Wolemba ATL pa 8/6/2012 - Ndakhala ndikuwerenga tsambali sabata yatha ndipo ndimaganiza kuti ndidzidziwitsa. Ndine wamwamuna wazaka 32, ndipo ndakhala ndi HOCD kuyambira zaka 25. Sindingathe kufotokoza zonsezi, zambiri ndizofanana ndi ena omwe ali ndi OCD. Chakhala chovuta kwambiri komanso chowopsa pamoyo wanga. Ndinkakonda kukhala PMO-er. Ndinapeza zolaula komanso kuseweretsa maliseche ndili ndi zaka 17, ndipo kwazaka zambiri kuyambira pomwe sindinagone popanda PMO. Ndipo nthawi zambiri ndimadzuka kwa PMO. Ndinayang'ana zolaula zambiri.
Mwamwayi chifukwa cha psyche yanga, sindinayambe ndalowa nawo zolaula. Ndine wothokoza chifukwa cha izo. HOCD yanga zaka 7 zapitazo idatsogoleredwa ndi kugwa kwakukulu komanso mwadzidzidzi pakugonana. Ndinayesa mitundu yonse yazinthu kuti ndibwezere m'zaka zapitazi, ndipo mwina ndimawononga ndalama masauzande madokotala, mayeso, zowonjezera, ndi zina zambiri. Ndinkaona kuti ndatopa ndi chiwerewere. Ndinali ndi mavuto okonza. Ndinali ndi mavuto okhudzidwa. Ndinali ndi gawo limodzi chabe lachiwerewere chomwe ndinali nacho kale. Komabe, ndidapitilira ku PMO.
Ndinadutsa HOCD kwa zaka zingapo, kenako ndinakhala pachibwenzi choyambirira chaka chino ndipo zonsezi zidabweranso. Kenako zidasinthidwa kukhala Gender Identity OCD, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti ndili ndi nkhawa zakukhala wachikazi kwambiri. Ndimawunika zomwe ndikuchita, ndi momwe ena amandionera, kuti ndiwone umuna wanga. Ndikuganiza kuti munganene kuti ndine wopanda chitetezo chamunthu wanga. Koma pamlingo wovuta kwambiri. Sindinakhalepo wopanda nkhawa ndi izi chaka chino chisanachitike.
Nayi chinthucho, komabe. Ndikapanda kutero pafupifupi sabata, nkhawa izi zimatha makamaka. HOCD yanga yakhala ikutuluka panja, ndipo GI-OCD yanga imachepa kwambiri ndikapanda kutero kwa sabata. Koma ndikamachita zachiwerewere, sindimadzikayikiranso za umuna wanga ndikumadzimva kuti sindine wamwamuna mokwanira ndikuyamba kuchita zinthu zosiyanasiyana zokhudzana ndi jenda ndipo zimandipangitsa kukhala ndi nkhawa komanso nkhawa. Ndinapita ku msasa ndi chibwenzi changa kumapeto kwa sabata lino, patatha pafupifupi sabata ndisanakhalepo, ndipo ndimamva ngati ndine wabwinobwino. Maganizo ochepa kwambiri a HOCD ndikumverera kwachikazi. Zinali zabwino.
Koma kukhala ndi chibwenzi chomwe ndimamukonda kwambiri, komanso amene ndimagonana naye kwambiri, kumapangitsa zinthu kukhala zopusitsa pang'ono poti tisachite zachiwerewere. Sabata yatha ndidadzipereka kuti ndisiye kuonera zolaula ndikusiya kuseweretsa maliseche. Ndatha kusunga kudzipereka kotere. Koma, ndimakondabe ndi bwenzi langa. M'malo mwake, sabata ino, ndidayimitsa maulendo 5. Ndikulingalira kuti siziyenera kudabwitsa kuti GI-OCD yanga ndi HOCD zikuwuluka lero.
Pomwe ndidapeza tsamba ili, ndipo zinthu zambiri zidasinthidwa ndi ine. Kugonjera kwa PMO. The HOCD. Zizindikiro zonse za kukhala wokonzekera kwambiri ndikuwonera zolaula zochuluka.
Chifukwa chake malingaliro anga ndi awa: lekani zolaula ndi MO, zomwe ndidachita pakadali pano (masiku 5). M'mwezi wina, bwenzi langa likuchitidwa opaleshoni yaying'ono ndipo sangagonane kwa milungu 4. Ndalankhula naye kale za kugwiritsa ntchito nthawi imeneyo kupatsa ubongo wanga kupumula. Sanakayikire pang'ono, koma zimawoneka kuti anali mgululi. Amasangalala kupereka zogonana pakamwa (mwayi kwa ine) kotero wakhumudwitsidwa pang'ono kuti sangachite izi mweziwo.
Ndisungabe malowa ndi momwe zinthu zikuyendera. Monga ndanenera, pakadali pano palibe PMO kapena MO wapita bwino.
10/02/2012 - Kuleza mtima
Ndikuganiza kuti ndibwino kudzikumbutsa kuti izi zitha kutenga kanthawi. Mukawona kuti ndakhala ndikukhala PMOing tsiku lililonse kwa zaka 14 (pafupifupi theka la moyo wanga!), Ndikuganiza kuti ndizosatheka kuwona kusintha kwakukulu mwachangu. Makamaka popeza sindinakhale wabwino (mpaka pano) ndikuletsa MO, kapena O palimodzi pankhaniyi.
Ndawona zosintha zina zabwino pakadali pano, ngakhale zili zobisika, zomwe ndidatchulapo kale mu blog iyi. Kungoyenera kupitilira, ndi kuwona momwe zikuyendera kuchokera pano.
Ndikubwera masiku 90 opanda zolaula, ndipo ndimasangalala nazo. Ndimaganiza za izo lero, ndipo sindikufunanso kuyang'ana zolaula. Zilibe zokopa zilizonse. Ndikaganiza za izi, zimandivuta mwanjira ina. Ndikuganiza kuti kuchita zachiwerewere nthawi zonse kumandithandiza ndipo ngati sindimagonana ndikadakopeka ndi zolaula.
Ponena za zomwe, sabata yatha ndidapita pang'ono ndi psychasm. Ndinkachita zoseweretsa kawiri (ndikuganiza za zokumana nazo zam'mbuyomu), ndikugonana zomwe zidabweretsa nthawi za orgasm 5. 3 ya iwo anali tsiku limodzi, masiku awiri apitawa.
Ndipo pambuyo ponyamula pang'ono, m'masiku angapo apitawa, ndakhala ndikumva kuwawa. Wokhumudwa pang'ono, wopanda nkhawa, wopanda chidwi ndi mnzanga, zero libido, wopanda mtundu uliwonse wa mojo, ndikumverera ngati ndikungofuna kugona tsiku lonse. Zochepa kwambiri zolimbikitsira kuchita chilichonse. Zosapindulitsa pantchito.
Chifukwa chake zikuwonekeratu kuti ziphuphu za 7 m'masabata a 1 sizabwino kwa ubongo wanga, ndikutha kuzimva.
Chifukwa chake ndikutenga sabata ino kuchoka pachimake, ndikuwona momwe ndimamvera. Ndikulingalira kuti zidzakhala bwino kwambiri.
Ndiyenera kunena kuti HOCD yanga yakhala yocheperako kuyambira pomwe ndidabwereranso mu Marichi. Sizinandisokoneze konse. Ndikuyamikira kusiya zolaula chifukwa cha izi.
11/18/2012 - Chidziwitso changa choyamba cha Karezza
Gawo langa loyamba pano linali kuthetsa zolaula, zomwe ndachita bwino masiku pafupifupi 110 tsopano. Kenako ndinayesetsa kuti ndisiye kuseweretsa maliseche, zomwe zinali zovuta kwambiri, ngakhale ndakhala "woyera" pafupifupi milungu iwiri tsopano ndikuseweretsa maliseche. Pomaliza, usikuuno ndidauza chibwenzi changa kuti sindikhala wokonda zachiwerewere. Anadabwa poyamba, ngakhale ndinali nditayankhulapo za kuyesa Karezza kale. Chifukwa chake adakhala ndi lingaliro lazomwe zimakhudza.
Chilimbikitso changa chomupatsa Karezza kuwombera ndi chibwenzi changa chinali chimodzi mwazomwe ndimakonda kwambiri "benders" zomwe ndidakambirana pano. Ndinali ndi ziphuphu za 11 m'masiku 6, ndipo ndimangomva ngati zopanda pake. Sindinali kugona, ndinali ndi wotopa wotere, wosakhudzidwa, ndikumverera. Maganizo anga kwa bwenzi langa anali osasamala konse. HOCD inali yoipa kachiwiri, ndipo imandivutitsa kwambiri.
Chifukwa chake usikuuno tidawombera. Zinali zosangalatsa, ndipo amazikonda, zomwe zimandipatsa mpumulo. Tinapita pang'onopang'ono, tinayesa maudindo osiyanasiyana, ndipo tinangosangalala tokha motakasuka komanso mwakuthupi. Ndinadabwitsidwa pang'ono ndi momwe ndinakwanitsira kupewa kudzisokoneza ndikungopeza "zone" komwe ndimamva bwino osati ngati ndikukula. Ndidayenda ndikubwerera kuchokera ku ZOFUNIKA kwambiri kwa iye, kenako ndikukhazikika ndikungosangalala nazo. Ndinadabwa kwambiri kuyang'ana nthawi ndikudzindikira kuti takhala tikupanga pafupifupi ola limodzi. Sindinawone nthawi ikudutsa.
Pambuyo pake tinapita kukadya chakudya ndi anzathu angapo. Tili mgalimoto panjira, tinali okhudza mtima komanso okondana. Tonsefe timangomva "WOW" pazomwe takumana nazo. Ndinamva zosangalatsa. Ndinali wochenjera mwachangu, wokongola, ndimayang'ana kwambiri chakudya. Ndinkangomva "pamasewera anga." Nkhawa zanga zokhudzana ndi chikhalidwe cha anthu komanso kudzimva kukhala wopanda nkhawa pakati pa anthu zinali zochepa kwambiri. Ndinkadzidalira.
Tidabwerera kunyumba ndikutisunga kwa mphindi 30 asadapite kunyumba. Ndidamuwonetsa vidiyo ya "orgasm v. Performance" yomwe Marina adalemba ndipo adachita nayo chidwi. Ndinkadandaula kuti ndisinthe mawonekedwe athu opangira chikondi, ndikudandaula za momwe angachitire izi, ngati angafune. Koma yankho lake lakhala labwino, amawoneka kuti akusangalala nalo kwenikweni.
Ndikudziwa kuti mwina izi ndi zotsatira za placebo, kapena mwina sindingayembekezere kupambana kumeneku mtsogolo. Koma chinali chokumana nacho choyambirira kwenikweni, ndipo chandipatsa chidaliro chochuluka kuti ndipitirire nazo. Chimodzi mwazinthu zofunikira kwambiri ndikuti bwenzi langa linali losangalala ndikulowererapo koyamba.
12/04/2012 - Karezza wovuta
Kulowa kwanga komaliza kunali masabata awiri apitawa, nditangomaliza kumene kudziwa za Karezza ndi bwenzi langa, komanso wabwino kwambiri pamenepo.
Ndine wamantha pang'ono kuvomereza, sindinakhalenso wabwino kuyambira pamenepo. Osayambiranso zolaula (miyezi 4!) Kapena maliseche, mwamwayi. Koma sindikuchita bwino kwambiri pakugonana ku Karezza, komanso kunja kwa chiwonetsero / kukwera kwenikweni. Chinthuchi ndikuti, ndimasangalala kwambiri ndikamagonana ndi chibwenzi changa. Ndimakonda kumverera. Kotero ngakhale ndimagonana ndi cholinga chokhala ndi Karezza osati chiwonongeko, nthawi zambiri chimakhala kukula kwa chiwonongeko.
Kenako, ndimakhala ndikumverera. Mwachitsanzo, usiku watha. Ndidasokonekera kawiri panthawi yopanga zachikondi. Ndiye lero, ndimamva ngati ndili ndi zero libido. Palibe mkazi yemwe amawoneka wokongola kwambiri kwa ine. Pamene ndinapsompsona bwenzi langa usikuuno, zinali ngati kupsompsona khoma kapena china chake. Kunalibe kumverera pamenepo. Ndipo ndizokhumudwitsa kwambiri. Ndimapeza bwenzi langa lokongola kwambiri, koma ndikakhala ndikulemba pambuyo panga ndimangokhala wopanda chidwi ndi iye. Ndimakhala ndikumverera komwe sindimamva kuti ndine bambo, komwe sindimadzidalira. Mopanda chidwi.
Ine ndikuganiza zonse zomwe zimamveka molingana ndi zomwe zimachitika pakuwona pambuyo pa orgasm pakuwonjezeka kwa prolactin ndi kuchepa kwa oxytocin ndi zina.
Ndipo ngati ndikunena zowona, libido yanga yakhala ikunena pang'ono m'masabata angapo apitawa, ndipo sindikudziwa chifukwa chake. Sindinakhalepo pachiwerewere kuposa kale, chifukwa chake ndakhala ndikuchepetsako pang'ono chifukwa sindichitanso maliseche.
Komabe, ndikuchepetsa nthawi yanga pa bolodi la uthenga la HOCD (sindikuwona ngati chimodzi, chifukwa sichipatsa ubongo wanga "kukankha" komwe ndikuganiza kuti kwandithandiza kukhala ndi malingaliro abwino komanso kusangalala ambiri. Ndipo malingaliro ochepa a HOCD. Yemwe HOCD ndimaganiza kuti ndakhala ndikulimbikira pazakugonana mkamwa kwa mnyamata. Ndili ndi malingaliro awa ngati momwe ndingasangalalire. Ngakhale kwenikweni ndikuganiza kuti zitha kundimasula. Koma nthawi zina ndikamverera bwino ubongo wanga umandiuza "chabwino bwanji pankhani yakugonana m'kamwa, mutani pamenepo?"
Kotero, ndi pamene ine ndiri. Chidwi chimodzi chosangalatsa: bwenzi langa lidzachita opaleshoni sabata yamawa ndipo sangagonane kwa mwezi umodzi. Ndikuganiza kuti ino ndi nthawi yabwino kuyesera kupita nthawi yonse osagonana, wopanda zolaula, kumangokhalira kuwona zomwe zikuchitika. Kungakhale kuyesa kosangalatsa, ngati ndingathe kumaliza nthawi yonseyo. Adaperekedwa kuti "adzandisamalira" munjira zina, zomwe ndi zowolowa manja, ndipo izi zidzakhala zovuta kuti muchepetse. Koma ngati ndingathe kuchita ndikuganiza kuti zidzakhala zosangalatsa kuwona zomwe zimachitika.
ATL
LINK KWA POST - Zolaula sizogonana
Yolembedwa ndi ATL pa 12 / 29 / 2012
Popeza ndinali ndi zolaula kwa miyezi pafupifupi 5 tsopano, ndazindikira momwe zolaula zimakhudzira moyo wanga wogonana. Ndinagonana momwe ndimaonera anthu akuchita zolaula. Kugonana komwe ndidali nako kuti ndikutsanzira zomwe ndidawona, chifukwa ndizomwe zimawoneka bwino.
Koma kugonana kwenikweni sindikuganiza kuti kulidi choncho. Kugonana komwe kumandisiya ndikukwaniritsidwa kwambiri. Ndizochepa pazochita ndi chiwonetsero, komanso zambiri zakukondana kwambiri ndikuwonetsera chikondi ndi mnzanu.
Ndine wokondwa kuti ndinasiya zolaula. Ndikamapita kutali kuchokera pamenepo ndimamverera opanga. Sindikunena kuti musamve kukoka nthawi ndi nthawi. Koma moyo wanga komanso moyo wanga wogonana ndibwino popanda iwo.
Zaka zingapo zapitazo ndinali ndi chitsanzo cha ED ndipo ndinatuluka. Ndinali ndi zochitika zina zingapo ndipo ndinachita chinthu changa mwachizolowezi, ndimayesa mitundu yonse ya intaneti, ndimayesa mitundu yonse yazowonjezera, ndi zina zambiri. Etc. Ndidamvanso kuti ndataya zina zomwe ndimamva mbolo yanga. Panalibe mankhwala apanthawi yomweyo. Pang'onopang'ono, zinthu zinakhala bwino ndipo sililinso vuto kwa ine chilichonse. M'malo mwake ndikamuuza mnzanga wapano kuti ndakhala ndikukumana nawo vuto, mwina amaseka.
Ndikuganiza kuti ndidatopa ndi PMO, ndipo zidatenga nthawi yayitali kuposa momwe ndimaganizira kuti ndibwererenso.
Kuchiritsidwa kwathunthu ku ED? Inde. Ndabwerera mwakale kutsogolo. Koma kwenikweni chifukwa chomwe ndidabwerera kuno poyamba chinali HOCD ndipo kulimbana kwanga ndikupitilira kulimbana ndi chilombo chija komanso malingaliro olakwika, kukayikira, ma spikes, kufunsa mafunso, kusanthula, kulimbana kosalekeza m'malingaliro mwanga pazomwe ndimayang'ana. ” Ndidayika pamndandanda chifukwa sindikukhulupirira kuti malingaliro anga adakhaladi ndi funso. Ndi nkhani yamaganizidwe. Ndikumva za 80% bwino kutsogolo kwa HOCD panthawiyi.
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