Ndi Richard Simmons III – Sep 27, 2016 – Kukula kwa Ukwati Ubale
Pali mkazi yemwe anandiuza nkhani ya banja lomwe iye adadziŵa yekha. Iwo anali atangokwatira kumene, anamwali onse pa tsiku laukwati wawo. Komabe, usiku woyamba waukwati wawo, mwamunayo sakanatha kugonana. Ankayikira mosapita m'mbali kuti wakhala akulowerera zolaula zaka zambiri. Kodi mungaganize kuti muli ndi chopinga chotere m'banja lanu tsiku loyamba monga mwamuna ndi mkazi? N'zachidziwikire kuti ukwati wa banjawo sunali pachiyambi pomwe iwo anali kuyembekezera.
M'nkhani ina, timapeza mtsogoleri wa zachinyamata dzina lake Christie Brinkley, omwe ambiri amaona kuti ndi amodzi mwa amayi okongola kwambiri padziko lonse lapansi ndipo amapezeka katatu pachivundikiro cha Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Peter Cook, yemwe ndi katswiri wa zomangamanga dzina lake Brinkley, yemwe anali ndi chizoloŵezi cha chiwerewere cha $ 3,000-month-month, chomwe chingakhale chosapangitsa mwanayo kukhala ndi chibwenzi. Cook anali wokwatiwa ndi mmodzi wa akazi okongola kwambiri padziko lapansi koma ankayang'ana pa zolaula kuti akwaniritse zilakolako zake zogonana, kuwononga banja lake.
Mphungu wodziwa bwino, wololera bwino posachedwa anandiuza ine kuti zolaula ndi gorilla ya 500-pounds mudziko loledzera. Iye anandiuza kuti ndi kosavuta kudzibisa kwa ena, ndizovuta kwambiri kugonjetsa, ndipo zingakhale ndi zotsatira zoopsa pa ubale wanu ndi moyo wanu wam'tsogolo wogonana. Achinyamata ambiri, ngakhalenso atsikana ena, amamaliza sukulu yapamwamba kwambiri yoonera zolaula. Tsopano tikuyamba kumvetsa momwe zolaula zimakhudzira ogwiritsira ntchito nthawi zonse, makamaka omwe akhala akuziwona kwa zaka zingapo.
Pali otsutsa omwe amanena kuti zolaula sizimakhudza anthu omwe amazidya, koma ndizoti anthu samakhudzidwa ndi zomwe akuwona. Makampani otsatsa malonda adzakuuzani mosangalala, mosakayika, kuti zomwe mukuwona zimalowa m'maganizo ndi mumtima mwanu, zimakhudzidwa kuti ndinu ndani ndi zomwe mumachita.
Akatswiri ophunzitsa za kugonana ndi aphunzitsi Wendy ndi Larry Maltz ndi omwe analemba buku lolembedwa bwino, “ The Porn Trap .” Zolembazo zimafotokoza momwe anthu amadabwira akangomva koyamba za mphamvu yowononga ya zolaula. Ambiri amaona kuti ndi zosangalatsa zopanda vuto; si mankhwala osokoneza bongo, chakumwa choledzeretsa kapena ngakhale kugonana kwenikweni. Ndiye, zingatheke bwanji kuwononga chonchi? A Maltzes anena motere:
Zoonadi, kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula kungakupangitseni inu akhungu kwambiri-osayang'ana mphamvu ndi mphamvu zomwe zingathe kukhala nazo pa moyo wanu.
Zithunzi zolaula zimakhudza kwambiri kapangidwe ka ubongo. Zimathandizira gawo la ubongo, lotchedwa " hedonic highway ," pomwe dopamine ya mankhwala imatulutsidwa munthu akangoyamba kugonana. Zithunzi zolaula zimayambitsa kuchuluka kwakukulu kwa dopamine mu ubongo. Ofufuza ambiri amakhulupirira kuti kuchuluka kwakukulu kwa dopamine komwe kumachitika chifukwa choonera zolaula ndikofanana ndi kuchuluka kwa munthu amene amamwa kwambiri akamwa mankhwala osokoneza bongo.
Maltzes akuwonjezeranso kuti:
Mphamvu zazing'ono zomwe zimapangitsa munthu kukhala wosangalala, kumasuka ndi kuthaŵa ululu zimapangitsa kuti azisokoneza kwambiri. M'kupita kwa nthawi mungathe kudalira kuti muzimva bwino ndikufunikira kuti musamve bwino. Kulakalaka, kukhudzidwa ndi khalidwe lopanda kudziletsa pogwiritsa ntchito lingakhale lofala. Kugonana kogonana kungakhale chinthu chofunika kwambiri. Ngati mwakhala mukugwiritsira ntchito zolaula nthawi zonse kuti mukhale "okwera," kuonera zolaula kungakhale kosautsa, kusokonezeka maganizo komanso kusowa tulo, monga kuchotsa mowa, cocaine ndi mankhwala osokoneza bongo. Ndipotu, anthu omwe amaonera zolaula amatha miyezi yambiri ya 18 kuchiritsa kuwonongeka kwa mapepala awo ovomerezeka okha.
Zithunzi zolaula zimapatsa munthu mosavuta kuthawa moyo weniweni komanso ululu wake wonse, koma umayambitsa mitundu yonse ya mavuto, ndipo zambiri zimayambitsa pang'onopang'ono, kotero simukuziwona zikubwera mpaka zitakhala zovuta. Chotsatira choopsa kwambiri ndi chakuti chimayambitsa chilakolako cha kugonana ndi mavuto ogwira ntchito, ndipo nthawi zambiri zimapanga zofuna za kugonana m'njira zowonongeka.
Nkhani ya Naomi Wolf yolembedwa ndi magazini ya ku New York, “ Nkhani Yokhudza Zolaula ,” yalemba izi:
Mungaganize kuti zolaula zingapangitse amuna kukhala zirombo. M'malo mwake, kuonongeka kwa zolaula kumayambitsa kufala kwa abambo poyerekeza ndi akazi enieni, ndi amuna otsogolera kuti awone akazi ochepa ndi ochepa monga zolaula. Azimayi sayenera kukakamiza amuna ochita zachiwerewere, koma akuvutika kuti asunge chidwi chawo.
Dr. Ursula Ofman, wofufuza zachipatala wa Manhattan, wawona anyamata ambiri akubwera kuti akambirane za nkhani zawo zolaula.
Icho chiri chofikirika kwambiri, ndipo tsopano, ndi zinthu monga kusuntha kanema ndi ma webusaiti, anyamata akuyambanso kukakamizidwa. Chodabwitsa kwambiri n'chakuti chimakhudza kwambiri maubwenzi ndi amayi. Ndakhala ndikuwona anyamata ena posachedwapa omwe sangathe kudzutsidwa ndi amayi, koma alibe vuto lochita nawo intaneti.
Mtolankhani Pamela Paul, m'buku lake lofufuzidwa bwino, " Zolaula ," akuti:
Pamene amuna ena amayesa kusunga zolaula ndi kugonana kwenikweni pamutu pawo, si zophweka; zolaula zimalowa mkati, nthawizina mwa njira zosadziwika. Kuwombera kukhoza kukhoza kumayambitsa mavuto a kugonana, monga kusowa mphamvu kapena kuchedwa kuthamangitsidwa.
Wothandizira kugonana ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Aline Zoldbrod amakhulupirira kuti anyamata ochulukirapo ambiri akuyenera kukhala okonda kwambiri chifukwa cha zolaula. Amuna ambiri amalingalira kuti amayi adzawayankha monga momwe nyenyezi zolaula zimachitira m'mavidiyo. Zoldbrod akunena kuti ali ndi chidziwitso chodzidzimutsa ndipo adzapanga okonda kwambiri chifukwa sakudziwa momwe angagwirizane ndi mkazi weniweni.
M'buku lake lakuti “ What Are You Waiting For?, ” Dannah Gresh akufotokoza mfundo yolakwika yomwe achinyamata ambiri amakhala nayo yokhudza zolaula: chikhulupiriro chakuti mavuto awo ndi zolaula zidzatha akakwatirana. Atsikana omwe akazi awo amakonda zolaula amakhulupirira kuti ndi zoona. Gresh akuti ili ndi funso loyamba lomwe amafunsa achinyamata.
"Koma, kukopa zolaula sizimathetsedwe ndi kugonana m'banja," Gresh akuwonjezera, "chifukwa zolaula sizikugwirizana ndi chikondi chenicheni ndi kugonana kwenikweni. Ndizoonama ngati chinyengo. "
Mwachidule, wolemba Nate Larkin amatsimikizira kuti zolaula zimawononga maubwenzi onse pakati pa abambo ndi amai chifukwa chikhumbo chimapha chikondi. Pano pali gawo lofotokozera la Larkin:
Chikondi chimapereka; Chilakolako chimatenga. Chikondi chimamuwona munthu; kukhumba kumawona thupi. Chikondi chiri pa inu; Chilakolako chiri pafupi ndi ine ndi kukondweretsa kwanga. Chikondi chimafuna ... amadziwa ... kulemekeza. Chilakolako sichinasamalire.
Mfundo yaikulu ndi iyi: Zolaula zimakhutiritsa chilakolako, osati chikondi . Chilakolako chimakhudza ine ndi kukhutitsidwa kwanga. Pamapeto pake, zolaula zimawononga maubwenzi ndi chikondi . Zotsatira zake zimatha kukhala zoopsa kwambiri.
(Ngati ndinu kholo lachinyamata, ndikufuna kuti mudziwe kuti mwina amawonera mavidiyo olaula pa smartphone yawo ndikukulimbikitsani kuti mukhale ogwirizana kwambiri ndi ana anu ndikutsutsa makolo kuti ayese mantha mu moyo wa ana awo mwa kupitiriza kugawana nawo nawo mtundu uwu wa kuphunzitsa.)