Kodi Kugonana Kunayambitsa Kugonana Kwathu Kwamuyaya? (Daily Dose)

Tikhoza nthawi zina, kuchoka, koma kubweretsa gudumu lachitatu lasintha momwe timagonana. Ngati ife tikhala nazo izo nkomwe.

Kupeza zolaula kunkafunika khama. Kunkafunika kulimba mtima, kubisala, ndi kufufuza malo (kuyesa pansi pa bedi la abambo). Mphoto— huzzah! Mulu wobisika wa Playboys! — unali wofewa kwambiri poyerekeza ndi miyezo ya masiku ano.

Tsopano aliyense, kulikonse, ali pafupi kukhala ngati John Mayer yemwe, mu kuyankhulana kwake kotchuka kwa Playboy , adadzitamandira povomereza kuti, "Mwina masiku ena ndakhala ndikuona ma vagina 300 ndisanadzuke pabedi." Koma zomwe adaziwona zinali zochititsa chidwi kwambiri. "Zithunzi zolaula za pa intaneti zasintha kwambiri ziyembekezo za m'badwo wanga," adatero Mr. Body-Is-a-Wonderland Man. "Kodi zimenezo sizikhudza bwanji maganizo a munthu wokhala paubwenzi ndi winawake? Ziyenera kutero."

Kodi chimakhudza bwanji maganizo athu, chilakolako chathu, ndi maubwenzi athu pamene mu masekondi .0001 tingapeze chilichonse chomwe chimatilimbikitsa kugonana chomwe maganizo athu ang'onoang'ono onyansa amafuna?

Pamene zikuchitika, zambiri. Zithunzi zolaula zimagwirizana ndi moyo wathu wa kugonana, ubale wathu, komanso momwe timaonekera. Tiyeni tiwerenge njira:

1. Porn zimayambitsa kugonana kosagwirizana.

“Palibe china chilichonse chomwe chimandithandiza, ngakhale maliseche enieni” akutero munthu wa Joseph Gordon-Levitt mu Don Jon yemwe ali ndi zithunzi zolaula . Pali anthu ambiri ngati iye omwe akugonana ndi—kapena pafupifupi — abwenzi osakhutira.

“Kugonana ndi amuna omwe amakonda kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula kumamveka ngati ndikuseweretsa maliseche. Zimamveka ngati palibe chikondi,” akutero Alaska wazaka 19. “Mnzanga ankaonera zolaula ndi kuseweretsa maliseche pamene ine ndinali nditagona naye pabedi. Udindo wanga unali kungokhalapo. Nthawi zina ankaonera zolaula kwa kanthawi kenako n’kufuna kugonana nane, koma nthawi zambiri ankakonda kudzimaliza yekha,” akutero Elizabeth, wazaka 19. Brian Moylan , mkonzi wamkulu wa Nerve komanso wolemba nkhani wakale wa VICE , nthawi zambiri amakonda kuonera zolaula ndi chibwenzi chake, koma nayenso wamva kuti palibe mgwirizano. “Pali nthawi zina pamene timaonera zolaula ndipo ndimamva ngati ndili chidole chowonjezera chogonana m’malingaliro ake okhudza kuseweretsa maliseche (ndipo nthawi zina mosiyana).”

Katswiri wa za khalidwe Andrea Kuszewski akufotokoza kuti “ngati wina amadalira kwambiri mtundu wina wa chilimbikitso kuti asangalale, zingamuvute kudzuka popanda chilimbikitso chimenecho.” Iye anati, “Ili ndiye vuto lalikulu poonera zolaula kwambiri—munthuyo amayamba kusangalala ndi zinthu zatsopano komanso kusiya kuchita zinthu mwachizolowezi kuti amusangalatse, ndipo zinthu zina zonse zolimbikitsa, kuphatikizapo ubwenzi, zimayamba kuoneka zosasangalatsa poyerekeza.”

Kwa anthu omwe amadziwa-kapena kuzindikira-zomwe akusowa, kusowa kwa kugwirizana kwa maganizo ndikutaya kwenikweni. "Ndikuganiza kuti tikusowa pachibwenzi komanso mwayi wokhala ndi uthunthu weniweni. Kugonana kwachiwerewere kumaphunzitsa achinyamata kugonana popanda maganizo, "akutero Alaska.

2. Utsogoleri wodzudzula ukulamulira kwambiri.

Kugonana si chinthu chatsopano. Ndipo nthawi zambiri kumakhala kosangalatsa. Koma tsopano akuwoneka ngati iwowo ndiye njira yayikulu. "Anyamata sadzakhala pachibwenzi. Amafuna kugonana pakati pa anyamata, ndipo amapita kwa atsikana," akutero Dr. Gail Dines , wolemba buku la Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality , komanso membala woyambitsa Stop Porn Culture . Dines akunena kuti atsikana nthawi zambiri amavutika ndi zomwe amatcha "kusokonezeka maganizo" akangogonana pambuyo pogonana ndipo amadziimba mlandu, poganiza kuti akuchita zinazake kuti akope anyamata olakwika.

"Kucheza ndi anyamata akuyamwitsa," akutero Madison, 26, yemwe amakonda kusonkhana ndi amuna achikulire. "Koyamba kovuta kwambiri ndi chinthu chodabwitsa, koma pakubwera kwa Viagra, ndimakonda kukanidwa, kuyang'anitsitsa, ndikuyamikiridwa (ndiye kuti ndathamangitsidwa nthawi yambiri) kusiyana ndi kulemberana mameseji ndi zopempha kuti ndikhale" 'asanamvepo kwa wina kwa mlungu umodzi.'

3. Nthawi zambiri zithunzi zimayambitsa kugonana.

"Pamene ndinali 21, sindingaganize kuti wina angandifunse kuti, 'Hey, kodi ndingabwere nkhope yanu?'," Anatero Anastasia, 32. "Izo sizingakhale ngakhale funso. Koma tsopano. "

Ngati mukuyesera zinthu zatsopano, zolaula zingakhale chitsimikizo chothandiza, koma atsikana amatha kumasulidwa ndi abambo omwe amapempha mwamsanga ntchito zapakati kapena ntchito zapatsiku. "Atsikana awa ndi osowa ndi chikhalidwe cha zolaula," Dines adanena DAME. "Anyamata amafuna kugonana kwachinyamata. Amafuna kugonana koopsa. Amakonda kukwapula, amakonda kukoka tsitsi, amachitcha mayina. Zimene atsikana samazimvetsa ndikuti chikhalidwe cha chilakolako chimenechi chikuwonetsedwa mthupi lawo. "

Monga zolaula zimakhala zofanana ndi nyimbo zam'mbuyo mu dorms ndi zipinda, owonerera akhoza kukhumudwa. Kugonana kawirikawiri kalekale-komwe, mwinamwake kutumiza ana zaka makumi angapo zapitazo ku ziwalo zogonana-kumakhala kosalala, ndipo chiwerewere chiyenera kugwedezeka. Izi zimabweretsa zolaula zovuta kwambiri, komanso kuwonetsa zachiwawa komanso zochita zoopsa.

"Kunena zoona, mungathe kukankhira kutali," anatero Dines. "Akufuna kuona momwe mungayambitsire mtsikana msinkhu wanu mpaka kumatula."

Zoipa, kuwonjezeka kwa zolaula kwakukulu kungakhale chizindikiro cha chilakolako cha kugonana. "Ngati mumaganizira za zomwe zimapangitsa kugonana kukhala kosangalatsa, ndiko kugwirizana kwanu ndi munthu amene mukugonana naye. Ngati mutenga zimenezi, monga mukuchitira zolaula, muyenera kuzisunga ndikumverera kwina. Kotero malingaliro omwe mumadzaza nawo ndi mkwiyo, ukali, chidani, "akutero Dines. "Zithunzi zolaula, zodabwitsa, zimakhala zosangalatsa komanso zowopsya kotero kuti mupitirize kubweretsa chinachake chatsopano komanso chosangalatsa."

4. Kufufuza mozama za ziwalo za thupi zomwe tinkaganiza kuti zinali zabwino kwambiri zaka khumi zapitazo.

Azimayi nthawi zonse amamva kuti sangateteze matupi awo. Koma akazi achichepere + amaonera zolaula = alandiridwa ku thupi dysmorphia (anthu: aliyense). "Mkazi wanga samayang'ana ngati vaginas mu zolaula. Mimba yanga sinali yophweka ngati yawo, ndipo mawere anga sanali aakulu. Ndili wamng'ono, zinandichititsa kumva kuti ndine wotetezeka kwambiri ndi thupi langa, ngati panali chinachake cholakwika ndi ine, "anatero Alaska.

Anastacia tsopano akusangalala ndi thupi lake ndi maonekedwe ake owonetsa zolaula, koma poyamba ankaopsezedwa ndi zizolowezi za chibwenzi chake ali wamng'ono. "Ndinaganiza kuti 'Anthu awa samawoneka ngati ine. Kodi izi zikutanthauza kuti ali m'ma blondes okhala ndi ma D-D? ' Ndine brunette kotero sindinali wotetezeka kwambiri. " 

Tsopano pali mafuta odzola kuti tichotse maliseche athu ndi matako athu kapena—kodi ndi chiyani kwenikweni?— pinki . Tsitsi la kumaliseche silikupezeka kwa akazi osakwana zaka 30. ( Ngakhale kuti tsopano, kumaliseche kukuwoneka kuti kukubwereranso. ) Ndipo pakhala kukwera kwakukulu mu opaleshoni yosankha ya labiaplasty kuti tidule ziwalo zogonana zathanzi. Inde, mwawerenga bwino zimenezo.

Chifukwa, modabwitsa, ziwalo zomwe zimayang'anizana ndi chiweruzo chokhwima kwambiri—labia, mabere, tsitsi la kumaliseche—ndizo ziwalo zomwe zimafotokoza za kugonana kwathu kwa akazi (onaninso: The Beauty Myth ya Naomi Wolf ). Izi zimapangitsa kuti chinthu chomwe chili chizindikiro chosatsutsika cha chilakolako cha akazi—mwachitsanzo, labia yakuda, yodzaza—chingasinthidwe kuti chikhale chaching'ono, chopepuka. Kodi izi zingasokoneze bwanji zizindikiro za kugonana zomwe timatumizirana wina ndi mnzake?

5. Amuna omwe sadziwa kunyoza mkazi bwino.

"Malo omwe anthu amayesera kuchita nanu chifukwa amawawona pa zolaula. Ugh. Amavulaza, "akutero Alaska. "Ndipo momveka bwino sizinapangidwa ndi malingaliro achikazi m'maganizo."

Koma mwinamwake sikuti ndizolakwika kwa anyamata. Zithunzi zapamwamba ndizo njira yathu yoyamba yophunzitsira kugonana.

"Mnyamata wamkulu wa 12 sakuika 'zolaula' mu Google chifukwa akufuna kuti andiwonetse ine, ndikuti, '" anatero Dines. "Iye amaganiza kuti akhoza kuona mabere kapena akazi amaliseche, ndiye kuti akulowetsedwa mu dziko lachiwawa. Kumbukirani kuti sanayambe kugonana. Pamene muli 12, ndi chinthu chokha chimene muyenera kuyesa. "

Chifukwa zolaula sizikukhudzana kwenikweni ndi kuwonetsa mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya chilakolako cha akazi komanso momwe angasangalatsire akazi ndikuwafikitsa pachimake. Ngati owonera akufuna kuphunzira njira, afika pamalo olakwika. "Akazi adapangidwa kuti alandire chisangalalo, ndikukumana ndi zoyambitsa kuti afike pachimake kuchokera ku kugwirana mwaluso komanso kukakamizidwa kwamitundu yonse m'matupi awo," analemba Naomi Wolf mu Vagina . "Chitsanzo cha zolaula cha kugonana—ngakhale chitsanzo chachikhalidwe chathu cha kugonana, chomwe chimakhala chachangu, cholunjika pa cholinga, cholunjika, komanso cholunjika pakulimbikitsa gawo limodzi kapena awiri a thupi la mkazi—sichidzachita izi kwa akazi ambiri, makamaka osati m'njira yozama kwambiri, chifukwa chimakhudza gawo lochepa chabe la kuthekera kwa machitidwe amisala okhudzana ndi kugonana kwa mkazi."

Robert Kandell, yemwe amagwira ntchito ndi amuna omwe amaphunzitsa anthu kuganizira za kugonana ku One Taste , anafotokoza kuti, “Anyamata ndi okondwa ndipo amafuna kulumikizana ndi ubwenzi koma akupeza zambiri zoipa. Kujambula zithunzi zachiwerewere nthawi zambiri kumakhala koopsa kwambiri pa zolaula ndipo kugonana sikuli choncho. Chimake cha nyimbo ya symphony ndi chakuti ma cymbals amagunda kumapeto, koma sichoncho chomwe chimakopa kwambiri. Timaphunzitsa anyamata kuti asangalale ndi ulendo wonse.”

6. Amuna ovutika ndi kugonana.

“Zotsatira za zolaula zimawonekera m'machitidwe anga m'njira zosiyanasiyana,” akutero katswiri wa zachiwerewere Don Shewey . “Anyamata omwe amayesa kutsanzira njira zolankhulirana kwambiri ndi zolaula ndipo amapeza kuti sizosangalatsa kwenikweni, ndipo amaganiza kuti ndi vuto lawo; anyamata omwe amaganiza kuti ndi ntchito yawo kuchita ngati nyenyezi ya zolaula (kulimbikira kuchita zachiwerewere, kugonana ngati jackhammer, ndikutuluka nthawi zonse), kapena kuganiza kuti anzawo amawayembekezera kuti achite zimenezo, motero amakhala ndi nkhawa yochepa mpaka yofooketsa yomwe imapangitsa kuti zikhale zosatheka kugonana; anyamata omwe amazolowera kwambiri maliseche poyang'ana zolaula kotero kuti zimawavuta kuti afike pachimake pamaso pa wina ndi anyamata omwe alibe chidziwitso chenicheni chogonana omwe amaopa ngakhale chibwenzi chifukwa amaganiza kuti mnzanu aliyense amayembekezera kuti akhale okonzeka kuchita chilichonse chogonana chomwe chingaganizidwe.”

Palibe amene akutsutsana pano kuti zolaula ziyenera kuchoka. Ambiri mwa akatswiri omwe ndinalankhula nawo adanena kuti zolaula zili ndi malo abwino mu ubale wabwino. Zingakhale zothandiza kuti munthu asagwirizane ndi matenda opatsirana pogonana, kukongoza ngongole kumacheza, kutsegula malingaliro a anthu kuti apange zosiyanasiyana, kulola maanja kukambirana momasuka za zomwe zimawotchera, kapena kungopereka njira yabwino yopita kuchipatala. "Moyo wanga watanganidwa kwambiri pakalipano, ndikungofuna kupeza chinachake chimene chimandichititsa chidwi ndikuchichita. Mphindi zingapo ndipo ndine wabwino, "anatero Stevie wazaka 27.

Zithunzi zolaula zimatha kukhala zosangalatsa kwambiri, zosangalatsa zosiyanasiyana, ndipo ambirife timazigwiritsa ntchito ndikuzikonda. Ndipo ... kwa enafe, lakhala gawo lachitatu muubwenzi wathu, zomwe zimapangitsa ambiri a ife kukhala osalumikizidwa, osakhudzidwa, okonda machitidwe. Kodi ndife okonzeka kukhala pachiwopsezo chokhala oseketsa maliseche, okokedwa ndi dopamine, kusiyanasiyana kosatha, ndikulimbikitsanso kowonjezeka, osatha kuthana ndi zokonda zonyenga, zosangalatsa kwambiri zogonana zenizeni padziko lapansi?

Moylan yemwe adafotokoza za khama lake losiya zolaula (kwakanthawi) mu buku lake lakuti How to Quit Porn and Not Entily Ruin Your Life akulongosola mfundo yakuti: "Zolaula ndi zabwino ngati mukudziwa kuti zili ndi malo ake ndipo mumazigwiritsa ntchito pang'ono. Ndikuganiza kuti zingayambitse kusazindikira komanso kuchita zinthu mwachizolowezi, koma palibe chomwe chimandipangitsa kukhala ndi moyo wabwino msanga."

Nkhani yoyamba: http://www.damemagazine.com/2014/02/26/has-porn-ruined-our-sex-lives-forever