Jonathan Porter, 48, wowerengera ndalama
Pamene ndinali wachinyamata m'zaka za makumi asanu ndi atatu, ndinayang'ana zolaula m'magazini monga Razzle ndi Fiesta izo sizinandibwerere ine konse. Zinkawoneka ngati zojambulajambula komanso zochititsa manyazi.
Ndinakulira kuganiza kuti zolaula n'zoipa komanso zimanyoza akazi. Izi zimandichititsa kugonana.
Ndiye ku yunivesite ndinali ndi chibwenzi changa choyamba kwambiri. Ndinadabwa pamene anandiuza kuti amaonera zithunzi zolaula kuti adzidzimve yekha. Iye anali munthu woyamba kundiuza kuti ngati iwe ukuitcha kuti kukopa ndiye kuti mwadzidzidzi umakhala pakati pa gulu ndi OK. Iye anali kulondola. Anali ndi kanema kanema kanema ka mafilimu osiyanasiyana ndipo izi zinagwira ntchito.
Komabe, pamene ndinakwatira mkazi wanga sankangoganizirapo kanthu. Panthawiyo inali nthawi ya intaneti. Ndikuganiza kuti anthu a ku America ndi a ku Russia adzipatsa dzina loipa kwambiri. Panali zambiri zomwe ndimazitcha kugonana zogonana; kuwopsya kwakukulu ndi mphamvu zopanda mphamvu.
Ndinamuwonetsa ntchito yapamwamba kwambiri. Mnzanga wodzinyenga ananditumizira kugwirizana kwa kanema komwe mkaziyo ali wokongola, kugonana ndi kosavuta ndipo onse awiri amasangalala. Mkazi wanga wakhala akuyang'anitsitsa ndi ine ndipo amavomereza kuti sizowopsya kwambiri.
Popanda kudziwa, zathandiza banja lathu. Ndili kutali ndikugwira ntchito ku London masiku atatu pa sabata. Ndimakonda mkazi wanga ndipo sindingatengeke kapena kugwiritsa ntchito hule. Ngati ndili wosungulumwa, ndikutembenukira ku kanema wanga kapena chimodzimodzi. N'zomvetsa chisoni kuti zolaula ndi zochitika zamakono zili ndi dzina loipa kwambiri. Tili ndi achinyamata awiri ndipo sindingathe kuwauza momwe ndikugwiritsira ntchito. Zolinga zamankhwala ndi kutumizirana zolaula zakhala zikuwatsogolera ku mibadwo yamdima ponena za kugonana.
Ndinawauza mwana wanga kuti ndikapeze chibwenzi cha ku Thailand chotsegula pa kompyuta yake. Linali lodzaza ndi zithunzi zochititsa mantha kwambiri. Achinyamatawa amawombera ndi zolaula zovuta kwambiri zomwe zili ndi uthenga wosokoneza komanso wovulaza. Kwenikweni, ndi amayi amene amachizidwa ngati nyama. Iwo amawongolera ndi kugwiritsidwa ntchito, kapena iwo amayamikira ndi osowa.
Zandichititsa kudzifunsa kuti: N'chifukwa chiyani m'badwo umenewu unayamba kuganizira za kugonana? Ndikuona kuti n'zosadabwitsa kuti palibe amene adalenga khalidwe labwino. Winawake akufunika kubwera limodzi ndi kulemekeza.
Stuart Smith, 27, wophunzira zamaganizo
Intaneti yothamanga kwambiri idafika pamene ndinali kutha msinkhu, ndipo ndinali ndi mwayi wopeza zolaula. Ine ndimakhoza kuyang'ana iyo kwa maora, mfulu; Ndikhoza kukhala ndi mavidiyo khumi akuwomba nthawi yomweyo. Iwe ukhoza kuwona asungwana chikwi amaliseche mu pafupi miniti.
Makolo anga anali chitsanzo chabwino cha ubale wabwino ndi wachikondi. Sindinasamalire pang'ono. Porn zinali zosangalatsa, zosangalatsa, zozizira. Anzanga onse anali mmenemo. Imeneyi inali gawo lalikulu la chikhalidwe chathu. Koma mukamagwiritsa ntchito tsiku lililonse, zidzakhudzidwa momwe mumaonera aliyense amene mukumukonda.
Ndinayamba kugonana pa 14. Nthawi yomweyo ndinayesa kuti abwenzi anga azichita zinthu zomwe ndaziwona pa kompyuta yanga. Zokambirana zomwe anzanga ndi ine tikanakhala nazo, pa 12, 13, sizinali zomwe zingakhoze kumpsompsona bwino, ndi amene adapereka bwino kwambiri kugonana.
Panalibe ubwenzi wapamtima komanso mgwirizano monga momwe ziyenera kukhalira. Kugonana kunali kozikidwa pazinthu. Sindinkachita zomwe ndinkafuna mwachibadwa, kapena zomwe iwo ankafuna mwachibadwa. Ine ndimatsanzira zomwe ine ndinaziwona. Pali malingaliro olakwika amene amamenya omwe akuwonetsa zolaula ali otayika. Koma ndinali wokondwa, wokondedwa, wodalirika komanso wokondana.
Makolo ndi osadziwa. Sizolakwa zawo. Kuonera zolaula pa Intaneti kunali chinthu chatsopano ndipo iwo adasocheretsedwa - alibe chidziwitso cha momwe angatetezere ana awo, momwe angawadziwitse. Icho chiyenera kusintha. Ndizosavuta kukumana ndi kholo lomwe layankhulana bwino ndi mwana wawo za zolaula.
Ndinkaganiza kuti zolaula zingandipangitse kukhala wodziwa zambiri, mulungu wamagonana. Ndinakhulupirira kuti mpaka ndili ndi 23 ndipo ndinayamba kugonana ndi mtsikana wokongola amene ndakhala naye pachibwenzi kwa miyezi ingapo. Tinayesa kugonana ndipo sindimamva kuti ndikukakamiza, ngakhale titayesa. Kotero ine ndinachita zomwe aliyense angachite - ine ndinapita ku Google.
Chiyeso chimodzi chinati mwana wamng'ono, wathanzi wathanzi ayenera kukhala wodzitama popanda zolaula. Ndinaganiza kuti: "Chabwino, sindinayesere izo zaka khumi." Sindinathe kupeza erection. Ndinabwerera kuchipinda changa, ndinayamba kujambula zolaula, ndipo nthawi yomweyo ndinakhala ndi erection. Ndinali ngati agalu a Pavlov. Ndabwereranso ubongo wanga kuti ndifunire mapixili pa anthu.
Epiphany imeneyo inali zaka zinayi zapitazo. Sindinayang'ane zithunzi zolaula kuyambira pano. Ndinali miyezi isanu ndi iwiri, yoopsya, yosautsa ine ndisanayambe kukondana ndi chibwenzi changa.
Iye ankalira ndipo ine ndimamuuza iye kuti sanali iyeyo. Ine sindinamuuze iye choonadi mpaka mtsogolo. Mtsikana akamva kuti ndi zolaula, amaganiza kuti: "Sindingapikisane ndi nyenyezi zolaula." Koma amuna omwe amawonerera zolaula sakuziwona chifukwa cha chidwi cha atsikanawo, akuziwona chifukwa akusowa zosowa ndi zoopsya .
Chibwenzi changa chinali chokongola kwambiri kuposa atsikana omwe ndinawawona. Koma mukakhala ndi wokondedwa weniweni, msinkhu wa ubongo wanu umagwiritsidwa ntchito ku zolaula siziripo.
Ndinali ndi mwayi kwambiri kuti bwenzi langa linkamuthandiza. Zinali kuthetsa ndi kulimbikitsa kutsegulira. Tili pamodzi.
Michael Hall, 52, mtsogoleri wa hotela
Ndinali ndi chizoloŵezi cha zolaula ndipo ndinataya mwayi wanga £ 50,000 pachaka chifukwa cha izo. Ndinagwidwa ndikuyang'ana kuntchito. Zonse za nthawi, mwayi ndi mwayi. Kumapeto kwa usiku, mkazi wagona, iwe ukadalibe. Kufufuza. Musanadziwe, ndi 3am.
Ndizovuta zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zosayenera. Ngakhale kumapeto kwa zaka makumi asanu ndi anayi kunali mafoni a foni, ndipo ndinayendetsa ndalama zopanda pake. Ndinauza mkazi wanga kuti: "Ndakhala wopusa kwambiri." Tinali ndi mzere, ndipo ndinati: "Sindidzachitanso." Ndipo sitinalankhule kwa masiku angapo.
Kwa anthu omwe amachira mowa, mankhwala osokoneza bongo kapena zolaula, zokambirana sizili zokhudzana ndi zakumwa ndi mankhwala osokoneza bongo, ndizo kumene mukupita ndi moyo wanu, zomwe mukuyesera kuzikwaniritsa, za ubale wanu. Mabowo mu zinthu zimenezi amadzazidwa ndi zakumwa, mankhwala osokoneza bongo kapena zolaula chifukwa muli okhumudwa, okwiya kapena osungulumwa. Zithunzi zolaula zimakhala zokwaniritsa zofunika pamoyo wanu.
Nditazindikira kuti zolaula ndizoledzeretsa, zinakhala zosavuta kuti ndizisamalira. Pa gulu langa lothandizira, aliyense amadandaula za akazi awo ndi abwenzi ake - amanditengera foni yanga, sakundikhulupirira. Mkazi wanga, yemwe ankamuthandizira, ankaganiza kuti: "Ndiwe wamkulu pa ubale umenewu. Inu simungakhoze nthawizonse kuchita monga chimodzi, koma ine sindikuchitirani inu ngati mwana, ndikuyang'anani pa inu. "
Kutanthauzira kwake koyambirira kwa khalidwe langa kunali: "Iye ndi chamanyazi, samandikonda, ndipo zonsezi zikuchitidwa kwa ine." Ife tadutsamo.
Zomwe zimakuchititsani kumangokupangitsani thupi komanso m'maganizo. Zingasinthe momwe mumayendera zogonana ndi momwe mukuganizira kugonana. Mkazi wanga akufuna kudziwa kuti tikugonana chifukwa ndimamukonda ndikumupeza wokongola. Pamene tigonana, ndizodabwitsa, koma ndi dziko lamakono, moyo wathu uli wotanganidwa kwambiri. Mumataya mtima ngati simukugwira ntchito. Porn sizikukhumudwitsa. Ndiko komweko, kukudikirirani.
Chikondwererocho ndi mbali yofufuza. Zonse zokhudzana ndi kupeza chinthu changwiro, chimene simumachita. Kotero mumapitiriza kufufuza.
Tsopano ndikukumana nawo kwambiri mu ubale wanga. Timathera nthawi yambiri pamodzi ndikupereka zambiri. Chinsinsi ndicho kuyesa kukhala woona mtima momwe tingathere. Kukanika sikuyenera kutonthozedwa, koma kukhululukidwa n'kofunika ngati mukufuna kuti ubale ukhalepo. Mukhoza kukhala ndi moyo wanu popanda chilichonse chikuphulika. Ndi pamene ife tiri.
George Harris, 35, kujambula zithunzi
Pali malo okuonetserako zolaula monga nthawi zina, koma mumadalira pomwe muli osungulumwa osati pamalo abwino.
Amuna adzaseka potsutsa maliseche - koma kuyang'ana zolaula kumawoneka ngati chizindikiro cha kufooka, kukhala wodandaula pang'ono. Ndizoyera, osati chinachake chimene mumadzitama. Ndizosautsa kwambiri, komabe, kumapatsa chidwi chophweka. Koma pamene ndimagwiritsa ntchito ndi mkazi wanga izo zinayambitsa visceral, osati kugonana. Kugonana kwa nthawi yaitali ndi mnzanuyo sikukamba za kugonana ndi zithunzi ndi zazikulu zazikulu. Ndizokhudza kugonana komwe kumakhala kosautsa komanso kovuta - chilichonse chomwe zithunzi zolaula sizili.
Ndinazindikira kuti ndikugwiritsa ntchito ndekha kuti ndisagwirizane ndi vuto la kusakhala pachibwenzi. Mukafika kumapeto kwa tsikulo, mukufuna kugonana, mnzanuyo samatero. Ndi zophweka kuti mupeze kanema yomwe hafu yachinyengo, imangotenga ndi kuyikwaniritsa.
Ndinakangana ndi mkazi wanga, ndikumuuza zakukhosi kwake, ndikumuuza zomwe ndinamva kuti ndachepetsedwa. Anakwiya kwambiri.
Anati kukopa thupi ndilo gawo lalikulu, ndipo pamene adayesetsa kwa ine, sindinali naye. Ndinakwiya ndipo ndinakhumudwa, ndipo zinanditengera miyezi kuti ndizindikire kuti anali wolondola. Ndinazindikira kuti pali mavuto amene ndinkakumana nawo, osati kuyembekezera.
Tim Woods, 50, injiniya
Mu zaka zisanu ndi zinayi ndinayandikana kwambiri ndikufunafuna malingaliro omwe angandichotsere mavuto anga.
Ndinali wovutika maganizo. Inu simungakhoze kuika dzina pa izi zopanda pake mkati. Pali chinachake chimene chikusowa, ndipo ziribe kanthu kuti mumayang'ana zolaula mochuluka bwanji, palibe chomwe chimadzaza. Pambuyo pake muli wolakwa, ndipo mukufuna kuthawa. Muli ndi njira yopulumukira ku zinthu, kotero mutsirizira.
Teknesi yamakono yandipatsa mwayi wopeza mafano amene ndapeza zosangalatsa; linalonjeza zinthu zodabwitsa. Ndipo zinakhala zosavuta komanso zosavuta.
Ndasudzulana. Ndinali ndi masomphenya a kukhala ndekha ndipo ndinaganiza kuti: "Ndabwera bwanji kuno?" Ndinadziwa bwino. Zithunzi ndi njira yanga yothandizira mantha, kuthana ndi maganizo. Kuthawa ku zomwe mumadana nazo pamoyo wanu.
Ndinakumana ndi wina ndipo ndinagwidwa ndi chikondi. Sindiyenera kukhala pafupi naye. Ndikanakhala ndi banja langa.
Ndicho chimene chinapha banja langa. Ndinachokapo pamutu panga. Mkazi wanga kapena ine sindinali wabwino pakulimbana ndi malingaliro. Kusamvana kwathu sikunathetsepo. Panali nthawi imene tinkagona, tinatembenukirana ndipo tinkagona. Ndimakumbukira kuti akunena kamodzi kuti amatha kudana kwambiri ndi ine. Osati zoona kwenikweni, koma ife tinali anthu awiri mnyumba imodzi, osati mu ubale womwewo.
Sitingathe kukambirana za kugonana; sitinathe kufufuza ndikuyesera. Iye analibe chidwi. Kotero ine ndinakwiya kwambiri ndipo ndikuimba mlandu. Sitinayambe kukambiranapo, chabwino, izi ndi zomwe ndikuganiza, izi ndi zomwe mukuganiza, tingawathandize motani? Ankapita "ayi" kapena ndikanati "Ndikufuna".
Ndinali ndi njira yotuluka yokonzekera ndi mkazi wina. Ine ndiyenera kuti ndifunse momwe ndinayesera nthawi imeneyo. Tonsefe tifunika kukondedwa, ndipo chikondi chimasonyezedwa momwe anthu amakuchitirani, mwaulemu omwe akukuthandizani. Ngati mukumva kuti mukukondedwa, ndipo muli paubwenzi wabwino, sindikuganiza kuti zingachitike kwa inu kuti zolaula zimakhala zosangalatsa pang'ono nthawi ndi nthawi.
Chifukwa chiyani anthu amagwiritsa ntchito zolaula - ndipo pamene zimakhala zovuta
Suzi Godson, a Times katswiri wa kugonana, amakhulupirira kuti zolaula ndizovuta ngati chizoloŵezi chimayamba kuika moyo ndi ubale. "Kwa anthu ambiri, zolaula ndi njira yothetsera mapeto," anatero Godson. "Ndi chida chotseweretsa maliseche. Zakhalapo nthawi zonse; Ndizomwezo tsopano zili mu mawonekedwe opindulitsa kwambiri.
"Ngati munthu akukhala pansi mu phunziro mpaka 3am ndikunyalanyaza mkazi weniweni ndi mwazi pabedi lake, ubalewo uli m'mavuto. Komabe, pali zoopsa zambiri. . . Anthu ambiri okwatirana amachita zolaula limodzi. "
Godson akunena kuti zomwe zimamukhudza ndizo "palibe amene akulankhula ndi achinyamata kuti zolaula siziimira kugonana kwenikweni. Chifukwa achinyamata amachita zachiwerewere, koma osati oyenerera kapena ogwirizana, sangathe kusiyanitsa malingaliro ndi zenizeni. "
Cynthia Fogoe, mlangizi komanso katswiri wa chizolowezi chogonana, akuti ubale wathanzi uyenera "kudalira, kugwirizanitsa komanso kukhala ndi mphamvu yogawana malingaliro. Zimaphatikizapo kukhala ndi udindo pazochita zanu. "Ngati pali kutalika maganizo, akuti, kudalira zolaula kumakhala kovuta. "Kusungulumwa kungakhale chifukwa chimene amuna ena amagwiritsa ntchito."
Ngati akukakamizidwa, ndiye kuti pali vuto lalikulu la maganizo. "Kuledzeretsa ndikutayika," akutero. "Amuna awa akugwiritsira ntchito kuti asamamve chisoni. Zingakhale zonyansa, koma zingakhale mkwiyo, kusungulumwa kapena nkhawa. Zithunzi zolaula zingakhale zotonthoza. "Amuna amenewa samadziwa momwe angapiririre zovuta.
cynthiafogoe.co.uk; rebootnation.org
Mayina onse asinthidwa
Nkhani yoyamba ndi Anna Maxted
Idasindikizidwa ku 12: 01AM, November 14 2015
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