8-25 Ndili ndi zaka 18, ndidazindikira zolaula zaka zoyambirira za 10 kapena khumi ndi chimodzi, ndikukumbukira kuyambira nthawi zoyambirira zomwe ndimayang'ana zolaula. Ndimayang'ana zithunzi za atsikana amaliseche, ndi zinthu zina, kenako zimakweza makanema olaula, kenako monga ambiri, ndimazindikira zolaula. Ndinamva WOW! Awiri anazipeza pamodzi, ndimaganiza kuti ndichinthu chachikulu kwambiri padziko lonse lapansi .. .koma posakhalitsa zotsatira zake zidandivuta, ndipo ndimayang'ana zinthu monga atsikana maliseche kapena kugwiritsa ntchito makina kuti adzilowetse okha… (Pepani pokhala graphic)… ndinayesetsanso zolaula zolaula. Koma posakhalitsa, ndimamva ngati ndikufunika zochulukirapo, zolaula zimandiyang'ana nthawi zonse, koma nthawi zonse ndimafunikira zolaula zatsopano komanso zolaula. Apa ndipamene ndidayamba kuzindikira Ndinali kutaya libido yanga, ndinayamba kumva kuti sindingaganizire za amayi ndikutseguka, chifukwa ndinali nditawona zambiri zolaula. Kodi ndinali wokonda zolaula? Sindikudziwa momwe ndingayankhire funsoli, koma gehena ndidaziyang'ana zambiri… kodi nditha kusiya? Nditha, koma zikuwoneka ngati malingaliro anga asokonezeka kwambiri ndi zakugonana, sindingathe kuyatsa. Ndimakonda kulingalira za atsikana malinga ndikukumbukira, ndipo ndimangowonera zolaula kwakanthawi, sindimatha kuzichita, zimangowoneka ngati zotopetsa… kunena pang'ono. Ndinkakonda kusangalala ndi zogonana, koma nditaonera zolaula kwakanthawi, zinali zosasangalatsa ... Poyamba ndi momwe HOCD yanga idayambira, ndimawona kuti kugonana kumakhala kotopetsa, komabe HOCD yanga inali yofooka nthawi imeneyo, ndipo ndinali palibe mavuto kuthana nazo.
Koma vuto lenileni linafika pamene ndinapeza odzisintha mtundu zolaula, zinandigwedeza, ndipo ndinayang'ana odzisintha mtundu zolaula, zidasokoneza kwambiri momwe nkhani yanga imapitilira, ndipamene ndidazindikira… .. kuusa moyo ... .cringe… .gay zolaula .. .. Ndimadana ndi kulakalaka ndikuwona mitundu iwiriyi ya zolaula, imodzi chifukwa ndimaiona kuti ndiyosokoneza komanso zonyansa kwambiri .... koma pazifukwa zina, zimandipatsa "kukankha kwamaganizidwe" momwe ndingafotokozere pamene ndimakhala MB ndipo palibenso china chomwe chikuwoneka bwino kwambiri tsopano. Ndikudziwa kuchokera m'mbiri yakale sindine amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kapena amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, chifukwa mpaka tsiku lomwe ndidazindikira zolaula, ndimakondabe kwambiri ndi mtsikana kusukulu yanga yasekondale. Ndipo kuyambira pomwe ndinali 7 ndimakonda atsikana, ndipo sindinazindikirepo kamodzi kalikonse, ndipo mpaka lero, sindinadziwepo za mkulu wina. Si ine ayi.
Koma zikuwoneka ngati, usiku ndimatha zonse zomwe ndili nazo, sindikufuna atsikana tsopano, chifukwa nthawi zonse ndimakhala ndikuda nkhawa kuti ndikugonana, komanso HOCD yanga nthawi zina, ndimayamba kukhulupirira kuti ndikugonana. Koma nthawi zonse pambuyo pa nsomba, ndimaseka pa mantha anga. Inde ndimagwiritsa ntchito kufufuza maofesi ambiri a HOCD pa intaneti, ndipo sindinawerengepo munthu amene ali ndi vuto la HOCD ngati langa. Koma tsopano ndikudziwa kuti pali anthu ambiri monga kunja uko, nditapeza malo awa. Kwa ine, ndikugwira ntchito kuti ndiyambirenso, ndayamba sabata lapitalo, koma ndinatsirizika ndi ziwiri zobwereza MBing. Koma apo ndi pamene sindinali wodzipereka kwenikweni chifukwa cha chisankho mu malingaliro anga, kodi ndipitirize kuyang'ana zinthu izi mpaka nditachita mantha? kapena ndiyambirenso? Koma ndazindikira kuti ndikulimbitsa vuto ili popitirizabe. Kotero tsopano ndatsimikiza mtima kubwezeretsa. Ndakhazikitsa zolinga zowonjezera, choyamba ndi cholinga cha tsiku la 4, lomwe liri Lamlungu lino, cholinga chotsatira ndi September 7th, chotsatira ndilo tsiku la 30 tsiku la Oktoba. Ndikutenga sitepe iyi ndi sitepe. Cholinga changa ndichofika kumapeto kwa chaka chino popanda kubwereranso.
Kotero uwu ndi kutha kwa tsiku loyamba kuchokera pamene ndikubwerera kachiwiri. Sindikumva bwino kwambiri, ndikudandaulirabe MB. Ndipo zopusa zomwe zimasokoneza ndi kugonana zonyansa zimapitirizabe kukhala zowopsya ndikufika mu malingaliro anga mosavuta. HOCD yanga ndi yabwino kwambiri, chifukwa ndimamva ngati ndikudziwa chifukwa chake izi zikuchitika. Komanso, zimakhala zabwino kuti ndikhale ndi cholinga m'malingaliro, ndipo chiyembekezo cha chiyembekezochi chatsanso kachiwiri mwa ine. Ndimadera nkhawa pamene kugonana kumatuluka. Ndikufuna kuti iwo ayime.
Nayi malingaliro anga a HOCD kutengera zomwe ndawerenga
Ndi mtundu wamatenda amisala, omwe amadziwika kuti Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, pomwe wodwalayo amangotengeka kwambiri ndi mantha. HOCD ndi mtundu umodzi wokha, pomwe wodwalayo amawopa kuti "atembenuza" amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Ngakhale, si amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. OCDers atha kumangoganizira zinthu zosiyanasiyana, monga kuopa majeremusi, kuopa kukhala ndi matenda, kuopa kutaya mphamvu ndikuyamba kuchita zachiwawa, kuopa anzawo omwe sakuwakonda kapena kuti sakonda okondedwa wawo, ndi zina zambiri. tengani mawonekedwe odabwitsa. Nthawi zina, OCDers akhoza kudzipha chifukwa cha kusagwirizana kwa zosadziwika. Pafupifupi onse HOCDers akhala akudalira kwambiri kugonana kwawo asanakhazikitse OCD. Pafupifupi onse HOCDers amadziwa kuti amakonda amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, ndipo samakonda kugonana ndi amuna okhaokha, ngakhale kuti amadzimvera chisoni kwambiri. Kwa munthu wamba, zingakhale zosavuta kuti asiye mantha awa ngati opanda nzeru, komabe OCDers satha kuthetsa mantha awa pamene iwo amalingalira nawo masewerawa pofuna kuyesa kuwawatsimikizira kuti ali amasiye. Chimene chimapanga zomwe ife OCDers itanani nkhonya, yomwe ikukweza nkhaŵa chifukwa cha HOCD. Spikes ndi owopsa kwa OCDers, chifukwa zikuwoneka kuti akungoyendayenda ndipo alibe njira yotulukira. Lingaliro la munthu yemwe akudandaula chifukwa cha mantha osayenerera mwinamwake kulimbika kuti munthu wabwinobwino amvetse, komabe ndikukhulupirira ine, ndilowopseza kwambiri, zimamveka ngati ubongo wanu watsekedwa mu chisokonezo chachikulu.
8-26 Ndimadana ndikutengeka ndi nkhawa ndi mantha. Ndimadana nazo kwambiri. Izo zimamverera zolakwika kwambiri.
8-27 Zikuwoneka ngati ndikukhala ndi maganizo. OCD akadali wamphamvu kwambiri kuposa kale lonse, ndimapeza ma spikes ambiri tsopano. Koma funso langa ndilo, kodi pali wina yemwe ali ndi nkhani yofanana ndi yanga ndipo amachiritsidwa pambuyo pa rebooting? [DZIWANI: Ili ndi limodzi mwa mafunso omwe OCDers Gwiritsani ntchito kuyendetsa okha mtedza. Mnyamata wina amene adachirapo adalangiza kuti:
Kufunsa funso ndi chosiyana kwambiri ndi zomwe zimagwira ntchito ndi HOCD. Osasanthula chilichonse pa HOCD, osaphunzira za izo, osaphunzira milandu ina. ZISIRE NOKHA. (Ena anganene kuti izi sizikulimbana ndi vutoli, koma kunena zowona simudzakhala ndi mwayi woti mudzamenye izi mukakhala kuti mumakonda zolaula. "Gay" imalumikizidwa ndi zolaula, kotero "kukumbatirana" kuchuluka kwa nkhawa zakugonana, monga momwe akatswiri ambiri amaganizira, mwina si lingaliro labwino! Mpaka pomwe mwasankha zolaula, koma pamenepo ndimangoganiza HOCD idzakhala itatha kwambiri.]
8-28 Ndimakhalabe ndi zithunzi zachiwerewere zomwe zimabwera m'mutu mwanga, ndipo nthawi zina zimandidabwitsa komanso zimandidetsa nkhawa ... .koma ndimaphunzira, ndikadzidodometsa, zithunzi zosokoneza zija zimatha… OCD imayamwa. Nthawi zina ndikakhala wokondwa kwambiri ndikukhala ndi chiyembekezo, zimangokhala ngati zinyalala zimangotaya m'mutu mwanga. Ndikapeza nthawi imeneyi, zimangomasula kwambiri… zabwino kwambiri… .kumandimva ngati ine kachiwiri… ndikukhumba zikadakhala choncho nthawi zonse.
Ndakhala ndi wothandizira anandiuza kuti ndiyenera kuvomereza zinthu izi monga "Ndine amene." Zinandipweteka kwambiri. Amati asinthe mayankho anga pamaganizowa, ndikuphunzira kuwakonda. Koma ndiye BS. Sindingasinthe mayankho anga kwa iwo, chifukwa si ine. Ndizomveka kuti sindinamuuzepo za zolaula zanga.
8-29 Ndimakumbukirabe zolakwika ... ..Koma ndikayesa kulimbana nawo kapena kuwanyalanyaza, amakhala olimba. Chifukwa chake ndimayesa njira iyi: nthawi iliyonse ndikakhala ndi malingaliro osokoneza, ndimayika X yofiira kwambiri m'malingaliro mwanga. Ndipo ndimayang'ana kwambiri pa X yofiira ija. Ndimadziuza ndekha, malingaliro awa amangotaya malingaliro. Ndimakumbukirabe nkhawa. Ngakhale sanapikidwe. Lero silinali tsiku lopambana, ngakhale sindinabwererenso, komabe, nthawi zonse ndimakhala ndi nkhawa yayitali mwa ine… ..ndikuyesera kudzisokoneza ... ndikulakalaka kuti nkhawayo ithe!
9-02 Ndiyamba kugona nthawi zina, ndinayambira pafupi masiku 4 apitawo, nthawi zonse ndimadzuka pa 3 am ndikupeza zovuta kubwereranso.
9-05 Sindikudziwa ngati ndiyenera kuwerengera lero ngati tsiku la 13, chifukwa ndidabwereranso kangapo. Ndimayenda mozungulira nthawi 4 kuyambira pomwe ndidayamba. Zolimbikitsazi ndizoyipa kwambiri. Sindikusiya. Chofunika kwambiri chomwe ndaphunzira ndikukula ndikuti, chilichonse chimafuna kupirira, ndipo ngati mulephera, imirirani ndikuyesanso. Palibe chomwe chimabwera mophweka m'moyo.Ngati ndikayambiranso, ndimadziuza ndekha, zinatengera a Thomas Edison kuyesera chikwi kuti apange babu yoyatsa, ndipo sanataye mtima. Vuto langa ndilochepa kwambiri kuposa lake. Ndiponso, zimamveka ngati ndilibe njira ina, sindingakhale ndi moyo chonchi. Ndimatha kuonera zolaula ndikabwereranso (inde, ndimayesetsa kuti ndisadziyese ndekha), komabe ndimofooka. Ndipo OCD yanga imadumphira m'bokosi ndikundiuza kuti ndikokakamizidwa, koma kenanso, ndisanayambitsenso ndikadakhala ndi ED yonse yolaula.
[Mbiri yakale] Nthawi zonse ndimakhala, ndikuusa moyo… kwambiri… Ndikulingalira ndinganene motere… .munthu wongoyerekeza zogonana. Ngakhale ndisanapite kusukulu yapakati, malingaliro anga anali odzaza ndi zithunzi za atsikana amaliseche… .ndipo nditaphunzira zachiwerewere, zinali zachilendo kwambiri, sindinadziwe kuti mutha kukhala ndi zinthu zotere ndi msungwana wokongola yemwe ndinkakondana naye sukulu. Zinali zokhutiritsa kungoganiza za zinthu zamtunduwu nthawi imeneyo. Ndikukumbukira kuti ndimakopeka ndi atsikana kwambiri …… momwe analiri okondeka, makamaka ngati atavala t-shirt yolimba .. zimangondisiya kulingalira… ndipo lingaliro la kugonana… linali ngati wow kwa ine … Inali ngati chinthu chopatulika kwambiri, chokongola komanso chosangalatsa..Ndinapeza zolaula pambuyo pake… poyamba ndimaganiza kuti ndichinthu chachikulu kwambiri chomwe chidapangidwapo… .mpaka patatha chaka chimodzi kapena ziwiri ndikuwonera zolaula ... ndinayamba kuzindikira Zosintha zambiri mwa ine… choyamba… chinali chakuti ndimayamba kupeza zithunzithunzi zogonana zomwe sizinadzutse, ndipo sindimadzutsidwa mochuluka mozungulira atsikana a moyo weniweni .. .. ndiye ... ndipo nkhawa zonse zidatha, zolaula zolaula zitayamba. Zomwe zinali zotentha kwambiri .. .ndipo ndimangowonera zolaula amuna okhaokha kuyambira pamenepo. nditapeza zolaula za akazi okhaokha, zolaula zinkatuluka pazenera, choyambirira, sindinakonde kumuwona mnyamatayo, ndimangofuna kuwona atsikana .. Ndinayamba kukhala ndi malingaliro ogonana ndi azimayi awiri nthawi yomweyo nthawi… Ndikukumbukira nthawi imeneyo, ndinapitilira ngati ulendo womaliza maphunziro ndi kalasi yanga ya 8, ndipo tinali kuchita ntchito yoti ndikwaniritse anthu ochuluka kwambiri papulatifomu yamatabwa iyi, ndipo ndinali ndikumuthandiza msungwanayu, ndipo mabere ake anali kumbuyo kwanga, ndikudziwa kuti izi ndizabwino, koma zimamva bwino… ..
Chabwino, mpaka gawo lotsatira la ulendowu… Ndidapita kusukulu yasekondale ndikuonera zolaula, posakhalitsa zotsatira za izi zidandivuta. Ndinkatopa ndi zolaula za akazi okhaokha, ndipo mita ya libido idayamba kutsika… Ndinayamba kuda nkhawa kuti ndikusandulika amuna okhaokha, chifukwa ndimavutika kuti ndiyambitsidwe ndi Megan Fox, popeza anzanga onse ku sekondale anali kukwiya za momwe iye aliri wokondeka. Ndipo sindimatha kuyatsa basi ... posakhalitsa ndimavutika kuti ndiyatsegulidwe m'moyo weniweni ... ndipo nthawi zonse ndimakhala ndikulephera kugwira bwino ntchito. Ndinasokonezeka ... Ndinali ngati 14 nthawi imeneyo. Komabe, nkhawa iyi idakhala yocheperako chifukwa m'modzi ndidapeza zolaula zatsopano, ndipo awiri ndidazindikira kuti mtsikana amandikonda, ndipo ndidayamba kumukopa, sitinayanjanenso, chifukwa chilimwechi adachoka sitinayanjanenso. Pambuyo pake, ndinali wokhumudwa kwambiri, ndinayamba kugwiritsa ntchito makanema osokoneza bongo. Sizinali zokhazo, ndidayamba kugwiritsa ntchito makanema ankhondo achiwawa komanso makanema apolisi kuti ndiphe ululuwo. Ndinamusowa kwambiri. Chodabwitsa, sindinachite zolaula kuti ndichepetse ululu, bwanji sizinabwere m'maganizo sindikudziwa. Panthawiyo, ndinali ndi zero libido. Ndinapitilizabe kusakatula ndikuwerenga zolaula zambiri, nthawi zina ndimatha kuyang'aniridwa ndi zolaula (ngati anali msungwana wotentha kwambiri kapena ngati panali zochitika zabwino) komanso zolaula zamakina, kugona ndi zachilendo sizinachedwe …. Ndinali ndikuchita mantha kwambiri kuti ndimasintha nyimbo nthawi imeneyo. Ndi pomwe ndidayamba kukhala ndi HOCD, ndakhala ndi mbiri ya mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya OCD komanso zovuta kuyambira ndili mwana, sindinadziwe kuti anali OCD nthawi imeneyo.
Kalasi ya 11 ikubwera, kwa chaka chonsechi, ndinalibe libido, ndipo HOCD inaipiraipira.
Kalasi ya 12, chinthu choyipa kwambiri chomwe chitha kuchitika, ndimapunthwa ndikuwona zolaula, kenako zolaula, zomwe zidandidabwitsa komanso zimandipweteka. Ndinali wovutika maganizo kwambiri, HOCD yanga inadutsa, sindinathe kukonda akazi chifukwa tsiku ndi tsiku ndinkakhala mwamantha komanso nkhawa. Ndimaganiza kuti mwadzidzidzi ndakhala gay, koma sindimakonda anyamata. Chifukwa chake sizinali zomveka. Ndinayamba kuda nkhawa kwambiri ndipo ndinali wokhumudwa, ndinkachita mantha kuti ndipeze anti-depressants. Ndinkadana ndikuwonera / kuyerekezera zinthuzo, chifukwa zinali zonyansa kwambiri, sizinali zotentha ngati zolaula za amuna kapena akazi okhaokha… nthawi zonse panali matendawa… zina mwa zinthu zoyipa sizinali zonyansa, koma zovuta zinali zosapiririka. Potsika kwambiri, ndimaganiza zodzipha, chifukwa zinali zonyansa kwambiri. Ndipo OCD idakulirakulira chifukwa imatha kuponyera zithunzi zanga m'maganizo mwanga 24/7. Ndinkadana ndi ola lililonse. Sindingathe kuyang'anitsitsa pachilichonse. Ndinayamba kuthera pafupifupi ola lililonse pamawebusayiti a HOCD, ndikufufuza yankho lachabechabe. Ndapeza yankho langa nditapeza tsambali. Idalongosola zonse, ndinali wosiyana ndi ma HOCD'ers ambiri patsamba la OCD.
Ndinali ndi chizolowezi chodziseweretsa maliseche, ndipo ndikapanda kuseweretsa maliseche, zizindikiro za OCD zimakula kwambiri, ndimayamba kulimbikitsidwa kuseweretsa maliseche, ngati sinditero, OCD imakulirakulira, nthawi iliyonse ndikayambiranso, ndimamva kuwawa kwambiri… .koma mwanjira ina OCD imachoka… .kanthawi. Sindine wasayansi, mwina pali kulumikizana pakati pa OCD, zolaula ndi maliseche? Ndimatha kudzutsidwa ndi amayi, monga nthawi yomwe ndimalemba izi, ndimangodzuka. Ndipo 2 mwazomwe ndimabwereranso zinali zolaula, ngakhale zinali zofooka… .koma ndimamva ngati zibwerera kwa ine. Koma ndikudzutsa chilakolako cha amuna kapena akazi okhaokha komanso odzisintha mtundu zolaula zikadali pano. Sindikufooka kapena kulimba. Koma akadali pano. Ndiyenera kuyiyika nthawi yambiri.
9-07 Maganizo odzipha ali kubwerera. Kusokoneza ubongo wanga. Ndikuzunzidwa pambali iliyonse. Makhalidwe anga ndi otsika kwambiri pakalipano. Matendawa amandichititsa kuti ndikhale wamisala. Ndikuimba zolaula. Izo zawononga chirichonse. Moyo wanga uli m'mabwinja. Ine ndikudwala maganizo. Sindingaganize ndi china chilichonse ndiye HOCD. Maganizo a HOCD amatsutsa malingaliro anga onse achiwiri. Ndatenga mlingo wa mankhwala omwe adokotala adamupatsa, zoloft Ndilo dzina, silikundichitanso zambiri, thupi langa lakhala likulimbana ndi izi. Sindikuwona zambiri zoti ndizikhalira. Kuda nkhawa kwatha. Ndangokhala wokhumudwa. Sindingachite chilichonse tsopano. Sindikufuna ngakhale kuwonera kanema popanda kukwera. Sindikufuna kupita panja. Sindikufuna kupita ku sitolo. Sindikufuna kusewera masewera. Sindikufuna kulankhula ndi anzanga… ..palibe. Ndimapitirizabe kuugwira mtima ndikakwiya pang'ono. Malingaliro anga apita ku gehena. Amanena kuti munthu ndi wofooka ngati akufuna njira, ndikulingalira ndikufooka. Zilibe kanthu. Apanso, sindidzabwerera ku zolaula. Palibe. Ngati zolaula zinali zowoneka, ndikufuna kuzing'amba theka ndi manja anga. Mwawononga chilichonse. Chidani changa pa zolaula sichingafotokozedwe.
9-23 Kwenikweni pamene zikhumbo zopita kwa PMO kapena MO komanso kukhumudwa kwakukulu kumafika, ndimayimilira ndikudziuza ndekha m'maganizo, "uku ndikudzichotsa ndipo mukabwereranso kuzizolowere zimangokulirakulira, mukazinyalanyaza, zimatha umva bwino “… ndiye ndinyalanyaza ndikumvera nyimbo kapena kugwira ntchito yakusukulu. Ndipo chimapita.
9-29 Masiku ano ndakhala bwino, ndawona chinthu chosangalatsa, ndikuyamba kupeza atsikana ambiri kuti akhalenso okongola. M'mbuyomu pomwe ndinali PMO'ing kuzinthu zoyipa, sindinapeze akazi okongola konse. Tsopano, kulikonse komwe ndikupita, ndikuyang'ana anapiye otentha =). Zowona kuti ndayamba bwino, komabe ndimakumbukirabe nthawi zomwe zinthu sizinali bwino (nthawi zina zimakhala m'maloto).
10-09 masiku angapo apitawo, ndinali nditakhala pafupi ndi mtsikana uyu mu holo yophunzitsira, ndipo pazifukwa zina kamphindi kake kananditembenuzira. Kununkhiza ngati chinthu chokoma. Sindikudziwa momwe ndingalongosolere. Koma zidandipweteka komanso zinthu. Pakadali pano, ndikungoyembekezera izi zolaula komanso unwiring ubongo wanga. Zitha kutenga miyezi… .Ndingoyenera kupitiliza… .Ndakwanitsa kuthana ndi zopinga zina, koma pali zina zomwe zikubwera. Ndikulakalaka ndikadakhala ndi uthenga wabwino woti ndikuuzeni anyamata… koma ndikumva kuti madera akuchepa ndikamapita patsogolo, koma sanapite. Ndi msewu wautali kuchokera ku gehena.
Ndinadutsa mmawa uno, koma ndinatuluka panja nditangokwera njinga yanga ndikuyenda pamtunda kupita kutali kuti ndikapeze mpweya wabwino ndikusiya kuchoka mutu.
11-02 Masiku angapo apitawa sizinakhale zosangalatsa kuyambira pomwe ndinachita mantha komaliza, koma ndidabwereranso dzulo nditakhala PMOF sabata yonse, I MO. Osati zabwino, sindinataye mtima nthawi ino. Monga kale, palibe chomwe muyenera kukhumudwitsidwa nacho. Tsiku lomwe ndidasankha kuti ndikufuna kuti moyo wanga usinthe, pambuyo pake palibe njira yobwerera.
11-08 Ndikhoza kunena kuti patadutsa milungu khumi ya gehena, ndatha kukwanitsa kubwereza kugonana komweko. Nthawi yomweyo ndimakhala wovuta pamene ndikuwona msungwana wotentha mu bikini kapena ndikuganiza zogonana ndi amayi. Pafupi ndi zaka 2-3 zapitazo, ndisanatengeke ndi zolaula. Tsopano izi zinali zosatheka kwa ine masabata khumi apitawo. Osati kuti ine ndiri unwired zinthu zoyipa zomwe ndimayang'ana kwanthawi yayitali… sindikunena kuti, ndiyenera kuyipatsa nthawi yochulukirapo ndikuyesetsa pang'ono, chifukwa ndikufunika kuti ndiyimitse MO. Kungakhale kulimbana, chifukwa zinanditengera nthawi yayitali kuti ndithe kunyamula zinthuzo poyamba. Komabe, ndikakhala ndi mtsikana weniweni, ndimadzuka nthawi yomweyo. Tsoka ilo ndilibe mnzanga woti ndiyesere naye. Ndili pa mtundu watsopano wama anti-depressants tsopano, sindingathe kuzilemba koma ndimayitanitsa cilanpatrono kapena china chonga icho, chimaganiza kuti chikhala chofooka kuposa zinthu zomwe ndimatenga, koma ndikuyamba ndi miyezo yayikulu kwambiri, kuti ndikhoze kuthana nayo. OCD akadali pano, koma sindikuyembekeza kuti ichoka posachedwa. Chifukwa ngakhale ndisanayambe kuonera zinthu izi, ndinali ndi OCD kale. Malingana ngati ndikukumbukira kuti ndakhala ndi OCD. Kuchokera kuwopa ndikadakhala wakhungu ndikumva kumva kukhala wolumala pangozi yagalimoto kuti ndikhale wachiwawa mwadzidzidzi ndikuchita zomwe ndinganong'oneze nazo bondo (Kuvulaza OCD).
Ndimawona kuti makanema akulu ngati opareshoni amapha chilakolako chilichonse cha MO. Ndilibenso makanema olaula, koma ndi makanema ophunzitsira opangira opaleshoni. hahaha =) Ndikuwawombola Youtube ndi kuziyika pafoni yanga, ndiye ndimatha kuzipeza msanga. Zimathandizanso kuti ndikhale ndi phobia yochita maopaleshoni ndi kudula ziwalo kotero zimandilepheretsa kufuna MO. Ndikugwiritsa ntchito njirayi ndikudzilemetsa ndi ntchito yakusukulu kuti ndibwerere kuzolowera… ndizovuta ndikuvomereza. Koma ndikuchita zonse zomwe ndingathe. OCD ndiyabwino pang'ono, sindikuganiza kuti idzatha kapena kuchiritsidwa, palibe mankhwala ochiritsira. Koma imatha kuchiritsidwa.
11-15 Masiku angapo apitawa akhala akukwera komanso kutsika. Ndinakumana ndi OCD, makamaka ndinali ndi mantha angapo a OCD. Awa anali owukira ochepa omwe ndakhala nawo kwakanthawi. Poyamba, ndinachita mantha, zoipa kwenikweni ... koma ndinazindikira kuti izi zinali chabe zongopeka za OCD osati china chilichonse. Ndinayenera kuyambiranso maofesi ena a OCD, ndipo zinandikumbutsa kuti kuti OCD ichoke, ndiyenera kunyalanyaza. Umu ndi momwe ndidawongolera.
12-18 Ndinapita kupuma lero pamene akuwonera TV. Ndimaona kuti kuli kosavuta kuonera TV kupuma chifukwa imasokoneza malingaliro anga kotero sizodabwitsa. Inadula nkhawa pang'ono. Ndipo ndimawona kuti nkhawa ikakhala kuti pansi, zomerazi ndimazimene zimatha …… ndizodabwitsa kuti amachoka mwachangu. Ndikapeza kachilombo ka OCD nthawi yomweyo ndimakhala ndi nkhawa zomwe zimabweretsanso zomwezo.
1-14 Chabwino apa ndipamene othandizira anga adandisokoneza. Kodi pali kusiyana kotani pakati pa mawu awiriwa? Ndikudziwa kuti chilakolako chogonana ndi chiyani .. ndipamene timayamba kuvuta. Koma kodi kukopedwa kumatanthauza chiyani? Ngati kukondweretsedwa ndi kugonana = kukopeka ndi kugonana… ndiye kuti ndikutanthauza zolaula. Ndikufuna kutuluka m'ndende yomwe zolaula zandipangira ... Ndikufuna kubweza moyo wanga ndikumva bwino. Sindikufuna kukhala moyo wanga ndikuganiza kuti kugona ndi amuna okhaokha ndizomwe ndimagonana. Kudetsa kwake. Zimakhala kuti kugonana kunali kosavuta, koma zolaula zimasintha zonse. Mukunena zowona, ubongo umatha morph ndi morph ndi morph ndi kukondoweza kwakunja. Ndikuganiza kuyerekezera kwabwino kuli ngati kusewera masewera apakanema, mumagula masewera, osangalatsa komanso osangalatsa poyamba ndiye patapita kanthawi kumakhala kosasangalatsa chifukwa mumasewera tsiku lililonse, ndiye kuti muyenera kupita kukagula masewera ena mpaka mutsewere mpaka zimakhala zosasangalatsa. Zaka 50 zapitazo, kunalibe zolaula kapena zokopa, simutopa ndi masewera ngati mungachite nawo kawirikawiri, ndizosangalatsa nthawi zonse….
1-17 Maganizo anga akudodometsanso kuchokera ku HOCD, malingaliro anga amapitiriza kulembanso zakale. Tsopano akundiuza kuti ndinadzutsidwa odzisintha mtundu zolaula ndi zolaula kuyambira tsiku loyamba… .koma ndikudziwa izi palibe zowona… .ndipo zikundiuza kuti ndizowona ndipo zikuwonetsa kuti ndili ndi zizolowezi zogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha….
Kuusa moyo ... kuyambiranso kumakhala kovuta kwambiri… ndapanga kupita pang'ono pang'ono kwa ex. zokonda zanga zomwe zasintha zasinthiranso mwakale… ndimadzuka zolaula komanso zolaula, ndipo ndimawonabe kuti zolaula zimadzutsa pamene nkhawa imayambiranso ... ndipo mosiyana ndi nthawi yomwe zolaula zimadzetsa chidwi, Osatinso choncho .. Zimangodzutsa pang'ono pomwe nkhawa ndi mantha zimayamba ... Ndikuganiza kuti ndi kusintha kwakukulu kwa ine, chifukwa ndimakonda kukhala zolaula zanga zomwe zimandipweteka nthawi yomweyo ndipo zimanditengera kanthawi kuti khala olimba… sangakhalenso ndi vuto lalikulu loterolo….odzisintha mtundu zolaula ndi nkhani ina ... ..ndimapeza odzisintha mtundu zolaula zimadzutsa chidwi kuposa zolaula zowongoka kapena zachiwerewere ... Ndimangodana nazo… Ndikudziwa kuti ndine wolakwa pa izi, chifukwa nditasiya zolaula, ndimaganiza kuti bwanji sindichita maliseche odzisintha mtundu malingaliro, omwe anajambula njira zambiri mu ubongo wanga.
Ndiyenera kusiya kuseweretsa maliseche kuti ndipite patsogolo ... maliseche akutulutsa vutoli ndikujambula njira zambiri muubongo wanga. Ndikuyesera kuti ndidziphatikizenso, zolimbikitsazi ndizowongolera. Ndiyenera kuyambiranso kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi… ndidasiya kuyeserera chifukwa ndidayamba kudzidalira pomwe zolimbikitsazo zidakhazikika. Kenaka pamene ndinayima, zolakalaka zonse zinabwereranso kwa ine ... ndipo ndinkakonda kuseweretsa maliseche kwa milungu iwiri. Ndinkasewera monga 2-3 nthawi patsiku. Ndikuphatikizanso ndikuyamba zolimbitsa thupi. Komanso, kwa anti depressants omwe amapha kugonana, sindikuganiza kuti akuyenera kudaliridwa kuti athetse vutoli. Mukuwona kwa milungu ingapo yoyambirira ndinali pa anti depressants, zidagwira, koma patapita kanthawi pali kukana komwe kumafikira kwa iwo ... ndipo zotsatira zake zidangochoka. IMO, mankhwala sangadalire ngati yankho lalitali. Monga chizolowezi chilichonse, pamafunika kudzipereka komanso mphamvu kuti muthetse. Uku ndikumasulira kwanga pakapita patsogolo.
1-28 Ndapita patsogolo kwambiri. Choyamba, ndimanyadira kunena kuti vuto langa lodziseweretsa maliseche likuwongoleredwa. Zimakhala choncho kuti ndiyenera kuthana ndi zolimbikitsa kuti ndizichita maliseche ndikukhala ndi omwe amatsata pambuyo pake. Tsopano ndikuganiza kuti ubongo wanga ukusinthira popanda kuseweretsa maliseche. Nditha kupita masiku angapo osasangalatsa kamodzi. Nthawi zina ndimakhalabe ndi maliseche, koma nthawi zambiri ndichinthu chomwe chimayambitsa ... mwachitsanzo kutsatsa kapena chithunzi chomwe chimadutsa pa fyuluta yanga ya pa intaneti. Ndimawona fyuluta ya pa intaneti kukhala yothandiza kwambiri chifukwa imachepetsa nthawi zomwe zinthu zamtunduwu zimachitika. Ndapeza nditasiya kuseweretsa maliseche, OCD idakhala chete kwambiri. Ndinawona kuti kutangotsala pang'ono kukhala pachimake ndipamene OCD imakhala yoyipa kwambiri..monga malingaliro anga akuthamangira ndipo zonse zikungondiphwanya. Ndikungomva kuti ndadzazidwa. Ndawona zotsatira zabwino kwambiri za rewiring ... sindimapeza zolaula zakale zikudzutsa. Zomwe zimangokhalabe zovuta chifukwa zimayambitsa nkhawa, koma sizinali ngati kale pomwe ndinkakonda kumwa mankhwalawa ndipo chilakolako cha dopamine chinali kukuwa m'mutu mwanga, ndikufuulira mlingo wotsatira. Ndikaganiza za izi, sizimadzutsa konse. Nthawi zina, ndikaganiza zonse zomwe zachitika mwezi watha, zimawoneka ngati zosafunikira… Sindikudziwa momwe ndingafotokozere. Sindikukhulupirirabe kuti ndiyenera kuthana ndi vutoli, chifukwa sindikanatha kuganiza kuti zolaula zikanakhala vuto lalikulu kwa ine. Ndine wokondwa kuti sindinapitilize kuyenda zolaula, chifukwa sindikudziwa komwe ndikadakhala pakadali pano… ndikadakhala kuti ndikadafa. Zimandipatsa kuzizira kuti ndiziganizire.
2-14 Chabwino, lero ndinali wokongola kwambiri ... Ndatopa kwambiri pambuyo pa mayeso ndipo ndikuona maulendo awiri kuti ndikhale wotopa. Ndinapitabe patsogolo ndi mtsikana amene ndamutchula pa positi yanga. Ine ndinatha kukambirana naye mwayekha. Ndikudziwa dzina lake ndipo iye ndi wosakwatiwa. Kotero ine ndikuyembekeza ichi ndi chigamulo changa chamtengo wapatali.
4-21 Izi ndizatsopano pazomwe zikuchitika ndi ine pompano. Choyamba amalola kuti abweretse nkhani zoipa, ndipo ndikuti ndikadali wolimbana ndi vuto losokoneza bongo. Chizoloŵezi changa cha kuthamanga kwa dopamine sichinasowekebe ... ndipo ndimadana nacho kuvomereza, koma chizolowezi chakale chodzisangalatsa chabwereranso. Ngakhale nkhani yabwino ndiyakuti sindimachita zolaula. Ndili pambali ndimamva bwino kuposa mwezi wa 8 wapitawu, pomwe zonse zidandigwera. Zomwe ndimanyadira nazo ndikuti ndimatha kukondanso.
Ndipo nthawi zina zimangochitika zokha! Uku ndikusintha modabwitsa. Chifukwa cha zaka 2 zapitazi, sindimatha kukopeka konse. Zolaula zidandipweteka kwambiri. Ndinkakhumudwitsidwa kwambiri ndi zolaula, zomwe zimangondipangitsa kuti ndiziona zolaula kwambiri. Pankhani yolaula, ndimakhetsa pang'onopang'ono. Ndikumva kupita patsogolo chifukwa nthawi zambiri ndimanyansidwa ndi malingaliro azolaula, zomwe zinali zosatheka miyezi 8 yapitayo. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti ndine woyera. Chifukwa zolaula zakhala zikuchitika pamoyo wanga kwanthawi yayitali, ndipo ndikukhulupirira kuti zitenga nthawi yayitali kuti ubongo wanga ukhale wolimba.
Ngakhale sindine wopembedza kwambiri, ndakhala ndikupita kutchalitchi, ndipo ndimalankhula ndi ambiri zavuto langa. Poyamba sindinkafuna kuwauza za zolaula zanga, koma ndinatero pamapeto pake. Kufunafuna upangiri wawo kunandithandiza kwambiri, chifukwa ndimamva kuti ndili ndi uzimu wothana ndi vutoli. Ngakhale sindikugwirizana ndi zonse zomwe amalalikira, koma ndidapeza zomwe mpingo umaphunzitsa zakugonana moyenera ndizovomerezeka. PMO ndichinyengo cha kugonana kwabwino. Zomwe ndidazipeza movutikira. Ngakhale sindichiritsidwa pamavuto, kupita patsogolo kodabwitsa komwe ndimamva kumandipangitsa kuti ndiziyenda tsiku ndi tsiku.
[Ife tinamufunsa zomwe iye ankaganiza kuti zinamuthandiza kwambiri mu miyezi isanu ndi itatu]
Poyamba, ndapeza kuti kuthana ndi HOCD ndiko kudzidziwa nokha. Dziwani ndikukhulupilira kuti chilichonse chimene HOCD ikukuponyerani nchobodza, kaya ndi zowawa, zoopsa, maganizo kapena maganizo osowa. MUYENERA kudziyika nokha, osadumpha pa sitima ya OCD. OCD ayesa kukufikitsani kumeneko, koma zimakhala zovuta kukana kuti musapite ndi OCD. Kenako gwiritsani ntchito umbuli. Mukadziuza nokha, izi ndi OCD okha, samanyalanyaza ndikuwongolera chidwi. Ngati wina amachita izi molondola, amapeza kuti nkhawa imatha. Onetsani kanema wa pa TV, mvetserani nyimbo, pitani njinga, chirichonse, sitejiyi imathandiza kumasula nkhaŵa ndikukulepheretsani kuganiza mobwerezabwereza.
Bweretsani chidwi mu moyo wanu. Ganizilani zapang'onopang'ono pang'onopang'ono ngati chizindikiro chakuti mukuchira chifukwa cha vutoli. Kukhala ndi chiyembekezo chochiritsidwa ndi zodabwitsa. Sindingatsindika kufunika kokhala ndi moyo wabwino, OCD imadyetsa kusalabadira, ngati mukudziletsa nokha ndi malingaliro ndi malingaliro olakwika, OCD idzasokonekera. Ganizirani zinthu zabwino, kulolera kugonjetsa malingaliro anu ndi thupi lanu.
Kuchotsa mwina inali gawo lovuta kwambiri pakuthana ndi vuto losokoneza bongo. Panthawi zina ndinabwereranso kuziphuphu kuti ndikhale ndi vuto la HOCD. Ndikuganiza kuphatikiza kopirira, mkwiyo komanso kukana kusiya zidandipangitsa kuti ndichoke. Kusunga mzimu wanu panthawi yochoka ndichofunikira kwambiri. Chifukwa palibe zambiri zomwe mungachite, koma lumani chipolopolo ndikuvutika nacho. Zimatenga kanthawi, ndipo zimachedwa komanso zopweteka. Koma zimatha nthawi zonse. Kuda nkhawa kumatha kuchepetsedwa kwambiri poyeserera Schwartz. Pewani kukhulupirira OCD. Ikani izo.
Pankhani ya maliseche, ndikupeza kuti ndi zopanda phindu kuti tisiye PMO ndi MO. Sindingakayike kufunika kosiya PMO ndi MO. Zinthu zodabwitsa zimachitika mukamapereka ubongo wanu nthawi yina kuti mupeze, mukusowa mtendere kusinthika. Inu mumamverera ngati nokha kachiwiri. Ndinganene kuti chinthu choyamba kwa HOCD aliyense wodwala matendawa ndi kudula PMO (kosatha) ndi MO (malinga ndi momwe mungathere pa stint iliyonse). Zimamveka ngati ubongo wanu uli wodekha komanso wofewa, popanda mafunde akuluakulu a nkhaŵa ndi dopamine omwe amayendetsa OCD panja.
Ndadula zolaula pafupifupi kwathunthu. Ponena za kuseweretsa maliseche ndadula kwakanthawi. Mwachitsanzo, poyamba ndimakwanitsa pafupifupi sabata lathunthu ndisanachite maliseche, ndisanayambenso kuseweretsa maliseche chifukwa cha nkhawa. Zinali ngati mtundu wa chinthu chosakhalitsa, ndimatha milungu ingapo osachita maliseche kenako ndikuyamba kukhala opanda nkhawa ndikuganiza kuti "ndachiritsidwa", koma ndichifukwa chake ndimabwerera ku MO. Mwina sindili wamakani mokwanira polimbana ndi ziyeso. Nditapita milungu ingapo ya 4 osachita maliseche, chifukwa sindimangomva mayeserowo ndipo pambuyo pa masabata a 4, ndidatopa ndikuyamba kuseweretsa maliseche.
Malingaliro anga ndi oti muteteze maliseche, pitirizani kugwiritsa ntchito madzi ozizira monga njira yochotsera mayesero. Dziphunzitseni nokha kuti mukhale olimba kwambiri ndi mayesero. Izi ndizovuta ndikuchita. Ndikukhulupirira kuti ngati nditha kuthetsa maliseche onse, ndimatha kuchira mofulumira kwambiri. Chifukwa chiwerewere chimangowonjezera OCD ndipo chimachepetsa mphamvu ya ubongo.
Monga lingaliro lotseka, kwa iwo omwe avutika kwa nthawi yayitali, musayese kufulumira kuchira kwanu. Zimatenga nthawi. Zimatenga nthawi yambiri. Makamaka ngati mwachita maliseche pazinthu zamtunduwu kwakanthawi. Muyenera kuleza mtima. Kukhumudwa ndikudzimvera chisoni sikuthandiza. Koma pang'onopang'ono mudzawona zidutswa za umunthu wanu wakale zikubwerera.
LINK - Werengani blog yonse
Wolemba - TheGeneral
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