Mukakhala ozoloweka ndi matupi ovekedwa bwino, maliseche a HD, ndi ngodya zabwino zosangulutsa zanu nthawi zina zinthu zenizeni sizingafanane
Nkhani yoyambirira yolembedwa ndi Neelam Tailor
Chenjezo: Mwana achitiridwa nkhanza komanso zolaula
M'chilimwe cha 2010, ndinali ndi zaka 16 zakubadwa ndimaliseche komanso zaka zisanu ndikuwonera zolaula. Pokhala wabizinesi wokonda kusangalala koteroko, ndimaganiza kuti ndikamasuka chibwenzi changa choyenera ndikutanthauza kuti iyi inali nthawi yanga yowala. Ndidaphunzira za momwe matupi anga a mamon angakhalire opanda vuto, momwe ndimayenera kupanga, komanso kuti Agiriki ndi aminisitala atsopanowo. Ndinali wokonzeka. Koma titafika kumeneko ... ndinali wouma ngati fupa.
Koma, bwanji nyini yanga idandipereka? Chikondi chinali mlengalenga ndipo mahomoni anali ponseponse, koma pakati pa ma sheet omwe ndimakhala ndimavuto, tinene kuti, kusungunula mayendedwe ake. Sindinathe kufika pena pafupi konyowa ngati momwe ndimakhalira ndikumayang'ana Pornhub ndipo ndidasokonezeka kwambiri. Pomwe iye anali mnzathu wapamtima idakali kukulira muzu wavutoli.
Chowonadi chakuti ndimaonera zolaula masiku ambiri chinali chinsinsi changa chachikulu chochititsa manyazi, ndimaganiza kuti ndine m'modzi mwa atsikana okha omwe amachita izi. Chifukwa chake m'malo molankhulana ndi aliyense, monga wachinyamata aliyense, ndinayang'ana pa intaneti. Reddit inali ndi ulusi wotchedwa NoFap - malo ochezera anthu omwe amakonda kuseweretsa maliseche ndi zolaula omwe amawalimbikitsa kusiya - omwe amawoneka ngati malo operekera nkhani za kusagwira ntchito bwino kwa erectile, kuyesa kolephera kusiya zolaula, komanso kuchepetsa chilakolako cha kugonana IRL. Imagwira ntchito makamaka ngati malo othandizira omwe akuwonetsedwa ndi 'Sober' October yovomerezeka ya NoFap komwe mamembala pafupifupi 500k akulimbikitsidwa kusiya zolaula pawokha, kuseweretsa maliseche, ndi kugonana koyenera (PMO) ndikulemba ulendowo.
Komabe, choti sindinalumikizane ndi 100% ndi NoFap chimasankhidwa ndi dzinalo. "Fap" ndi onomatopoeic, kutengera phokoso lomwe mbolo limapanga nthawi ya maliseche, yomwe ikudzipatula yokha ngati mtsikana wachinyamata. Komanso NoFap ndikudzipatula ngati mpata kwa ine, ena mu kayendedwe amatenga malingaliro okhudzana ndi kugonana. Zokongoletsa mozungulira zogonana-zimathandizira kuwonjezera manyazi kwa anthu omwe ali m'mafakitole m'malo mochirikiza ndi kulemekeza ufulu wawo wogulitsa zogonana ngati ntchito. Nthawi zina zikhulupiliro zolimba zomwe zili mu gulu la NoFap zimatha kukhala mwayi wodzipatula kwambiri kwa anthu omwe amakhala ndi vuto logonana, komanso samamva kufunikira koti azichita zolaula, zolaula komanso kuseweretsa maliseche.
Ubale wanga weniweni udali woyamba kwa ine, kotero ndidasiya kuwonera zolaula posachedwa ndipo sindinayang'ane kumbuyo kuyambira (chabwino, maliseche ndichabwino, kotero ndimachitabe izi pakanthawi kochepa).
Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti achinyamata omwe amagwiritsa ntchito zolaula mokakamiza amakhala ndi kusagwirizana kochepa ndi anthu, mavuto ambiri okhudzana ndi khalidwe, khalidwe loipa, zizindikiro za kuvutika maganizo, komanso kuchepa kwa mgwirizano wamaganizo ndi osamalira. Ngakhale, kwa akuluakulu, pali maphunziro opitilira 75 omwe amagwirizanitsa kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula ndi kusakhutira kosayenera pa kugonana komanso ubale, komanso kusokoneza zikhulupiriro zathu ndi malingaliro athu pa akazi . Fight The New Drug , tsamba lodzipereka lofufuza momwe zolaula zimakhudzira ubongo, limakhulupirira kuti ubongo wathu sunapangidwe kuti uthane ndi kuchuluka kwa chilakolako chogonana chomwe chimachokera ku zolaula.
Musanayambe kuwononga zizolowezi zanu, pakhala pali kukana mayendedwe omwe salola zolaula ndi kuvina. Mu 2016, katswiri wa sayansi ya mitsempha Nicole Prause adauza The Guardian kuti: "Magulu a pa intaneti awa adzipangitsa kukhala otanganidwa kwambiri pomwe kale amuna sakanadandaula. Kenako nthawi ina akapita kukagonana amadzivutitsa kwambiri." [ZINDIKIRANI: Kuti mudziwe zambiri za tsankho la Nicole Prause, onani Kodi Nicole Prause Akukhudzidwa ndi Makampani Oonera Zolaula? ]
Komabe, nditasiya zolaula kwa miyezi itatu kapena isanu ndi umodzi, thupi langa linachira ku nthawi yake youma, zomwe zinandithandiza kwambiri. Koma, zapezeka kuti sindine ndekha mkazi amene wakhala paulendowu. YouTuber Alana Parekh amayendetsa njira ya NoFap ya akazi ndipo amafotokoza mavuto athu akale ngati "ofala kwambiri". Alana, wazaka 28, anasiya kuonera zolaula ndi kuseweretsa maliseche zaka ziwiri zapitazo, atazipeza koyamba ali ndi zaka zisanu ndi ziwiri. Ali mtsikana, akuonera makanema a pa TV a akuluakulu "ofewa" ku Chicago pamene makolo ake anali kugona m'chipinda chapamwamba, sankadziwa zomwe akuyang'ana. "Sindinamvetse bwino zomwe zinali. Ndinkaganiza kuti ndikuyang'ana dziko lachilendo la akuluakulu. Ndinkaganiza kuti ndi chinthu chomwe akuluakulu onse ayenera kuchita ndipo ndinamva kuti mwina ndi chinthu chomwe ndimayenera kuchita ndikakhala wamkulu," akundiuza pafoni. Chimene chinayamba ngati chidwi chinakula kukhala maola awiri kapena atatu ndikuonera zolaula tsiku lililonse pamene zinali pachimake.
Patatha pafupifupi zaka 20 za chizolowezi choonera zolaula, Alana adadziyambitsa zovuta za masiku 90 a NoFap. Atayambiranso, kapena awiri, adakwanitsa kuchita zachiwerewere ndipo adati chidwi chake pa kukongola zenizeni zachuluka, "mwadzidzidzi anthu omwe anali pafupi nane anayamba kuwoneka okongola." Kukhumudwa komwe kunamupangitsa kuti azimva ngati "zombie" akuwoneka kuti akutha atasiya. Tsopano amathandiza ena kuthana ndi zosowa zawo, kupereka thandizo limodzi kwa Skype komanso kufotokoza zomwe akumana nazo pa YouTube. “Ndimalakalaka kwambiri kuti ndithandizire anthu kuthana nazo tsopano. Monga kungowona momwe zandichitira m'moyo wanga, ndimamva ngati ndabwezedwa mzimu, ”akutero mokondwa.
Makolo athu onse aku India sanalankhulepo za zolaula kapena kugonana nafe tili achinyamata, kotero tinawaona moopsa ngati chinthu chimodzi. Malinga ndi magwero ena, tikudziwa kuti zaka zapakati zomwe ana amaonera koyamba zolaula zimakhala pafupifupi zaka 11 , pomwe ena amati ndi za ana aang'ono ngati eyiti, koma ndi ana angati azaka zimenezo omwe aphunzitsidwapo chilichonse chokhudza izi?
Kuonera zolaula popanda mandala ovuta kapena maphunziro aliwonse kumapangitsa Alana kuganiza molakwika kuti: “Ndidangokula ndili ndi lingaliro la chikondi chomwe chimayenera kukhala. Zinakhudzanso thupi langa. Ndinayamba kulabadira zomwe azimayiwo amawoneka ndipo ndimayerekezera thupi langa ndi iwo ndikungodzifunsa kuti, ngati mkazi. " Zithunzi zolaula zikuluzikulu zimawonetsa azimayi kukhala ngati zogonana kudzera mwa amuna: "Zinandipangitsa kuti ndizimva kuti ndizofunika kwambiri kuti ndikhale womangika pazomwe ndimatha kuchita zogonana," akutero Alana.
Ndikofunikira kusiyanitsa pakati pa mfundo yakuti kugonana ndi chinthu chachibadwa komanso chathanzi, ndipo kuyamba kuonera zolaula sikuyenera kukhala vuto nthawi zonse. Zolaula zimakhala ndi gawo labwino m'miyoyo ya anthu ambiri ndipo zakhala zikuyambitsa kuphunzira kugonana okha - ndikofunikira poganizira kuti 39% ya akazi adati nthawi zonse amafika pachimake akamagonana pomwe 6% adati nthawi zonse amafika pachimake akamagonana ndi mnzawo . Mawebusayiti azithunzi zolaula ndi ofunikira kwambiri kwa anthu ambiri omwe amafufuza zolaula zawo, komanso palinso ogulitsa zogonana padziko lonse lapansi omwe amamva kuti ali ndi mphamvu chifukwa cha malonda awo.
Komabe, akazi ena amagwiritsa ntchito zolaula ngati njira yothawira ku zoopsa zakale. Oghosa Ovienrioba , wolemba blog waku Britain waku Nigeria komanso YouTuber, adagwiriridwa ali ndi zaka zisanu. Amaganizira momwe kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula kwake kunayambira mu nkhanza zomwe zidamupangitsa kuti agone msanga. "Ndinali ndi chilakolako chogonana ndili mwana kwambiri. Mwachionekere sindinalankhule ndi aliyense za izi, kotero zidangokulirakulira ndipo ndipamene ndinayamba kuonera zolaula," akutero pamene tikulankhula pafoni. Oghosa adawona zolaula ngati "njira" yothawira, ndipo akufotokoza "Stockholm Syndrome zotsatira pomwe ndidamva kuti ndimakonda wondizunza ndipo ndidamva kuti ndimakonda momwe ndimamvera ndikazunzidwa."
Timalankhula pafoni, wabwerera kuchokera kujambulira makanema pa YouTube pa kanema pomwe amalankhula za kukongola, kutengera zachikunja ndi chikhulupiriro chake. Ngakhale kuti adawonera pafupifupi maola anayi a zolaula patsiku kuyambira azaka 14 mpaka 20, atakhala Mkristu wobadwanso mwatsopano adasiya kuwonera mafilimu achikulire ndikugonana paliponse. Amakumbukira akulira akusamba ndipo "akupemphera kwa Mulungu kuti, 'Ngati mulidi zenizeni, chonde musalole kuti ndibwererenso ku chinthu ichi'. Ndipo sindinatero. ”
"Ndinkamvadi ngati mwana," Oghosa akutero tikukambirana momwe kuyimira kwa akazi akuda kumuchotsera. Akupitiliza kuti, "Zithunzi zolaula za akazi akuda mumunthu zimakhala zowopsa, ndipo zimakhala zowopsa. Amayi akuda ndi nyama ndipo mutha kuchita zomwe mukufuna ndi matupi awo. " Kugawana kwamtundu wa zolaula kumathandiziradi simenti kuwononga komwe kumakhala kale.
Ngakhale zolaula zimawonetsa chikhalidwe cha anthu, ndi maulendo 1,000 opita ku PornHub omwe amachitika sekondi iliyonse , mphamvu zake pa anthu sizingatsutsidwe. Malinga ndi ndemanga ya masamba a 2019, panali avareji ya maulendo 115 miliyoni patsiku (ofanana ndi anthu aku Canada, Australia, Poland ndi Netherlands omwe amafika tsiku limodzi), ndipo mitundu monga "Japanese", "Korean" ndi "Ebony" ndi omwe ali pamwamba pa mndandanda wa mawu ambiri osakira.
Amayi achichepere, makamaka achipembedzo, amachita manyazi chifukwa cha zizolowezi zawo. Pazenera lakufotokozera azimayi a NoFap, ndidakumana ndi mayi wachisilamu wazaka 21 wa ku Germany yemwe akuti "amapemphera kasanu patsiku" ndipo amakonda kwambiri maliseche. Ngakhale amafuna kukhala wopanda dzina iye akuwulula kuti adayamba ali ndi zaka 11, nati: "Ndinali munthu wovutika maganizo nthawi imeneyo, ndinapezerera anzawo, motero ndikadziseweretsa maliseche, zinali ngati kutulutsa chilichonse mkati mwanga. Ndili ndi chisangalalo chomwe ndimafunikira mu mphindi imeneyo, ndidayiwala zowawa mkati mwa moyo wanga. Ndinkafuna kumva kuti ndizovomerezeka nthawi zonse. ”
Patatha zaka ziwiri, zomwe amakonda adasamukira ku BDSM: "Ndidaphunzira kudzimangiriza ndekha ndikumenya maliseche ndikumangidwa. Ndinkadzilanga mwanjira zopweteka zomwe zinali zosangalatsa kwambiri kwa ine. ” Pofikira pagawo losadziwika kuti amuthandize, adanena kuti amadzimva kuti ali ndi mlandu komanso manyazi chifukwa zomwe amalakalaka zokhudzana ndi kugonana zimasemphana ndi chikhulupiriro chake. Chifukwa chake, monga ine, amakamba za zokuchitikazi ndikuyesera ndikulimbana ndi manyazi komanso zovuta, chifukwa zimangokhala chete kukambirana ndi kuphunzira.
Ndikumvetsetsa za zoyipa zomwe ndimakonda kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula. Koma, maliseche ndi chinthu chachilengedwe kuti abambo ndi amai achite, chifukwa chake ndimafuna kudziwa kuti bwanji anthu ambiri amasiya zonsezi. Ulendo wa Oghosa unalumikizidwa kwambiri ndi zikhulupiriro zake zachipembedzo. Monga mkhristu, adati "akaliyesa ndikuwona zomwe Bayibulo likunena pankhani ya maliseche".
Mosiyana ndi zimenezi, Alana ali ndi zifukwa zomwe sizikugwirizana ndi zauzimu m'njira yachikhalidwe. "Ndikuganiza kuti zimangodalira chifukwa chomwe mumadziseweretsa maliseche. Kwa ine, ndinkadziseweretsa maliseche ngati njira yothawira mavuto anga," akufotokoza. "Komanso, akuti pali dopamine cycle yofanana muubongo mukamwa mankhwala aliwonse ovuta komanso mukafika pachimake. Chifukwa chake kwa milungu iwiri mutafika pachimake, mumakhala ndi dopamine yochepa," akufotokoza Alana, ponena za maphunziro ena omwe adafufuza. Pomaliza, ndipo ichi ndi chinthu chomwe ndingagwirizane nacho, akunena kuti kusiya kudziseweretsa maliseche kungapangitse kuti ubale ndi mnzanu ukhale wosangalatsa komanso wosangalatsa.
Boma la UK linayesa kuletsa zolaula kwa ana osakwana zaka 18 mu Julayi watha, koma zachedwa. Njira yotsimikizira zaka yomwe akufuna kubweretsa imaletsedwa mosavuta mumphindi zochepa chifukwa ndi intaneti ndipo UK ili kutali kwambiri kuti ithetse vutoli. Kuletsa zolaula kumatseka zokambirana ndikuwonjezera kuletsa. Kumalankhula mopanda pake za mavuto omwe achinyamata amakumana nawo pobisala (zomwe zimachotsedwa mosavuta ndi aliyense amene ali ndi VPN), m'malo mophunzitsa ana momwe angaganizire mozama za zomwe ayenera kuwona.
“Kuletsa china chilichonse kuli ngati kuika bandeji. Sikutanthauza kwenikweni chifukwa chomwe anthu amafunira kuti azionera izi, ”akutero Alana. Adati chidwi chathu chakuonera zolaula sichachilengedwe, koma kuti "zolaula zimathandizira pa chosowa cha munthu chomwe tonse tili nacho, chomwe ndi kulumikizana, chikondi, ubale ndi kugonana". Akupitiliza kuti: "Zili ngati kuti ukunamizira kuti ukukhutira, ndipo m'kupita kwa nthawi zitha kuonongeratu kugonana kwanu ndi malingaliro anu molakwika."
Pali anthu masauzande ambiri ochokera padziko lonse lapansi omwe akulimbana ndi zikhalidwe zawo zogonana ndipo akuwonetsa zotsatira zosintha atasiya zolaula. Kuchokera pakulankhula ndi omwe adachita NoFap, zimawoneka kuti kuseweretsa maliseche kumakhala kopanda thanzi pomwe sikungafanane ndi zolaula. Tsopano ndikudziwa azimayi ambiri omwe anaphunzira izi movutikira, ngakhale ine wazaka 16 ndimaganiza kuti anali yekha.