Lero ndi tsiku lodziwikiratu kwa ine, popeza ndagunda masiku 365 osiya zolaula .. kachitatu. Ndikukuwuzani anyamata pazinthu zomwe ndadutsamo komanso zinthu zomwe zatsala ndi ine. Ngati simunawerenge positi yanga yoyamba apa ( https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/9-years-of-ups-and-downs-of-fighting-pmo.236118/ ), onetsetsani kuti mwawerenga kaye! Chabwino, tipitiliza.
Zaka zisanu ndi chimodzi zoyambirira (2010-2016)
Ndinayamba kudziwa zolaula kuyambira ndili mwana. Pafupifupi mu 2010 pomwe zida zoyambirira za Android zidatuluka, ndidawona kutsatsa kwachiwerewere pagazini yapaintaneti. Ndipamene ndidazolowereka poyang'ana chinthucho kangapo osazindikira kuti ndayamba. Sindinazindikire kuti ndinali nditayamba kale zolaula. Apa ndi pamene ndinagwa pansi pa chizolowezi cha PMO.
Ndimakumbukira kuti ndinayamba kuyang'ana zolaula pa intaneti, kufunafuna magazini achikulire ambiri, kufunafuna zolaula pa intaneti, ndikuyamba kuseweretsa maliseche. Nthawi yoyamba yomwe ndimachita maliseche, ndimamva bwino kwambiri! Zinkawoneka ngati chinthu "chamunthu" kwambiri chomwe ndidachitapo m'moyo wanga wonse! … Komabe ndinazolowera chisangalalo chimenecho. Ndinakhala masiku ambiri ndikuyang'ana zolaula komanso kuseweretsa maliseche pafupipafupi. Ndimatha kuseweretsa maliseche katatu pamlungu, ndipo ndimadwala ngati sindichita maliseche kwakanthawi. Ndakhala ndikufuna kusiya, koma sindinathe. Zinkawoneka ngati sindingathe kuthawa chizolowezi cha PMO, ndizowopsa komanso ndimaganizira nthawi yomweyo.
Ndawona pafupifupi chilichonse pa intaneti, ndikutanthauza masamba azolaula. Ndawona zinthu zofewa komanso zovuta. Mavidiyo amenewo adasinthiratu momwe ndimaonera azimayi komanso zogonana. Makamaka pazinthu zoyipa zidandiphunzitsa kuti azimayi amawoneka kuti amasangalala kuchitiridwa zachipongwe ngati zinthu zogonana. Ndinkaziwona motere, monga momwe ndimakhalira ndi mkazi wosamveka. Ndinkakonda kutsutsa akazi chifukwa cha zolaula. Mukayang'ana zolaula, simudzangoyang'ana kanema m'modzi. Mudzawona ma clip angapo okhala ndi zinthu zatsopano mmenemo. Ndi momwe ndinapitilira ndikuwona zolaula zolaula zolaula.
Ndinalinso ndi moyo wovuta kucheza nawo. Ndimakhala kutali ndi anthu, osamacheza ndi anthu, ndikudzipatula pagulu chifukwa chongoseweretsa maliseche komanso kuwonera zolaula. Kwa ine, zinali zokhutiritsa mokwanira kuchita zinthu zimenezo. Sindinayambe ndakhalapo ndi wina aliyense m'moyo wanga, ndikungopondereza atsikana ndipo nthawi zonse amandikana heheehe. Izi ndichifukwa choti ndimakonda kwambiri zolaula ndipo zimandipangitsa kukhala waulesi kucheza komanso kucheza ndi anthu. Kuda nkhawa komanso mantha anali atakhalako ndisanayambe kumwa mowa chifukwa ndinali ndi vuto linalake. Chifukwa chake, PMO + nkhawa zam'mbuyomu komanso mantha = boom! adasokoneza moyo wamagulu! Nthawi zonse ndimapewa kucheza, kuyesera kudzisangalatsa kunyumba.
Ndinali olema kwambiri, wosasunthika, wosasunthika. Sindinachite bwino kusukulu, ndimangokhalira kugunda (osati zochulukirapo) pamaphunziro omwe amafunikira kuganiza ngati masamu ndi sayansi. PMO yandipangitsa kukhala waulesi kwambiri kotero kuti ndinalibe chidwi chofuna kuphunzira, kukwaniritsa zinthu zazikulu, kukhala ndi cholinga ndikuchita izi chifukwa cholaula komanso maliseche. Sindikukumbukira kuti ndawononga nthawi yochuluka bwanji kwa PMO. Ndawononga nthawi yochulukirapo yokhudzana ndi zolaula komanso maliseche. Ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zomwe ndimanong'oneza nazo bondo kwambiri pamoyo wanga.
Ndimamva ngati sindingathe kuthawa zolaula, ndimayesa kangapo munthawi imeneyi koma nthawi zonse ndimatha kulephera KAPENA kugunda mopenga. Ndinkafunitsitsa kusiya zolaula koma ndinali wosokonezeka komanso wotayika. Sindimadziwa kuti bwaloli lilipo.
The Rise and also the Fall (2016-June 24th 2018)
Kumayambiriro kwa chaka cha 2016, ndidadwala matenda oopsa ndipo adandibweretsa kuchipatala. Ndinkapuma kunyumba kwa masiku XNUMX. Ndinalibe mphamvu zochitira chilichonse, kuphatikizapo kuseweretsa maliseche komanso kuonera zolaula. Ndidapumula kwenikweni ndipo kwa nthawi yoyamba, sindinathetsetse maliseche masiku asanu ndi awiri. Zimamva bwino komanso ndimatha kumva kusintha mkati mwanga. Chifukwa chake, ndidasankha kuchita Nofap! Inde, Nofap.
Pafupifupi miyezi 5 yoyamba kuyambiranso, nditakumana ndi kwakanthawi kochepa, mafunde ambiri akunyansidwa, maloto onyentchera, zolimbikitsa zachilendo kuti ndibwerere, "matenda aubongo", ndimamva ngati china chake chikusintha mkati mwanga. Ndinakhala wopepuka (utsi wamaubongo), wotsimikiza mtima, wolimbitsa chidaliro komanso wachisangalalo, wochezeka ndi anthu. Ndinayamba kuchita masamu ndipo ndinayesadi mayeso! Ndinayamba kuchita nawo maphunziro aliwonse kusukulu ndipo ndimadzimva ngati mulungu!
Munthawi imeneyi, ndidayamba kusintha malingaliro anga okhudza akazi komanso kugonana. Ndinayamba kulemekeza akazi momwe alili, ndinayamba kuyamika zogonana ndikuyesera kucheza ndi anthu ena. Ndakhala wokondana kwambiri ndi aliyense ndipo ndimalandiridwa kwambiri ndi atsikana ndipo ndimatha kukopa atsikana. Sindinakhalepo wamkulu chotere, ndimaganiza. China chake chinali kusintha mwachangu kwenikweni. Kuda nkhawa ndi mantha zimapezekabe. Koma anali atapita pakati pa 2017. Nditha kukhala moyo wosangalala kwambiri popanda PMO, ndikuyamba kukonzanso moyo wanga.
Ndidasankhidwanso kukhala purezidenti wamgwirizano wamaphunziro pasukulu, ndikuyamba kucheza ndi anthu, kucheza ndi okalamba komanso achinyamata, kumanga sukulu yathu kuti ikhale malo abwinoko. Ndayambanso kuwerenga pamitu yosiyanasiyana monga filosofi, uzimu, mbiri, psychology, ndi zilankhulo zakunja. Ndayamba kuphunzira zilankhulo. Ndinapambana mipikisano ya mbiri yakale komanso Chijeremani.
Zambiri pazolowa, pa Juni 24th 2018 ndidachita zopusa. Pambuyo pogwira ntchito molimbika zaka ziwiri ndi theka, ndalephera momvetsa chisoni. Ndimaganiza kuti ndili ndi mphamvu zokwanira kuti ndione zolaula, chifukwa chofuna kudziwa ndidaganiza zofufuza za uhule pa intaneti. Ndayamba kuwona zithunzi zambiri zamaliseche pa intaneti chifukwa sindikudziwa kuti zitenga nthawi yayitali bwanji, mwina ola limodzi kapena awiri ndipo ndinayamba kumva kuti ndizosowa pambuyo pake.
Ku gehena, kachiwiri… (Juni 24th 2018- Pano (Juni 24th 2019 monga momwe adalembera))
Pambuyo pa kafukufuku wanga wodabwitsayo, ndidayamba kumva kukhala wodabwitsadi ndipo ndidakumana ndi dopamine koyamba. Nditatsala pang'ono kugona, ndinamva kuthamanga kwakukulu kwa dopamine muubongo wanga, kusokoneza kapangidwe kake ndikupangitsa mantha. Mtima wanga unali kugunda kwambiri, ndinali kutuluka thukuta, ndipo nthawi iliyonse ndikatseka maso ndinkangotulutsa zithunzi zolaula (ndipo ndimatha kuzimva) zomwe ndaziwonapo kale mwachangu, modabwitsa, mwauzimu- ngati kuti muli pa LSD. Sindinayambe ndachitapo mantha kale. Kuphulika kwa dopamine kunali kwenikweni koopsa komanso kowopsa, sindinathe kugona kwa maola ambiri pozindikira kuti ndangogona ola limodzi kapena awiri KOMA ndimatha kuchita zinthu tsiku lonse. Kuwonjezeka kwa dopamine kunandipatsa mphamvu zambiri kuti ndichite zinthu.
Ndinayamba kudandaula mwachangu. Ndinali kwambiri. Zinali zovuta kwambiri kwa ine, choncho ndinaganiza zopita kumbuyo tsiku loyamba. Lero si tsiku limodzi chifukwa ndikungoyenda ulendo! M'malo modandaula ndikukumbukira momwe ndimakhalira wamkulu, ndidayamba kudzipangitsa kukhala woyesedwa. Ndidawunikiranso zomwe ndidakumana nazo chaka chamawa.
Mwambiri, kwa miyezi itatu yoyambirira ndakhala ndikukumana ndi mafunde ambiri kwakanthawi kochepa, kukhumudwa, kusowa tulo, kusowa mtendere, komanso kupsa mtima msanga. Ndimamvanso kuchepa kwa mayanjano ndikulakalaka kukhala kutali ndi anthu. Ndimamva kuti zotsatira za kuwukira kwa dopamine ndizowopsa komanso zowopsa. Sikundipha m'zonse, popeza ndawona njira zomwe ndingakule ndikumva kuwawa. Ndalonjeza kwa ine ndekha kuti sindidzakonzanso konse, ngakhale ndakhala ndikulanda nthawi yayitali. Phunziro kwa inu anyamata.
M'miyezi ya 6 ndi 7, zina mwazizindikiro zatha. Sindinkavutika kugona, ndinalibe nkhawa yayitali (yayifupi idakalipobe), ndayambiranso kuyang'ana kwanga komanso mphamvu zanga pochita masewera olimbitsa thupi. Ndinayamba kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi tsiku lililonse. Ndipo ndikuzindikira momwe kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi kungapangitsire kuyambiranso kwathu mwachangu pafupi ndi Nofap.
Kuda nkhawa kulipobe mpaka pano, ndimakhala wokwiya nthawi iliyonse ndikawona china chake cholimbikitsa kugonana. Ndikuganiza kuti ndikawona kuti kwakanthawi ndimatha kukhala ndi mantha (post traumatic) kotero ndidapewa kwathunthu kwa PMO. Cholakwitsa changa chachikulu pomaliza kuyambiranso chinali, ndimayang'anabe zolaula koma zochepa. Ndinangopewa kuseweretsa maliseche kwathunthu, osati P ndi M kwathunthu.
Pa Januwale 2019, ndidapanga HOCD kapena OCD Yachiwerewere OCD. Kwenikweni, zili ngati kuganiza kuti ndiwe gay koma sunatero. Ndimayang'ana chithunzi cha munthu wamaliseche mwadzidzidzi ndipo mwadzidzidzi ndinatsala pang'ono kumangirira. Ndinali ndikuchita mantha kwambiri ndipo ndimaganiza, "wtf man u gay?" nthawi zambiri. HOCD ikulepheretsa kwambiri, ngakhale itakhala miyezi 6, imamvekabe ngati ili pano. Malingaliro osafunikira omwe abwera, kulimbikitsidwa kosawerengeka (kuyang'ana akazi / abambo kuti muwone ngati simukukopeka, kuyang'ana pa intaneti pazakugonana kwanga, kuyesera kuti ndisadzutse makamaka ndikawona amuna, siyani kuchita zinthu / manja zomwe ndimakonda kuchita chifukwa ndimawawona ngati 'gay-ish', ndi zina zambiri) akhala akundipha posachedwa. Ndikudziwa kuti sindine gay koma ubongo wanga ndi thupi langa zimangoganiza kuti ndine. Ikulepheretsa kwambiri, kulepheretsa kwambiri kuposa Kubwezeretsanso ndikuganiza. Ngati mwakumana ndi HOCD, chonde ndidziwitseni mu ndemanga zamomwe mungalimbane ndi chinthuchi.
M'miyezi ya 8, 9, 10 ndimatha kumva bwino kwambiri. Palibenso zizindikiro kupatula kuda nkhawa, mafunde amafupipafupi a kukhumudwa (makamaka chifukwa cha HOCD), ndi HOCD. Ndimamva bwino kwambiri pazonse pochita Nofap. Pamapeto pa sukuluyo, ndinamaliza maphunziro anga ndipo ndinamaliza maphunziro awo.
M'miyezi 10, 11, 12 ndikumva bwino. Palibenso zizindikiro kupatula kuda nkhawa, kukhumudwa, ndi HOCD. HOCD ndiye matenda atsopano omwe ndikulimbana nawo tsopano, ndipo pang'onopang'ono zinthu zikuyenda bwino.
mathero
M'tsiku lapaderali, ndikukumbukira tsiku lowopsa lomwe lathetsa cholowa changa chamtengo wapatali. Ndikungofuna kunena, kusiya zolaula ndizovuta, ndipo kumakhala kovuta nthawi zonse. Koma sizotheka. M'malingaliro mwanga, kuchita Nofap sikokwanira. Muyeneranso kusintha moyo wanu. Yesetsani kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi, kudya athanzi, kuchita zinthu zolimbikitsa, kucheza ndi anthu, kusinkhasinkha, kuphunzira maluso atsopano panjira. Kusiya zolaula kudzakhala kovuta, choncho dzikonzekereni kuti mupeze zinthu zoyipa kwambiri panjira. Padzakhala nthawi zomwe mumamva kuti mukufuna kusiya, komanso nthawi zomwe mumadzimva kuti ndinu wamphamvu, ofanana ndi Mulungu.
Pa Nofap, ndimatha kumva zinthu zambiri zodabwitsa zomwe sindinaganize kuti ndikanakhala nazo. Kusintha kumeneku kunandipangitsa kukhala wotsimikiza kuti Nofap ndiye chisankho chabwino kwambiri chomwe anyamata mungachite. Ndakhala ndikudandaula kwakanthawi kochepa, kulira, kuda nkhawa, kusalimbika mtima, ulesi, ngakhale kudzipha pazaka 9 zapitazi. Ndinali ndi malingaliro ofuna kudzipha chifukwa ndinangosiya. Ndidamuuza ndikupempha Mulungu kangapo kuti andiphe, koma sanatero. Anandipatsa mwayi wachiwiri wokonzanso moyo wanga. Chifukwa chake ndidamanganso moyo wanga, pang'onopang'ono. Ndalonjeza kuti ndisadziphe, ngakhale zitakhala zovuta bwanji. Ndatsimikiza mtima kwambiri ndikulimbitsidwa ndi mbiri yanga yamdima kotero ndidakhala munthu watsopano yemwe ndikulakalaka moyo watsopano, wabwino.
Anzanga, musamangotaya mtima. Musaiwale kuzunzika kwambiri, kuti mupeze zambiri. Ndataya zomwe zinali zanga, ndipo ndizitenga! Pangani yanu!
Ndidziwitseni mu ndemanga ngati aliyense wa inu ali ndi funso lokhudza nkhani yanga yachipambano kapena china chilichonse. Zikomo kwambiri (ndikulira komanso kukhala ndi malingaliro tsopano bcs kulemba izi zimanditengera kulimba mtima kwambiri ndikukumbukira masiku oyipa).
LINK - Nkhani yanga ya Masiku 365 a Nofap (Mtunda Wautali)
By Alireza
;