Ndinayamba kupeza zolaula ndili ndi zaka 12. Zinayamba pomwe ndidasankha kuyang'ana zithunzi za atsikana amaliseche pazithunzi za google chifukwa cha chidwi. Nditachita izi kangapo, ndinapitilira kuyang'ana zinthu zolimba. Sindinapanduke pano, sindinakhalepo ndi zolaula zilizonse, koma zizolowezi zanga zidawonongerabe thanzi langa lachiwerewere.
Izi zinayamba pafupifupi zaka zitatu pomwe nthawi zina ndimakonda kubweretsa zolaula kwa masiku angapo nthawi isanakwane ndikudziimba mlandu ndikuyima kwa miyezi ingapo (kamodzi ndikupita pafupifupi miyezi isanu ndi inayi). Kuyambira nthawi yoyamba yomwe ndinkaonera zolaula, ndinkafuna kusiya chifukwa ndinali Mkristu wamkulu ndipo chifukwa chake ndimadziwa kuti ndi tchimo. Komabe, chilakolako chogonana chimatha mobwerezabwereza.
Ndidakhala ndikukhazikika pompano ndipo sindimazindikira kuti kuseweretsa maliseche mpaka nditakwanitsa zaka 14. Nthawi iliyonse chilankhulo cha zolaula chikamangokhala ndimangokhala ndimawonerera makanema kapena kuwerenga nkhani zolaula kwa maola ambiri mpaka nditatopa. Ndikukumbukira kumva kosakhutira kwinaku ndikuwonera (popeza sindinkatulutsa) koma sindinayike awiri kapena awiri mpaka patapita nthawi.
Pafupifupi chaka chimodzi nditaphunzira za kuseweretsa maliseche, ndinapeza kanema wa zolaula yemwe ndimakonda kwambiri ndipo ndidaganiza zosewerera. Izi zidasinthiratu ubale wanga ndi zolaula popeza tsopano ndidayamba kugwiritsa ntchito molimbika. Pakupita kwa zaka zingapo ndinasintha kuchoka pa nthawi yomweyo ndikuyamba kuzolowera pafupifupi tsiku lililonse. Komanso, malingaliro anga olakwa chifukwa cha izi adasinthanso modabwitsa.
Nthawi zonse ndinkaona zolaula zilibe vuto koma ndimangodzimvera chisoni ndikamaonera. Zinali zosavuta kwa ine kuti ndiyime kwa nthawi yayitali komanso osavuta kubwereranso.
Nditangoyamba kubwezerana nawo pafupipafupi, ndimadzimva kuti ndili ndi vuto kwambiri ndikamaliza chifukwa ndimangoganiza zolaula zolaula. Pamapeto pake, liwongo lomwe ndimamverera lidakula kwambiri mpaka ndimakhala ngati ndikusowa kwa masiku angapo pambuyo pa PMO ndikulira kangapo za izi. Panthawi ina ndinkaganiza ngati sindingathe kusiya, moyo sukakhala woyenera kukhala ndi moyo.
Tsiku lililonse limakhala mtundu wankhondo yamasiku onse pakati pa ine ndi zilimbikitso zanga zomwe ndidalephera mobwerezabwereza pafupifupi zaka zitatu. Izi zidasokonekera kwambiri m'mutu mwanga ndipo nthawi zambiri ndidadziuza kuti ndikungovomereza kuti ndizingokhala osokoneza bongo nthawi zonse ndipo sindingathe kuzikonza. Komabe, kumva kwamphamvu kwa chisoni komwe kumalumikizidwa ndi kufotokozeredwa kwa minyewa yanga ya mandimu nthawi zonse kunandipangitsa kumva kuti ndiyenera kuyesetsa kusiya.
Pafupifupi nthawi zonse ndimayesetsa kusiya zolaula komanso kuseweretsa maliseche palimodzi popeza onse anali machimo m'mutu mwanga. Ndinagwiritsa ntchito zinthu zambiri zosiyanasiyana kuti zindithandizire kusiya kusuta. Ndinkakonda kupemphera pafupipafupi komanso ndinapeza chilimbikitso mu subFdit ya NoFap ndi YourBrainonPorn. Ndili ndi otchinga pamalo ndikuyesera zolimbitsa thupi koma palibe chomwe chidagwirapo ntchito kokhazikika.
Ngakhale kuyesetsa konse, sindinapeze kwina ndipo kwambiri komwe ndidakhala masiku 25 (sindinapiteko 4). Ndinkangomva ngati sindingathe kudziletsa kuti ndisiye PMOing ndipo ndinkaona kuti ndine wolephera poyerekeza ndi anthu omwe ndidawerengapo pamabungwe omwe adatha kusiya kapena osakhalitsa.
Posachedwa, ndasiya Chikristu ndipo sindimayanjananso ndi maliseche ndi zotsatira zoyipa malinga ngati zimachitika pang'ono. Nthawi zonse ndinkaona kuti zoyipa zodziseweretsa maliseche zomwe nthawi zambiri zimafotokozedwa pa mabungwe a NoFap zinali zachinyengo koma zimadziwikiridwa ndi malingaliro amenewo chifukwa chotsutsana ndi machitidwewo pamakhalidwe abwino.
Nditangoganiza zoganiza zodziseweretsa maliseche, pang'ono ndi pang'ono ndinayamba kuona zolaula osadziseweretsa maliseche kuti ndikwaniritse. Ndidayesetsa kuyimitsa kaye ndikadzatseka ma coronavirus ndipo nditakhala ndikuyesa kangapo kwa zaka khumi ndi ziwiri ndatha kudutsa masiku 90 popanda zolaula koyamba kuyambira nditayambiranso.
Nditangofika kumene, ndimayanjananso ndi chilakolako chogonana ndikufuna kuonera zolaula. Ndinafunika kukhazikitsa malo oyimitsa msanga ndisanayambe kudzipanikiza, mwinanso ndiyenera kufufuza zinthu.
Mwambiri, ndimatha kukhala ndi malingaliro abwinobwino nthawi zambiri, koma pazifukwa zina, nditasinthiratu, zoyipa zokhazo zomwe zikadandiyambitsa ndidangoganiza za zolaula zomwe ndimawona nthawi zonse. Chifukwa chake, ndidayesetsa kuti ndisamaganize chilichonse ndikangolota.
Patatha milungu isanu ndi umodzi kapena kupitilira apo, ndidazindikira kuti nditatopa, sindimawonanso kufunika koonera zolaula kuti ndichoke. Zolakalaka za vanilla zomwe ndimakhala ndimatha kuzipewa ndikumenya maliseche. Ichi chinali chizindikiro kuti sindimayanjananso ndi zolaula. Nditazindikira izi, zidabweretsa mpumulo waukulu. Ndinali ndisanamveke kuti ndizotalikirana ndi zolaula kuyambira pomwe ndinayamba kuonera.
Monga ndanena kale, sindisankhanso kuonera zolaula pazifukwa zachipembedzo. M'malo mwake, ndimatero chifukwa cha zovuta zoyipa zomwe zimachitika chifukwa chazogwiritsa ntchito mwakachetechete. Umboni wa zasayansi popewa kukopeka ndikugonana umandidabwitsa ndipo zimandidabwitsa ine chifukwa chake zolaula ndi mbali yovomerezeka pachikhalidwe chachikulu. Ndimamva ngati ambiri ogwiritsa zolaula omwe amakonda zolaula akufuna kusiya koma osachita kwenikweni chifukwa amapangitsa kuti akhulupirire kuti ndi zabwinobwino.
Kuphatikiza apo, ndikuwona zolaula pamalingaliro okondana ngati mtundu wonyengerera ngakhale sizikhudza kugonana kwenikweni. Ngakhale ndidakali ndi chibwenzi, ndikudziwa kuti ngati nditakhala pachiyanjano ndikupitilizabe kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula, sindingathe kukhala nazo pansi.
Pomaliza, mosiyana ndi malingaliro omwe ndimawona omwe amapezeka patsamba lino ndi NoFap, sindikuganiza kuti kusiya zolaula kudzathetsanso zovuta zina m'moyo wanu. Sizinandichitira ine chilichonse. Komabe, ngati muli ndi mwayi wofunitsitsa kusiya china chake chomwe chikuwonetsa ngati zolaula, mukutsimikiza kuti ngati gehena ali ndi inu mkati mwanu kuti muthe kuchita zinthu zovuta kuti musinthe moyo wanu m'njira zina.
Damn, ndikayang'ana kumbuyo kuti posiyi idayenera kukhala yayitali. Ndili ndi zambiri zoti ndinene zokhudza zomwe ndakumana nazo zakale ndi zolaula komanso momwe ndimaganizira kale zomwe ndimachita kuti ndizitha kuthana nawo koma sindinkafuna kuti malowa azikhala motalika komanso mwamwano. Ngati mukufika pano ndipo mukuwerengabe, ndili wokondwa kwambiri kukhala ndi omvera popeza sindinakhalepo ndi cojones kuti ndigawane nawo wina aliyense yemwe ndimamudziwa.
Zonse, ndili wokondwa kwambiri kuti pomaliza pake ndafika pompano. Nditazindikira za magawo azolowera zolaula, nthawi zonse ndimadziuza kuti ngati nditha kufika masiku 90, ndikadalemba posonyeza zomwe ndakumana nazo komanso upangiri uliwonse womwe ndidali nawo. Moona mtima, ndi odzipereka kwambiri kuti pomaliza pake mukhale pamalowo.
By nanobenz [wogwiritsa uyu adachotsa akaunti yawo mu Juni 2021]
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