Ndi cholinga changa kukupatsani inu mfundo ndi mfundo zazikulu kuchokera paulendo wanga, ndikuwunika zinthu zofunika zomwe mungatenge nanu. Ndiyetu, ndikuyembekeza kuti kudzakhala kopindulitsa ndikulimbikitsani pazochita zanu. Ndisanati ndiyambe, ndikukhumba kuika zikho zochepa. Zina kapena zonse zingakhale zofunikira kapena zosayenera, koma lingaliroli ndilo kwa inu. Chilichonse chimene mumaganiza, musalole kuti chikukhumudwitseni m'njira iliyonse.
M'malo mwake, ndiko kulimbikitsa omwe asankha kapena akufuna kusankha njira yomweyo koma akuvutika kuchita izi:
Ndine namwali ndipo sindinakhalepo ndi chibwenzi. Ndili mwana (12-18), izi zinali chifukwa inenso ndimadzipatula kuti ndiyesere kuyankhula ndi atsikana motalika. Ndikukula (18+), ndinawona nzeru yayitali yakulingalira za ine ndekha ndi maphunziro anga, komanso kulingalira za tsogolo langa. Icho chinakhala chinachake chimene ine ndinachichita mwakufuna kwanga, osati chifukwa sindinathe. Ngati zili choncho, zakhala zovuta kukhalabe otere mpaka pano, makamaka kudzera ku yunivesite.
- Ndakhala woyera kuyambira Ogasiti 2013… kuchoka pa Facebook, ndiye kuti. Ndidapeza kuti chinali chosokoneza china chomwe chimalepheretsa kukula kwanga monga munthu, makamaka pagulu, kotero ndidataya.
- Sindinagwiritsepo mankhwala osokoneza bongo, kuphatikizapo malamulo ena monga mowa ndi fodya. Apanso, pazifukwa zaumwini komanso kuchokera kwa ine ndekha ndikuwona za ena.
Ndili ndi malingaliro, tiyeni tiyambe:
Ndakhala ndikupewa kuseweretsa maliseche kuyambira Seputembara 2013. Nthawi imeneyo sindinapeze NoFap (kapena reddit ya nkhaniyi), koma pazifukwa zanga komanso zachipembedzo ndimafuna kusiya. Ndinawona bwino kuti sizinali zabwino kwa ine, choncho ndinayamba ulendo wanga wopita kumeneko. Ndidaganizanso kuti ndizisunga - ndipo sindine mwana - "Fap Diary", yomwe inali ndi malingaliro anga, mphamvu, mavuto omwe ndimamva, ndi zina. Izi zidakhala zopindulitsa pambuyo pake.
Mwezi wanga woyambirira unali ndi mizere yomwe inatha sabata kapena apo. Panthawi imeneyi, ndinapeza gwero lalikulu la chifukwa chomwe ndingathetsere maliseche, komanso kuzindikira kuti nthawi zonse ndimakhala ndikudzichepetsa ndi mphamvu tsiku kapena tsiku nditatha.
Mavuto aakulu anali awa:
- Zina zomwe zimayambitsa (mafano, atsikana okongola) zinayika kugonana m'maganizo mwanga, ndipo kuti ndipitirize ndikusewera pamaganizo awo momveka bwino.
- Kukhudzidwa kwanga ndekha kumusi uko pamene ndikuganiza malingaliro awa.
- Kutenga malingaliro awa ndi ine mu mvula yandiyezi yotentha, kumene kusapeŵeka kunachitika. Iwo ali ndi mfundo zawo zabwino (kumatulutsanso minofu, kuchepetsa kupuma, ndi zina zotero), koma ngati kubwereranso kapena kuyambiranso-kubwereranso nthawi yachisamba ndi vuto, kumamatira kuzizira. Zomwe zimakhala zosautsa ngati mumakhala m'malo ozizira.
Ndimagwiritsa ntchito zomwe ndaphunzira pamwambapa, mwezi wotsatira ndikugwira ntchito yopambana ndi ~ 30 tsiku streaks yomwe inapitirira pafupifupi theka la chaka. Kubwereranso kunali kwa zifukwa zomwezo, koma ine ndinatha kuwapangitsa iwo kukhala ochuluka kwambiri, omwe ine ndinali okondwa nawo ndiye.
Tiyenera kudziwa kuti panthawiyi ndinali mchaka changa chomaliza ku yunivesite ndikupita kukafunsidwa za ntchito. Ngakhale sindinayankhe kwa ambiri, ndinalandiridwa ku chilichonse chomwe ndinapempha, kuphatikiza maphunziro omaliza maphunziro ku UCL, pulogalamu yopititsa patsogolo utsogoleri komanso ntchito yothandizidwa ndi boma kunja. Sindinganene kuti zonse zinali za NoFap, popeza ndinali wolimbikira komanso wolimbikira ntchito ndisanayambike kuyunivesite, koma chidaliro chowonjezera, chilimbikitso komanso mphamvu zomwe ndidamva kuchokera ku NoFap zidachitadi gawo lake. Osapeputsa izi.
Chiyambi cha NoFap
Ndinapita kunyumba kwa mnzanga mu Marichi 2014, ndipo timakambirana za maliseche komanso zolaula. Anandiuza kuti reddit kwa nthawi yoyamba, kapena makamaka, NoFap. Ndinachita chidwi, ndikupanga akaunti ndikulowa nawo gulu la NoFap. Kuyambira pamenepo, zinthu zidasintha kwambiri. Sindinalinso pa ulendowu pandekha. Inu anyamata mudayamba kujambulidwa, ndipo zidayamba kukhala zosavuta.
Mtsinje wanga woyamba atalowa ku NoFap anali masiku 62, otsatiridwa ndi masiku 147, ndiyeno masiku a 329. Zotsatira zotsatizana zimaposa kawiri kawiri kamodzi. Zinamveka bwino. Kunali kovuta kwambiri ndi womaliza, komabe, makamaka chifukwa panali masiku 35 okha otsala a rocket.
Ngakhale zili choncho, adandithandizira kuti ndimalize digiri yoyamba ya digiri yoyamba (4.0+ GPA), ndikupambana mphotho pamwambo wanga womaliza maphunziro chifukwa chokhala ndi gawo labwino kwambiri muukadaulo wanga (ophunzira 50+). Monga tafotokozera pamwambapa, izi sizingokhala ku NoFap, kapena makamaka chifukwa cha izi, koma mphamvu ndi cholinga chake zidandigwira pano pondipatsa zomwe ndimafunikira kuti ndikwaniritse izi. Sindikadachita bwino popanda iwo.
Mitsinje yayitaliyi ndi kumene ndinayamba kumverera kusiyana kwa nthawi yaitali kuti ndisakhale ndi maliseche m'moyo wanga. Nazi zotsatira zazikulu zomwe ndazilemba:
1) Mphamvu zambiri komanso zolimbikitsa.
Manja pansi, kusintha komwe kumawonekera kwambiri ndi kuchuluka kwa mphamvu zowonjezera komanso chidwi chomwe ndili nacho poyerekeza ndi zomwe ndinali nazo m'mbuyomu. Kuperewera kwa "O" kumakupatsani "E" (mphamvu) yambiri. Mphamvu ndi zomwe zidandilimbikitsa zidandithandiza kuti ndisazengeleze ndikungofuna kuchita zinazake, koma ndikutsatira ndikuzichita, m'malo mokhala wopanikizika nthawi zonse ndikabwera. Ndikukumbukira ndikuwerenga kuti kugwiritsa ntchito mphamvu zanu zogonana kukhala zokolola m'malo mwake ndi momwe anthu ambiri amapitira patsogolo. Ndikhala wonena pano ngakhale; pali zinthu ziwiri zofunika kukumbukira: Choyamba, kuti zimatenga nthawi kuti zitheke. Mphamvu zowonjezera zomwe muli nazo ziyenera kupita kwina, ndipo ngati simukuyamba kusintha zinthu, mutha kudzipeza mutapereka mphamvuzi mopanda phindu kapena ndi zizolowezi zoyipa zomwe mudakhala nazo kale. Gwiritsani ntchito izi kuti mudzipititse patsogolo, osati kupitiriza kwanu zolephera. Chachiwiri, kuti chifukwa chakuti mukukwaniritsa zinthu, sizikutanthauza kuti mukuchita bwino. Izi zimangobwera ndi nthawi kudzera pakuchita, kusasinthasintha komanso kulanga. Komabe, ndinganene mosavuta kuti ichi ndiye gawo lopindulitsa kwambiri paulendo wanga wa NoFap, ndipo zandithandizira kuti ndichite bwino kwambiri zomwe ndipitilize pansipa.
2) Anapeza zochitika zatsopano, adapanga zizoloŵezi zatsopano.
Pali mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya zosangalatsa. Zina zomwe zimalimbikitsa thupi, zina zomwe zimalimbikitsa malingaliro ndi moyo, komanso zina zomwe zimalimbikitsa mbolo. Pokhapokha ngati atagawana ndi mnzanu, musachite. Osatero. Sinthani ndi china chake. Mukaphatikiza nthawi yonse yomwe mudakhala PMO'ing, mukadatha kuwerenga mabuku osawerengeka, kuchita bwino pamasewera ena, kapena kusinkhasinkha. Pezani zosangalatsa zosiyanasiyana kuti mukhale otanganidwa komanso kuti mukule bwino. Ndi zomwe ndidachita. Thanzi langa, ndimayenda tsiku lililonse kupita ndi kubwera kuntchito (5.5km njira imodzi), kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi (Ndikupangira zolimbitsa thupi Maseŵero olimbitsa thupi a mphindi 7 m'mawa uliwonse kwa inu omwe mumati mulibe nthawi yokwanira) ndipo mumachita masewera olimbitsa thupi. Pazolakalaka zanga zamaluso ndidayamba kuphunzira chilankhulo chachitatu ndikuwerenga pafupipafupi. Kumbali ya uzimu, ngati mukupembedza, sinthani ubale wanu ndi Mulungu. Ngati sichoncho, lingalirani. Ndimachita zonse ziwiri. Mungadabwe kuti kusinkhasinkha koyambira kungakutonthozeni. Yesani.
3) Kuwonjezera chikhulupiliro cha anthu.
Ndimayankhula kwambiri ndi anzanga, makamaka ndi atsikana. Ndimakhalanso wodekha. Sindimapereka malingaliro olakwika ndikutsatira kutsika kwatsika monga momwe ndinkakhalira, ndipo ndakhala munthu wosangalala. Ngakhale kuganiza mozama kuli bwino, kumangokhala bwino Zotsatira zake ndizochita zabwino. Choncho tsatirani izi kuganiza-zochita-zotsatira ndondomeko, monga momwe zinandithandizira bwino. Zinathandizanso pakumvetsetsa kwanga muubwenzi, chikondi komanso momwe zimagwirira ntchito. Ndikupezabe, inde, koma ndapita patsogolo. Ndinalinso ndi ndemanga kuchokera kwa anthu onena momwe ndasinthira ndikuti ndasiyana, mwanjira yabwino. Nthawi zonse zimakhala zosangalatsa kumva izi. Ngati mukufuna izi ndiye ndikupangitsani kuti muwerenge Positive Psychology.
4) Kuwonjezeka kwaukali.
Ichi ndi chosangalatsa ndi lupanga lakuthwa konsekonse ngati siligwiritsidwe ntchito moyenera. Poyambirira, thupi langa limalakalaka kuwombera kwina kwa dopamine ndi O. Dziwani kuti ndi mankhwala osokoneza bongo, ndiye ngati mwayimilira mwadzidzidzi… zimakhudza. Koma nditafika poti ndimamverera kuti thupi langa lidazindikira kuti silikonzekera mwachangu, china chachilendo chidayamba kuchitika. Ndinakhala wamakani kwambiri. Zoposa pamenepo. Zinali ngati kuti thupi langa lidavomera kuti lisapeze zomwe limafuna kudzera pakulimbikitsa kwanga, kotero zimafuna kuchokera ku kwenikweni mkazi. Mwachibadwa, izi zinali zodabwitsa kwambiri. Sindinaganize kuti ndikudalira ma pixelisi kapena kudzikweza, chifukwa thupi langa linkafuna chinthu chenicheni, ndipo ndichokha.
Pokhala chowonjezera cha kukulira kwa chidaliro pakati pa anthu, ndidamva zambiri, sindingayerekeze kugwiritsa ntchito mawu oti ... 'alpha-male'. Ndikufuna kupitirira zitsanzo za anyamata za "Ndinamuwuza woponderezayo kuti abwerere" kapena kutulutsa mphepo yodzaza ndi atsikana angati omwe ndikanagona nawo, ndipo tawonani zomwe ndikuwona: Ndinakhala wamkulu kwambiri ndipo ndinali chidwi kwambiri pa ine, makamaka tikamapita kokayenda kapena ndikakhala ndi anzanga. Zinali zosiyana, koma ndimazikonda. Ndinkazikonda kwambiri. Malingaliro anga adasunthira pakuganiza ndikukhulupirira kuti mkazi anali wabwino kwambiri / wokongola kwa ine, kuti podziwa kuti Ndine zabwino kwa mkazi. Kodi mukuona kusiyana pakati pa maganizo pano?
Ngati, komabe, mungalole kumverera kwatsopano kumeneku kukufikani pamutu mwanu mwachangu, matanthauzidwe osakhwima a izi atha kukupangitsani inu kukhala m'malo omwe simukadakhala nawo. Ngakhale sindinachite chilichonse chopanda nzeru ineyo, kuti kulephera kwanga kusinthiratu mwadzidzidzi mwa ine kudadzetsa mikangano yosafunikira, kusagwirizana ndipo nthawi zina ndimangokhala ngati anthu omwe mawu awo sindingasamale nawo. Dziwani izi. Sangalalani nazo, koma muziwongolera.
5) Chidziwitso chowonjezeka cha maonekedwe.
a) Thupi.
Mphamvu zowonjezerazi komanso nkhanza zonse zimayenera kupita kwina. Ndimakhala wotanganidwa ndimachita masewera olimbitsa thupi ndikukweza zolemera pafupipafupi. Ndimakondanso chakudya. Izi zapangitsa kuti ndisinthe thupi langa. Ndili ndi chifuwa chokulirapo, minofu yokulirapo, mafuta ochepa, ndipo ndili wathanzi kuposa kale. Ndikufuna kufotokozera kuti sindine wamkulu kapena 'hench' (monga amatchulidwira masiku anga ophunzirira), koma thupi langa limawoneka bwino ndipo ndikumva bwino chifukwa cha ilo.
b) Kuonekera.
Apa, ndikunena za nkhope, kapangidwe ka tsitsi, khungu, ndi zina. Sizo zomwe ndakhala ndikudziwa zambiri za izo. Koma ndaphunzira momwe ndingadzipangire ndekha kuti ndizioneka bwino. Khama pang'ono limapita kutali. Musaiwale zina (uko nkulondola, zina, osati theka la botolo la) mafuta onunkhiritsa. Kumva ndi gawo lalikulu la kukopa, ngakhale sichikuwoneka.
c) Mafilimu.
Apanso, sindine munthu amene ali ndi mphatso zachilengedwe. Nthawi zonse kukhala mwana wamtali wopusa pomwe ndimakhala kusukulu, kwanthawi yayitali ndimakhala wopanda nkhawa za (zomwe ndimakhulupirira kuti zinali pamenepo) mawonekedwe anga ochepa. Koma nditachita kafukufuku pang'ono ndikupeza thandizo pang'ono kuchokera kwa anzanga okonda mafashoni, tsopano ndikuwoneka bwino, wowoneka bwino kwambiri. Sindikulankhula zakuwoneka ngati thukuta, koma oyeretsa ndi osowa.
Zinthu izi, zandipangitsa kuti ndizidzidalira kwambiri ndikakhala ndi ena, kapena panja. Mitu imasinthira (makamaka ku Japan, komwe ndimakhala), koma ndizolemba chabe. Ndine wokongola kwambiri m'maso, wowoneka bwino komanso wowoneka bwino kuposa kale, ndipo ndizofunika.
Tsopano chifukwa cha zolephera zanga:
Ngakhale kuti ndakwanitsa kuthetsa maliseche m'moyo wanga kwambiri, sindingathe kuthana ndi zolaula, zachisoni. Anthu amandifunsa momwe izi zimagwirira ntchito, koma sindine wotsimikiza kwambiri. Ndikanangoyang'ana zithunzizi, osadzilimbitsa. Kumbali ya zokhutira, sizinali zoyipa. M'malo mwake ndimakondanso zithunzi kumapeto. Kwinakwake, kumbuyo kwa malingaliro anga, ndinali nditazilingalira ndekha; kuti bola ngati sindinali maliseche, ndimayenera kuwona zinthu zamtunduwu. Ndimayenera kuwona azimayi awa. Unali ufulu wanga.
Zachidziwikire, izi ndizachinyengo kwathunthu, ndipo ndimadziwa. Komabe ndinakhalabe pamenepo pafupifupi nthawi yonse yomwe ndinali pa NoFap. Zinanditengera kanthawi kuti ndimvetsetse kuti popanda kuthana ndi vuto la zolaula, sindidzakhalanso wopanda vutoli. Chifukwa chake kutha kwa Disembala chaka chatha sindinawone chilichonse. Ndidapanga lingaliro la Chaka Chatsopano kuti ndisiye kotheratu. Osati O, komanso PM nayenso.
Munthawi yayifupi iyi, ndidazindikira kuti kuwonjezeka kwa kuwonera zinthu zotere kumabweretsa kuchepa kwachidziwitso. Ngakhale kwakhala mwezi umodzi wokha, tsiku lina ine (mwangozi) ndinawona mkatikati mwa chisokonezo cha mkazi. Chomwe chidatsata ndikuthamangira komwe kudagunda thupi langa lomwe sindikhala ndikuiwala posachedwa. Zinali zamphamvu kwambiri. Kotero, wamphamvu kwambiri. Zodabwitsa ndizakuti, ndimamva kuposa momwe ndimakonda kuonera zolaula. Ndinazindikira kuti kuthamangira uko, chikhumbo chomwecho… akazi amazifuna, amazifuna… choncho sungani. Sungani kwa wina aliyense amene ali wofunikira, ndipo muzigwiritse ntchito ngati njira yolumikizirana, kulumikizana ndikukula mwaubwenzi ndi wina, osati pixels kapena dzanja lanu lamanja. Nthawi yokhayo yomwe mungalandire mphotho ngati imeneyi mutangotenga nthawi yolumikizana ndi winawake pamlingo umenewo. Osati mphotho yopanda khama; koma chenicheni, chogwirika, chachikondi mphotho ya nthawi yeniyeni, kuleza mtima ndi kutsimikiza mtima. Izi ndizomwe zimasiyanitsa anyamatawo ndi amuna. Osati mu msinkhu, koma mu koona kukula, komwe kulibe chiwerengero chosasinthika.
Mkhalidwe wamakono
Kotero ife tafika ku tsopano. Ndichifukwa chiyani sindili wosakwatiwa? Maubwenzi ndi nthawi, ndalama ndi malingaliro amalingaliro. Ngati ndiyenera kuchita zinthu zitatu zofunika izi, ndiye kuti ndikufuna kudziwa kuti ndikukwaniritsa ntchito yanga momwe ndingathere, ndikuti munthu amene ndimagawana naye ndipo timayenera kukhala naye wina ndi mnzake. Kukhala wakale wofunitsitsa kuchita zinthu mosalakwitsa kwandibweretsa kuchedwa kuti ndifike poti ndimakhala womasuka kukwera pamenepo. Koma pano ndili pano, potsiriza. Ndili pakati pa 20s, ndili ndi mbiri yabwino kwambiri pantchito yophunzira komanso ntchito yomwe ndimaikonda yomwe imalipira bwino, kusungira tsogolo, masomphenya abwino, ndipo ndine wowoneka bwino, wathanzi, wachikhalidwe komanso wowoneka bwino. Chofunika koposa zonse, ndine wosasunthika komanso wosangalala ndi anthu omwe ndili nawo, osafunikira kuvomerezedwa ndi ena. Pakali pano popeza ndafika pachimake, ndine wokonzeka kuyamba kugawana moyo wanga ndi ena ofunika.
Sindikusowa kuseweretsa maliseche. Sindikusowa zolaula. Ndili kufunafuna bwenzi lamoyo. Kotero apa pali zopanda pake, zopanda zolaula koma ndikukhulupirira kuti ndi okondana komanso okhutira ndi 2016.
Kutsiliza / TLDR.
Kudziletsa ku maliseche kudzakuthandizani kupuma moyo watsopano mwa inu mu mawonekedwe akuwonjezeka mphamvu ndipo adzakhala amphamvu. Cholinga chachikulu pano sichoncho kupeŵa maliseche; Ichi ndi chabe (ngakhale zothandiza kwambiri) chothandizira pothandizira kuti tikhale ndi moyo wabwino. Kuwonjezeka kwa mphamvu ndi mphamvu mungathe bweretsani ku izo, onetsetsani za izo. Koma mukufunikirabe kusankha ndikugwirira ntchito momwe mudzagwiritsire ntchito ndi zomwe muchite nayo. Imafunikira kuwongolera ndipo ndi inu nokha amene mukudziwa komwe akupita. Pali zopinga panjira, koma kuthana nazo ndi zomwe zimakulimbikitsani. Mukamvetsetsa izi, moyo wobala zipatso komanso wachikhalidwe komanso wantchito umatsatira. Ndipo ndi izi, mutha kuyamba kuwona bwino. Chifukwa chake ikani mbendera ndikuyenda panyanja.
Zikomo chifukwa chowerenga komanso kukudalitsani nonse.