Kugonana kwa Ogonana: Kodi N'chiyani Chimawapangitsa Kukhala Amuna Otero?
Lingaliro chabe la "chizolowezi chogonana" limakwiyitsa anthu ambiri. Ndikulankhula pano za olemba omwe amanyoza za "Nthano" za kugonana ndi omwe amatsutsa kuti lingaliro lonse la chizoloŵezi cha kugonana ndilo chikhomodzinso cha mankhwala osokoneza bongo ndi ndalama zomwe zimapangitsa anthu odziwa bwino kugonana.
Mchitidwe wa kugonana kosokoneza kugonana
Ndimakonda kuwona "otsutsa" awa, monga momwe ndimawaitanira, monga gawo lachikhalidwe chachikulu cha anthu komanso omwe ali woyenera kuphunzira okha.
Pakalipano kutsutsana ndi lingaliro la kugonana kwachiwerewere kumakhala ndi zosangalatsa ziwiri.
1. Chizolowezi chogonana ndi khalidwe lachibadwa.
Amuna ndi akazi awa ali ndi njira yodzitetezera ku chithandizo chonse cha chizolowezi chogonana pofuna kuletsa ufulu wamba wogonana . Nthawi zina ma blog awo ndi ndemanga zawo pa intaneti zimawoneka ngati zonyoza, (moopa?) kuteteza khalidwe lomwe ali nalo manyazi osavomerezeka. Uthenga ndi wakuti "tonsefe timachita izi ndipo umangoganiza kuti 'ndikudwala' chifukwa ndiwe wovuta kwambiri!" Iyi ndi tsankho losadziwa bwino lomwe likuwoneka kuti likutsutsa malingaliro.
2. Kuledzera ndi khalidwe losayenera kwenikweni.
Mkangano uwu ukuchokera mbali zonse kuphatikizapo ena mwa asayansi. Umachepetsa kuopsa kwa vutoli ndi mavuto omwe lingayambitse, ndipo uthenga nthawi zambiri umakhala wakuti "inu omwe mumadzitcha kuti ndi osokoneza bongo mukungochita zinthu molakwika ndipo muyenera kutenga udindo ndikusintha!"
Mtsutso wachiwiriwu nthawi zina umakhala ngati “ ngati kugonana kungakhale chizolowezi ndiye kuti chilichonse chingathe,” kapena “ngati titasiya anthu powatcha matenda ndiye kuti pali vuto lomwe lingachititse kuti palibe amene adzakhale ndi udindo pa chilichonse.” (OMG!)
Mfundo zonsezi zili ndi tanthauzo lenileni la kunena kuti sitiyenera kuvomereza nkhani ya khalidwe lokakamiza kugonana ndipo motero sitiyenera kuchitapo kanthu kalikonse pankhaniyi. Onani New York Times Op-Ed kuti mumve zambiri.
Tifunika kumvetsetsa otsutsa, osati kuwatsutsa
"Okana" akhala akupezeka nthawi zonse mogwirizana ndi pafupifupi chilichonse chosavomerezeka chomwe chakhala chikupezeka m'mbiri yonse. Nthawi zina amatenga malo ovomerezeka pagulu omwe amatsata zachipembedzo kapena zina ndikupanga izi, monga kuwotcha ampatuko kapena kuwatsekera m'ndende odwala matenda amisala. Nthawi zina adangodzinamizira kuti ziwembu monga 9/11 zigawenga zidalidi zaboma kapena kuti kuphulikako sikunachitike.
Izi ndi njira zofotokozera kapena kuthana ndi chinthu chomwe chimaonedwa ngati chosamvetsetseka kapena chosapiririka. Pachifukwa ichi zonse ndi njira zodzitetezera ndipo palibe china chilichonse chodziwikiratu kuposa pankhani ya chizolowezi chogonana.
Okana kugwiritsira ntchito chiwerewere akuyenda mumsewu woyendetsedwa kale ndi iwo omwe amafuna kudziteteza pamachitidwe kapena malingaliro omwe amawopseza kwambiri. Izi ndizowona makamaka m'mbiri yaposachedwa pakusintha kwa matenda amisala. Zakhala pang'onopang'ono kuti "machimo owopsa" adabwereranso monga zowawa zamunthu m'maganizo.
Kuopa ndi kunyansidwa ngati gawo lachitukuko
Chifukwa ndimakhulupirira kuti okana zakugonana akuchita moona ndi mantha osazindikira, ndikuganiza kuti akatswiri sangathe kuwachotsa koma amafunika kuwamvetsetsa. Tikapanda kutero sangachoke ndipo apitilizabe kusokoneza anthu onse ndikulowa m'njira yofananira ndi omwe amakana kutentha kwanyengo momwe angatetezere chilengedwe.
Pamene zikhulupiriro ndi mantha okhudza vuto la anthu akuyamba kutha, vutoli limayamba kudziwika bwino kuyambira kupatsidwa mphamvu ya ziwanda mpaka kupatsidwa upandu mpaka kulandira chithandizo chamankhwala mpaka kubwereranso ku moyo wa anthu onse. Choyamba, vuto, mwachitsanzo, uchidakwa, ndi kulephera kwa makhalidwe abwino, kenako ndi vuto la zamalamulo , kenako matenda , ndipo pamapeto pake ndi vuto lalikulu la thanzi la anthu.
Kusiya vuto la mchitidwe wogonana mosaloledwa, izi zikutanthauza kuti njira zomwe anthu akuchita pakadutsa chizolowezi chogonana zikupitilira ziwanda komanso milandu koma sizinafikebe kuchipatala. Kusintha kumeneku kupita kuchipatala chathunthu kudzatanthawuza kusintha kwa kuzindikira. Izi zimaphatikizapo kuthana ndi mantha, kutsutsana ndi ziweruzo, ndikukopa anthu kuti asiye ziweruzozo. Zili ndi ife kufotokozera moleza mtima.