Ndinafuna kugawana nanu nkhani yanga, koma siyikhala yaifupi monga momwe timayembekezera, chifukwa chazambiri zofunika kukuwonetsani, momwe ndidakhalira ndi vutoli. Chifukwa chake, tiyeni tiyambe pomwepo: Popeza ndikukumbukira, nkhanza zinali gawo la banja lathu. Ndinayamba kutenga nawo mbali zenizeni ndikukhala ndikudziwa kuti ndili munthu ndili ndi zaka 11, zaka zomwezo makolo anga atasudzulana.
Amayi anga anali opanga mahule ndipo adalumikizidwa ndi agogo ake, omwe anali okhumudwa kwambiri, kotero kuti amangokhala kwayekha mkati mwamdima, pamodzi ndi amayi anga omwe sanali ngakhale ana aamuna awo, komweko kuti azimusamalira. Sanakhale mwana konse, adadyetsedwa ndimaganizo oyipa.
Abambo anga adakumana nawo tsiku limodzi paukwati, ndipo anali wowala wonyezimira wolimba yemwe amalota, komanso douche yonyansa. Sindikudziwa kuti adayamba liti kumwa mowa, koma ndikudziwa kuti anali wankhanza ku anabolic - wankhondo - ntchito ndipo anali ndi zizolowezi zankhanza.
Chifukwa chake banjali silinayende bwino, ana anga amayi obadwa kuti asakhale osungulumwa ndikuwapangitsa kudyetsa mwana wawo wosakhazikika komanso wosasamala mkati mwake. Ngati sitinapereke (sitinathe kumvetsetsa, timakhala tikuseweretsa ana) timamenyedwa, ndi zida zonse zomwe mungaganizire, kapena kutsekedwa. Abambo anga sanakhaleko kunyumba chifukwa chokwiyitsa, chifukwa cholakalaka kukhala ndi wina (ife ana) ndikukhala ndi mwayi womumanga kwambiri kwa ife, banja lake.
Nthawi ina adasintha ntchito ndikukhala nafe kunyumba, amayi anga adamuwuza tsiku ndi tsiku momwe timakhalira oyipa komanso momwe kumenyedwa kwathu kuyenera kukhalira (ana 5 btw, zinali ngati magawo akulira, misozi ndikuopa momwe zingakhalire zovuta be), chifukwa ngati bambo, amatha kugunda kwambiri. Sindikukumbukira zambiri za izi, koma abale anga akulu adandiuza kuti ena mwa ife tidakomoka kapena kamodzi fupa lidathyoka. Gawo lodabwitsa kwambiri kwa ine apa ndi, palibe amene adazindikira. Palibe mphunzitsi, aphunzitsi, kapena anthu ena tsiku lililonse. Zinkawoneka ngati kuperekedwa ku nkhanza tsiku lililonse.
Zinafika poipa kwambiri kotero kuti tinatengera zochita za makolo athu. Ine ndinali ndekha, monga wamng'ono kwambiri, yemwe ndimapeza chikondi kuchokera kwa amayi anga apa ndi apo. Kumukumbatira, kumpsompsonana, kapena kukhala yekhayo amene amaloledwa kukumbatirana naye. Icho chinabwerera mwa nsanje. Mchemwali wanga anandiuza ndikulira momwe amandizunzira mpaka ndimalira, (mokweza, ndikugwidwa pansi, mpaka ndimalira, kapena kutsamwa ndi pilo) 4 vs 1. Amadziwa ngati amayi andimva ndikulira, bwera udzawachotsere zoyipa, zomwe zidadyetsanso nsanje yawo, chifukwa zikuwonetsa chikondi kwa ine. Chifukwa chake adayambanso kundilimbikitsa, adandiseka mpaka ndimaseka, kuti ayambirenso. Izi zidachitika kwa zaka zambiri.
Muubwana wanga ndidayamba kubwezera mabalawa ndikudya, ndidayamba kunenepa kwambiri ndikuvutitsidwa ndi anthu ambiri pasukulu. Abambo anga adandikokera kwa madotolo amtundu uliwonse kuti andithandizire kuti ndichepetse thupi, ndinali chisonyezo chamakhalidwe ake, samatha kutenga. Izo sizinagwirepo ntchito, kotero iye anandiuza ine manyazi, manyazi kuti mwana wake wamwamuna anali wonenepa kwambiri ndipo sanali wolimba kapena waluso. Adalakalaka ndikadapanda kukhala mwana wake wamwamuna. Ndinazindikira kuti ine ndi mkulu wanga tinali ngozi zosafunikira kwenikweni.
Patapita kanthawi (pafupifupi zaka 13-14) kuti nditchuke kwambiri ndikuchepetsa kuzunzidwa ndikuthawa chidani cha abambo anga, ndidayamba kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo, kusiya kudya. Ndinayamba kusuta, mowa, udzu, bowa ndipo ndidakumana ndi zolaula koyamba. Sindikukumbukira unyamata wanga wambiri, ndikudziwa kuti zinali zokhudzana ndi mankhwala osokoneza bongo ndikupangitsa kuti izi zitheke. Zolaula zinali gawo la moyo wanga kuyambira pamenepo, koma osati tsiku ndi tsiku, chifukwa chosapeza mosavuta. Tinalibe pc kapena intaneti, ndipo magazini anali ovuta kupeza lol.
Zaka zotsatirazi za 3 bambo anga adasinthanso ntchito 2 nthawi zingapo ndikuyamba kumwa tsiku lililonse, osabisala. Mlongo wanga adandiuza momwe nthawi zina amamupezera akulira m'khichini pakati pausiku, akungolira. Zinali mpumulo wake wopsinjika, kupatula kusankha zokangana pamitu yopanda ntchito, monga: Mwadula masamba. Agogo ndi omwe amasamukira kudzikoli ndi oyipa komanso momwe abwenzi amathandizira aliyense kupatula iye, kuntchito, kunyumba, kulikonse. Anayamba kukhala wankhanza kwambiri titatha kupambana pamikangano ndikuwononga mphamvu yake yoyipa yomwe anali nayo. Anayamba kumenya mkazi wake watsopano. Ife, ana ake omwe tidamuwopseza kuti asadzachitenso izi, kapena tidzamumenya. Kuyambira pamenepo ndinazindikira zowonjezereka kuti anali munthu wosweka bwanji. Abambo anga omwe anataya umunthu wake, mphamvu zawo, udindo wawo kwa ine.
Nditayamba maphunziro anga (kuzungulira 17) ndidasiya mankhwala osokoneza bongo kumbuyo, chifukwa sizinandipindule nawo maphunziro ndipo ndimayenera kukhala ndi malingaliro kuti ndisaphe munthu nthawi yomwe ndimasinthana. Kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula kwanga kunakula pang'ono ndipo munthawiyo ndinazindikira (koma sindinadziwe chifukwa chake) kuti sindinasangalatse atsikana kuposa ena ndipo ndinali ndi ED ndikafuna kuchitapo kanthu. Ndinaganiziranso mobisa kuti mwina ndimakhala gay, ndipo ndimadzimvera chisoni ndikumasokonezeka, pomwe amaweruzidwa kuti ndi oyipa ndi abambo anga nthawi zonse. Ndinayamba kumwa mowa mwauchidakwa, ndipo ndinatsala pang'ono kuledzera. Ndidatsanulira botolo la kachasu tsiku lililonse, kwa theka la chaka, mpaka ndidazindikira kuti zidali zoyipa kwambiri kwa ine ndipo ndikadayamba kusuta, kuwonongeka kwa chiwindi etc. Ndinkaopa zotsatira zake.
Pambuyo pa zaka 1-1.5 ndidasinthiranso mankhwala osokoneza bongo, chifukwa ndidakhala wokwanira kuti ndisavulaze odwala, ngakhale sindinadziwe bwino (sindinagwiritsepo mankhwala osokoneza bongo kuntchito, kapena kuledzera). Khalidweli lidatha pang'onopang'ono ndipo zolaula zidakhala nr wanga watsopano. 1 kuponderezana. Pambuyo pake ndinali ndi chibwenzi (kuyambira 21-23), anali wokongola komanso wochititsa chidwi, tinasamukira limodzi, koma sindinkagonana naye (mundipweteke), chifukwa chomwa mowa, koma sindinazindikire kuti zolaula nditha kukhala chizolowezi chobera NDIPO chinali chifukwa chosowa libido. Palibe amene akukuuzani. Kusukulu kuli za ndudu, mowa, mankhwala osokoneza bongo. Koma zolaula? Sekani
Ubalewo udatha patatha zaka 2. Abambo ake adamwalira pangozi, ali ndi zaka 51, moyo wake wonse udasintha; kunalibenso malo anga. Tinali ndi nthawi yovuta pafupifupi theka la chaka. Ankalira usiku uliwonse mmanja mwanga, osagona, ndimagona usiku uliwonse ndikumusunga. Tidayenera kuyendetsa maola 4 njira imodzi m'masiku athu ogwirira ntchito ndikutsitsa nyumba yonse, garaja ndi malo ophatikizira njinga zitatu ndi bwato. Amayi ake adapita kukhothi, chifukwa atasudzulana, sanagawe zinthu zonse zamtengo wapatali ndi mgwirizano, panalibe umboni kuti adapeza chilichonse. Anagwiritsa ntchito mwayiwu. Chifukwa chake tidapita kwa loya ndipo tidamenyananso. Ma inshuwaransi amoyo sanapereke ndalama, chifukwa inali ngozi yamasewera. Izi zidachitika ku USA, kotero timayenera kuyang'anira zolemba zambiri kuti thupi lake liwotchedwe, ndipo phulusa lidawulukira ku Europe. Zonsezi zidachitika milungu itatu Khrisimasi isanakwane. Zabwino kwambiri. Koma tinatha kuyendetsa zonsezi, koma ubalewo sunakhalitse. Ndikukhulupirira kuti ali bwino.
Pambuyo pake zidafika poipa kwambiri. Ndinkachita masewera olimbitsa thupi nthawi zambiri 2-9 tsiku lililonse, nditafika kunyumba, ndinayamba kutsitsa makanema olaula, kuti ndiwasunge mtsogolo. Ndinayamba kudzipatula, mkati mwa videogames, porn, mowa, chakudya ndi nyimbo. Sindimakonda kutuluka ndipo ngakhale anzanga ankandifunsa kuti cholakwika. Moyo wanga wonse unalowa m'bokosi laling'ono, lopanda zovulaza, popanda zokhudzidwa. Pomwe ndimafuna kusintha, ndinathyola kapu yanga, ndipo sindinathe kugwira ntchito kapena kusangalalira bwino kwa theka la chaka. Zambiri zolaula, maliseche ndi chakudya, ndinayamba kulemera, kwambiri. Ndidatha ku 115 kg.
Nthawi ina (pambuyo pa zaka 3, tsopano 26) ndidataya chidwi chochita chilichonse. Ndinkapita kumaseŵera kuti ndikhale wokonda zachiwerewere monga ochita zolaula, kuti ndikhale ndi atsikana ojambula ngati atsikana. Cholinga changa chinatha, ntchito ndi zina zonse zinakhala goo imvi yomwe inali yotopetsa, ndimangokonda kusewera ndikukula. Masewera amangogwira ntchito, chifukwa zimandisokoneza, pomwe ndimadikirira kuti ndikonzekerenso zolaula zina. Pang'ono ndi pang'ono ndinayamba zolaula, zomwe zimandipatsa mwayi wokhala ndi mtsikana yemwe angandikhutiritse konse. Simungathe kufunsa zinthuzi koyambirira kwa chibwenzi.
Ndikuwona kusakatula ndidabwera ndikulemba pazokhudza zolaula. Ndazindikira momwe zimandikwanira, zizindikilo, chikhalidwe chake komanso momwe akumvera. Chifukwa chake ndidayamba kuyesa: masabata a 2 achabe, NoFap, palibe zolaula. Ndalephera masiku a 9. Ndinayesa kusintha, kwa miyezi ya 2-3, koma ndinasiya masiku angapo aliwonse, osadziwa za nofap zonsezi komanso kuchuluka kwa zonsezi komanso kukula kwa izi. Ndinakumana ndi mtsikana akusewera, wochokera kudziko lina ngakhale, amabwera kudzangotengera ine, ndikudziwa zonse za izi, ndipo ndinali ndi ED zoyipa kuposa kale. Ndidayamba kuyambiranso, ndipo zidayamba kukhala CRISPY AF!
Ndinagwa, gehena anyamata, ndidachita ngozi kwambiri, simungathe kulingalira. Ndimamva ngati chidandaulo chomvetsa chisoni kwambiri. Ndinali ndi nkhawa, ndimalira nthawi zonse ndikuyamba kusanza mosadziwika. Sindinagone, nthawi zina ndimakhala ogalamuka kwa maola opitilira 50+, ndikupitabe kukagwira ntchito. Sindinakhazikike konse, ndimafuna kudzipha kamodzi, chinali chinthu chokhacho chodziwikiratu m'maganizo mwanga, chofuula komanso chomveka, pomwe china chilichonse chimangokhala chete. “DULUKANI PANSI! Simuyenera Kutenga Ili! ” Ndizo zonse zomwe ndinali nazo m'maganizo mwanga kwa mphindi zochepa. Ndinangokhala pampando wanga, kulibe, koma ndikuyesetsabe kulimbana ndi chidwi chodumpha, ngakhale sindimadziwa kuti kukana kumatanthauza chiyani munthawiyo. Ndinadzidzimutsa ndekha ndipo zinaipiraipira: Ndidataya zanga zogonana, ndidadzitaya ndekha, chilichonse chamtengo wapatali chatsalira, chidalinso tsopano.
Palibe chilichonse m'moyo chomwe chidasiyidwa. Ndangotsala ndekha ndi ine, munthu ameneyo ndimakomoka nazo zosokoneza. Kenako, kukumbukira kunabwera. Zonse zomwe ndidakakamiza kwazaka ngati 14-15 zidabweranso (zonse zomwe ndidatchulazi), ndidamva kuwawa konseku, mabala onsewa adayambanso kutaya magazi, ndimatopa, ndikuzama kulowa m'malo omwe sindimafuna kuti munthu wina aliyense adachitire umboni. Ndinkadzimva kuti ndataika kwambiri, ndipo ndinapita kwa amisala. Inakwana nthawi yoti ndikumane ndi ziwanda zonsezi mkati mwanga komanso momwe zimapangira. Masautso anali enieni, koma ndizomwe ndidagwiritsidwa ntchito pamoyo wanga wonse, koma nthawi iyi, zidawoneka ngati zowopsa.
Pamenepo ndinadziwa, ndiyenera kuchita izi, ndimayenera kuthana ndi izi, ine, kapena ng'ombe zonse izi, ndimafuna ndikhale chiyani? Kusankha kunali kosavuta. Masabata oyamba a 3 anali gehena. Pakapita kanthawi koyamba ndimamva ngati mpweya wabwino m'mutu mwanga, ngati malingaliro, kapena mtengo. Zochepa za ine. Kunabwera mafunde, masabata achisoni, komanso sabata yotsatira yopumula. Nthawi zonse pamene zimakulirakulira, tsamba lililonse lonyentchera limakulirakulira, sabata iliyonse pambuyo pawo, zabwinobwino, ndimakhala inenso. Zilimbikitsozi zinali zamphamvu, anyamata, ndingodziwa kuti nthawi zazikulu kwambiri 100 sizoyandikira.
Ndinayambanso kumwetulira, ndinalira nthawi zambiri, chifukwa ndinamvanso, ndinamva kumverera, dziko linakhalanso lokongola. Ndidanong'oneza bondo pazisankho zanga, koma ndidamvetsetsa momwe wachinyamata sangatengere zowawa zonsezi, ndikusankha kupulumuka, kuti adzamenye tsiku lina. Zonse zimawoneka ngati zomveka tsopano, pang'onopang'ono.
Mpaka tsiku 60 linali lovuta kwambiri, pambuyo pake, zidakhala zosavuta, ndidazindikira kuti ndikufuna kuthana ndi kupanda pake ndi zinthu zabwino. Zinthu ziti? Sindinasankhe kwenikweni, zimangobwera zokha. Pambuyo pa masabata angapo, ndimangodikirira tsiku 100 (Hard Mode kuyambiranso, kuyesera koyamba, osayambiranso, sindikuwona ngati monk mode, chifukwa masewera ndi zakudya zinali momwe ndimakhalira kale).
Ndatsala pang'ono kumaliza, tsiku lake 88 lero, malingaliro anga pamoyo ndipo inemwini adasinthika kwambiri, ndipo pali zina zambiri zomwe zikubwera. Ndidayamba kuvala bwino, nditataya 25kg, kusunga malo anga oyera, kulimbitsa kwambiri, kuwerenga kuwerenga, kusinkhasinkha, kuyenda, kutuluka komanso kukhala ndi masiku. Ndikukonzekera zopewereranso PMO, kugonana kwenikweni ndi akazi enieni, koma ndikuopa koyamba. Kodi zidzakhala zokhutiritsa? Kodi ndidzakhala ndi ED? Nanga bwanji chaser? Ndidzakudziwitsani.
Zomwe ndikufuna kuti muphunzire pamenepa ndi izi:
1. Ngakhale zikuwoneka zovuta chotani, ndizotheka kuchita. MUTHA kuchita izi!
2. Pali chifukwa chamakhalidwe anu! Dziwani chifukwa chomwe mwakhalira chonchi, ndikuwathetsa!
3. Kufunafuna thandizo NDIKUKULU! Chitani izi! Uzani anzanu onse za izi, ndipo mulole wothandizira kuti akutsogolereni. Simudzaweruzidwa! Ndikamauza anthu nkhani yanga, amalemekeza kwambiri kulimbika kwanga komanso mphamvu zanga.
4. Pezani zosangalatsa! Chitani zinthu! Zonse zomwe mukufuna kuchita, musanataye njira!
5. Lirani. Lankhulani zowawa zonse zomwe mungapeze, ngati malingaliro akusokonezani, imvani, mulowe, vomerezani ndi kulira, menyani kapena chita zomwe zili zofunikira kuti mukhale ndikuvomereza zomwe mukukhala komanso momwe mukumvera.
6. Simuli nokha! Titha kuthandizana, kukhala achilungamo pazonsezi, ndipo anthu azithandizira. Musaope kukhala osatetezeka. Tonsefe tili, nthawi zonse. Aliyense amadziwa, koma palibe amene amavomereza. Chikondi ndi kuvomereza zidzabweretsedwa kwa inu!
Malingaliro anga ndi inu nonse anyamata mukumenyanabe, mukuchita bwino!
Ngati muli ndi mafunso, omasuka kufunsa! Tili limodzi abale!
Wodzipereka Resist91
LINK - Kuyambiranso kwanga koyamba (zolimba) ndi nkhani ya momwe ndidafikira kumeneko.
by Resist91
;