Ndine wazaka 26 ndipo ndakhala ndikudwala matenda ovutika maganizo kuyambira ndili ndikukumbukira. Sindikudziwa kuchuluka kwa kukhumudwa kwanga komwe kumakhalapo chifukwa cha chibadwa komanso kuchuluka kwamaganizidwe. Ndikuganiza kuti kukhumudwa kwanga kungakhale chifukwa chokwatirana ndi makolo anga komanso chifukwa bambo anga adavutika ndi nkhawa nthawi yonse ya moyo wawo ndipo ma genetics amatha kusewera pano. Anayamba kumwa mowa ndipo anamwalira chifukwa chodwala ndili ndi zaka 15. Kuyambira pomwe ndinalowa sukulu yasekondale mu 2008 mpaka 2014 ndakhala ndi zokhumudwitsa zambiri. Kudzidalira kwanga kunali kotsika. Ndinali ndi nkhawa yayikulu pakati pa anthu. Sindinathe ngakhale kulimba mtima kuti ndipite kumsika wapamwamba womwe ndi wochepera 200m kuchokera komwe ndimakhala.
Ndinayamba kumwa mowa ndipo ndinagonekedwa m'chipatala chifukwa chomwa mowa kwambiri. Pambuyo pake ndidayamba kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala omwe adakulitsa mavuto anga okhudza ubongo mpaka ndidagonekedwa masiku a 12 chifukwa chofooka kwambiri komanso kupweteka m'mimba. Zidapezeka, sizinali kanthu. Madotolo adalibe chilichonse choti anganene pokhapokha atandiuza kuti ndizichita za yoga osati mopitirira malire. Zinthu zidayamba kukhala zoyipa kwambiri kumayambiriro kwa 2016 pomwe ndidasokonezeka ndimanjenje. Zonsezi zinayamba ndi gawo la kumwa kwambiri. Malinga ndi a psycologist anga onse, zomwe zidachitika pakumwa zakumwa ndizomwe zidandisokoneza. Ndidagona mwezi umodzi. Kwa miyezi yopitilira atatu sindimathanso kuyenda molunjika, sindingathe kukumbukira zinthu kwa masekondi angapo, sindimatha kuyankhula bwino, ndidathedwa nzeru ndi kuyankhula mwachangu.
Kuyambira masiku anga aku koleji, ndakhala ndikudutsa m'moyo ndikudziganizira ngati wozunzidwa. Ndamva kuti zoipa zonse zandichitira ine ndekha. Ndakhala ndikudya kuyambira kalekale momwe ndingakumbukire. Ndinkakonda kuchita zolaula zolaula kuposa 3 mpaka 4 tsiku lililonse. Zinali ngati kuthawa kwa ine. Monga momwe ziliri ndi ambiri a iwo, malingaliro anga ofunikira adakulirakulira kukhala mtundu wonyansa wa zolaula. Ndinayamba kuwona makanema achisoni. Ndinatsegulidwa pazenera changa kusaka makanema achiwawa. Amayi amamenyedwa, kuzunzidwa, kuchititsidwa zachipongwe, ndi kuzunzidwa ndi zigawenga, ndi zina zotere. Zinthu zinafika poti sizingaganizike.
Ndinali nditatayikiratu ndekha chifukwa chodzinyada, kuzunzidwa. Ndakhala ndikudziwa kale kuti kuseweretsa maliseche komanso vuto zolaula ndizovuta kwambiri kwa ine. Ndinayesetsa kuletsa chizolowezi changa chodziseweretsa maliseche komanso zolaula kangapo. Pambuyo pake ndidapunthwa pa nofap subreddit. Ndinayesa kangapo. Kubwereranso, kuyesanso, kubwereranso, kuyesanso, kubwereranso, ndi zina zambiri…
Novembala 15, 2016, nditayambiranso kuyambiranso, ndinayamba ndi nofap streak yatsopano. Sindikudziwa kuti inali chiyani koma ndimadziwa kuti nthawi ina inali yosiyana. Ndinali wamphamvu, wolimbikira, wouziridwa kuposa kale kuti ndidutse izi. Mwina zolephera zam'mbuyomu zidandiphunzitsa zokwanira. Nthawi yoyamba inali yovuta kwambiri. Zinthu zinayamba kusokonekera kwa ine pambuyo pa 2 mpaka masabata a 3.
Panthawiyi, ndidayamba kudziphunzitsa ndekha za matenda osokoneza bongo komanso matenda ena amisala omwe ndimaganiza kuti ndimadwala. Ndidayamba kugwira ntchito. Ndinaleka kukhala ndekha; Nthawi zonse ndimakhala ndi anzanga kapena wotanganidwa ndikuchita china kutali ndi kwathu. Sindikudziwa zomwe zidachitika, ndapeza kuti mphamvu kuchokera koma zinthu zidayamba kukhala bwino. Nthawi imeneyi, ndinawerenga ngati wamisala, ndimachita masewera olimbitsa thupi kwa maola oposa 2 patsiku, ndimamwa khofi yambiri, ndimakumana ndi anzanga ambiri, ndimachepetsa kwa aliyense, kwenikweni aliyense, kupatula abwenzi ochepa abwino. Sindinakhalepo ndi malingaliro ogonana 99% ya nthawi.
Lero, ndatsiriza tsiku la 100th la zovuta zanga za nofap. Kunena zowona, ndinalibe lingaliro lililonse kuti ndibwere kuno pa tsiku langa la 100th ndikulemba zolemba zazitali. Sindikudziwa, lero ndikungofufuza zopanda pake lero. Ndasinthanso baji yanga nditazindikira kuti lero ndatsiriza tsiku la 100th pa zovuta zanga za nofap.
Pofika pamenepa, kukhumudwa kwanga kwatha. Sindikudziwa zomwe zinachitika koma zapita. Ndakhala ndikuchita ndi izi kuyambira nthawi yayitali, kuposa zaka za 8 kuti zikhale zolondola ndipo sindinabwereko pafupi. Ndinali ndisanalingalirepo kuti tsiku lina ndidzamasulidwa. Chilango chomaliza chinabweretsa misozi. Sindinkaganiza kuti mwina ndikadamvapo za ine ndekha.
Nkhawa zanga zachepa kwambiri. Nditha kuyenda kulowa pagulu lalikulu ndipo sindimawopa kuweruzidwa. Ndimadzikonda. Izi zikutanthauza kuti nditha kukamba nkhani kuchokera pagulu lalikulu. Izi zikuyenera kuchitika koma nkhawa zanga zandalama zatsika kwambiri.
Ndine bwino kochulukirapo koposa kuyankhula ndi akazi tsopano. Pali bata ili mkati mwanga lomwe sindinamvepo. Maubwenzi anga onse ayenda bwino. Sindinagawe chidziwitso cha zovuta zanga za nofap ndi anzanga aliwonse. Onsewa ndi odabwitsidwa kuwona kusinthika kwadzidzidzi mwa ine.
Ndikupepesa chifukwa choyipa ndikulemba kalembera. Mkhalidwe wanga wapano ndi chisakanizo cha hysteria ndi nkhawa ndipo sindingathe kufotokoza bwino malingaliro anga. Moyo wanga wasintha m'miyezi yapitayi ya 3. Sindikudziwa kuti ndinapeza kuti mphamvu kuti ndidutsemo, koma ndine wokondwa kuti ndinakwanitsa.
Ndikufuna kuthokoza wapangiri aliyense chifukwa cha zomwe adandipatsa. Ndalephera kambirimbiri ndipo izi sizinakhale zophweka. Ndiri othokoza kwambiri kwa inu nonse omwe mumayikiranso gawo lanu pakuthandizira. Kwa onse opanga ma DVD omwe akuvutikabe ndi PMO, ndikufuna kunena kuti ndalephera kambirimbiri ndipo nthawi iliyonse mukalephera mumakhala wamphamvu. Pitilizani kudzikankhira nokha ndipo ndikutsimikiza mudzadutsa.
Zikomo kachiwiri, wothandizanso mnzanu.
LINK - Masiku a 100 ot nofap.
by mrMaggi
;