Ndinayamba kuwona kufunika kothana ndi chizolowezi cha PMO koyambirira kwa 2013. Ndinayamba kulowa m'malo owopsa a zolaula, zomwe zimaphatikizapo kuwonera makanema omwe amaphatikizira hypnosis. Khalidwe langa lidayamba kukhala loopsa. Ndinayamba kugula zovala za akazi ndipo ndimavala ndikudzipangira ndekha pamaso pa PMO.
Monga mukuganiza, izi zimangokhala nthawi yowonongeka, ndipo nthawi zina zinkandichititsa kugwidwa, ngati abambo abwera kunyumba kale kuposa momwe ndikuyembekezera kapena ngati ndayiwala kubisala kenaka patha phunziro. Ndinayamba kuchita zosiyana siyana za MO zomwe zikanatha kudwala matenda akuluakulu. Ndinayamba kuopa kuchoka panyumba chifukwa cha mantha kuti mkazi wanga akhoza kukhumudwa pamalo ena obisalamo.
Patapita kanthawi, sindinadziwe ngati ndinkafuna kudzakhala mwamuna, monga chowopsa monga momwe ana anga amagonana ndi abambo awo. Tsiku lina ndinadzijambulitsa ndipo ndinatumiza chithunzicho pa tsamba la zibwenzi. Ndinayang'ana chithunzicho ndipo mwadzidzidzi chithunzi changa chidasweka. Ndinali mfumukazi yokoka ya UGLY. Ziribe kanthu zomwe magonedwe anga adandipangitsa kukhulupirira, sipadzakhala mzere wa amuna akuyembekeza kuti andikhala nawo, kapena ngati alipo, ukadakhala amuna osowa chochita, oyipa omwe sangachite bwino. Ndinachotsa chithunzicho nthawi yomweyo ndikufufuta akauntiyi.
Ndikadapitilira njira iyi, zinali zowona kuti ndikadagwidwa nthawi ina, ndipo zikadanditengera zonse. Koma ndinayesapo kusiya zolaula kangapo konse ndipo sindinkawoneka kuti ndikutha kusiya. Ndinayesa kugwedeza koyera - osangogwiritsa ntchito ndikuyembekeza kuti nditha kuthana ndi zomwe zidalipo. Ndikanatha sabata, mwina awiri, koma ndikunyenganso.
Pomaliza ndidapanga milungu isanu ndi umodzi kapena kupitilira apo kasupe ndisanathenso. Kenako ndinaganiza, "Mwinanso pali tsamba lina kunja uko lomwe limadzipatsa tulo todzisokoneza kuti tithane ndi zizolowezi zolaula." Ngati kulibe, sindinapezepo, koma kusaka kwanga kunanditsogolera kupita patsamba la YBOP, komwe ndidaphunzira za njira yonse yoyambiranso. Ndinaphunziranso kuti mafunso awa okhudzana ndi kugonana sanali okha kwa ine, komanso kuti analibe zambiri zokhudzana ndi zomwe ndimakonda. Ndinawerenga za amuna omwe adasintha. Ndinali ndi chithunzithunzi cha chiyembekezo kuti kusintha kutheka.
Ndinayambanso masiku 90. Kukoka kwa makanema olaula, kuphatikiza mauthenga achinyengo, kunayamba kutha. Ndinayamba kufufuza zofuna zanga zina ndikuyang'ananso za chikhulupiriro changa, zomwe sindingathe kuzisiya, koma zomwe zinali zovuta kwambiri kudyetsa pakati pazizolowezi zolaula tsiku ndi tsiku komanso kubisalira mwachinsinsi. Chakumapeto kwa Seputembala, ndidakumana ndi munthu yemwe angatenge gawo lalikulu m'miyezi ikubwerayi, makamaka mosawonekera. Munthuyu adalankhula zina zomwe zidandilimbikitsa kukulitsa moyo wanga wamapemphero ndikusaka njira zokulitsira ubale wanga ndi Mulungu.
Tsoka ilo, sindinadziwe momwe ndingasungire "kuyang'aniridwa ndi maso" ndipo ndimadzipezabe wosilira azimayi omwe ndimakumana nawo mwachisawawa. Ndimapita pa intaneti ndikufufuza zithunzi za azimayi atavala zovala zawo, ndikudziuza kuti zili bwino, popeza sizinali zolaula. Pambuyo pake sizinali zithunzi chabe, koma makanema. Ndipo mkati mwa masabata angapo, zinali zolaula kachiwiri. Izi zidatenga milungu ingapo, mwina mwezi, isanakwane kukula kwa moyo wanga wamapemphero ndikubwezeretsanso mutu wanga ndi zolaula. Sindingakhale nazo zonse ziwiri, ndinazindikira. Ndinayenera kusankha.
Ndinasankha chikhulupiriro changa. Khrisimasi itatsala pang'ono kupita, ndinapita ku Confession koyamba mzaka 10. M'miyezi isanu ndi umodzi yapitayo, ndakhala ndikulowerera kwambiri mu Tchalitchi changa ndipo ndidatenga nthawi yopemphera. Zakhala zosintha moyo.
Nthawi zina ndimavutikabe ndikasungidwa ndi maso - ndimawona azimayi okongola, zomwe sizolakwa, koma ndiyenera kukhala tcheru kuti zokopa zisakhale zokhumba. Nthawi zina zithunzi zolaula zimabwera m'mutu mwanga popanda chifukwa chomveka, ndipo ndimangoyang'ana china chake, nthawi zambiri ndimapemphera. Sindikudandaulanso ndi nkhawa yanga yokhudza kugonana kapena kudziwika - ndazindikira tsopano kuti zinali zotsatira za zolaula zomwe zimandipangitsa kuti ndikhale ndi malingaliro opitilira muyeso monga momwe malingaliro akale sanathere.
Banja langa ndi lolimba kuposa kale lonse. Ndimakhala bwino ndikamacheza. Ndimadzidalira kwambiri. Kwa nthawi yoyamba pamoyo wanga wachikulire, ndimamasuka ku zolaula.
LINK - Nkhani Yanga: Kuchokera ku Hopeles to Faith
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