Background
10 - 10 Ndazindikira kuti ndimakonda zolaula, ndipo ngati ndili wowona mtima, kuseweretsa maliseche. Popeza ndinali ndi chidziwitso cha ED ndili ndi zaka makumi awiri ndikumayambiriro kwa zaka makumi awiri, ndimaganiza kuti ndikumwa mowa kwambiri komanso misempha.
Kuyambira ndili mwana zaka zakubadwa za porn zakhala zili gawo la moyo wanga. Nthawi zonse ndikamalephera ndi mtsikana kapena sindimatha kuzimeza zolaula nthawi zonse ndimakhala kuti zimanditsimikizira kuti zonse zikuyenda momwe ziyenera kukhalira. Maubwenzi ambiri adalephera komanso mwayi wopatsa mwayi wosowa womwe wawonjezera pa njira yogwiritsa ntchito zolaula.
Nditapeza Ubongo Wanu pa Zithunzi Poyamba ndimaganiza kuti ndi Sayansi Yatsopano ya Hippy Pseudo Science ndipo zingachitike bwanji izi. Ngakhale ndimayesetsa kusiya kuonera zolaula kangapo m'mbuyomu, sindinali chizolowezi chomwe ndimangokonda kuzichita, ndimamuvulaza ndani. Ophunzitsa, Madokotala ndi atolankhani ali odzaza ndi "kuseweretsa maliseche kuli bwino", nyali yobiriwira kuti ikumenya mpaka mutasiya buku langa. Kukana ndikutengeka kwamphamvu ndipo ngakhale pano ngakhale akuti "Ndine wokonda zolaula" Sindikukhulupirira ndekha ngakhale ndikudziwa kuti ndine. "Ukonde Lapadziko Lonse NDINE CHIKHALIDWE CHAMAKOLO". Chakumwa chomwe chapulumuka, mankhwala osokoneza bongo ndikutsekedwa ndi chinsalu pakona la chipinda chamisala!
Nditabwerera ku tsambalo ndinazindikira kuti anyamata onsewa anali kukumana ndi zomwezi zomwe ndinali nazo zaka zambiri. Ed ndi atsikana otentha, kusiya anzanu ndipo nthawi zambiri ndimangomva zinyalala. Kudziwa kuti ena ali ndi nthawi yoyipa ndikolimbikitsa pazifukwa zina. Kotero masiku makumi atatu ndi asanu ndi awiri apitawo ndinaganiza kuti ndisiye zolaula ndikuyesa kubwezeretsanso. Kuleka zolaula kwakhala kosavuta ndipo sindimayang'ananso. Chilichonse chomwe chimayenda nawo komabe chakhala chikuzunzidwa. Kusowa tulo, mipira ya buluu, nyanga pamiyeso yomwe sindinakumanepo nayo kale kwambiri. Kutalika kwambiri komwe ndakhala opanda M ndi masiku asanu ndipo ndalephera maulendo khumi ndi m'modzi kuyambira kuyesera kwanga koyamba (Tangoyang'ana pa kalendala ndipo ndikudabwitsidwa ndi chiwerengerocho.)
M'masiku asanu amenewo ndinakumana ndi chinthu chachikulu. Chidaliro chinabweranso, chifunga chidakwera ndipo ndinali wokondwa kwambiri. Kuyanjana ndi anthu kudakhala kosavuta, ndidapeza kumwetulira kwabwino komanso kuyang'ana ndi maso ndi mtsikana wodabwitsa kwina konse. Ndikufuna ndimverenso. Lero ndi tsiku lachitatu.
Kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi kumathandiza kwambiri ndi zizindikiro ndipo ndazindikira kuwonjezeka kwa mphamvu ndi malingaliro abwino. Ndikuganiza ndiyesa kusinkhasinkha ndikuwona ngati zingathandize ndi kusowa tulo. Kugwira ntchito popanda kupumula kumabweretsa kupitiliza maphunziro ndi kupsinjika ..
Kupeza njira yofulumira yolumikizana ndi ine ndikutenga malo anga, motero ndikuyang'ana kumbuyo ndikuganiza kuti zidapangitsa kuti zinthu ziziyenda bwino. (Nthawi zonse padziko lapansi ndipo palibe amene angakusokonezeni) Masamba achangu pa intaneti omwe mungatenge sumu zanu ndikudumpha kupita kwanu magawo achidwi a chidwi ndi zomwe akumana nazo ndizolimba kwambiri. Kudziwa zomwe ndikudziwa tsopano ndikuganiza kuti izi zimanditsogolera kuti ndizisokoneza bongo ndikuyamba kudana ndi zolaula ndipo momwe zimakupangirani kuti mumve pambuyo pake. Ndikudzifunsa ngati chifukwa chake kusiya kuyang'ana zolaula mpaka pano kwapita patsogolo kwambiri. Ndikutha kuwona chifukwa chake ogwiritsa ntchito amakonda zolaula kwambiri kuti akwerere kwambiri.
10-13
Pamene ndimagona usiku watha malingaliro a zolaula adalowa m'mutu mwanga wopanda pake. Ndimayenera kugwira ntchito molimbika kuti ndiwachotse pamutu panga. Zosakhazikika bwino pambuyo pa tsiku labwino lotereli, kunyada kumabwera chisanachitike komanso zonsezi.
10-15
Wakhala wokwiya kwenikweni nthawi yoyamba lero, wogulitsa mwankhalwe samayankha ayi. Nthawi zambiri ndimamva bwino mumtima ndipo zimandigunditsa mpaka ndikagona. Lero ndinasindikiza makina makumi awiri kuti ndidutse ndipo mawonekedwe ake ndayiwalika, osafunikira kwenikweni.
Ziwonetsero zozizira zowerengeka zidathandiza kwambiri ndi mipira yamtambo.
10-18
Lakhala tsiku lodzikayikira. Chisangalalo cha sabata yatha chikuwoneka kuti chatha, mwina ndangozolowera kuyendanso ndikukwezanso mutu wanga. Kodi mwawona kuti ndi anthu angati omwe amayenda yoweramitsa mutu?
Nditawerenga zolemba zingapo ndidaganiza zokhazokha ndipo ndinapita ku malo ochitira masewera olimbitsa thupi ndipo ndinali ndi nthawi yophunzirira.
Ndinamva kuda nkhawa kwambiri, kutengeka mtima komanso ngakhale kutuluka misozi ndisanatuluke. Ganizirani kuti ndalowa gawo lopilira lobwezeretsanso, kuyamba mwachangu kwatha ndipo tsopano ndi nthawi yokhazikika.
10-23
Kumva kupumulika kwambiri ngati ubongo wanga sukugwira ntchito mopitirira muyeso kuthana ndi nkhawa kapena kukayikira, zakhala zabwino. Palibenso chifukwa chochepera pa katundu wamasiku.
10-24
Anali ndi nthabwala (mwina mumayenera kukhala muli) nkhuni m'mawa uno. Boner to flacid ndiye pang'ono tingle ndi kubwerera ku boner kanayi mkati mwa mphindi 5. Sindikukumbukira kuti zidachitikapo. Ndikumva ngati labido yanga yasowa masiku angapo apitawa kapena ndangosankha kumene. Palibe zambiri zomwe zikundigwirira ntchito mosiyana ndi sabata yapitayi.
10-25
Ndinadabwa dzulo lake. Loto langa loyamba kunyowa zaka. Ndikusiyani tsatanetsatane wonse koma ndikuganiza kuti ndidadzuka pang'ono LOL. Sindingakumbukire ndendende zomwe maloto odabwitsa omwe ndinali nawo koma sizinali kanthu kogonana. Zachilendo. Inabwera ngati mpumulo (palibe pun yomwe inali). Ndinakhala ndimaganizo achilendo pansi asanakagone.
10-26
Pambuyo poti dzulo latulutsa maloto onyowa, lero ndikumva kuti mojo akubwerera. Ndikuyang'ana kumbuyo dzulo, nkhungu yakale idabwerera. Lero ndibwerera kukhala watcheru, wodalirika, wolimbikira komanso wosadandaula za moyo. Ndazindikira lero kuti sunganamize malingaliro amenewo ngakhale utayesetsa kuchita momwe ungachitire ngati ukumva bwino. Ndayesera kunena kuti kusintha kwakusintha kwazinthu zina zakunja kupatula kuyambiranso koma sindingapeze chilichonse.
10-27
Ndakhala ndikumva kukhumudwa tsiku lonse. Muyenera kukhala osangalala ngati tsiku lake la makumi awiri koma mulibe phokoso. Nthawi ina lero ndimaganiza kuti ndimakonda kwambiri PMO, popanda chifukwa china chomwe ndimangofuna. Mwamwayi ndinali kuntchito kapena ndikadayambiranso.
Ndazindikira kuti ndine womasuka ndikakhala chete. Nthawi zambiri ndimadana ndi zii, ndimawawona kukhala ovuta ndipo ndimasokoneza ubongo wanga kuti ndizinena chilichonse kuti ndiwadzaze. Izi nthawi zambiri zimatha ndikamayankhula zinyalala. Lero ndangololeza ena kudzaza malowo.
10-31
Tinakhala maola ochepa masanawa ndi msungwana yemwe anali wabwino kwambiri, osati tsiku kapena chilichonse. Nditha kunena moona mtima kuti ndinali nthawi yanga yoyamba kwa zaka. Otsimikiza komanso osangalatsa. Amatha kupanga bwanawe wabwino kwambiri.
11-01
Pafupifupi ndinazembera pomwe ndimangodandaula ndikuyamba kuwonera makanema anyimbo aku Youtube. Maganizo akale anayamba kubwerera ndipo mabelu a alamu analira chilichonse chisanachitike. Zikungosonyeza kuti muyenera kukhala tcheru nthawi zonse. Moona mtima ndimaganiza kuti ndinali pamwamba pake.
11-02
Ndinali ndi nyanga ya manic m'mbuyomu ndipo amayenera kuti ayendetse njira kuti isavutike. Ndikadakhala ndi mphamvu zambiri ndimakhala ngati ndikumwa mankhwala. Kenako kunasamba madzi ozizira kwambiri. Mwinanso kuzizira pang'ono pamene ndikungopuma pang'ono kuchokera pakupuma movutikira kwambiri LOL.
Sindinapindule mwanzeru kwambiri masiku angapo apitawa koma mukumva ngati ndadumpha kwambiri.
Kugwira mawu a Winston Churchil:
"Tsopano lino sikutha. Palibe ngakhale chiyambi cha chimaliziro. Koma ndiye, mwina kutha kwa chiyambi. ”
11-03
Tsiku linanso labwino lero ngakhale ndi zokupatsitsani. Ndimamva ngati ndikulankhula ndi aliyense yemwe ndidakumana naye.
11-08
Zindikirani kuti ndakhala masiku angapo apitawa kuyesera kuti ndidzipeze ndekha chifukwa chake ndiyenera kuyesa ndikuwona momwe zinthu zikuyendera pompo. Chiwanda chamkati chakhala chikuyang'ana kulungamitsidwa kulikonse kuti chizisewera ndi woperekeza. Kungoyesa zinthu kuti mumvetsetse. Vuto lililonse lomwe lingakhalepo kuti lingoyambirenso ndi lingaliro lokhalo. Zolakalaka zakhala zolimba kotero malingaliro anga akhala akundiwuza kuti izi zitha kuthetsa vuto koma osayambiranso monga mayeso. Ngakhale zikadabwerenso ndimatha kutenga masiku asanu kuti ndibwerere kwathunthu.
Ndimayang'ana mwachidwi nkhani zoyambiranso kuyesa kwa masiku makumi atatu oyambiranso zomwe zidagwira bwino ndipo munthuyo adachiritsidwa. Kuwala kobiriwira kuti ndichite chilichonse chomwe ndimafuna. Mumanyalanyaza zowona zonse ndi zokumana nazo pakadali pano, mwina YBOP ndi Reuniting.info zonse ndizolakwika. Zina mwalingaliro lamunthu kapena chipwirikiti chachikulu pomwe anthu onse amayamba kukhulupirira ndikutsimikizira zomwe amauzidwa.
Mukudziwa m'malingaliro anu kuti zonse ndi ng'ombe, koma mumasankha kukhulupirira ng'ombe yanu ndikusalabadira chilichonse mwakuya. Ndangoziwiratu kuti usikuuno kwakhala kuyesa kwakukulu mpaka pano, mtima wanga ukuyesera kundibwezera.
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Tsopano ndikusamala kwambiri ndikubwerera m'dziko lenileni la kuyambiranso, osati zongopeka. Anthu anena kwa ine ndipo ndati kwa ena agone pazinthu. Nditenga mausiku ambiri ndikuwona komwe ndikhala.
Pali zinthu ziwiri zomwe zandithandizanso kuti ndibwerenso. Gary's 1st post pa ulusiwu https://www.reuniting.info/node/9028 zinthu ngati. Kugundika pang'ono kundikumbutsa chifukwa chomwe ndinayambira kuyambiranso.
Ndayambanso kuwerenga CPA ndipo magawo angapo adandipangitsa kuti ndimvetsetse chifukwa chomwe ndakhala momwe ndidalili kale, mphindi yayitali ngati mungathe. Nthawi zonse zomwe ndidakumana ndi mtsikana, nthawi imeneyo ndimasuka ndicholinga chofuna kuti ndichotse gehena ndipo sindidzawaonanso. Momwe ndakhalira, ma ED onse amawonjezera kumangoyipa komwe kumagwirizana ndi kugonana.
Chifukwa chake sindikhala ndikuyambiranso gudumu loyambiranso ndipo ndiyenera kumamatira ku pulogalamuyi.
Mwachidule, tawonani anthu omwe mumaganizira kuti ubongo wabwinobwino akhoza kuyesa kuyambiranso kuyambiranso. ITS A TRAP.
11-09
Guy yemwe amagwira ntchito mu shopu anandifunsa chifukwa chomwe ndimakondwera. Masewera olimbitsa thupi omwe ndimakumana nawo nthawi yayikulu ndimayendedwe osokoneza bongo ndipo sizikachitika ndimakhumudwitsidwa. Pafupifupi phokoso langa limayang'aniridwa ndi mamba omwe amapeza poyambira.
11-10
Ndinakhala mukuwala dzuwa ndipo ndinali ndi usiku kunja usikuuno komwe sindimamvetseka nthawi iliyonse. Barmaid mu pub akuwonekanso bwino chomwe ndi chizindikiro chabwino. Chifukwa kamodzi sindipenda mphindi iliyonse ya tsiku.
11-11
Mojo wachoka pang'ono lero ndikulemba maloto anga onyowa usiku watha. (Zomwe zinali zowawa kwambiri, ndikuganiza kuti ndidakoka minofu yanga). Simunamve kwambiri ngati alpha monga momwe ndakhala ndimasabata angapo apitawa. Zakhala bwino kupuma pang'ono kuchokera ku chilimbikitso chopita ku MO koma ndibwino kuti mumve mphamvu. Mukuganiza kuti mumakhala wodekha koma mumangodziona nokha, wodabwitsa. Chosangalatsa ndichakuti ndakhala ndikumva ludzu tsiku lonse ndipo ndachotsa zakudya zambiri. Tinapumira chakudya chamasana.
11-12
Ndimaganiza kuti mojo wanga akadachoka lero. Ndinatuluka ndikudziŵa kuti mojo wanga anali bwino basi chilakolako chosakhutitsidwa kwa O chachoka, si chinthu choipa.
11-13
Zolakwika zabwerera ku maloto asanakwane kunyowa. Anadula pomwe akuyendetsa usikuuno ndipo amakhoza kuisiya nthawi yomweyo. Lachisanu ndidakwiya kwambiri zoterezi zitachitika ndipo mkwiyo wanga udakhala kwakanthawi.
Pali zina zomwe zasintha zomwe ndinangozindikira dzulo usiku, osatsimikiza kuti zidachitika liti.
1. Tsopano ndimagona usiku wonse, m'mbuyomu ndimadzuka kangapo kuti ndichepe, kumwa kapena kungodzuka. Ndimagonanso mosavuta ndikasankha.
2. Poyamba ndinkayang'ana zitseko za nyumba yanga zili zokhoma ndisanagone, ngakhale ndimadziwa kuti zokhoma. Nthawi zina kudzuka ndikuyang'ana kawiri kapena katatu. Musakumbukire pomwe ndidasiya kuchita koma usiku watha nditaganiza za izi sindinaganizepo zodzuka pabedi.
11-15
Sindinakhale ndi nkhuni zam'mawa zomwe ndikudziwa masiku apitawa. Ndinaganiza zoyesa kuyesa kusewera ndekha kuti ndiwone zomwe zidachitika. Momwemo zidachitikanso ndikugwira zala zazing'ono kwambiri ndipo sizopeka konse. M'kanthawi kochepa kwambiri ndinali ndi chidwi (ngakhale nditanena ndekha) molimbika. Kuyimitsa, komwe sindinachitepo pokhapokha nditasokonezedwa, silinali vuto. Ndidakumbukira zakale ndili mwana pomwe ndidayamba kuseweretsa maliseche momwemonso momwemo, kumangokhudza zenizeni. Sindikudziwa nthawi yakufa ndi zolaula zina zomwe zidakhala zachilendo koma zinali nthawi yayitali kwambiri.
11-17
Ndidakhala ndimaloto oyamba atatu a kuyambiranso usiku watha, masiku asanu nditamaliza. Kudabwitsa kwenikweni, osadziwa chomwe chimayambitsa. Mosiyana ndi nthawi yathayi lero ndikumva bwino ndipo sindimamva kuti mojo wachoka. Tachokeranso usiku uno ndipo sitingathe kuona kusintha kwina kulikonse komwe kumakhala kolimba kapena kosangalatsa. Ndikukhulupirira kuti zimakhalabe choncho mawa ndipo sindikuwona chifukwa chomwe zimasinthira.
11-19
Ndinkachita Loweruka usiku ndi anzanga opanda mowa pomwe onse amamwa. Nthawi zambiri (99.8% ya nthawi) ndimakhala womangika ndikumaliza kumwa kapena kusiya m'mawa kwambiri. Ndidakhala ndi usiku wabwino. Anthu awiri adati pali china chosiyana ndi ine ndipo ndikuwoneka bwino. Masewera olosera a zomwe ndidakwanitsa. Anayesedwa kuwauza koma anasankhidwa kuti asatero. Izi zikadakhala zolakwika zazikulu.
11-22
Adadzutsidwa mwankhanza m'mawa uno ndi boner wanga yemwe sangachoke. Ndikudziwa kuti daimondi ili pafupi pamwamba pamiyeso yolimba koma boner wanga sanali patali nayo. Sindikukumbukira nthawi yomaliza yomwe ndidakumana ndi zotere. Kungoyambiranso kapena mwina ma kegals akugwira ntchito amene akudziwa koma tsopano ndikudziwa kuti boner zana limodzi ndiotani. Ndiyenera kusintha malingaliro anga.
11-23
Dziwani kuti ndili mdera lomwe sindinadziwe kuti ndakhala masiku ambiri opanda PMO, tikuyembekezera zatsopano. Ndikanakhala ndi maloto anga oyamba kunyowa osatulutsa umuna ngati zili zomveka. Sindikukumbukira ndikuwombera chowonadi chenicheni. Ndinamverera ngati chiwonongeko ndipo malotowo anali osokoneza. Langizo la tsikulo: lolani zinthu zizipita. Chifukwa chiyani mumapanikizika ndi zinthu zomwe simungathe kuzilamulira.
11-24
Kutanganidwa kwambiri ndi ntchito sindinakhale nayo nthawi yoganizira za kuyambiranso mpaka kumapeto kwa tsiku. Ndizachilendo kuzolowera kumverera kwatsopano kumene sindingathe kufotokoza. Wotentha, wosasunthika, wodekha, wodekha, wosungidwa osadula kwenikweni.
11-26 (DAY 50)
Kukhala ndi chibwenzi mwachisawawa lero ndipo ngakhale ndimachita mantha kwambiri zonse zinkayenda, ngakhale sindinachite zogonana kwathunthu. Kwa nthawi yoyamba ndinkaona ngati wokonda nawo mbali osati wowonera. Sipadzakhala kumverera kwaphokoso kwa "nditulutsireni kumoto kuno" nthawi iliyonse 
Kuopa kambiri kokhudza nkhani zaubwenzi komwe ndimaganiza kuti ndapanga nako kwasinthanso. Mojo ndi chidaliro ndichabwino ndipo ndili ngati ndikuganiza zomwe zinali zovuta komanso kuda nkhawa. Zolimbikitsadi komanso chifukwa chochulukirapo chosiya kutaya zolaula mpaka kalekale.
11-29
Lero lakhala tsiku labwino kwambiri, kusintha kwa 8 kuchokera ku 10. Sizinali mpaka nditakhala pampando wamazinyo m'mawa uno pomwe ndidazindikira kuti sindinachite mantha. Ndizosiyana. Ndinali ndi kalasi yochita masewera olimbitsa thupi lero ndipo ndinazindikira kuti m'modzi mwa atsikanawo amandisilira.
1-21
Ndine wokondwa kunena kuti ndakhala ndikusiya zolaula ndipo sindinayesedwe kuti ndiyang'ane kamodzi kamodzi. Ganizirani kuti miyezi inayi. Anabwereranso ku maliseche, koma ndizovuta kuti musakhale owongolera ndikupewa zotsatira zoyipa. Pambuyo maliseche amatenga masiku asanu ndi awiri kuti mojo wanga achire. Ndikumvabe kumverera kodabwitsa komwe ndinali nako koyambirira koyambiranso pomwe chidaliro chimayamba kubwerera ndipo mumangomva kukhala anzeru. Mwinamwake ndikumva koma ndazolowera chifukwa sindimachokera pansi.
Ndakhumudwitsidwa kwambiri moyo wanga wachikondi sunakhalepo wabwinoko ndipo ndikadali wopanda bwenzi. Panali mtsikana, koma ndinali wokongola kwambiri ndipo ndimaganiza kuti ndingachite bwino. Mnyamata wopusa. Pali mantha ena okhudzana ndi zibwenzi koma osatsimikiza ngati izi zingachitike mukabwezeranso. Sindikudziwa kuti njira yanga yopitira patsogolo ndiyotani koma ndili ndi kalendala yotanganidwa kwambiri kwa miyezi iwiri yotsatira kotero kuti zala zakudutsa ndinakumana ndi mayi wa mwayi LOL.
Chifukwa chake ndimayenera kupita kukacheza kuchipatala cha matenda opatsirana pogonana posachedwa chifukwa ndimaganiza kuti ndili ndi kena kochezera woperekeza kukayezetsa. Simubwereranso kwa woperekeza mukaphunzira zomwe mungagwire ngakhale mutagwiritsa ntchito chitetezo, zinthu zowopsa kwenikweni. Pazinthu zabwino ngakhale munthawi yovutayi ndinali ndi nkhawa yopeza boner kuchipatala. Ndili ndi zonse zomveka bwino btw Palibe vuto konse ndikamayang'aniridwa kuchipatala ndikukambirana zogonana. Ndikadapanda kupeza tsambali ndikuganiza kuti zikadakhala zosiyana kwambiri.
Chosangalatsa chinali kuti panali pulogalamu ya TV pa BBC 3 chiteshi cha TV cha ku UK chomwe chidatchula zakumwa zakugonana komanso zotsatira za dopamine. Imanenanso nthawi ya kudziletsa kwa 90 masiku kotero chidziwitso chikupezeka kumeneko.
Mwachidule kuyambiranso komwe kunali kwanga tsiku lililonse, mphindi iliyonse kumatenga mpumulo. Maphunziro omwe aphunziridwa tsopano ali ponseponse, ndipo ndimapewa zolaula mwanjira iliyonse mtengo uliwonse. Sizinali zonse kuyenda pamadzi. Nditakhala kuti ndatsika masabata angapo apitawa lingaliro lakuvutika kolaula lidalowa m'mutu mwanga. Mwamwayi sindinagonjere.
by NewMoon
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