Ndizibekele umceli mngeni weentsuku ezilikhulu kuba bendonele kukoyika. Ndivuka yonke imihla kwaye bendikhubazekile luloyiko. Ndiphulukene nolawulo lobomi bam. Bendingazi ukuba iimpembelelo zam zizakundikhokelela phi ngokulandelayo.
Ingqondo yam yayiliqabane elibi lokuhamba elinokundiphanga ngomzuzwana nje. Ndaziva ndingenathemba.
Ndaqala ukuhlaziya i-masturbating xa ndandineminyaka elishumi elinanye kwaye kwakungumlutha ngokukhawuleza. Ngokukhawuleza, ndaqala ukuyisebenzisa njengendlela yokuvala inyani kunye nokuphepha imiceli mngeni. Ukuba usapho lwam kunye nam sasiseseholideyini, bendiya kuhlala ngasemva kwigumbi lehotele, ndiphume endaweni yokuzihlaziya kunye nokuhlola. Yipatheni eyahlala endaweni yayo kwada kwalixesha leentsuku ezilikhulu ezidlulileyo. Ngoku ndinamashumi amabini anesibhozo.
Ke zeziphi izibonelelo endizifumeneyo, ndingenawo umqolo wokubaleka? Ewe, akukho mandla aphezulu. Kodwa ndiziva ndingcono, ndingumntu ngakumbi kwaye ndiphelele. Iingxaki azisabonakali zingenakoyiswa. Ubomi bunzima kodwa ndiyakwazi ukubuphatha. Uloyiko / paranoia / ixhala liyaphela. Emva kwenyanga yokuqala, ndafumana ulwaneliseko lokwenene kunye nokuzithemba okuzolileyo. Andikwazi ukukuxelela ukuba kumnandi kangakanani ukuziva ukhululekile.
Ndiva ukuba ubuntu bam buyabuya, kancinci kodwa ngokuthe chu. Ndiyayiva intlungu, ndingafunda kuyo kwaye ndingafumana ulwalathiso kuyo. Ndifumana kwakhona isazisi sam. Kukhululekile ukushiya ngasemva ubukho obuqhekekileyo kwaye uphile njengomntu omnye endaweni ezimbini. Kungexesha. Ndizimisele ukuqhubeka nobomi be-nofap ukusukela ngoku. Ukuba ndiphila iminyaka engamashumi alithoba ubudala, ndicimile ngokwaneleyo.
Uya kufunda okuninzi kule forum malunga iimvakalelo zikhukuliseka zonke ngaxeshanye. Yinyani. Ndiye ndafumana ukutshintsha kwemozulu kunye nokucaphuka. Usizi lunokufika ngaphandle kwesilumkiso. Ngamanye amaxesha bendifuna ukukhala emsebenzini. Ndakha ndanesiphene ngokuzenzekelayo ngelixa ndisitya isidlo sangokuhlwa- ukuqonda into endilahlekileyo kuye kwandibetha kwaye ndiqhubeka ndiphinda-phinda, "Inkunkuma, inkunkuma enkulu." Ukubukela iifilimu kuncede ukugcina iimvakalelo zam zijongiwe. Ndijonge i-Shawshank Redemption okwethutyana elidlulileyo- bendingayiboni kudala kwaye ndaqala ukukhala kakhulu kwasekuqaleni; izitya ezinkulu zamathumbu ezazishukumisa amagxa am. Kwakuyi-cathartic.
Ukuqhawula lo mkhwa kuyeyona nto inzima endakha ndayenza. Ukuphuma kwi-porn trance, ndajonga ngeenxa zonke kwaye ndabona ukungakhathalelwa okuninzi. Bendihlala kwilizwe lamaphupha emanzi, ubukumkani be-wank, kwaye ndiyeke ubomi bam bokwenyani baba yingcibi. Ngamanye amaxesha kuye kwababuhlungu kakhulu ukuhlala naloo nyani kunye nokuhlala kwinyani yesiqhelo endiyenzileyo kule minyaka ilishumi elinesixhenxe idlulileyo. Lonke ulwalamano lwam lobuqu luye lwasokola. Ndisebenza kumvuzo ophantsi kakhulu kwaye ndikrwela irente kunye ngumzabalazo wenyanga. Ndinamabhongo kodwa akukho nto ndiyenzileyo ukuze ndiwaqonde. Ixesha elizayo liya kubandakanya ukwakha kwakhona into endiyishiye inkunkuma. Alikaze lihambe ixesha.
Ndibeka iinjongo ezininzi kwiintsuku ezilikhulu ezizayo. Ndifuna ukuphinda ndenze ubudlelwane kunye nabahlobo bam kunye nosapho, ndenze umsebenzi onentsingiselo, kwaye ndilahle eminye imikhwa emibi. I-Escapism isabuchaza ubomi bam ubukhulu becala. Ndiyaziphepha iimeko zentlalo. Ndizinkcinkca ngotywala. Ndichitha ixesha elininzi ndisakha uluhlu lokudlala - ndikwenza oku ngendlela enganyanzelekanga. Ubomi busenzima. Umahluko ngoku kukuba ndiyakwazi ukujongana nawo. Andizukubaleka. Umlutha we-masturbation wawuyidomino yokuqala.
Xa ndandisesikolweni, utitshala wobugcisa wandifundisa isifundo esibalulekileyo. Waphakamisa umfanekiso weapile. "Yintoni lento?" Ubuze. “Yiapile,” ndatsho. "Ayilunganga," watsho. Ngumfanekiso weapile. ” Maqabane e-fapstronauts, akukho ngcebiso zininzi ndinokukunika zona, wonke umntu olapha ufuna ukufumana eyakhe indlela kwaye enze lo mngeni ngendlela yabo. Yonke into endiza kuyithetha yile. Zivuze. Zilungiselele. Musa ukoyika iintlungu. Kwaye khumbula, ayingomfazi, ngumfanekiso womfazi.
LINK - Ubukumkani baseWank-Ingxelo yeentsuku ezili-100
by IWardLittell
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