Ngakhale zolaula zonsezi, tikhoza kukhala tikuyambanso kukondana. Posachedwapa ndapeza mnzanga wapamtima amene ndimamukonda chifukwa iye ndi wokhulupirika kwambiri. Monga mwachizoloŵezi, mowa wambiri, tinkakondana, tinkalankhula ndale ndikusunthira ku zakuya monga momwe mulili kwenikweni?
Yankho lake, mokondweretsa, tonsefe tinkaona kuti ndife osangalala, okhutira komanso othokoza, zomwe sizinali choncho nthawi zonse. Kwa mnzanga, panali nthawi yosasangalala zaka zapitazo pamene adapezeka kuti adakonda zolaula.
Ku Australia, imodzi mwa masamba anayi ndi okhudzana ndi zolaula.
Ngakhale ndikamakumbukira nthawi ija, mawonekedwe amunthu yemwe ndimakonda kutuluka anali owoneka bwino. Koma adafuna kuyankhula chifukwa zinali zenizeni, zowopsa, zimawononga moyo wake komanso gawo lina, ukwati.
"Sindingakuuzeni momwe zimakhalira kuyenda pakhomo tsiku lililonse ndikumakhala ndi mantha akudziwa kuti patangopita mphindi zochepa ndingakhale nditakhala patsogolo pa kompyuta yanga ndi mathalauza anga m'miyendo mwanga ndikuseweretsa maliseche," adakufotokozerani anali wowona mtima).
"Zinali zonyazitsa kudziwa kuti ngakhale ndimatha kuwona zomwe masiku ano zimawoneka ngati zolaula - zomwe, tiyeni tikumane nazo, ndizowopsa komanso zosatheka - ziwonetsero zomwe zitha kuwonekera pazenera langa zimandiyesa kuti ndiwone china chodetsa ndi china zonyoza ndipo nditha kuwadina chifukwa cha chidwi.
"Sindingathe kufotokoza momwe ndimamverera ndikuwona atsikana omwe zaka zawo sindinadziwe kuti anganyozedwe ndikupatsidwa zinthu zopanda moyo, mabowo oti adzazidwe ndikudetsedwa. Ndinadzida ndekha. Ndikayang'ana m'mbuyomu ndikuganiza kuti ndikamazindikira, ndimafuna kuwona wina akuchitidwa zopanda pake komanso zonyansa monga momwe ndimamvera. Kodi ndizomvetsa chisoni bwanji ndikudwala? ”
Ngakhale sindinathe kutsutsana ndi mzanga, ndidachita pamlingo winawake, kumvetsetsa ndikumvera chisoni. Ngakhale sindidzalimbikitsana kapena kukana zolaula zili ndi malo (ngakhale ochepa kwambiri) pagulu, lero ndivuto lenileni komanso lovuta kwambiri lomwe limawononga amuna ndi akazi onse.
Ku Australia, amodzi mwa masamba anayi ali okhudzana ndi zolaula ndipo ambiri omwe amaonera zolaula (paliponse pakati pa 75 ndi 90 peresenti) ndi amuna, ndipo pafupifupi 7-10 peresenti amaloledwa kugonana pa intaneti.
Ngakhale zambiri zalembedwa ndikukambirana za zolaula kuchokera kwa akazi, posachedwapa ndakhala ndikudabwa, ndikuwunikiridwa, koma koposa zonse ndikusangalala kumva amuna akuyankhula ndikuvomereza kuti sakonda zolaula zomwe zikuchitika ku maubale awo (kapena kusowa kwa them), kudzidalira kwawo komanso malingaliro amunthu.
M'modzi mwa amunawa ndiwoseweretsa waku Britain komanso wodziyesa yekha wodzigulitsa paukwati Russell Brand, yemwe sabata yatha adalemba blog patsamba lake russellbrand.com. “Sikuti ndimakonda zolaula. Ndichinthu chomwe sindinathe kudzipereka nacho kwanthawi yayitali osati tawonani, zakhudza kuthekera kwanga kokhudzana ndi azimayi, kudzilankhulira ndekha, zogonana, uzimu wanga, ”adavomereza.
"Maganizo athu pazakugonana asokonekera ndipo apotoza ndipo achoka pachithunzichi monga chisonyezero cha chikondi komanso njira zoberekera. Ngati nthawi zonse mumawombedwa ndi mafunde ambirimbiri, zimakhala zovuta kuti mukhalebe olumikizidwa ku choonadi. ”
Pa kanema iye amatulutsa lipoti kuchokera kwa Journal of Health Adolescent pa zotsatira zakukhala ndi zolaula kwanthawi yayitali - malingaliro okokomeza azakugonana; kuchepetsa kukhulupirirana pakati pa okwatirana; kusiyidwa kwa chiyembekezo chokwatirana ndi amuna; chiwerewere ndichikhulupiriro.
Amalankhula za momwe zithunzi zolimbitsa thupi zimakhalira paliponse kuchoka pamimba ndi kumanga nyimbo zolimbitsa akazi kuti azigwedeza mazira omwe amatsatsa malonda, komanso momwe izi zimapangidwira mau akuti voyeurism, objectification, chikhulupiliro chakuti amayi ali ndi zida zofanana ndi zoopsa ndi mantha a ubwenzi wapamtima.
Katswiri wama psychology komanso wolemba a Melbourne a Meredith Fuller akuvomereza ndi Brand koma, monga ine, akuwona kuwala mumdima. Mwa iwo omwe akumufunafuna kuti ateteze maukwati omwe adakula kapena kuwoneka ngati "otopetsa" atakopeka kwambiri ndi zolaula, komanso atsikana achichepere amadzimva kuti ndi "achabechabe komanso onyansa" chifukwa cha zibwenzi zomwe zimawayerekezera, ndikusankha, akazi opanda moyo komanso ovomerezeka omwe amawona pazenera. , akuwonanso amuna - ndipo ambiri a iwo - akufuna kulumikizana kwenikweni.
"Nthawi zambiri anyamatawa amakhala azaka zoyambirira za m'ma 30 ndipo zimawunikira," akufotokoza motero Fuller. “Amangofuna zoposa chithunzi cha kugonana kapena cholanda chodyera podina pulogalamu. Amuna awa amafuna kukhudzidwa ndi kukoma mtima, kudzipereka komanso kulumikizana. Amafuna kukondana ndi mkazi komanso kumulemekeza.
“Koma zikuwoneka kuti azimayi ambiri adakonzedwa kuti akhulupirire kuti amunawa kulibe. Zili ngati kuti adataya ndi kugula mauthenga a zolaula, akuganiza kuti ayenera kukhala ndi pudendum yopanda tsitsi ndikuchita zachiwerewere m'njira zomwe sangakhale omasuka kuvomerezedwa. Ambiri mwa anyamata omwe ndimawawona omwe akufuna kulumikizana kwenikweni nawonso akumeta ndevu ndipo ndikukhulupirira kuti ndizomwe zimachitikira azimayi opanda tsitsi. Zili ngati akunena, ndibwino kukhala wachibadwa. ”
Fuller akunena kuti chizindikiro china chodalira kuti chiwerengero cha kugonana chikusunthira kumalo osakanikirana ndikuti azimayi oterewa monga Lady Gaga akusunthira kuchoka kumaso kuti awonetsere chinthu china chocheperapo komanso chikondi.
"Ndikutha kuona momwe ochita ngati iye akutsogolera njira yobwezeretsanso chikondi," akutero a Fuller. "Tafika poti tidziwe za kugonana pomwe palibenso kwina koti tibwerere kwa munthu wofatsa, wokopa, wodabwitsa komanso wosasunthika."
Brand amalimbikitsa amuna kuti "athetse vuto lathu lokhala ndi chidwi ndi azimayi m'malo mochita nawo limodzi" ndipo akufuna kuti tonse tifunse, "Kodi tingamvetse bwanji zakugonana kwathu? Kodi tingawafotokoze bwanji mwachikondi mogwirizana ndi mfundo zomwe zilipo posonyeza kubereka ndi kukondana pakati pa akuluakulu omwe amavomereza? ”
Mwinanso malingaliro a Brand amafotokozedwa mwachidule ndi mawu ochokera kwa wansembe yemwe adatchulapo pavidiyoyi, "zolaula si vuto chifukwa zimawonetsa zambiri, koma zimawonetsa zochepa".
Ine ndikuti, kubweretsani pa kuwala ndi mthunzi. Mnzangayo adatero, ndipo tsopano alibe chikondi chokhalanso ndi mnzake watsopano, iye amadzikonda yekha.
Age Wolemba nkhani Wendy Squires ndi mtolankhani, mkonzi ndi wolemba. Twitter: @Wendy_Squires
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