- Zimavomerezedwa kuti azimayi amaonera zolaula koma ena zimawavuta kusiya
- Osachepera mmodzi pa atatu omwe akupita ku malo owonetsa zolaula amawerengedwa kukhala azimayi
- Zithunzi zosaganizira za kugonana zingawononge moyo wa chikondi cha amai
Emma Turner wakhala ali mwana wabwino kwambiri. Akuti, "Mtsikana wabwino", adapindula mphoto za maphunziro ake pa sukulu yake asanayambe kuvotera mtsogoleri wa mutu wachisanu ndi chimodzi.
Tsopano pamene adayang'anizana ndi yunivesite yake, akuvutika kuti aganize kuti padziko lapansi akufuna kufotokoza izi kwa makolo ake onyada. Anatsala pang'ono 'kutumidwa', mwachitsanzo, adathamangitsidwa.
Chifukwa chake? Nthawi yayitali, Emma anali atayang'anitsitsa pang'onopang'ono pamapepala omwe akulemba pa webusaiti iliyonse yomwe adawachezera pa laputopu yake m'mabwalo ake okhala kuyambira kumayambiriro kwa chaka.
Anapanga mapepala khumi a A4, ndipo apo, omwe anawonekera mu khola lalanje, anali malo oonera zolaula omwe iye ankawachezera. Emma, tsopano 24, makanda akukumbutsa kuti: 'Ndagwidwa m'manja ofiira ndi dipatimenti ya IT. Tsopano zonse zomwe ndinkafuna zinali kuti nthaka imandidye.
'Sindinazindikirepo maola amene ndakhala ndikuyang'ana pa zolaula. Tsopano, apa panali umboni patsogolo panga. Ndikadabwa kwambiri, ndikhoza kutenga theka ndikukumva kuti ndikugwirizanitsa ndi nyumba yanga yomwe sindinagwiritse ntchito makompyuta a yunivesite kuti ndigwiritse ntchito kapena kukopera zolaula.
'Ndiye monga momwe ndikuyembekezera kumva mau akundiuza kuti ndatuluka, Warden anati: "Inde, tikudziwa kuti siinu. Kodi mumadziwa momwe amodzi mwa ophunzira aamuna angakhale ndi zolemba zanu? Mukuzindikira kuti ndiloletsedwa kugawana nawo, sichoncho? "'
Ngakhale Emma sakanakhulupirira kuti ali ndi mwayi wochotsa njuchi, amatsimikizira mantha ake omwe amamuchititsa mantha kwambiri: ayenera kukhala ndi vuto linalake ndi iye, chifukwa amayi sachita zolaula, amatero? Amuna amachita. Komabe apa iye anali, osakhoza kupita nthawi yoposa tsiku popanda izo.
Komabe, ngakhale kuti zolaula zimawoneka ngati vuto lachimuna, Emma sakhala yekha.
Ngakhale kuvomerezedwa kuti amai amaonera zolaula - osachepera mmodzi mwa alendo atatu kumalo oterewa amawerengedwa kukhala azimayi - sadziwa kuti ena amavutika kuti asiye.
Ndipo chokhumudwitsa ndi chakuti, monga anthu, kukhala ndi ziwonetsero zonyansa komanso zowononga za kugonana zingawononge moyo wa chikondi cha amayi, kuzisiya kukhala opanda kanthu, osapatsidwa mphamvu.
Koma tsopano, zaka zisanu ndi chimodzi pambuyo poti asochera ntchito yake yunivesite, kodi Emma, yemwe amagwira ntchito pa TV, amatha kuona zotsatira za zolaula pa moyo wake.
Analeredwa ndi ana aamuna atatu m'banjamo, chidwi chake chidakwera panthawi yomwe adasokoneza zolaula pofufuza zojambulajambula pamene anali 15 - komabe makamaka pamene adakokera buku la makumi asanu la Shades Of Gray.
'Ndinapeza ndekha ndikufotokozera za kugonana ndipo ndinayamba kufufuza pa intaneti. Mpaka nthawi imeneyo, ndimaganiza kuti zolaula ndi anyamata achichepere omwe amagwiritsidwa ntchito.
'Palibe amene akanandidandaula ine chifukwa ndinali nsapato zabwino kwambiri.'
Atapita ku yunivesite kuti akaphunzire zinenero, kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula za Emma kunakhala chizoloŵezi. 'Ndilibenso makolo oti ndibisale, ndipo ndikakhomo pakhomo langa, ndimatha kuliyang'ana nthawi zonse monga momwe ndinkafunira,' akuvomereza.
'Choncho ndinayamba kuyang'anitsitsa pamene ndadzuka, usiku kuti andithandize kugona ndiwiri kapena katatu patsiku.
'Mayesero anali nthawi zonse chifukwa cha laputopu yanga. Zinali ngati kuyesa kudziletsa ndekha mankhwala osokoneza bongo patsogolo panga. '
Zoonadi, zikuwoneka kuti akazi amachitanso chimodzimodzi ndikuwonetsa zojambula zolimba monga amuna, malinga ndi Gary Wilson, wolemba za Ubongo Wanu pa Porn. 'Chinthu chofunikira ndi chakuti machitidwe opatsa mphotho yamwamuna ndi wamkazi angathe kuyambitsidwa ndi zolaula.
Chifukwa chakuti kugonana kumatulutsa mwapamwamba kwambiri mankhwala a dopamine ndi opioids - kuthekera kwa chiwerewere, kapena kuledzera, ndizotheka kwa amuna ndi akazi onse. Ndipo zikuwonekeratu kuti amayi akhoza kukhala ndi chiopsezo chachikulu kuposa amuna oledzera.
Izi ndichifukwa chakuti, monga amayi omwe adagawana zomwe adawachitikira ndi Wilson adanena kuti, safunikira nthawi yowonongeka pambuyo pa kutha kwa amuna. Chotsatira chake, akazi adanena kuti akupita ku 'mapiko a zolaula'.
Koma adokotala ena atamva kuti atsikana amawopa kuti amawopseza, ena monga Emma adapeza kuti akuwoneka kuti akugonana.
'Ndataya ubale wanga kwa chibwenzi pamaso pa yunivesite koma nditayamba kuyang'ana zolaula zambiri zinkangogonana ndikugona usiku umodzi. Kugonana kunakhala ngati ndikujambula filimu yanga yolaula m'maganizo mwanga ndipo ndinaganiza kuti ndikudziwa bwino zoyenera kuchita. '
Komabe, zomwe poyamba zinkawoneka kuti zimamasulidwa, zinayamba kudzimva chisoni, akuti Emma. 'Amunawo ankakonda kuti ine ndinali mmwamba chifukwa cha zinthu zonse zomwe adaziwona. Kwa ine, patatha chaka chimodzi kapena zoposa, zachilendozo zinavala.
'Ndinazindikira kuti ndili pano, mtsikana wophunzira, ndikudzipereka kuti ndikhale ngati mfulu monga nyenyezi zolipira omwe adalipira, kapena kukakamizidwa, kuti azidziyesa kuti amasangalala nazo.'
Zoonadi, kusiyana kwakukulu momwe abambo ndi amai amagwiritsira ntchito zolaula kumawoneka ngati momwe amai amamvera pambuyo pake.
Malingana ndi wogwira ntchito zachipatala ndi abusa a mpingo, Karin Cooke, yemwe adayankhula ndi atsikana omwe ali ngati Emma chifukwa cha buku lake, Kuonamtima Kowopsya: Nkhani Za Akazi Othawa Mphamvu Yowonongeka ya Zithunzi Zolaula, ambiri amamva chisoni chifukwa akuganiza kuti akulimbana ndi zolaula okha.
Karin akuti: 'Ndi nkhani yovuta. Njira imodzi yomwe zolaula zimakankhira akazi ndikuti amadziona kuti ali okhaokha ndipo amamva kuti alibe wina woti azilankhula naye. Zingayambe kugonjetsa malingaliro awo chifukwa amakhala ndi mantha omwe adzawonekere.
'Ndalankhulana ndi azimayi odziwa ntchito, monga aphunzitsi, omwe sankatha kugona usiku popanda kukonza. Ngakhale atayesa kuziyika m'maganizo awo, mafano osafunika omwe awona akupitirirabe kumutu. '
Mmodzi mwa akazi a Karin omwe adafunsidwa m'buku lake anali Sophia Thomas, mtsogoleri wa polojekiti wa 30 yemwe amakhala ku Midlands, amenenso anayamba kuyang'ana zolaula ku yunivesite.
Chimene chinayamba monga zosangalatsa chinakhala chizolowezi chomwe chinakhala chovuta kuti chiphwanye pamene iye amatha kuyang'ana izo kasanu ndi kawiri patsiku. Sophia akunena kuti inali njira yeniyeni yothetsera chiwonongeko, ndipo mopanda malire, chinachake chimene akanakhoza kuchilamulira pamene 'china chirichonse chinali pazinthu zonse.' Komano izo zinayamba kukhudza moyo wake weniweni wa kugonana.
Sophia anati: 'Ndinafunika kuonera zolaula zosiyanasiyana mobwerezabwereza. Ndinayamba kunjenjemera ndipo ndinkakhumudwa ngati sindingathe kuchita nawo nthawi zonse. "
Pamene adapeza chibwenzi chake akugwiritsanso ntchito zolaula pa kompyuta yake, sanadandaule koma adamasulidwa. Panali kusiyana kwakukulu pa momwe izi zinakhudzira iwo, komabe: 'Pamene ndinali wokwanira, posakhalitsa anandigona kwambiri.'
Ndi pamene adagwiritsa ntchito mayeso a pa intaneti, omwe adafunsa mafunso ngati akugwiritsa ntchito mfundo zotere kuti athetse maganizo ake, kuti Sophia adziwe kuti ali ndi vuto ndipo adalowa gulu lothandizira amayi.
Iye anati, "Sindinasangalale kapena kusangalala," akutero. 'Sizinali zabwino kuona chizoloŵezi changa cha chomwe chinali.'
Karin akuti Sophia anali wodetsedwa kwambiri, yemwe adakopeka ndi chidwi, koma kenaka amadzimvera chisoni. 'Porn zimapereka kuthawa, kugunda mwamsanga kwachisangalalo kuti athetse mavuto aliwonse ndi zosokoneza moyo. Kawirikawiri imayamba ngati njira yopewera, mwina chifukwa cha kulephera, kuvutika maganizo, kusungulumwa, nkhawa ndi kukhumudwa.
'Koma ndithudi atatha kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula, mavutowa sanapite, ndipo tsopano pamwamba pazochita nawo, akazi akuchitanso manyazi, kudziimba mlandu komanso kusasangalala. Ndipo amakhalanso ndi zolaula. ' Koma mlangizi wa maganizo okhudzana ndi kugonana pakati pa azimayi, Krystal Woodbridge, wa College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists, akutsutsa kuti, akagwiritsidwa ntchito mopitirira malire komanso mu ubale wachikondi, zolaula zingathandizire amayi ena.
'Kwa ena, zimalimbikitsa ubwenzi wawo ndi anzawo. Mabanja ena amasangalala ndi zomwe angathe kuchita pamodzi, "anatero Krystal, yemwe ali ku St Albans, ku Hertfordshire.
Komabe, kwa omwe alibe chitetezo chofanana, zolaula zingakhale zowononga komanso zoopsa, kuphunzitsa atsikana omwe ali pachiopsezo kuti azichita mosaganizira ndi zomwe akuwona pazenera.
Mu phunziro lina la maphunziro, anapeza kuti pafupifupi 90 peresenti ya masewero ena a 304 amasonyeza kuti 'akukwiyitsa thupi, kumenyedwa, kukwapula, ndi kukwapula,' pamene theka liri ndi "mawu achipongwe, makamaka kuyitana" kwa amayi.
Chomwe chimasokoneza makamaka mukaganizira m'mene posachedwapa Sweden anapeza kuti, monga anyamata, asungwana aang'ono tsopano akugwiritsa ntchito zolaula monga chiyambi chawo cha maphunziro a kugonana. Iwo adapeza gawo limodzi mwa magawo atatu aliwonse a 16 a zaka zochepera pa webusaitiyi, 43 peresenti potsanzira zomwe adawona, pamene 39 peresenti adawayesa.
Zimatanthawuza kuti zochita zachiwerewere ndi zachiwawa zakhala zachizoloŵezi, pokhapokha ngati pali zizindikiro zowonongeka, monga kupsompsona.
Angela Clifton, wogonana ndi wogonana ndi azimayi ku Nottingham University Mzipatala NHS Trust, adati akazi ambiri sakupeza chikondi chomwe akuyenera: 'Chimene sichikukhudza chikondi, kunyoza, kudzikonda, kusisita, kusokoneza kapena kutengeka. Kawirikawiri atsikana amapanga zinthu kuti amusangalatse. Ndizochepa zokhudza zosangalatsa zawo komanso zambiri zokhudza anyamata akuti: "Ngati mumandikonda, mudzachita zinthu izi." M'kupita kwa nthawi, ndikuganiza kuti izi zidzakhala ndi zotsatirapo za m'maganizo. Akazi amatha kumverera ngati akugwiritsidwa ntchito. '
Pulofesa wa zaumulungu Gail Dines, wa koleji ya Boston Wheelock, akunena kuti atsikana ambiri omwe amaonera zachiwerewere amawonekeratu, kukakamizidwa kumakhala mbali ya maubwenzi awo. Pulofesa Dines, wolemba mabuku wa Pornland, akuti: 'Ngati atsikana akuyang'anitsitsa kuyambira ali aang'ono, lingaliro lawo loti kugonana ndibwino kugonana kumasintha. Amayi amodzi amavomereza kugwiriridwa kwa amuna ngati zachilendo.
'Zotsatira zake n'zakuti amayi sachita zachiwerewere kapena kumasulidwa. Amakhala otsegula kwambiri kugonana ndi zolaula zomwe sapeza chisangalalo pobwezera. Zimakhala zonse zokondweretsa munthuyo.
Kwa atsikana ndi atsikana, izi zingachititse kuti munthu asamangodzimva chisoni. Pali maubwenzi ochepa, ndipo zambiri "kugonana" kumawasiya kukhala ovuta komanso ovutika maganizo. '
Inde, malinga ndi kafukufuku wina wa NSPCC, womwe unatsogoleredwa ndi ofufuza a ku Universities ya Bristol ndi Central Lancashire, ochuluka a 40 peresenti ya 13 kwa atsikana a zaka zapakati pa 17 ku England adanena kuti akhala akukakamizika kuchita zogonana.
Ndalama zaumunthu zoyesera kukhala ndi "zolaula" zimakhala zoonekeratu mukamayankhula ndi atsikana monga Philippa Bates, wophunzira wazaka za 20 wa ku Bournemouth.
Pamene adayamba chibwenzi ndi bwenzi lake lomaliza, adayamba kujambula zithunzi zachipatala m'chipinda chogonana ponena kuti zikanawapatsa maganizo. Koma posakhalitsa chibwenzi chake chinali kuyang'ana chinsalu kuposa iye.
'Izo sizinandipangitse ine kumverera kuti ndikhazikika. Ndinangoyerekeza ndekha kwa amayi omwe ali pawindo.
'Zakafika poti ndimamva ngati ndikanakhala munthu aliyense. Ndinayamba kudzimva kuti ndine woipa. '
Ndimadzimva kuti chilichonse chimene ndachichita kwa chibwenzi changa sichingakhale chokwanira chifukwa akungogula zinthu zoopsa kwambiri. '
Kafukufuku apeza kuti atsikana omwe akugonjetsedwa ndi kugonana amadzibwezera okha mkwiyo wawo.
Kafukufuku wochokera ku Dipatimenti ya Psychiatry ndi Psychology ku Mayo Clinic ku US, anapeza kuti amayi omwe amaumirizidwa mobwerezabwereza kugonana amakhala "oposa awiri kapena anayi kuti athe kukhala ndi zizindikiro zowonongeka, kuvutika maganizo, komanso kugwiritsira ntchito mankhwala kusiyana ndi omwe adakumana nawo chochitika chimodzi chokha. '
Popeza adachoka ku yunivesite zaka ziwiri zapitazo, Emma wakhala wosakwatiwa ndipo akukonzekera kukhalabe mpaka atapeza ubale weniweni womwe kugonana sikungokhala ntchito.
Ngakhale kuti akuchitabe manyazi ndi gawolo la moyo wake, manyazi adutsa pomwe Emma akudziwa kuti siyekha.
'Ndinamva kuti ndine wolephera. Tsopano ndizotsitsimula kuona akazi ena akubwera kudzanena kuti: "Ndakhala ndikubwera kuchokera kumalo komweko." '
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