Kodi mungakhale mukuthandizira mavuto anu m'chipinda chogona?
10 Jan 2019
Ngati mukukumana ndi vuto louma m'chipinda chogona, simuli nokha. Ndipo, tangoganizani chiyani? Chinthu chomwe chimayambitsa matsenga awa chingakhale chosavuta kuchithetsa. Ngati simukusangalala ndi kugonana monga kale, pali zinthu zodabwitsa zomwe zingakuwonongereni moyo wanu wogonana. Mwatsoka, kuchepa kwa nthawi pakati pa mapepala ndi mnzanu nthawi zambiri kumabweretsa kuchepa kwa chimodzi mwa zinthu zosangalatsa kwambiri pakukhala muubwenzi wachimwemwe komanso wathanzi.
Pali zifukwa zosiyanasiyana zomwe mungakhale mukukumana ndi "chilala chogonana," komabe zifukwa zambirizi zimagwirizana, mwanjira ina, ndi nkhani zodzidalira. Mwanjira ina , pali zinthu zomwe simungadziwe zomwe zingayambitse kudzidalira kochepa, ndipo kudzidalira kochepa kungayambitse mavuto akulu m'chipinda chogona.
Mukapanda kupatula nthawi yokwanira yogonana kapena "zokondweretsa," zingayambitse kukhumudwa, mkwiyo, mkwiyo, nkhawa, ndi / kapena kupsinjika maganizo - zomwe zingakuchititseni kuti musamangogonana.
Uthenga wabwino ndiwotheka kusintha khalidwe lanu la kugonana podziwa chimene chikuchititsa kuti asalowerere.
Ichi ndi chifukwa chake moyo wanu wa kugonana ukuvutika:
Kuonera Zogonana ndi Wzanu
N'chizoloŵezi kwa maanja, makamaka a nthawi yayitali, kuti aziwonera zolaula pamodzi ndikuyembekeza kuti "zidzasangalatsa" miyoyo yawo ya kugonana. Koma, zodabwitsa, zikhoza kukhala ndi zotsatira zosiyana, makamaka ngati simunakonzedwe bwino kuti zikhale zofunikira pamoyo wanu. Ndipo, ngakhale kuti zolaula zingakhale zothetsera "banja langwiro", kwa ena, zingayambitse mavuto aakulu mkati ndi m'chipinda chogona. Zithunzi zingathe kupanga zoyembekezeka zosatheka. Ndipo, tiyeni tikhale oona mtima, tiwone wokondedwa wanu akuukitsidwa ndi winawake kapena china chake chikhale chovuta - zovuta kwenikweni.
Kuphatikiza apo, kuonera zolaula kwambiri, ngakhale ndi mnzanu, kungayambitse kapena kukulitsa mavuto okhudzana ndi kugonana monga kusokonekera kwa kugonana komwe kumabwera chifukwa cha zolaula komanso kutulutsa umuna msanga. Kuphatikiza apo, kungayambitse kudzidalira pang'ono komanso kudzidalira, ngati mwangozi inu kapena mnzanuyo akuyembekezera kuti "muyeze" zomwe akuwona pazenera. Zotsatira zake, mutha kuwonjezera chiopsezo chanu chokhala ndi nkhawa kapena nkhawa chifukwa chongoganiza zogonana.
Ndipo, pamene ambiri amaganiza kuti zolaula zimangowonjezera mavuto kwa amuna, izo sizikanakhala patali ndi choonadi. Ndipotu kuonera zolaula kungayambitsenso kugonana kwa amayi monga kugonana kochepa, matenda osokoneza bongo, kapena kulephera kuukitsidwa. Choncho, ngati mwasankha kuwonjezera zolaula mu moyo wanu wa kugonana, khalani oganiza bwino ndipo muzitha kuchepetsa nthawi yochuluka yomwe mukugwiritsira ntchito m'dziko lopanda malingaliro, kotero mutha kulingalira pa chenichenicho.
Kusokoneza bongo
Izi zingadabwe, koma magetsi anu angayambitse mavuto. Makamaka mafoni a m'manja, mapiritsi, ngakhalenso makanema a televiziyo akhala akulowetsa m'chipinda chogona, ndipo amachititsa mavuto osiyanasiyana. Ndipotu, zakhala zovuta kwambiri kuti maanja aziyika mafoni awo - ngakhale pamene akuyesera kukhala pachibwenzi. Anthu akhala oledzera kwambiri pa zamagetsi awo omwe ena amawawonekera panthawiyi - ndipo nthawi yomweyo akugonana.
Ndiye, pali anthu, omwe amathamangira kugonana kuti athe kubwerera ku kanema, sitcom, masewera apakanema, kutumizirana mameseji, kuyimbira foni, zolaula, komanso / kapena zochitika zapa media zomwe adachitapo kale. Kwa ambiri, "zinthu" izi kukhala ofunikira kuposa kuyankhula ndi ena - pamasom'pamaso. Afunikanso kwambiri kuposa "kulumikizana" ndi wokondedwa wawo kaya mwakugonana kapena mwa kungokhala pamodzi. Tikukhala "osalumikizidwa" wina ndi mnzake. Zotsatira zake, ndife ocheperako, omvera, komanso odalirika kwa anthu ena.
"Kuleka kugwirizana" kumeneku kwayamba kukhudza miyoyo yathu yogonana komanso maubwenzi athu achikondi . Njira yabwino yopewera kuti zamagetsi zisalowerere ndikuyambitsa mavuto m'chipinda chogona ndikuwachotsa - makamaka panthawi yogonana ndi zochitika zogonana. Khazikitsani nthawi yogwiritsira ntchito zamagetsi kenako muzisunge mpaka tsiku lotsatira. Gwiritsani ntchito nthawiyi kuti mudziwenanso - m'maganizo ndi m'chiwerewere, khalani limodzi, ndikupanga zokumbukira zokhalitsa.
Malo Osintha
Mwina izi sizinakulowereni m'maganizo mwanu, koma kusinthana malo panthawi yogonana kungayambitse mavuto m'moyo wanu wogonana. Mabanja ena amakhulupirira kuti ngati "asintha" ndi wokondedwa yemwe nthawi zambiri amakhala wolamulira kutenga udindo wa womvera, ndipo wokondedwa yemwe nthawi zambiri amakhala womvera kutenga udindo wa wolamulira; zidzayambitsa moto m'miyoyo yawo yogonana. Ndipo, kwa ena zidzatero, koma kwa ena, sizidzatero. Ndipotu, zingayambitse kapena kukulitsa mavuto m'chipinda chogona. Bwanji? Chabwino, mwa kupangitsa mnzanu winayo kumva kuti sali wotetezeka kapena wosatsimikizika panthawi yogonana.
Ngati mwazolowera kukhala mnzanu wolamulira muubwenzi, koma makamaka panthawi yogonana, zingakupangitseni kumva "osakhazikika" kapena osamasuka, zomwe zingakhudze moyo wanu wogonana. Apanso, izi zingayambitse kudzidalira komanso kudzidalira - mkati ndi kunja kwa chipinda chogona. Chifukwa chake, musanasinthe "maudindo" omwe mumachita nthawi zambiri pochita chiwerewere kapena kugonana; onetsetsani kuti nonse muli nawo. Ndipo, ngati mnzanu m'modzi akuwoneka kuti sakusangalala ndi lingaliro kapena chochitikacho - siyani ndikuchibwerezanso mtsogolo. Kumbukirani, onse awiri ayenera kukhala omasuka komanso odzidalira panthawi yogonana, ngati sizili choncho, pamapeto pake zidzakupangitsani kukwiya komanso kugonana kochepa.
Chomaliza, chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu zomwe zingayambitse mavuto m'chipindamo ndi kudzichepetsa. Monga tanena kale, misewu yonse imayambira kapena imayambanso kudzidalira. Ndikofunika kumvetsetsa kuti ngati mulibe kudzichepetsa, kawirikawiri, mukhoza kusungunula mu moyo wanu wa kugonana ndi ubale wanu, ngati simugwiritsa ntchito.
Mwachitsanzo, ngati simukukondwera ndi maonekedwe anu, zachuma, ntchito zanu, kapena chiyanjano, zingathe kulowa m'moyo wanu kumadera ena monga moyo wanu wa kugonana. Zowonjezereka, zingakhudze kuchuluka kwa kapangidwe ka kugonana komwe mumakhala nako pakukupangitsani kukhala osatetezeka komanso osatsimikizika kudera lino. Pazithunzi zochepa, kugonana kochepa kwambiri kungayambitsenso kukhumudwa, ndikudziona kuti ndi wosayenera komanso kudzikayikira.
Ngati izi zimachitika pafupipafupi, zimatha kubweretsa kudzidalira m'chipinda chogona. Zotsatira zomaliza? Zowawa, zovuta zaubwenzi komanso kuchepa kwa kugonana. Chifukwa chake, ngati mukumva kuti simukuyenerera, yesetsani kukulitsa chidaliro chanu ndikuvomereza kuti wokondedwa wanu sangakhale nanu mukapanda kutero!
Powombetsa mkota…
Choonadi ndi ife tonse timachita zinthu zomwe zingawononge moyo wathu wa kugonana. Zina mwa zinthu izi ndizoonekeratu ndipo zina mwa izo sizowoneka bwino. Ena ali olamulidwa ndipo ena sangathe kuwongolera. Ndipo, zina ndi zovuta kwambiri. Ndikofunika kumvetsetsa kuti mungathe kusintha zomwe zimachitika m'cipinda. Gawo loyamba ndikuyang'ana mozama moyo wanu wa kugonana. Kodi mukukumana ndi mavuto ndipo ngati zili choncho, nchiyani chomwe chikawapangitsa? Kukhala okhulupilika ndi wekha ndi mnzanu ndizofunika kuti muthe kugonana - ndi chiyanjano chanu. Mukamadziwa zomwe zikuyambitsa vutoli, mukhoza kukonza. Ndipo, ndi chithandizo ndi chithandizo, moyo wanu wa kugonana udzakhala bwino kuposa kale!
Dr. RY Langham ali ndi digiri ya Master of Science mu chithandizo cha mabanja ndi mabanja komanso digiri ya Ph.D. mu zamaganizo a mabanja. Iye ndi mlangizi waluso ku Between Us Clinic , yomwe imapereka mapulogalamu a pa intaneti ochiza kugonana kwa amuna ndi okwatirana omwe amamwa umuna msanga.