Ndiyamba ndikukuwuzani kuti ndili mwana ndinali wamanyazi kwambiri. M'modzi mwa anawo nthawi zonse amakhala wolumikizana ndi banja ndipo samasiya zambiri panyumba, ngakhale ndi abwenzi. Sindinamve kuti ndikunyalanyazidwa, koma aliyense akapanga zinazake, tinene kuti, ndimaganizira kangapo ndipo ambiri ndimabwerera m'mbuyo.
nditanena izi, zikumbukiro zanga zoyambirira za kukopeka ndi anyamata kapena atsikana kalekale ndili ndi zaka za 7. Mwachidziwikire pamsika womwewo sindinkadziwa kuti mchitidwe wogonana ndi chiani, koma ndidakondwera nawo chimodzimodzi. kotero ku 8 ndidayimbira foni mnzanga kunyumba kunyumba ndipo tidayamba kugwirana ndikuchita china chachilendo. Pazaka za 8 ndidapeza dziko latsopano ndipo ndimamva kukhala wamphamvu kwambiri komanso otetezeka, modabwitsa sindimadziwa kuti dziko lolaula ndikugonana.
Ku 11 ndidasintha sukulu chifukwa cha mabanja, ndipo ndidapezeka kuti ndili mkalasi momwe mudali anyamata onse omwe amangolankhula za pmo. kotero patapita masiku angapo ndinayambanso mchitidwewu. apa akupezeka dziko lina monga momwe ndinali ndi zaka 8. Ndinayamba kuyeseza pmo tsiku lililonse kwa nthawi zosachepera 2 patsiku. Sindinadikire kuti ndikafike kunyumba kuti ndikachite. ndi zaka zomwe ndidayamba kutsitsa makanema olaula.
Ndidayamba kukondera kwambiri, ndipo ndimakhala ndikulakalaka china champhamvu. Pakadali pano zonse zili bwino, moyo wanga udali usanavutike. Panthawiyi, ndili ndi zaka 15 (ndimakonda kusunga pmo kawiri patsiku) ndinali ndi chibwenzi kwa zaka 2, bambo anga atamwalira ndipo anali pafupi kwambiri ndi ine. kenako patapita nthawi ndinatembenuka ndikuyamba kusuta udzu ndikugwiritsa ntchito cocaine kumapeto kwa sabata ndipo pazifukwa izi adandisiya patatha miyezi yochepa.
Anandisiya ndili 18, motero nditamvetsetsa kulakwa ndidasiya kokaini kosatha. koma patatha miyezi yowerengeka ndidayamba kuvutika ndi chifunga chamtundu, kusowa chidwi, mantha, sindimatha kudziwa kuti zenizeni za zinthu zidalinso. Ndinkadziona ngati wotayika, ngati kuti mzimu wanga komanso mzimu wanga sukhalanso.
kotero ndidapita kwa adotolo kufotokoza nkhani yanga. koma Zizindikiro zomwe adamuuza sizinachitike. sizingakhale zovuta, ingolibweretsani vuto lakuthupi chifukwa kuyezetsa magazi konse ndi mkodzo sikunapeze mavuto. kotero ndidakhumudwitsidwa kwambiri ndikukhumudwitsidwa ndikuyamba kusuta za 20 ndudu patsiku.
Tsiku lina ndinakumana ndi mtsikana wokongola yemwe ndinali ndidakali ndi zaka za 18. adandikopa kwambiri, patatha masiku angapo, tidapita kunyumba kwanga. koma kunyumba kwathu mwadzidzidzi ndinachita manyazi, osadziwa komanso wokhoza kuchita chilichonse. Sanandipatse kulemera ndikuyesera kuyambitsa chibwenzi chomwe ndidapeza ED yanga yoyamba. Sindinamvetsetse zomwe zinachitika. Sizinachitikepo ndi ine kale.
Chifukwa cha manyazi kwa namtsikanayo, ndinanyamuka ndipo ndinayesa kuyamba kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi, kupita ku masewera olimbitsa thupi, kuthamanga, kusambira dziwe etc. kwakanthawi ndimamva bwino, ndimaganiza kuti chilichonse chidachitidwa ndi nkhawa zambiri ndipo ndidatsimikiza ndekha kuti sizinachitike. kotero ndidayesa ndi mtsikana wina, ndipo ndinapezanso ED. Kenako ndidakhala ndi nkhawa ndikakwiya ndimalingalira kuti chifukwa cha zoyipa zomwe ndidakhala ndi bwenzi langa lakale sindingathenso kuyanjana ndi akazi ena.
Mu izi zonsezi, komabe, sindinakhalepo ndi ED yodziseweretsa maliseche limodzi ndi zolaula. koma izi ndidazizindikira patatha chaka chimodzi. chifukwa chake, nditatha ng'ombe yomaliza ndi mtsikanayo, ndidataya mtima, koma ndidapitilira.
Chifunga chaubongo chinawonjezeka ndipo ndinayambanso kukumbukira zaka zanga zam'mbuyomu. Ndinakhala pachimake, ndinataya libido kwa atsikana. Maso anga amawoneka ngati poizoni wa heroin ndipo mkati mwanga ndimadzimva wamkulu kuposa agogo anga. Ndinapita kwa katswiri wama psychology ndipo iyenso (monga dokotala wina) amaganiza kuti zidachitika chifukwa cha kupsinjika pang'ono komwe ndidakhala nako mzaka zochepa.
Koma sindinamve choncho, chifukwa ndimadziwa kuti pali china chake ... ndili ndi zaka 19, simungakhale opsinjika mtima kwambiri kapena kumva ngati okalamba ngati wazaka 80. Chifukwa chake ndidadziyang'ana ndekha pa intaneti, ndimayesa zonse: matenda, kulephera kwa erectile, kupsinjika, ziwengo za chakudya, koma palibe ... sindinapeze chithandizo chavuto langa, chifukwa vuto silimadziwa kuti ndi chiyani.
Ndinagula zakudya zowonjezera zomwe zidandipatsa mphamvu kwa milungu ingapo, koma kenanso ndidakumana ndi vuto limodzilo, ndipo ndidazindikira kuti tsopano mu Fap yanga ya tsiku ndi tsiku, ndimapitilira kukumana ndi zogonana mosiyana ndi zanga. Ndimafunafuna makanema omwe nthawi zonse amapangidwa ndi anthu a 3, ndipo tsiku lina ndinawona zolaula zamanama. Chowonadi ndi chakuti zinali zonyansa kwa ine ndipo sindinamvetse chifukwa chake ndimayang'ana. kotero ndidakhala ndi nkhawa ndikusaka pa intaneti ngati zaka zolaula zimatha kusintha kugonana.
mwa zinthu zambiri ndidapeza YBOP.com ndipo pambuyo pake gululi. Ndinayamba kuwerenga zolemba zonse, ndemanga, makanema patsamba lino ndipo maso anga adanyezimira… mavuto onse omwe adanenedwapo pamalopo komanso pamsonkhanowu anali anga. Ndiyenera kukuwuzani kuti zonsezi ndinazipeza ndi chifunga chachikulu mumtima mwanga. Ndinazindikira kuti inenso, ndinali zaka kuchokera pamene ndinali ndi nkhuni zam'mawa, kuti kumvera nyimbo sindimamva chisoni, kuti libido yanga, ndi momwe ndimawawonera atsikanawo tsopano anali atamwalira ndipo chinthu chokha chomwe ndimasamala komanso ndimatha pmo anapulumuka.
Izi kwa ine zinali kupezeka kwa chisangalalo. kuchokera ku 28 Ogasiti ndidadzipereka m'masiku a 90 kuti ndiyambirenso kuyendetsa bwino mode ndipo lero ndili pa tsiku la 60th.
Panthawiyi, ndinayamba kukhala ndekha, ndikuwona ndikumvetsetsa anthu, ndikuzindikira kufunika kwa anthu ndi moyo wokha, ndimamva chakudya chabwino kwambiri, ndimagona bwino, ndimakhala ndi zovuta m'mawa, utsi wamaganizidwe wapita, libido yanga ndikulimba kwambiri ndipo ndimangokhala ngati ndabwerera ndili ndi zaka 14. Kukumbukira kwanga kumayenda bwino tsiku ndi tsiku ndipo pamapeto pake ndimamva bwino, ndimakhala wotetezeka, ndimakhala tcheru, ndimamva kuti vuto langa likuchoka.
Tsoka ilo, ana monga ana samalandira chilichonse, ndipo amaganiza kuti sangagonje, mwatsoka sichoncho. tili pachiwopsezo kwambiri makamaka pakubwera zakugonana, ndipo mwatsoka makampani omwe amapereka zolaula (amachita izi kwaulere) amadziwa kuti akhoza kutinyengerera.
palibe fap imathandizadi anthu, chifukwa mwatsoka ili ndi vuto lalikulu lomwe anthu ochepa amadziwa. mwatsoka ndinakhala zaka za 4 za moyo wanga ndili mumdima, ndikuwona maubwenzi ena onse akupita patsogolo ndikukhala wachimwemwe, pamene ndimayesetsa kuthetsa vuto lomwe lidatsimikizika kuti ndilowerera.
zidali zovuta kwambiri masiku owerengeka. Sindinagone, ndinali wamanjenje, wokwiya, wokhumudwa, ndinadutsa 3 ma flatlines amphamvu m'masiku oyambirira a 30. adatenga paranoia ndipo ndidadzuka usiku chifukwa cha ichi. tsopano patatha masiku a 60, popanda, malingaliro anga akutuluka, ndimakhala ndi mphamvu tsiku lililonse, ndimasewera masewera, ndimayesetsa kuthandiza ena ndipo chinthu chomwe ndimakonda kwambiri ndikuti pamapeto pake (kuwonjezera pa kukhala ndi vuto logonana) sindingathe yang'anani pamaso pa atsikana omwe ndimawakonda ndikuwakonda ndi iwo osawachotsa pamaso panga, osawopa.
Tsoka ilo, sindingathe kuchotsa ndudu. koma ndiyesa ndikangomaliza masiku 90. Iyi ndi nkhani yanga mpaka pano. Tithokoze aliyense chifukwa cha zomwe mumachita komanso chithandizo chomwe mumapereka kwa anthu, ndikhulupilira kuti ndathandizanso wina ndi nkhani yanga. nthawi zonse muziyang'ana zabwino kwa inu.
LINK - (nkhani yayitali) nkhani yanga yonena za chifunga cha ubongo ndikachiritsa kukhumudwa
By khalimakki88
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