Zofanana ndi momwe zimachitikira anyamata ambiri omwe akukula ndi intaneti, zinayamba ngati chidwi chabodza cha mahomoni. Pazaka 12 ndinali wokopeka kwambiri ndi Magazini a Victoria a Chinsinsi (omwe mwachiwonekere sanali anga) ndi zifanizo zojambula pamakanema apakanema.
Izi zidandipangitsa kufunafuna "atsikana opanga ma fashoni" pa intaneti ndikusinthana ndi zithunzi za atsikana anime komanso atsikana enieni a bikinis. Izi zinapita patsogolo chizolowezi chodziseweretsa maliseche pa zithunzi pa intaneti. Nthawi yopitilira izi zimafunika zithunzi zosangalatsa komanso zamasewera mpaka pamapeto pake ndimayang'ana zolaula.
Ndikukumbukira nthawi yoyamba yomwe ndidawona zolaula ndidazipeza pa intaneti mwangozi ndipo ndidanyansidwa nazo. Komabe, popeza ndinkafuna kuti ndikwanitse kuchita zoseweretsa maliseche kuti ndikwanitse kuchita zambiri, ndimakhala ndikufufuza mwadala. Palibe chovuta kunena kuti pofika zaka 13 ndinali wokonda zolaula, ndipo sindimadziwa panobe.
Popeza kugonana sikufotokozedwa poyera m'mabanja ambiri aku America, ndinabisira zinthu zanga zonse chinsinsi cha banja langa komanso anzanga. Palibe amene amadziwa. Sikuti ndinangokhala osokoneza bongo koma chinali chinsinsi komanso chomwe ndimachita manyazi nacho. Sindimadziwa kuti chidwi changa chinali chabwinobwino ndipo ndinkaonanso kuti zinali zolakwika. Maganizo athu pankhani yokhudza kugonana adandichitira manyazi. Ndinkafuna kucheza ndi atsikana anzanga azaka zanga koma zolaula zimangondipangitsa kuti ndizichita mantha ndi anyamata kapena atsikana.
Pofika zaka 15, ndinkafuna kusiya zolaula. Ndinayesa kuyimitsa ndipo nditalephera kangapo zidawonekeratu kuti inde, ndinali wosuta. Kulephera kwanga kuthana ndi vutoli ndikusiya zolaula kumandichititsa manyazi komanso kudzidalira, zomwe zimabweretsa zolaula zambiri pakumva momwe ndimamvera. Uwu ndi ulendo woipa womwe ndi wovuta kutuluka ndipo udawononga chidaliro changa.
Kuyesera kwanga koyambirira kuti ndigonjetse zolaula kunali kuyesa mobwerezabwereza kuyimitsa "kuzizira" ndikugwiritsa ntchito mphamvu zanga kuti ndisiye. Izi sizinagwire ntchito. Cold turkey ndi njira yolakwika yothetsera chizolowezi chifukwa mukadzalephera kupambana mudzawona mkati mwa zomwe zalakwika. Mumadzifunsa kuti "vuto langa ndi chiyani?" kapena "chifukwa chiyani ndilibe mphamvu zokwanira?". Izi ndikudziwononga nokha ndipo zotsatira zake zithandizira kuti mukhale ndi zolaula zambiri. Imeneyi inali njira yokhayo yomwe ndimayesera kwazaka zambiri (kuyankhula za kusaphunzira kuchokera kulephera). Kuledzera kwanga kunatenga zaka 10.
Ndiye, kodi ndimatha bwanji kuthana ndi vuto langali? Nazi njira zomwe ndidadutsamo zomwe zidandipangitsa kuti nditha kuthana ndi zolaula. Choyamba, ndili ndi zaka 20 ndidakhala ndi bwenzi langa loyamba (osaweruza) ndipo ndidasankha kumuwuza zakusuta. Iye anali munthu woyamba yemwe ndidalankhula naye za nkhaniyi chifukwa ndidakhala ndikubisa kwa zaka 7! Kulankhula za izi ndidathandiziradi kundichotsa pamapewa ndikuchepetsa manyazi. Zinkamuvutitsa kwambiri komabe ndinali ndatsimikiza mtima kusiya. Izi zidandipangitsa kuyesa kufufuza kwakuya ndi njira zatsopano. Ndinagula mabuku angapo okhudzana ndi zolaula kuphatikiza The Porn Trap: The Lofunikira Kwambiri Kuthana Ndi Mavuto Omwe Amayambitsa Zolaula ndi eBook Ten Keys to Breake a Zolaula. Ndinagwiritsanso ntchito pulogalamu yaX3watch yaulere pa intaneti ndi bwenzi langa monga bwenzi lowerengera. Pulogalamuyi imatha kutumiza maimelo atsikana anzanga ofotokoza masamba alionse okayikira omwe ndidawachezera. Izi zidandilepheretsa kuwona zolaula koma nthawi zina ndimapeza njira zozungulira monga kugwiritsa ntchito foni yanga kapena kompyuta ya munthu wina kuti ndione zolaula. Ndinkayesabe koma… .. ndimapitilizabe kulephera.
Pambuyo pake ndinazindikira kuti njira zanga zonse zinali zogwira ntchito kwambiri mwachilengedwe, monga ngati kuyankha mwadzidzidzi. Anatinso zoipa komanso ndimangoyeserera kuyesa kuyang'ana pa mphamvu zanu zonse pakuchita kanthu. Koma monga tikudziwa, chibadwa cha anthu sichigwira ntchito motere. Chifukwa chake, ndili ndi zaka 24 ndidachita kafukufuku wambiri kuti ndimvetsetse zolaula. Ndafufuza mafunso ngati kodi ndizovuta zenizeni, momwe zimagwirira ntchito, komanso mavuto ake ndi ati. Zowonjezera pazakafukufuku wanga zimapezeka pazambiri zanga za blog (maulalo, makanema, ndi zothandizira). Kuchokera pakumvetsetsa kwenikweni zolaula, ndidayesetsa kudzikhululukira ndekha ndikuyang'ana zomwe ndikanachita m'malo mwake.
Pakadali pano ndidakhazikitsa njira yomwe idandilola kusiya kusiya kumwa kwambiri. Ndimayang'ana tsiku lililonse palokha ndikunena kuti "Ndilimbana nazo zolaula lero", ndikuwerengera tsiku lililonse lomwe ndidalithetsa. Kafukufuku wanga wandipangitsa kuti ndiyambe kuyang'ana zolaula nditazindikira momwe makampani amagwirira ntchito. Zonse zikuchita, nyenyezi zolaula zili pamankhwala osokoneza bongo kapena mowa, ndipo azimayiwo amawonetsedwa ndikuzunzidwa koopsa. Ngati kuti izi sizikwanira saloledwa ngakhale kugonana kotetezeka. Izi zinayamba kufooketsa chikhumbo changa cha zolaula. Kuphatikiza apo, ndidapanga zolinga zabwino chifukwa chake ndidafuna kuthana ndi zolaula. Zolinga zanga zinaphatikizanso kukhala ndi bwenzi labwino (kukhala wabwino pakugonana komanso kuyanjana ndikuchotsa zolaula). Kuphatikiza apo, ndinkafuna kuthana ndi vuto lokonda zolaula kuti ndiziwonjeza zambiri ndikukhala munthu wabwino. Zolaula sizinali zomwe ine ndiri ndipo inali nthawi yanga kuti ndikwaniritse ndekha. Ndinayamba kugwiritsa ntchito; nthawi iliyonse ndikakhala ndi chilakolako chazola zolaula kapena ndimayamba kuzifufuza ndimayimitsa zomwe ndimachita ndikupita kukachita zina zanga (kuthamanga, kulimbitsa thupi, kugwira ntchito mgalimoto yanga, kucheza ndi anzanga). Malingaliro awa onse pamodzi adandilola kuti ndimalize kulimbana kwa chaka cha 10 ndikuwonetsa zolaula ndipo ndikutuluka ndimamverera ngati munthu wina.
Mwadzidzidzi ndinayamba kulimba mtima kuti sindimadziwa kuti zitheka. Kudzidalira kwanga kunali kokulirapo kuposa kale. Ndinkachita zinthu zatsopano ndi moyo wanga ndipo pamapeto pake ndinamasuka ndi anyamata. Panali chisonyezo chimodzi choyipa nditasiyiratu ndipo zomwe zinali zovuta kuti ndiseweretse ndikugwiritsa ntchito malingaliro anga. Kuyendetsa kwanga zogonana kunakhudzidwa ndi zolaula koma izi zinachiritsidwa patangopita miyezi yochepa ndipo sizinali kwamuyaya. Pomaliza, kuthana ndi zolaula ndiye chinthu chabwino kwambiri chomwe ndidadzipangira ndekha. Zili ngati kuyamba ndikusamba koyera ndipo mwadzidzidzi ndimamva kuti ndili ndi moyo wanga wonse patsogolo panga… ndipo ndingathe kuchita chilichonse. Palibe malire.
LINK - Kumenyedwa kwa Zolaula Pambuyo pa Ulendo wa Chaka cha 10
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