Kutheni i-Romeo ilahla iJuliet? (2010)

Ngaba ukugqithisa ukuqhubiza isondo ngokwahlukileyo?

“Amadoda aselula aseJapan aya esiba nomdla okanye engafuni nokuwabelana ngesondo, ngelixa izibini ezitshatileyo ziqala ukuba noko.” The Wall Street Journal, icacisa i-poll ye-2010. Umendo ukhula ngokukhawuleza. Ngaphezu kwe-36% yabesilisa abaneminyaka eyi-16 ukuya kwi-19 abanomdla kwisini, ngaphezu kokuphindwe kabini i-17.5% esuka kwi-2008.

Amadoda phakathi kwe-20 kunye ne-24 babonisa indlela efanayo, bexhuma kwi-11.8% ukuya ku-21.5%, ngelixa amadoda phakathi kwe-45 kunye ne-49 aphuma kwi-8.7% ukuya ku-22.1%.

IJapan ayisiyiyo yodwa. EFransi, uphando olwenziwa ngo-2008 lwafumanisa ukuba Ipesenti ze-20 zabaselula abangamaFrentshi wayengenalo umdla kwisini. Amadoda aseMelika abika nezinguqu ezingafunekiyo. Uyabona AmaTaliyane ahlupheka 'ngokwesondo iAnorexia' Emva koSetyenziso lwe-Intanethi.

Watsho umlawuli wophando lwaseJapan, “Abo bakwiminyaka eselula babonakala benobunzima ekujonganeni nabanye ubuso ngobuso. Ngokusisiseko, kukho oku kungabikho konxibelelwano phakathi kwamadoda nabafazi. ” Ngelixa ii-femres ze-femin zazingenabunzima, iiJuliet zayo yonke iminyaka, ababengenamdla okanye bengafuni ukuba neentlobano zesini, nabo babone ukwanda.

Kuqhubekani? Kwaye kutheni abantu abancinci, ngokwesiko bebenomdla omkhulu 'wokwenza,' bachaphazeleka ngokungafaniyo? Yatsho indoda eyakhe yahlala eJapan kule minyaka ili-18 idlulileyo, “Akukho ndlela emhlabeni yokuba [amadoda] amaninzi kangaka aseJapan angabinamdla kwezesondo. Andiqondi ukuba ingathethwa ngalo naliphi na ibutho labantu, ingakumbi eli laseJapan. ” Ixeliwe omnye umbonisi, "IJapan inamanyala amaninzi. Isixa esingengcwele, enyanisweni, mhlawumbi ngaphezu kwalo naliphi na ilizwe laseAsia okanye elaseYurophu. ”

Ngoko, umba awukho nokuba ngabafana abaselula banomdla kwi-orgasm. Ukusetyenziswa kwabo koonobumba obunzima kubonisa ukuba. Umba kutheni bengenamdla wokwabelana ngesondo namaqabane aphilayo. Gcina ukhumbule ukuba ukugqithiswa kweentlanzi kudala kwamukelwe, evelele inxalenye yenkcubeko yaseJapan, ke ngekhe sibeke tyala kwingcinezelo yesondo.

Ngaba ezi zibalo zinokunxulunyaniswa nokwanda kwamandla okukhuthaza afumaneka kwi-Intanethi kunye nezinto zangoku zokudlala i-toys? (Hi-zobugcisa Izixhobo zokugcoba iJapan ukwenza yethu Fleshlight jongeka ngathi uyakufumana kwiDollar Tree.)

Ubuchopho abuyiyo izesondo

Ukuvakalelwa kwesondo ngokugqibeleni kuvela phakathi kweendlebe, kungekhona imilenze. Nangona ngokugqithiseleyo ukuxhaswa kwezinto ezithintekayo kuyadlala indima, isantya sokuvusa sinqunywe ngumlinganiselo, kunye novelwano, kwiinkqubo ezinomdla ezikhutshwe kwinqanaba le-brain eyaziwa ngokuba yi-circuit circuitry. Ngesiseko, ukuvuswa kwezesondo kukuphakamileyo kwamandla enkcubeko, okuxhaswa ngamachiza ethu e-neurochemicals.

Eyona neurochemical inoxanduva lokunyanzelwa kokuvuseleleka ngokwesondo (kunye nokutshatisa) yi-dopamine. IDopamine ivuselela eyethu "Uyifumene!" ukuvuza izekethe ngomyalezo: "Into elungileyo ilungile ngekona ukuba ndiyaqhubeka." Xa iigundane zazifakwe ii-wired ukuze zibambe i-lever yokuvuselela lo mjikelo wesekethe kwingqondo, akukho nto bayenzileyo. Bacofe de bawa, ukungahoyi iinjana ezingalulwanga—kunye nabafazi abathobelayo.

I-Dopamine ikwangasemva kokukhawuleza kwecocaine, ngendlela. Cocaine ibhlokhi yokuphinda iphinde iphinde iphinde iphinde iphinde iphinde iphinde iphinde iphinde iphinde iphinde iphinde iphinde iphinde iphinde iphinde iphinde yenze, ngenxa yoko ihlala kwingqondo ikhupha imiqondiso enomdla. Isekethe yethu yomvuzo ngokucacileyo ayikhange iguquke ukuze isinyusele kwi-cocaine-okanye ukungcakaza, utywala, hentai, ubulili be-cam2cam, okanye nayiphi na enye indawo engakwazi ukuphanga le sesekethe. Yashintsha ngenxa yokuba ixhamle ngokuphumelelayo kunye nezizwe zethu, abafazi nabantwana. Xa siwela emthandweni / ukukhanukela, sithinteka ngokukodwa kwiqabane-ubuncinci ixesha.

Ukukwazi kwethu ukubambisana ngokubambisana kuxhomekeke ngokupheleleyo ukuqhuma kwe-dopamine ukukhetha uthando lwethu (umvuzo) iisekethe. Kunjalo oomatshini basebenza kuphela njengoko bekucwangcisiwe ukuba akukho nto ijikeleze imveliso ye Kaninzi dopamine Ngaphandle kweethagethi ezicetywayo (izizwe, amaqabane kunye nabantwana).

Awu, izinto zokwenziwa zanamhlanje, iihyperstimulation zibangela iihambo ezinamandla zedopamine kunayo nantoni na eyenzeka kookhokho bethu. Inoveli iyodwa ikhupha i-dopamine, ke into elula yokuba umsebenzisi we-Intanethi wanamhlanje anokuhlala ecofa kwinto entsha enokwenza ukuba iphonografi yanamhlanje ibe sisikhuthazo ngakumbi kuneqabane eliqhelekileyo.

Omncinci ongumsebenzisi we-Intanethi, ngakumbi ubukhulu becala wayexhomekeke ekuvuseleleni okungaphaya kokukhululeka kwanamhlanje, ukusasaza, iphonografi yenoveli- kunye nezixhobo ezikhuthaza ukuphulula amalungu esini. Mhlawumbi yiloo nto amadoda asemancinci ebonisa amaqondo aphezulu okungakhathali kumaqabane okwenyani.

Iibhondi ezinobungozi emngciphekweni

Ukukhuthazwa kakhulu, njenge-pornography ye-Intanethi kunye neesekhwenkwezi zesini ezinikela ngayo kunokusonakalisa ubudlelwaneNgaba iRomaos yethu encinci (kunye nezinye iiJuliet) zinokuphakama kangaka ngokuzenzela i-dopamine ekhutshiweyo, ngokusebenzisa ezi zixhobo zoncedo ngokwesondo, ukuba ukuthandana kunye namaqabane okwenyani angabhalisi njenganomvuzo ngokuthelekisa? Ukuqaqanjelwa zizandi ukucebisa ukuba ukuvuselela kakhulu kwengqondo kunokuphazamisa inkqubo yokubopha ama-mammalian, kubonakala ngathi kuyenzeka. Ugqirha wezesondo waseMelika uWendy Maltz:

Ngokungaqheleki kwezesayensi, iphonografi iyakhuphisana namaqabane okwenyani, kwaye [ikwavela] njengeyona nto ibalulekileyo kwiminqweno yesini yabanye abathengi.

Mhlawumbi ayisiyonto imbi kangako. Kunyaka ophelileyo, xa oososayensi bexovule i-dopamine kwingqondo yezilwanyana ezibopha ngambini zisebenzisa ukhuthazo lweekhemikhali (amphetamine), izilwanyana ezizodwa ezinendoda ayengasakhethi ukukhetha enye iqabane. Ukuvuselela ukufakelwa kwezinto kwakubangele ukutyunjwa kwe-dopamine-kuxhomekeke kumatshini wokubambisana, ngokubashiya njengezilwanyana eziqhelekileyo (eziphathekayo) ezilwanyana-apho iingcambu zengqondo zihlala zingekho.

Ngokuqhelekileyo ezi zilwanyana (i-voles) zidibene ngokukhuselekileyo, kwaye emva koko zivavanyelwa ukuba ziza kuba ngabahlaziyi basekhaya ababonisa ukukhangela isenzo. Abaphengululi baphenduka ukuba ukuxhomekeka kwindlela ethile yokukhusela isisombululo ngokukhawuleza, ngokukhawuleza ukuhlanganiswa kwamabhondi.

Uphando lubonisa ukuba ukunyuswa kwe-supranormal kubuthakathaka izibambiswano ezibini kubantu. Ngokutsho kwe Ucwaningo lwe-2007, ukutshatyalaliswa kwimibala emininzi yamantombazana eshukumisayo kukubangela ukuba umntu abe ngumlingani wakhe. Uhlawulela umzantsi wakhe kungezantsi nje ekukhangekeni, kodwa nakwimfudumalo nobunzulu. Kwakhona, emva kokusetyenziswa kwamanyala, izifundo zesini zesini ingxelo yokwanelisa kunye neqabane labo elisenyongweni-kubandakanya uthando lomlingane, inkangeleko, umdla wesini kunye nokusebenza. Kwakhona, amadoda nabafazi babela ukwanda kokubaluleka kwesondo ngaphandle kokubandakanyeka ngokweemvakalelo.

Ngaba kufanelekile ukuba siyikhathalele into yokuba izixhobo ezincedisa ukwabelana ngesondo namhlanje ziphazamisa inkqubo yethu yokutshata? Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, umhlaba uzele ngabantu.

Nazi izizathu ezintathu zokunyamekela:

Okokuqala, ukuvuselela okuninzi kunokunciphisa amandla ethu okuzonwabisa ukuphazamisa umvuzo wesekethe. Oku kunokukhokelela ekufuneni ukunganelisekanga ukunyanzeliswa okunyanisekileyo nokunamandla okwandisa umngcipheko wokulutha, ukuxinezeleka, ukuxhalabisa, ukunyanzeliswa, iingxaki zokuxininisa nokunye, njengoko i-dopamine dysregulation ikhula. Njengoko i-Stanford yezinto zezilwanyana uRobert Sapolsky ichaze kuyo Kutheni amaqwarha engazifumani izilonda: "Ukuqhuma okungaqhelekanga kwendalo yamava okwenziwa kunye nokuziva kunye nokuzonwabisa kuvusa amanqanaba aqhelekileyo okuhlala .... Intlekele yethu kukuba silamba ngakumbi."

Okwesibini, le nkqubo yokubhabha nayo inokunciphisa ukuphendula ngokwesondo. Amadoda angaphezulu nangamashumi amabini anika ingxelo yokungasebenzi kakuhle kwe-erectile. Iingcali zithi ityhefu yendalo esingqongileyo, uxinzelelo kunye nokutya okungafanelekanga, kodwa bayayityeshela Indlovu egumbini. Ukukhuthazwa kakhulu (i-dopamine) kunokubangela ukuncipha kwezinye zeepopinine ezifunyenweyo zokulungelelanisa okunempilo, njengoko kuchazwe kule ngcaciso yeslayidi I-Erectile Dysfunction kunye noTyhutho.

Ngokuqinisekileyo, uJuliet ubonakala ephazamisa ukuphendula kwakhe ngokwesondo. Ibhinqa elisanda kuthunyelwa:

Ndiqale ukusebenzisa isidlidlizi ekholejini, ndicinga ukuba ndingumfazi wale mihla, oxhotyiswe ngokwesondo, kwaye ndingakholelwa ukuba usebenze njani ngempumelelo. Kwisithuba senyanga, ndandingasenakukwazi ukwenza i-orgasm kunye nesithandwa sam, kwaye kwiinyanga ezimbalwa emva koko, andinakuyenza ngesandla sam. Ishukumisi sahamba nenkunkuma, kwaye ukuphendula kwam ekugqibeleni kwabuya.

Okwesithathu, njengelizwe, kunye neebhokhwe ezibopha izibini, sinentambo yokuphumelela kwikhemistri yengqondo eveliswa kukudibana, ukuthembana kunye nothando olufudumeleyo. Iithoyi zesondo kunye nokuphulula amalungu esini kwi-porn azizisi ezo zibonelelo ze-neurochemical.

Siyazuza ngokuxhomekeka kwelinye ingengokwamanqaku aphambili ebuntwaneni bethu, njengoko uFrud ebekiwe, kodwa kubo bonke ubomi bethu. Umzekelo, unxibelelwano luyanceda ukunciphisa i-cortisol, enokuthi ithomalalise amajoni akho omzimba phantsi koxinzelelo. "Kuncinci kakhulu ukunxiba kuthi xa sinomntu osincedayo asilawule," ucacisa watsho Isazi sengqondo / isazi senzululwazi uJacob A. Coan.

Iintlawulo ezivela kwiinkcukacha zibonakaliswe kwimimiselo yangempela. Umzekelo, ukuthintana kwansuku zonke ezifudumele phakathi kwezibini ezixhamla amadoda ukunciphisa uxinzelelo lwegazi. Izigulane ze-HIV kunye neqabane kuphila ixesha elide kunye nokuphuhlisa i-AIDS ngokukhawuleza. Amanxeba aphilisa kabini ngokukhawuleza kunye nentsebenziswano, xa kuthelekiswa nokuzihlukanisa. Nangona kunjalo izipho ezinzulu kunxibelelwano olusondeleyo zingaba ngengqondo. Ukuqhagamshelana kwemizwelo echaphazelekayo kuhambelana namazinga aphantsi likhoboka kwaye ukudangala. Bashintsha iipatheni ze-neural kunye ne-brain chemistry yabo bazibandakanya kubo, beqinisa ukuqonda kwabo kunye nokwenza uvelwano kunye noluntu olunokwenzeka.

Mhlawumbi ngenxa yokuba kunokwenzeka okuncedisa impilo, isondo sinemiphumo engakumbi kunomzimba kunokuba ukuphonyula. Ubundlobongela bukhulula ama-neuro khemikhali ukunciphisa uxinzelelo olungcono, kunye neenzuzo zokuhlala iintsuku. Enyanisweni-kunye okanye ngaphandle kwesondo-oluqhelekileyo uthando luqhelekile kakhulu iyancenga kwaye ivuza ngenxa yeentlobo ezidibeneyo. Nangona kunjalo, xa singakwazi ukuziva sonwabile ngenxa yovakalelo lobuchopho, uthando lubonakala lungenantsingiselo okanye luphikisa.

Abaqabane bokubangaOkuvuyisa kukuba, abo banqanda ukukhwabanisa ngokugqithisileyo ngokugqithisileyo qaphela ukuphuculwa okuphawulekayo kwisakhono sabo sokunxibelelana, ukudlala ngothando kunye nokuqonda umtsalane wabantu abatshatileyo abaqhelekileyo. Xa ukhuthazo olugqithisileyo luyeka, isekethe yomvuzo iphinda ibe nemvakalelo yokufumana umvuzo: ukuhlangana okunobuhlobo kunye namaqabane okwenyani, phakathi kwabanye.

Kungekudala emva kokuyeka uononophala ndaqaphela amandla okwandisa, ukunyusa ingqalelo, kunye nokuzithemba okuphezulu. Emva kwenyanga — nangona kwathatha amatyeli aliqela ukufika apho — zonke ezo zinto zaphuhla eluphahleni. Kwiinyanga ezimbalwa kamva, ndandidla ngesondo lokwenene. Kumnandi ukuvuswa zizinto ezincinci, njengebhluzi etyhilayo okanye ibhinqa elibalekayo, iinwele ezikhazimlayo kunye nevumba elimnandi.

Mhlawumbi kusekho ithemba ngoRomeo noJuliet.

Izimvo phantsi kweposi "Psychology Namhlanje"

Ukubukela iphonografi kungqubana kunye nokuqhuba komntu ngokwesondo okuqhelekileyo, ukuya kwinqanaba lokuziva ungathandeki ngabantu bokwenyani.

Olona khanyiso lukhulu endikhe ndanalo koku yayikukuba AMADODA ALUNGILE!

Ngokucacileyo iphonografi igxile kumadoda, kwaye nanini na xa ndinomfazi othetha ngoononophelo impendulo yam yayisithi: "uyazi njani?" ngokungathi wayengazi ukuba uthetha ngantoni kwaye ukuba i-pornography ayizange ithathe nantoni na kuye, ukuba kwakungekho ukukopela enye into, kunye nezinto ezinjalo.

Kodwa ndiye ndaqonda ukuba iphonografi injengamavili okhuseleko. Xa ifika kakhulu, iqala ukuba yindlela amadoda alawula ngayo ukuqhuba kwabo ngokwesondo, kwaye ibathathe iye kwiingcinga ezihlala zitshintsha, ukufikelela kwinani elibonakala lingenamda lemifanekiso kunye neevidiyo malunga neentlobo ezahlukeneyo zabasetyhini kunye nezesondo kwiminwe yethu. Kodwa ikwasusa kude kubomi obuqhelekileyo besini, ngokungazi, asinazo izikhuthazo ezifanayo zokuba umntu ongamanyala angabikho kwimeko yesiqhelo yemihla ngemihla.

Yinkqubo eyaziwayo, kutheni uye kubafazi abaqhelekileyo xa unokufikelela kuyo yonke into, simahla, ngokukhawuleza nangexabiso elikhulu? Ndicinga ukuba ukuqhuba ngokwesondo kwendoda kufuneka kukutyhalele ukuba udibane nabasetyhini, unxibelelane nabo kwaye uphendule ngokwesiqhelo kwiimfuno zakhe kwaye yintoni, ngelixa iphonografi ikwenza ukuba ucinge, subconsciouly, ukuba akazukulala nam ngoku, mna uhlala ehamba kwi-porntube kwaye unazo zonke izinto endizifunayo ukuze aye esihogweni. Lukhuphiswano lwabasetyhini olungenampilo, kuba kunjalo aluzange lwanelise luyinto yokwenyani, kwaye alunabulungisa, kuba ungakhangela kulo naluphi na uhlobo lwabafazi, nangalo naliphi na inani labo, nangayiphi na indlela oyifunayo.

Kwaye eyona nto imbi kakhulu malunga ne-porn kukuba uyazi ukuba ayonelisi ngokupheleleyo. Ayisiyonto yokwenyani kwaye ayisokuze isondele. Ke ulapho ucinga ukuba kutheni ungenabo ubomi obuphathekayo obuphathekayo ngokwesondo, ucinga ukuba kutheni ungadibani nabasetyhini ngesiqhelo, kutheni uhlala wedwa kwaye ungade udibanise ne-porn nayo, kuba ucinga ukuba iphonografi iphilile, ukuba ayikukhathazi. Kodwa iyasusa i-drive yakho yesondo kwaye iyenza ibe yinto eyenziweyo kwaye ingaze yanelise.

ukusuka kwintambo engcolileyo

Ukususela kumfazi ophuma einyembezi. Ndifuna iingcebiso.

Kubonakala ngathi uninzi lwabantu apha luza ngqo "ukwahlukana naye", kodwa ndicinga ukuba ngokucacileyo uyithathele ingqalelo loo nto kodwa weza apha ukufumana ezinye iingcebiso.

Uluvo lwam kukuba, kuya kufuneka umnike ithuba. Ndingumfundi wezengqondo kwaye ndingazi malunga nofap ixesha elide. Ukusuka kumava am obuqu, ukufakela kungabonakalisa ubudlelwane obupheleleyo kwaye andizazi ngcono. Xa usebudlelwaneni kwaye ecaleni usaphumelela kwi-porn kuyayiphazamisa ingqondo yakho, kuba nangona ungamthanda umntu onaye, ingqondo yakho iyaqonda ukuba uyawafumana onke amanye amantombazana ashushu kwiimovie kwaye Yinto eqhelekileyo leyo, ngoko ke yiya uthumele umyalezo kwamanye amantombazana. Kufana nokuzenzekelayo, ungacingi nokucinga ngako. Ndandinobuhlobo beminyaka eyi-3 ukuba ndiyonakalisile kwaye ndicinga ukuba ukuba ndiyazi malunga nofap ngekhe ndibenayo. Sobabini sagqiba ukukopela kulwalamano kwaye nangona sizamile ukuyisebenza, ingqondo yam yayixakanisekile nayo yonke into eyayisenzeka kwaye kwakukuninzi nokusela okubandakanyekileyo. Xa usenza iphonografi ngalo lonke ixesha zonke iingcinga zakho zinobunkunkqele kwaye kunzima ukucinga ngokucacileyo. Kulula nje ukuqhushumba. Ekugqibeleni ndandingumntu opheleleyo kuye kwaye ndandingakwazi ukucinga ngokuthe ngqo kwaye ngoku andilahlekanga kuphela ubudlelwane be-3 yeminyaka kodwa nomhlobo wam osenyongweni. Kodwa mhlawumbi izinto zenzeke ngokusemgangathweni kuba ubuncinci kum, xa ndilahlekelwa lobu buhlobo obubaluleke kakhulu kum, ndazi ukuba kufuneka nditshintshe izinto ezininzi malunga nobomi bam kwaye ukuqala i-nofap yenye yazo. Ukutya ukutya okunempilo, ukuzilolonga, kwaye ngoku ndisela kuphela utywala ngezihlandlo ezikhethekileyo. Ndicinga ukuba i-nofap yayiluncedo kakhulu kuyo yonke le nto, nangona ndingakhange ndibekho kuyo ixesha elide. Kodwa kubonakala ngathi akukho nzima ukuyeka ukufakela. Ayifani nemidiza oye warhoxa kuyo. Kungenxa yokuba xa uthatha isigqibo sokwenza, uyayenza, kwaye xa kusenzeka oko, kuya kuba lula kakhulu ukuyeka zonke ezinye iziyobisi ezimbi. Into endiyaziyo kukuba ngoku ndiziva ndibhetele kunangaphambili.

Ngoko oko ndiyiphakamisayo kukumxelela malunga nefap ngandlela-thile kwaye uqinisekise ukuba ubona oku Intetho yeTED. Kwaye mnike ithuba libe LINYE. Ndivakalelwa ngokwenene ukuba bendisazi ngale nto xa ndandithandana nam ngekhe ndibengathi ndiyimbongolo. Ngendikwazile ukulawula ukusela kwam kwaye ndatya ukutya okunempilo kwaye ubuncinci ndigcina ubuhlobo bam. Ukuba ufuna afunde uluvo lwam. Ukuba usahleli nawe kungenxa yokuba ufuna ukuzama ukutshintsha. Mhlawumbi akanalo ulwazi oluchanekileyo. Ukuba ufuna ukutshintsha, i-nofap yindlela elungileyo yokuqala. Ukuba umnika lonke ulwazi aludingayo kwaye ukhetha ukuba ungubani, inokuba lixesha lokuba uqhubeke.

Ndiyathemba ukuba oku kunceda ngandlela-thile 🙂

UPHANDO-IZIFUNDO: