I’m 6 months into my reboot (messed up 2-3x on p-site and 5x peeking on google images) but even with my rare setbacks my erections have gone from 60-70% for a few minutes in July and now in December I get 80-90% for 5+ minutes. I used to take 15mg cialis and now I take none and can always have sex even if I’m not totally hard. I still sometimes need stimulation.
I’ve also been O’ing from sex 1-5x per week since July. I’m sure if I had less O’s and didn’t have the P slip ups I would be much much more recovered right now.
I suggest you find a girl you can be really comfortable with, I explained this problem to my girlfriend and she is very supportive.
Just remember that p teaches us that sex is a performance, it’s important to train yourself when you’re with a girl, treat sex as something enjoyable you’re experiencing together, rather than a performance (easier said than done, I know). A really good book for this is “Cupids Poisoned Arrow” by Marnia.
The willpower method can definitely be counter-productive after a certain point for some of us, particularly because it builds more shame/disgust which further masks the shadow and allows it to grow. I’ve been trying to reboot since 2013, I’ve had more failures and success than I know what to do with, I’m definitely not completely healed but I’ve gone from severe complete PIED to being able to have regular sex with almost no issue. The best period of abstinence has been the past 7 months since I met my gf and she’s been very supportive and helped me shed some of the shame. 2013-2019 my cycles were something like: 1-2 months clean, then cycles of PMO 1-2x/week for months before managing another 1-2month streak. In the past 7 months I’ve PMO’d 2-3 times and had maybe a dozen peeks. Still not ideal but a very significant change.
Two things I’ve come across …
The first is a talk by Ram Dass on addiction. Essentially talking about how addiction is an endless cycle of crave>peek>binge>shame>disgust>pain>crave, and the easiest point in the chain to intervene that we initially have most control over is the shame link, we can actually break the entire chain through being kind to ourselves and the shame>disgust>pain will drop off.
The second is a podcast from Sam Harris with Judson Brewer. The podcast isn’t on youtube but it can easily be found ‘#179 The Unquiet Mind – Making Sense with Sam Harris’. But here’s a good clip of Judson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFuVUZRm9AI
Sam and Judson talk a lot about … coming to addiction and behavior with curiosity.
Besides letting go I believe there are also other ways which are valuable to explore the shadow. The shadow for those unaware, consists of much more than our addiction mind, it’s essentially everything we don’t want to acknowledge or we believe to be ‘lesser’ than ourselves. For me I’ve dealt a great deal with anger issues, my anger/porn use are very much intertwined.
One of the greatest tools I’ve ever used for exploring my anger is martial arts training. I recommend it to practically everyone. I’ve train brazillian jiu-jitsu and boxing. BJJ is fun but in all honesty isn’t enough of a rage de-load for me, the times I’ve been boxing frequently have been some of my ‘cleanest’ periods of time. It’s not precisely a long term solution but it’s a very good way to drain the tank and keep the water levels in check.
LINK - Day 500 of hardmode.