Zatsopano pano, zakhala zikudikirira kwa miyezi ingapo yapitayo, ndipo lero ndili ndi masiku 90 opanda PMO. Ndinkafuna kugawana nawo nkhani yanga, ndipo mwachiyembekezo ndipatse anthu ena chiyembekezo, monga mazana a zolemba zomwe ndawerenga ndekha zomwe zandithandiza pa izi. Pepani chifukwa cha post yayitali.
Ndili ndi zaka 33, mwamuna, ndipo ndinapeza PMO pafupi zaka 13/14. PMO idakhala yofunika kwambiri m'moyo wanga, makamaka poyambira / poyambira, koma pamapeto pake idakhala "chizolowezi" chatsiku ndi tsiku. "Chizolowezi" changa chinali pafupifupi mphindi 30 za P pafupifupi tsiku lililonse, kamodzi patsiku ndizo zonse zomwe ndimafunikira, NGATI ndingathe. Panali masiku ambiri, nthaŵi zina mpaka mlungu umodzi kapena aŵiri panthaŵi imene sindinkatha kuchita ntchito zanga zatsiku ndi tsiku. Sindinaganizepo kuti ndinali ndi vuto, monga momwe ndinkadzinenera ndekha kuti, “chabwino ndatha sabata popanda” koma sindinazindikire kuti ndikuwononga ubongo wanga.
Ndimakumbukira nthawi yoyamba yomwe ndinagonana, kwinakwake pafupi ndi zaka za 18. Sindinatsirize nkomwe, sindinamve bwino kwa ine. Ndinaganiza kuti zinali zachilendo. Kuyambira pamenepo, ndi zibwenzi zakale kapena mausiku amodzi, sindimatha kumaliza, ndipo ndimatha kupita kwanthawi yayitali, mpaka nditatopa kapena kufunsidwa kuti ndisiye. Zinafika poti ndikafuna kuti nditsirize, ndimayenera kulowa m'maganizo mwanga ndikudziwonera ndekha ndikuwonera P. Ndinasiya kudzuka ndi ma erections, nthawi zina sindinkatha ngakhale kugona ndikuchita zogonana. Ndinkadziwa kuti sizinali zolondola, koma sindinayime PMO, chifukwa sindimadziwa kuwonongeka komwe ndinali kuchita / kuchita. Kwa ine zimangomveka bwino, pafupifupi ngati kuthawa kwakanthawi kuchokera ku zenizeni kapena chinachake.
PMO idakhala chinthu chomwe ndimamva ngati ndiyenera kuchita kuti ndikwaniritse tsiku langa. Nthawi zonse ndimakhala ndikuganiza za nthawi yomwe ndingathe kapena ndiyenera kuchita. Nthawi zina ndimakhala kwinakwake ngati kuntchito kapena kumalo ochitira masewera olimbitsa thupi ndikukonzekera kale nthawi yomwe ndiyenera kuchita, malo omwe ndipite, kapena zomwe ndingafufuze. Mpaka pano sindinkamvetsa kuti khalidweli linali lomvetsa chisoni bwanji, ngakhale kuti ndinkadzibisira ndekha.
Pafupifupi chaka chapitacho, ndidayamba kuwona zotsatsa zamakanema pa Youtube, zotsatsa mwachisawawa, ndi zina zambiri, za P kukhala zoyipa ku ubongo wanu. Ndinachita chidwi, koma sindinayang'ane, popeza sindimaganiza kuti zikundikhudza. (Helloooo, mbendera yofiira). Msungwana wanga wapano adapeza kuti ndimawonera P pa iPad yomwe timagawana (ndikuganiza kuti ndinayiwala kuchotsa mbiri tsiku limenelo, whoops). Anandiyang'anizana nazo, tinakangana kwambiri, ndipo ndinavomereza kuti ndinali ndi vuto ndi PMO, ndipo anandiuza kuti mwina ndi iye kapena P. Chifukwa chokhumudwa, osafuna kutaya ubale wanga, ndinati. chabwino, ndisiya….zosavuta kunena kuposa kuchita.
Mlungu woyamba unali wosavuta, ndiye ndinayamba kukhala ndi nkhawa, kuvutika maganizo, chifunga cha ubongo, ndi zina zotero, zinali zoipa, ndipo sindinazimvetse, popeza izi zinali zisanachitikepo kwa ine m'moyo. Ndinali nditangopeza vuto loyipa la Covid, ndikuwongolera zizindikiro zanga kuti ndisakhale ndi Covid, gehena ngakhale Dokotala wanga amaganiza chimodzimodzi. Ndinatsala pang'ono kusiya ntchito yomwe ndimakonda, ndinali ndi maganizo akuda omwe ndinali ndisanakhale nawo, sindinkamvetsa kuti gehena ikuchitika chiyani. Pambuyo pa masabata a 2 kapena 3, ndinayambanso ndi PMO, nthawi ino ndikubisala kwa bwenzi langa. Zinandithandiza kumva bwino, ndipo ndipamene ndinayamba kuzindikira kuti mwina ndisiye, koma ndinapitirizabe. Izi zinakhala kwa miyezi 6, mpaka February wapitawu, pamene tsiku lina ndimatha kumaliza PMO ndikumva zonyansa. Kenako ndinadziwa kuti ndikufunika kusintha. Ndinapita ku Google, ndikupeza tsamba ili pamodzi ndi ena ambiri, ndipo potsiriza ndinamvetsetsa kuti ndinalibe chizolowezi, ndinali ndi chizolowezi choledzera, ndipo ndinafunika kusiya.
Ndinadziikira cholinga cha masiku 90, kuchuluka kwa anthu ambiri. Uwu unali ulendo wanga wamasiku 90:
Masiku 1-7 : Zosavuta, ndinali wotsimikiza.
Masiku 8-14: Chifunga chachikulu chaubongo, nkhawa yayikulu, kukhumudwa pang'ono, zilakolako zoyipa. Ndinkayembekezera izi, kotero zinali zosavuta kuzikankhira. Mzere woyipa kwambiri komanso.
Masiku 15-40: Ndinayamba kumva bwino, bwenzi langa linawona kuti ndinali wokondwa kwambiri. Ndinali ndi nkhawa, ndinali ndi nkhawa apa ndi apo, koma potsiriza ndinayamba kusaganizira za PMO. Ndinagonana ndi bwenzi langa kwa nthawi yoyamba kuyambira pamene ndinasiya (ndikudziwa kuti ena sangagwirizane) ndipo mwina zinali zabwino kwambiri, komanso zazifupi kwambiri (lol), kugonana komwe ndinakhala nako.
Masiku 41-50: Nkhawa idabwereranso ZOCHITIKA, kukhumudwa kudayambikanso, ndidavutika kwambiri komanso ndimakhala ndi zilakolako zoyipa, koma ndidadziwa kuti ndiyenera kudutsamo. Mzere wosalala pang'ono kachiwiri.
Masiku 51-80: Ndinkachita chidwi, sindinkada nkhawa kwambiri, sindinkakhala ndi nkhawa, nthawi zonse ndinkasangalala kwambiri, ndinasiya ulesi ndipo ndinkafuna kukhala wotanganidwa kuchita chinachake. Gehena, ndinayambanso kudzuka ndi nkhuni zam'mawa.
Masiku 81-90: Uwu unali mzere wabwino kwambiri kuposa kale lonse. Ndinali wokondwa kwambiri, PMO pafupifupi sindinayambe ndaganizapo. Ndinadziwa kuti ndikuyandikira cholinga changa cha masiku 90, ndipo ndinamva kuti ndakwaniritsa! Ndidadzikumbutsanso kuti ndisalole kuti tsiku la 90 likhale zotsatira za placebo, ndikuti ndiyenera kupitilira masiku 90.
masiku 90! Masiku 90 omasuka ku zoyipa za PMO! Masiku ena ndimakhala achisoni, ndikuganiza kuti ndawononga zaka za moyo wanga ndi PMO, koma ndikuthokozabe chifukwa cha tsamba ili ndi ena ambiri. Kungoti ndagunda masiku 90 sizitanthauza kuti ndatha. Ndikufuna kupitiriza, ndimasangalala ndikumverera uku, ndimasangalala kudziwa kuti ndagonjetsa chilombo chomwe chinakula mkati mwanga kwa zaka zambiri zomwe sindinazimvetse.
Ngati mukuwerenga izi, ndipo mukuvutika, musasiye. Inu mukhoza, ndipo mudzagonjetsa izi.
Mudzakhala ndi masiku oipawo, monga momwe ndinakhalira pakati pa masiku 40-50. Thandizo lalikulu linali kubwera pabwaloli nthawi iliyonse nditakhala ndi tsiku loipa, ndikuwona kuti si ine ndekha amene ndinkavutika pakati pa masiku 90 oyambirira. Kuwerenga nkhani zopambana zinandithandiza kwambiri. Muyenera kumvetsetsa kuti mukukonzanso ubongo wanu kuchokera zaka ndi zaka za zinyalala, zitenga nthawi. Ingodziwani kuti izi sizingakhale zothetsa nkhawa / kukhumudwa kulikonse, ndikudziwabe kuti ndipeza izi apa ndi apo chifukwa ndi moyo, koma sizoyipa monga kale!
Zikomo pomvetsera nkhani yanga, ndipo zikomo chifukwa cha dera lodabwitsali.
;