Ndinkafuna kugawana nawo nkhani yanga ndikuyembekeza kuti ingathandize anthu ena paulendo wawo wobwezeretsa zolaula komanso kudziwongolera.
Ndinayamba kuonera zolaula pafupi ndi zaka za 12. Ndinali ndi nkhawa zambiri komanso OCD ndili wamng'ono, zinawononga kwambiri kudzidalira kwanga. Ndinkayang'ana kwa ngwazi ndi amuna omwe amawonetsa kulimba mtima, kulimba mtima komanso mphamvu. Ine ndekha ndinkachita mantha, wamanyazi, wamng'ono komanso wowonda. Ndinadzimva kukhala wofooka, ndipo ndinadana ndi mmene ndinaliri, ndinadana ndi kupanda kulimba mtima kwanga ndi mmene ndinali kulamuliridwa ndi mantha. Ndinayamba kutengeka ndi kukhala mwamuna wamphamvu ndi wolimba mtima, monga anthu amene ndinkawalambira m’mafilimu.
Ndidamaliza kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi ngati wamisala, ndimaganiza kukhala makina omenyera olimba komanso wothamanga kwambiri anali yankho la malingaliro anga osakwanira. Ndinamaliza maphunziro a karati ndipo ndinali kuphunzitsa kuthamanga ndi kudzikweza m'zaka zonse zaunyamata.
Zolaula zinali mankhwala anga panthawiyo, sindimawona ngati vuto nthawi imeneyo.
Aliyense ankaziwona, zinali zachilendo, zimayenera kukhala malo abwino, njira yodziwonera tokha kugonana ndi chilakolako chogonana ndi zina zotero. Nthawi zonse zinalipo pamene ndinkadzimva chisoni, pamene ndinali wotopa, pamene ndinali wachisoni, pamene ndinali. ndinali wotopa kapena ndinali ndi malingaliro oipa omwe ndinkafuna kuthawa.
Choncho, zaka zinapita, ndipo pofika zaka 19, ndinali pachibwenzi, tinkagonana nthawi zonse, ndinkasangalala ndi kugonana komanso tinali paubwenzi wabwino. Ndinasiya kuonera zolaula kumayambiriro kwa chiyanjano koma ndinayambanso patapita nthawi yochepa. Mwamwayi ndinabwera pa nkhani yofotokoza momwe zolaula zingakhudzire ogwiritsa ntchito m'njira zambiri zoipa. Nditamaliza kulowa mkati mozama, ndikuwerenga zonse zomwe ndingapeze momwe zingatikhudzire m'njira zambiri komanso kuti zitha kukhala zosokoneza. Zinali zomveka kwa ine, ndipo ndinali nditakhumudwa kale ndikamaonera zolaula mobisa kwa chibwenzi changa. Ndinali mnyamata wabwino kwambiri komanso wooneka bwino m’kalasi mwathu, ndipo ndinalinso munthu wodziletsa kwambiri, sindinamwe mowa, sindinkagwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo komanso sindinkachita phwando. Ndinadzizindikiritsa ndekha kuti ndine wodzisunga komanso kukhala ndi mphamvu zazikulu, chizolowezi chinali chinthu chomwe ndimachiwona ngati chofooka chachikulu, ndinkafuna kukhala wamphamvu, wolamulira thupi langa ndi malingaliro anga. Choncho ndinayesetsa kusiya zolaula.
Sindinathe, ndinayambiranso. Ndipo ine ndinayesera kachiwiri, ndipo ine ndinabwerera kachiwiri, ndipo kotero izo zinapitirira.
M’zaka zanga zowonera zolaula ndinali kuphunzitsa ndikukonzekera kuyamba kupikisana ndi nkhonya, nthawi zonse ndinkalakalaka kukhala wothamanga komanso kukhala katswiri wa nkhonya. Koma ndinkachita mantha komanso ndinalibe kulimba mtima. Lang'anani, panthawi yomweyi ndinapeza zotsatira za zolaula zomwe ndinali nazo nthawi zonse, ndinkamva chisoni komanso sindinali wokondwa. Ndinkafuna kusintha moyo wanga, sindinkafuna kuti mantha anga andilepheretse kukwaniritsa maloto anga.
Choncho ndinayamba kuchita nawo mpikisano wa nkhonya kwa zaka zambiri, ndikufuna kukhala katswiri, ndidakali limodzi ndi chibwenzi changa, ndikuyesabe kusiya zolaula.
Mwachidule, m'zaka zanga zomwe ndikulimbana ndi zolaula ndidakhala katswiri wadziko lonse ndipo ndidapambana mpikisano wina waukulu wopangidwa ndi mayiko angapo. Ndinakhala katswiri ndipo ndinali ndi nkhondo yanga yoyamba ndisanathe kusiya zolaula. Ndikuganiza kuti zikuwonetsa kusokoneza zolaula, pamene ndinali ndi mphamvu komanso kupirira kuti ndipitirize maphunziro ndikukhalabe odziletsa ndikukhala katswiri wadziko lonse komanso ndinali mu timu ya dziko, koma sindinathe kusiya zolaula.
Kwa zaka zambiri, zolaula zinayamba kukhudza kwambiri moyo wanga.
Ndinasiya kusamalira zogonana ndi chibwenzi changa, inali ntchito, sindinkasangalala, iye anasiya kunditsegulanso, ndinkangofuna kupita kuonera zolaula ndikakhala ndekha. Ndinayamba kukhala ndi vuto lopeza mbewa yolimba chifukwa cha kugonana kwenikweni.
Pambuyo pake ndinazindikira kuti ndinali ndi zovuta zina zokhudzana ndi thanzi langa. Ndakhala ndikupondereza malingaliro anga moyo wanga wonse, ndinali ndi nkhawa yoyipa ndili mwana, ndipo ndakhala munthu wosamala kwambiri, ndimatha kuletsa zinthuzo chifukwa sindimafuna kukhala choncho, ndidaziwona ngati zochepa. chachimuna ndi kufooka. Komabe, nkhani zanga mwadzidzidzi zinayambanso kuyambiranso ndili ndi zaka 29, ndipo ndinakhala m'mavuto amoyo, ndikukayikira moyo wanga ndi zomwe ndachita nazo. Sindinakhale woona kwa ine ndekha kapena ena, ndakhala ndikukhala bodza. Sindidzalowa mu zonsezo, chifukwa zimangondichotsa pa mfundo komanso kufunika kwenikweni kwa nkhaniyi.
Pamene ndinali wochepa kwambiri ndinayamba kumwa ndi kusuta udzu, ndinayamba kudzichitira ndekha ndi mavuto anga. Chinthu chomwe ndinkachita manyazi kwambiri m'moyo wanga chinali chakuti ndinali ndi vuto la zolaula komanso kuti sindinathe kusiya, kwa zaka 10 ndinayesera, ndipo kwa zaka 10 ndinalephera. Zaka 8 zoyamba sindinkadziwa zotsatira zake ndipo sindinayese kuzisiya.
Kotero, pamene ndinali kugwira ntchito ndekha ndi thanzi langa la maganizo, ndinayamba kugwira ntchito kuti ndidzivomereze ndekha ndi zomwe ziri. Zina mwa izo zinali kuvomereza kuti ndinali ndi vuto la zolaula, nthawi zonse ndinkamenyana nazo, ndikuyesera kusiya ndikudziuza ndekha nthawi iliyonse kuti iyi ndi nthawi yotsiriza. Nthawi ino ndatha, koma sindinakhalepo, ndimamva bwino. Ndinatha kukhalapo kwa masiku oposa 100 nthawi imodzi koma ndinabwerera.
Nditavomereza kuti ndinali ndi vuto linalake ndinaganiza zoyesa njira ina.
Ndinadziuza ndekha, mwayesa kwa zaka 10 kusiya moyo wanga wonse, ndikudzigwira ndekha pamlingo wapamwamba kwambiri, nthawi ino ndikhala wodekha kwa ine ndekha. Nthawi ino ndidati, mwina ndibwerera ndikuyambiranso, ndipo zili bwino, ndi momwe zakhalira zaka zapitazi. Koma nthawi ino ndikhala bwinoko pang'ono nthawi iliyonse ndikabwerera m'mbuyo. Zinanditengera miyezi 6 kuchokera pamenepo, ndipo 3 yokha ndikuyambiranso, mpaka ndidasiyiratu. Ndinatha kudziwiratu kuti nthawiyi inali yosiyana, ndinamva m'thupi langa, ndinadziwa kuti ndapanga chisankho chenicheni. Tsopano, ndili ndi miyezi 11, sindinabwererenso kamodzi, khalani ndi chilakolako nthawi ndi nthawi. Koma ndikuuzeni nonse, miyezi 11 imeneyo yakhala yodzaza ndi malingaliro. Yang'anani mu PAWS, zizindikiro zosiya kusiya, zizindikiro zochoka zimabwereranso m'mafunde ndikukugundaninso modzidzimutsa.
Omasuka kundifunsa mafunso, ndikufuna kukuthandizani ndikugawana zomwe zandithandiza.
Ndikuchita kusinkhasinkha, madzi ozizira, kulemba zolemba, kuwerenga, ndikupitirizabe ntchito yanga monga katswiri wankhonya. Ive anayamba kupita kwa katswiri wa zamaganizo kuti azigwira ntchito ndekha ndipo ndikupitabe. Monga gawo la ntchito yanga yamkati ndakhalanso ndi maulendo angapo a bowa ndipo ndakhala ndikuchita microdosing ngati gawo la machiritso anga. Ndipo ndimayesetsa kuthera nthawi mu chilengedwe tsiku lililonse. Ndipo ndimayamba tsiku langa kupita panja ndikupeza kuwala kwa dzuwa m'maso mwanga chinthu choyamba m'mawa. Tsopano ndikugonana kwabwino kwambiri m'moyo wanga, ndipo chikhumbo changa chogonana ndichokwera kwambiri chomwe ndakhala nacho ndili ndi zaka 30.
Zomwe zikuwonekera kwa ine ndikusiya chizolowezi choonera zolaula ndizovuta ndipo zimatengera ntchito.
Muyenera kudzipangira nokha, ndikuleza mtima nokha. Manyazi ndi kudziimba mlandu ndi malingaliro oyipa kwambiri, amangokubwezerani ku chizoloŵezi. Landirani zofooka zanu, ndife anthu okha, tikukhala m'dziko lodzaza ndi kukhutitsidwa nthawi yomweyo ndi mayesero kuzungulira ngodya iliyonse. Timakhudzidwa ndi malo ochezera a pa Intaneti ndi malingaliro apamwamba ndi makhalidwe omwe amatizungulira, ndi nkhondo yolimba m'dziko lamakono lamakono kuti tithe kulimbana ndi mayesero omwe sangatipindulire, ali paliponse. Yambani ndikuvomerani momwe mulili, pano ndi pano, musadzivutitse nokha, khalani oleza mtima, dzifunirani zabwino, chifukwa muyenera. Zidzalipira!
Khalani omasuka kufikira, ndikukhulupirira nditha kukhala wothandiza kapena wothandiza!
Mtendere ndi chikondi
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