ulusi: Ulendo Wanga, Kupambana Kwanga
Ndikungofuna kuyamba ndi chodzikanira: simudzakumana ndi munthu wamkulu kuposa ine.
Kuthawa Mayi anga amakonda kukhala ndi mkazi mmodzi yekha. Izi si zondiyamikira. Ndili ndi chaka chimodzi, amayi anga ananditenga ine ndi mlongo wanga wamkulu ndipo tinapita kukakumana ndi wokondedwa wawo. Wokondedwa wawo anali bwenzi lapamtima la mwamuna wawo. Sindinakumanenso ndi bambo anga mpaka nditakhala bambo.
Usiku Wautali Ubale wa amayi anga ndi mwamuna wawo watsopano sunakhalitse. Anawanyenga. Mukudziwa mwambi wakale? “Ngati angakunyengeni, adzakunyengeni.” Ndikuganiza kuti amayi anga sanalandire memo, chifukwa anali okwiya. Ndikukumbukira akuimbira apolisi bambo anga okayikira. Kuchokera pamenepo, amayi anga anasamukira kwa mwamuna wina, ndipo nthawi yomweyo zinthu zinayamba kuipa kwambiri. Kwa zaka zingapo zoyambirira, abambo anga opeza anali abwino, koma pakapita nthawi, anasiya kugwira ntchito ndipo anangokhala akuonera TV ndikugona. Amayi anga anayenera kugwira ntchito ina (anali namwino), ndipo ntchito yawo imodzi inali yogwira ntchito yachitatu kuchipatala. Abambo anga opeza ankadikira mpaka amayi anga atapita, kenako ankandiitana ine ndi mlongo wanga pansi n’kutimenya, n’kutiphwanya zala zathu ndi chopukutira patebulo la khofi, n’kutiyeretsa nyumba usiku wonse. Ndinali ndi zaka pafupifupi 10.
Pakhosi Pasanapite nthawi yaitali kuchokera pamene ndinayamba kumenyedwa, abambo anga opeza anatipangitsa anafe kukhala pansi m'chipinda chochezera tsiku lina lotentha, Loweruka masana (ndikutha kuona tsiku limenelo m'maganizo mwanga ngakhale tsopano) ndipo anatipangitsa kuonera nawo limodzi filimu yolaula ya Deep Throat . Sindinakhulupirire zomwe ndinkaona — ndinazikonda ndipo ndinazolowera. Kuyambira pamenepo, ndinayamba kuseweretsa maliseche ndikuonera zolaula zonse zomwe ndingathe.
Kumenya ndi ntchito zapakhomo zomwe zinkachitika pafupifupi usiku wonse zinapitirirabe, koma abambo athu opeza anawonjezera nkhanza zatsopano pa kuzunza kwawo. Anayamba kutichitira nkhanza zogonana. Anandiitana ku chipinda chapansi usiku wina amayi anga atapita kuntchito ndipo anandikakamiza kuyamwa ntchafu yawo. Anagwiririra mlongo wanga ali ndi zaka 12 zokha, ndipo amayi anga atadziwa, kodi mukuganiza chiyani? Anabisa zonse! Zipata zachinyengo zinayamba kugwedezeka. Ndinagonana ndi mlongo wanga weniweni ndi alongo anga opeza. Ndinagonananso ndi mchimwene wanga wopeza, ngakhale kuti sindili mwamuna kapena mkazi. Amangofuna kuti ndichite zimenezo.
Kuthawa Amayi anga adamusiya, osati chifukwa choti ankatizunza, koma chifukwa choti sakanatha kumugwira ntchito. Anali munthu woopsa, ndipo izi zinkawawonongera nthawi ndi ndalama zambiri. Zifukwa zake zochoka zonse zinali zokhudza iwo, sitinaganizepo kalikonse. Tinasamukira ku tawuni yaying'ono m'boma lina kum'mwera, ndipo kumeneko moyo wanga unasintha. Ndinayamba sukulu ya sekondale, ndinapeza magiredi abwino, ndipo ndinayamba kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi. Ndinali ndi atsikana anzanga nthawi zonse, ngakhale kuti sindinayese kuwagona. Sindinali ngati anyamata ena a msinkhu wanga, akutulutsa thovu pakamwa kuti ndigone nawo. Koma ndinkaonerabe zolaula ndikuchita maliseche tsiku lililonse, nthawi zina kawiri kapena katatu patsiku. Kunja, moyo wanga unali wabwinobwino; mkati, ziwanda zinali zikundizungulira, kundidya.
Kedvesem Ndinapita ku yunivesite ndipo ndinali wophunzira wabwino komanso wodziwa zinthu mozama. Palibe amene ankadziwa zinsinsi za m'mbuyomu, ndipo popeza ndinapita kusukulu kunja kwa boma, panalibenso wina wondizungulira amene ankadziwa. Kumeneko, m'chaka changa chachitatu, ndinakumana ndi mtsikana amene anandidabwitsa — wokongola, wachilendo, wanzeru, woyenda padziko lonse, wochita sewero wabwino, wowerenga ndakatulo zanga ku khofi. Ziwanda zanga zinagona, ndipo ndinamukonda. Ndinamukwatira patatha sabata imodzi nditamaliza maphunziro anga ku yunivesite, ndipo tinasamukira ku Japan. Uku kunali kuthawa kwanga komaliza. Ndinali ndi mtsikana wanga, moyo watsopano, ndipo ndinali kuyika makilomita 10,000 pakati pa ine ndi m'mbuyomu. Koma, ndithudi, ndinali ndikudziseweretsa maliseche ndikuonera zolaula nthawi iliyonse yomwe ndingathe. M'mbuyomu ndinakwera ndege imeneyo.
Japan Ngati zinthu sizinali zoyipa mokwanira m'moyo wanga, apa ndi pomwe zinthu zinaipiraipira. Ziwanda zinabweranso ndi chilango. Ndinali wokwatiwa zaka zisanu ndi ziwiri ndisanabwererenso zakale kuti zindigwetse. Ndili ndi zaka 29, sindikanatha kudzibisa ndekha. (Ndinaphunzira kuchokera kwa mlangizi wanga kuti anthu ambiri omwe amazunzidwa ali ana ayenera kuthana ndi zakale zawo zapakati pa zaka 28 ndi 32.) Pogwiritsa ntchito malo ochezera a pa Intaneti, ndinayamba kukopa akazi pa intaneti. Sindidzafotokoza zambiri apa, popeza mkazi wanga aziwerenga izi, koma kwa zaka zisanu ndi zitatu zotsatira, ndinkachita chilichonse chomwe chinkasuntha. Ndinali hule lalikulu kwambiri la amuna lomwe linayenda padziko lonse lapansi. Ndinachita chinyengo ngakhale mkazi wanga ali ndi pakati! Kenako ndinkabwera kunyumba ndikugona ndi mkazi wanga, zomwe zinkaika matenda osati kwa iye yekha komanso kwa ana athu! Pamene anali kuchipatala akuchira atabereka mwana wathu, ndinali kunja ndikugonana ndi hule. Ndipo nayi nkhani yaikulu: mkazi wanga ankadziwa kale! Tinkakangana chifukwa cha zimenezi, ndipo ngakhale kuti iye ankafuna kwambiri kuchoka — ngakhale kufa! — anapirira. Chikondi chake pa ine (osati ana) chinamupatsa mphamvu zoti apitirize, tsiku ndi tsiku, akundiona ndikunyenga. Ndipo pamene analibe mphamvu, analira kwa Mulungu kuti amuthandize. Ankadziwa kuti ngati andisiya, ndidzakhala wotembereredwa. Choncho ankandipempherera tsiku lililonse, ankandikonda, ndipo sanandipatse chisoni…nthawi zonse ankandichitira zinthu moleza mtima komanso mokoma mtima. Nthawi yokhayo imene ndinagwidwa ndili m’manja ndi pamene tinkakangana. Ndinkadziseweretsabe maliseche ndi kuonera zolaula nthawi zonse, ngakhale kuti ndinkagonana ndi mkazi wanga komanso ndi akazi ambiri osasankhidwa. Ndinali munthu wokonda kwambiri kugonana.
Tchalitchi Ife monga banja tinakhala Akatolika mu 2005, pachiyambi cha kampeni yanga yonyenga. Ndinangotsatira chifukwa mkazi wanga ankafuna kuchita zimenezo. Ndinaganiza, eh, chilichonse. Tsopano maliseche ali kuti?! Koma nditapita ku Misa yanga yoyamba, ndinamva kukhalapo kwa Yesu kumeneko, ndipo ndinalira. Komabe, sizinatenge nthawi kuti mbiri yanga yakuda iwononge zimenezo, ndipo ndinaiwala zonse za Yesu. Komabe, mkazi wanga, wolimbikitsidwa ndi Ukaristia ndi mapemphero ake a tsiku ndi tsiku, ankakonda Tchalitchi, ndipo chisomo chake chinamupatsa mphamvu zopirira.
Kudzuka Kumapeto kwa chaka cha 2011, ine ndi mkazi wanga tinasindikiza buku lathu loyamba limodzi, ndipo china chake chinandikhudza mtima. Komabe, sindinalilabadire, ndimakondabe njira zanga zogonana komanso zodziseweretsa maliseche. Tinasindikiza mabuku ena asanu ndi atatu ndi wofalitsa wathu chaka chotsatira ndi theka, ndipo panthawiyi, ndinapeza njira yatsopano. M'chilimwe cha 2012, patatha zaka zisanu ndi zitatu za kupirira ndi kupemphera, chikondi cha mkazi wanga chinaonekera. Tsiku lina, mwadzidzidzi, tinangoonana maso ndi maso, ndipo ndinazindikira zomwe ndimamuchitira. Tinakhala maso usiku wonse tikukambirana, tikuyenda pang'onopang'ono pamene tinkachita zimenezi, tikuyesera kuthetsa vutoli. Ndinayesa kutsimikizira mkazi wanga kuti chikondi sichinalipo (pambuyo pake, sindinaonepo chilichonse kuchokera kwa aliyense mpaka nditakumana naye), koma anandionetsa kuti kunyalanyaza kapena kuyesa kupha chikondi sikungapambane. Chikondi ndi champhamvu kuposa kusakhulupirika, champhamvu kuposa imfa. Ndinasiya kunyenga nthawi imodzi, ndipo sindinabwererenso. Ndinali kuonerabe zolaula ndi kudziseweretsa maliseche kwa mwezi umodzi kapena kuposerapo pambuyo pake, koma kuchira kwanga kunali kutayamba kale. Sizinatengere nthawi kuti kudziseweretsa maliseche kuthe. Ngati zinali zolakwika chabe, mwina sindinasiye, koma nditazindikira momwe zimapwetekera mkazi wanga, ndinasiya chizolowezicho nthawi yomweyo ndipo sindinayang'anenso mmbuyo.
Kulowa m'malo “Mulungu sangasekedwe; munthu amakolola chimene wafesa.” Izi ndi zoona, ndipo ngati mkazi wanga sanadzilowe m'malo mwanga, kuti akhale wozunzidwa ndi zolakwa zanga zonse, ndiye kuti ndikanalipira zolakwa zanga. Koma mkazi wanga anapemphera kuti chilango changa chonse chikhale pa iye, ndipo Mulungu anamutenga mozama. Anamuunjikira zonse, ndipo iye anapirira, ndi mphamvu zake ndi mphamvu zake ndi chisomo chake. Ndili ndi zaka ziwiri tsopano, ndipo ndilibe chilakolako chodziseweretsa maliseche kapena kunyenga, ndipo moyo wanga ndi munda wosangalatsa wachikondi. Munda umene mkazi wanga ankasamalira tonse pamene ndinkayesa kuutentha.
Mfundo yaikulu ya zonsezi. Iyi si nkhani ya munthu amene wachira. Iyi ndi nkhani yokhudza chikondi. Chikondi chaulemerero, chogonjetsa zonse. Pali njira imodzi yokha yogonjetsera chizolowezi choonera zolaula - chiwerewere: chikondi chiyenera kulowa m'moyo wanu. Payenera kukhala chikhululukiro ndi chiyembekezo. Ndimagwada m'mawa uliwonse, ndikupsompsona dziko lapansi, ndikuthokoza Mulungu chifukwa cha mkazi wanga, moyo wanga, ndi Chikondi.
Pomaliza Ine ndi mkazi wanga tilibe matenda opatsirana pogonana (modabwitsa!), tili ndi zaka khumi ndi zisanu ndi ziwiri m'banja, tili ndi ana aakazi asanu ndi mmodzi, ndipo tikuyembekezera mwana wathu wachisanu ndi chiwiri, mnyamata, pa nthawi ya Khirisimasi. Tili ogwirizana, ndipo banja lathu limapeza zabwino za chikondi chathu. Ndimayesetsa kukhala Mkatolika wodzipereka tsiku lililonse. Ndimayesetsa kukhala mwamuna wabwino kwambiri, bambo wabwino kwambiri, komanso wantchito wabwino kwambiri amene ndingakhale. Izi sizikutanthauza kunditamanda koma kuima ngati mboni ya mphamvu ya Chikondi, chisomo cha Ambuye wathu Yesu Khristu, ndi mphatso yodabwitsa ya mkazi wabwino amene ali pafupi nane pa zonsezi.
Uthenga Mabwana,
Tonse tayitanidwa kuti tikhale amuna. Tili ndi tsogolo labwino, koma choyamba tiyenera kuphunzira kukhala zolengedwa zokongola zomwe tidapangidwa kuti tikhale. Bwerani amuna inu, khalani ndi mphamvu ndi ine! Limbani mtima! Ndipo kumbukirani, ngakhale pamene simudzikonda nokha, Mulungu amakukondani. Gahena, ngakhale ndimakukondani! Ndinu wokondeka, chifukwa chake.
Mabwana,
Osadzipatula. Khalani achangu, khalani otakataka. Pezani zomwe mumakonda kuchita ndikutsatira. Osangokhala kumbuyo kwama kompyuta anu. Muyenera kutuluka zambiri! Tulutsani mutu wanu m'dzenje lanu.
Ndikukusiyirani nyimbo iyi pakadali pano. Mvetserani mosamala ndipo nthawi zambiri mukakhala ndi chisoni. The Uncluded - Teleprompters
Zabwino zonse,
Mark
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