Ndinazindikira koyamba kuti ndinali ndi vuto loonera zolaula komanso kuchita maliseche pafupifupi zaka ziwiri zapitazo (zaka 19), pomwe ndidazindikira kuti sindingathe kuchita zachiwerewere ndi msungwana yemwe ndinali naye pachibwenzi panthawiyo. Ngakhale anali wokongola, ndimayenera kulingalira za zolaula, koma sizinali chitsimikizo. Panthawiyi zolaula zanga zinkakonda kwambiri zolaula, kusiya zolaula za 'BDSM' kenako zolaula.
Kwa zaka ziwiri zapitazi ndakhala ndikuseweretsa maliseche, ngakhale zolaula zolaula nthawi zina. Ndinkachita maliseche mokakamiza, kuyambira nthawi zosachepera 2 patsiku mpaka 5 kapena 6 pa tsiku. Nkhani yayitali, ndinali ndi vuto lalikulu kwambiri. Ndinadzipeza ndekha ndikukopeka ndi amayi m'maganizo koma mwathupi thupi langa silinayankhe pazomwe ndapeza zikudzutsa moyo wanga wonse. Izi zidatha kukhala chisokonezo chachikulu komanso chondipweteka - kodi ndimakondadi amuna okhaokha? Kodi ndichifukwa chiyani ndimakopeka ndi akazi koma osakhoza kuyankha chilichonse koma zolaula ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha?
Ndinkakhala wotopa nthawi zonse ndipo ndinalibe chidwi chocheza kapena kucheza ndi anzanga. Zinandivuta kuyang'anitsitsa maso ndi anthu pamoyo wanga watsiku ndi tsiku, ndipo ndimakhala ndi manyazi kwambiri omwe sindimatha kufotokoza. Mumtima mwanga ndimadziwa kuti china chake chasintha m'zaka zingapo zapitazi za moyo wanga, koma sindimadziwa (lingaliro: Ndikuchita tsopano). Zinali ngati mphamvu ya moyo itanditulutsa.
Chifukwa chofuna kudziwa, ndinaganiza zoyesa nofap nthawi yachilimwe. Sindikukhulupirira kwathunthu kuti zigwira ntchito, koma ndidaganiza kuti popeza kuchuluka kwa nthabwala zabwino ndikofunika kuwombera, ndipo sinditaya zambiri ngati sizingachite chilichonse. Choyamba ndinachita masiku 3, kenako 7, kenako 14, kenako 30, ndipo pomaliza 60, ndikuloleni ndikuuzeni - kusiyana kotani komwe nofap yapanga m'moyo wanga. Tsopano, pakadali pano ndiyenera kufotokoza: Sindikuganiza kuti ndadutsanso, ndipo ndikhoza kukhala kutali ndikubwezeretsanso "kwathunthu". Koma ndikukumana ndi kusintha kwakukulu m'moyo wanga.
Ndine wolimba mtima m'malo azikhalidwe. Sindikumvanso manyazi osadziwika ndikamacheza ndi anthu. Ndimayang'anitsitsa anthu ndikulankhula (nthawi zambiri) molimba mtima. Ndimadzidalira ndipo ndikudziwa kuti ndine munthu wofunika, wofunika komanso wamphamvu, ndipo anthu enanso amaziwona. Amayi ambiri amandiyang'ana, ndipo ambiri omwe sanachitikepo nthawi zambiri amamwetulira ndikamadutsa.
Ndimalingalira kwambiri, ndikukumbukira bwino, ndipo ndikukumana ndi mphamvu. Komabe, ndikuwoneka kuti ndikukumana kwambiri ndi maganizo anga. Zinthu nthawi zambiri zimakhala zabwino koma nthawi zina ndimadutsa nthawi yomwe ndimakhala ndi lethargic, ndikuvutika maganizo, ndikudonthedwa masiku ochepa ndikubwerera kuntchito. Koma ine nthawizonse ndimabwerera kuchokera kuzinthuka izi kumverera bwinoko kuposa momwe ine ndinkakhalira kale.
Komabe, ngakhale tsopano ndikukumana ndi matabwa am'mawa komanso nthawi zina ndimakhala ndi boner, sindingayang'ane mkazi wokongola ndikufika pamlingo wokulira. Koma ndikupita kumeneko. Anthu omwe ndikadangowapeza "moyenera" okongola tsopano ndiwokopa kwambiri, ndipo ndikuthokoza ndikuwona zinthu zosiyanasiyana pa akazi. Kuphatikiza apo, sindikuwonanso azimayi ngati chidutswa cha nyama kapena chinthu chogonana (mwina chimodzi mwazabwino kwambiri m'buku langa).
Sindikuganiza kuti kusintha konseku kumachitika chifukwa cha nofap. Ndasintha zinthu zambiri m'moyo wanga m'masiku 60 apitawa, monga kudzuka m'mawa m'mawa uliwonse, kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi kangapo pamlungu, kudya zakudya zopatsa thanzi, mvula yozizira, komanso kukaonana ndi wodwala. Koma nofap ndiyabwino kwambiri kuyala chilichonse kuti muwone ndikuchitapo kanthu.
Simungathe kubisala ndikudzitopetsa ndi PMO mumayamba kukayikira zikhalidwe ndi zizolowezi zambiri zomwe muli nazo. Mwadzidzidzi sizomveka kwenikweni kuyesa kukopa kwambiri azimayi kapena kupewa kuvulazidwa. Ndizomveka kudalira munthu yemwe ndili, yemwe ndakhala, komanso amene ndikukhala. Ndine munthu wofunikira kwambiri m'moyo wanga ndipo ndayamba kudzipatsa ulemu (ndikudzudzula moyenera) woyenera.
Dzichitireni zabwino. Kusintha kulikonse kwakukulu kudzafuna kuchuluka kwa khungu kapena chikhulupiriro chakhungu, ndipo ndizomwe nthawi zina zimapangitsa kusintha kukhala kovuta. Khulupirirani zomwe mumawerenga apa ndi zomwe mumawerenga patsamba lina losavomerezeka pa intaneti ndikungozipereka mwachilungamo.
KULUMIKIZANA - Masiku makumi asanu ndi limodzi amapanga kusiyana kwakukulu.
by bhhhhhh_hh
;