlungu ngaphakathi kumphefumlo wam. Ndifuna ukuziva le nto isemthethweni ngalo lonke ixesha. ”
Emva kweminyaka emibini, izinto azithandayo zaya kwi-BDSM: “Ndide ndafunda ukuzibophelela kum kunye nokuphulula amalungu esini ngokuphathwa ngesandla. Ndizisole ngendlela ebuhlungu eyandonwabisa kakhulu. Ngelixa wafikelela kwiforum engaziwa yenkxaso, wathi waziva enetyala elikhulu kwaye eneentloni kuba iminqweno yakhe yesini yayichasene nokholo lwayo. Isizathu sokuba, njengam, athethe malunga nala mava kukuzama ukulwa nehlazo kunye nokuziphatha, kuba oko kuyasebenza kuphela yokuphelisa incoko nokufunda.
Ndiyaqonda ngemiphumo emibi ethe rhoqo yokusebenzisa i-porn. Kodwa ukuphulula amalungu esini yinto yemvelo eyenziwa ngamadoda nabafazi, ndiye ndafuna ukwazi ukuba kutheni abantu abaninzi beyeka bobabini. Uhambo luka-Oghosa lwalunxulumene kakhulu neenkolelo zakhe zonqulo. NjengomKristu, uthe "uyayiqonda kwaye uyayibona into ethethwa yiBhayibhile ngokuphulula amalungu esini".
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, u-Alana unezizathu ezingahambelani nezinto zokomoya kwimeko yesiqhelo. “Ndicinga ukuba ihla nje ngesizathu sokuba uphulukane. Kum, bendiqhele ukuphulula amalungu esini njengendlela yokubaleka iingxaki zam, ”uyacacisa. "Kwakhona, kuthiwa kukho umjikelezo we-dopamine ofanayo kwingqondo yakho xa uthatha naliphi na iyeza elinzima kulo xa ugqiba. Ke kwiiveki ezimbini ezilandela lo mzobo, uhlala kwisiphene sedopamine, utshilo u-Alana, ecaphula ezinye zezifundo Uphanda. Okokugqibela, kwaye le yinto endinokunxibelelana nayo, uthi ukuyeka ukuphulula amalungu esini kunokuwenza usondelelene neqabane lakho ngakumbi nangomdla.
Urhulumente wase-UK uzame ukuzisa isithintelo kwi-porn yabangaphantsi kweminyaka eli-18 kaJulayi, kodwa ulibazisekile. Inkqubo yokungqinisisa yobudala abafuna ukuyingenisa ngokulula ijikelezwe ngemizuzu kuba yi-intanethi kwaye i-UK kukude ukusuka ekubeni ukwazi ukuyiphumelela. Ukuthintela iphonografi kuthintela incoko kwaye kwandise ukubanjezelwa. Ibhatala inkonzo yomlomo kwimicimbi abajongana nayo abantu abancinci ngokutsala ikhethini ngaphezulu kwayo (ephakanyiswa lula kuye nabani na one-VPN), endaweni yokufundisa abantwana indlela yokucinga ngokunzulu malunga nezinto abaza kuzibona.
“Ukuyekisa into kufana nokubeka ibhandethi kuyo. Ayisiyongxaki eyona nto ibangela ukuba abantu bafune ukuyibona kwasekuqaleni, ”ucacisa uAlana. Uthe umnqweno wethu wokubukela iphonografi ayisiyonto ifanelekileyo, kodwa ukuba "iphonografi iphawula isidingo somntu sonke esinaso, ngumnqweno wonxibelelwano, uthando, ukusondelelana kunye nezesondo". Uqhubeka athi: "Kufana nokuba unikiwe ukuba wanelisekile kwaye, emva kwexesha kunokuba yinto entle yokwabelana ngesondo kunye nokuqonda kwakho ngendlela emnyama."
Kukho amakhulu amawaka abantu abavela kwihlabathi liphela abasokolayo kwimikhwa yabo yesini kwaye baxela iziphumo zenguqu emva kokuyeka iphonografi kunye nokuziphulula amalungu esini. Ukusuka kokuthetha nabo benze i-NoFap, kubonakala ngathi ukuphulula amalungu esini kuya kuba yimpilo xa kungenakuthelekiswa nanto kwi-porn. Ngoku ndiyazi ininzi yabasetyhini abafunde le ndlela, nangona ndandineminyaka eli-16 ubudala ndicinga ukuba wayeyedwa.