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NOTE: You can hide the header of this site by going to the bottom of the left-hand column and choosing "Hide Site Header."

This site is secular, although everyone's views are welcome. It is primarily science-based, and no one here is trying to ban porn. This is not a commercial site, so don’t go looking for something to buy. You won’t find it. We created the site because we don’t like people suffering needlessly simply because they lack critical information for improving their circumstances themselves.

brain highlighting striatum - site of porn addictionThis site focuses on porn’s effects on the brain—male or female. However, since this has been predominantly a male challenge (and the self-reports are overwhelmingly from men), the site has a definite male slant. However, addiction is addiction, and more females are starting to report Internet porn problems. If you are female, you may want to see Articles of Special Interest to Women.

Although we don’t offer a structured program, we do share suggestions as to how others have reversed the unwanted effects of heavy porn use.

This site will help you understand exactly how today’s extreme Internet porn can alter the brain. Armed with that knowledge, you’ll realize that some primitive circuitry in your brain is just trying to do its job when it pushes you toward porn. And you’ll see how to outsmart it and restore your balance.

This site grew out of a decade of research analysis on the effects of sex on the brain, and seven years of listening to recovering porn addicts. There’s a vacuum of critically important information about porn's effects on the brain. It is lost in the gulf that exists between the folks who see porn use as immoral, and the mainstream who sees Internet porn as no different from Dad’s Playboy magazines.

In our view, porn use isn’t a moral issue. Yet, to the human brain, Internet porn is as different from erotic magazines as “World of Warcraft” is from checkers. This has major implications for users' neurochemical balance.

You can start anywhere on the site, but it's important to understand your predicament. To get the basics, watch the series Your Brain On Porn, or read the overview on the front page. Next you may want to continue to "Articles" or "Videos" from the list below (which are the menu items at the top of the page).

  • Support: Links to other helpful websites. YBOP has no forum.
  • Rebooting: Read the basics before you get started. Browse the rebooting accounts.
  • Tools for Change: Tools you can use to help you in your recovery, starting with rebooting and rewiring your brain. Contains many personal accounts and tips.
  • Porn FAQ's:  Here we (and porn users) answer the most commonly asked questions. Contains many personal accounts.
  • Videos: View our presentations, and other videos on addiction and porn addiction.
  • Articles: Porn related articles in six categories, covering a diverse range of subjects important to you. Written for the general public, with easy to understand science and porn users' stories.
  • Research Page: Contains articles, excerpts and research that relate to porn addiction and recovery, as well as a Humor section. Also see the audio-visual presentations appear.

It's great to see so many visitors bounce back as they integrate the information here. Once they understand their options, they steer for the results they want. As we say, “Balance, not perfection, is the goal.” No one here cares what you do with your genitals. We do care that you are accurately informed about your brain. Welcome.

FAQs

What is YBOP claiming? 

1.     Internet porn addiction exists.

2.     All addictions entail the same fundamental brain changes, which have been thoroughly documented in both substance and chemical addictions, and which are reflected in a specific set of symptoms.

3.     Porn-induced sexual dysfunction exists.

4.     Porn is inducing morphing sexual tastes in some users.

5.     Porn is inducing various other symptoms (loss of attraction to real partners, social anxiety, depression, brain fog, lack of motivation and withdrawal symptoms) in some users.

6.     Many who give up Internet porn often notice gradual improvement in items 3-5. The only variable they appear to have in common is Internet porn use.

7.    Intense arousal has the power to condition sexuality, particularly adolescent sexuality, as a matter of neuroscience.

Is there any scientific foundation for these claims? Yes. In fact, it is "pseudoscience" to suggest that porn addiction does not exist. The American Society of Addiction Medicine (3000 addiction doctors and researchers) agrees that "sexual behavior addictions exist" and involve the same mechanisms and symptoms as other addictions. Social anxiety, depression, lack of motivation, brain fog and withdrawal symptoms are common in all addictions. Medical doctors have also acknowledged that porn-induced erectile dysfunction is occurring. You can read an overview with links to much research, which has revealed that adolescent brains are particularly plastic and hyper-responsive to reward.

Where is the scientific support for the suggestion that Internet porn addiction exists?

At this time, two studies have examined the brains of porn users:

  1. Brain Structure and Functional Connectivity Associated With Pornography Consumption: The Brain on Porn (2014) - A German study which found 3 significant addiction-related brain changes that correlated with the amount of porn consumed. It also found that the more more porn consumed, the less activity in the reward circuit, indicating desensitization, and the need for greater stimulation (tolerance).
  2. Cambridge University: Brain scans find porn addiction. This first in a series of studies found the same brain activity as seen in drug addicts and alcoholics. It also found that porn addicts fit the accepted addiction model of wanting "it" more, but not liking "it" more. One other major finding (not reported in the media), was that over 50% of subjects (average age: 25) had difficulty achieving erections/arousal with real partners, yet could achieve erections with porn.

The results of the Cambridge study, and the German study provide very strong support for hypotheses put forth here a few years ago on YBOP. Together the 2 studies found:

  • The 3 major addiction-related brain changes discussed in YBOP videos & articles: sensitization, desensitization, and hypofrontality,
  • Less arousal to sexual imagery (the need for greater stimulation).
  • The younger the porn user the greater the cue-induced reactivity in the reward center.
  • Very high rates of ED in young, compulsive porn users.

While we don't offer any estimates of percentages of guys with Internet porn-related symptoms, we do warn that Internet porn appears to be hooking a greater percentage of users than porn of the past. We base this claim on dozens of recent Internet addiction/online gaming studies (some including Internet porn use). Some show percentages of addicts as high as one in four among young males.

High rates of Internet addiction in young males would be consistent with what young porn users report about their peers, i.e, that both Internet porn usage and related problems are extremely common. The rise of streaming tube porn sites is apparently a key variable in symptom prevalence/severity. We suspect that Internet porn addiction rates may someday rival food addiction rates because both junk food and Internet porn are supernormal variations of the two prime natural rewards the human brain evolved to pursue. More than two-thirds of adult Americans are overweight and almost half of those obese (most of them addicted to high-fat, high-sugar, extra salty foods).

It is most unscientific to ignore the Internet addiction studies and assert (as do porn-addiction skeptics) that only (nonexistent) studies that isolate Internet porn use could prove its existence. First, although Internet porn taps into our innate sexual programming in a hyperstimulating way (due to its constant novelty), Internet porn addiction is, above all, an Internet addiction--just like online gaming addiction and general Internet addiction. Without high-speed Internet, no Internet addictions would exist.

Second, the import of the public statement of the American Society of Addiction Medicine is that all addictions, behavioral and chemical, are evidence of a common set of fundamental brain changes and can be diagnosed from the same basic diagnostic questions, independent of the particular activity or substance. For example, if an Internet user reports (1) continued use despite negative consequences, (2) cravings, (3) inability to control use, and (4) compulsion to use, it doesn't matter if he's a gamer, a porn viewer, or a combination of the two. He has an Internet addiction. And the first brain study to isolate porn addicts has confirmed that their brains show the same reactivity to cues as other addicts (as compared with controls).

Meanwhile, it's a good thing that porn-specific studies aren't needed to diagnose porn addiction as a scientific matter, because the Internet porn study the skeptics insist they would need to accept the existence of Internet porn addiction cannot be done. First, control groups of non-porn users among young males would be very difficult to round up. Second, ethics boards wouldn't permit half of the subjects to be exposed to years of hardcore porn use in order to study the effects. Third, ethics boards would not allow research where porn users are asked to eliminate masturbation to porn for months to create ex-users for comparison.

It's also unscientific to hold up pre-highspeed porn addiction rates, or, even more absurdly, sex addiction or masturbation rates, as evidence that Internet porn addiction rates are low. How relevant are any of these other addictions to a condition dependent on highspeed Internet?

To state this another way: Since the research shows that Internet addiction and online gaming addiction exist and are not harmless, the burden of proof is now on the porn skeptics to reveal scientific reasons why Internet porn use would be uniquely harmless. (Keep in mind that Dutch researchers have already shown that of all cyber pastimes, cyber erotica is the most compelling, i.e., potentially addictive.)

Is there scientific evidence for the claim that Internet porn can recondition sexuality?

Both sexual conditioning and addiction are on the same spectrum in a sense. That is, addiction hijacks the sexual conditioning mechanism in the brain. See Natural and Drug Rewards Act on Common Neural Plasticity Mechanisms with ΔFosB as a Key Mediator (2013)

Lots of guys are reporting porn-related sexual performance and other problems who do not view themselves as addicts. (Who here doing NoFap isn't/wasn't an "addict?") Their experience that they have somehow rewired their sexuality even without having fallen into addiction is supported by research on virgin rats. Using high-arousal states, scientists have successfully conditioned young rats to prefer same-sex partners and partners who smell like rotting flesh (normally aversive). Researchers have also shown that early sexual conditioning is more lasting than sexual conditioning induced in adults after normal sexual behavior patterns are established.

Comments

Hola, estoy en Colombia y no hablo ingles. La información de este sitio ha sido muy importante para mí. Hace 5 dias comencé mi reinicio. Gracias....

good luck with your reboot

Hey Guys,
I need your help. This is going to be a long post, but please read.

My husband is a self-confessed, recovered porn addict. While we were best friends, I know he was watching 6 to 8 hours a day, hiding all of his stash on his computer from his family and friends, hanging out only with his computer, missing class and work to watch, sleeping 3 and 4 hours a night just so he could watch, etc.

I have a long history of hating porn, especially internet porn. It hurt my parent’s marriage; my first boyfriend was an addict; my ex-husband was an addict. I personally believe that it destroys
women and men. I do not think it has any place in a marriage, ever.

However, he quit cold turkey for me and from the day we started dating, he has not looked at anything. We have been together for 28 months, and he has not slipped up once. He still masturbates on a regular basis and feels that he is completely entitled to his own self-love. I do need to say though that we have an incredibly sex life, and our marriage is wonderful. We are
creative, kinky and very active. We enjoy one another 3 to 5 times a week, and he has his own play time about 2 to 4 times a month.

So about a few months ago he expressed an interest in watching some porn with me. It has caused a ton of stress for both of us. I have felt like I am no longer good enough for him, that he
is bored with our sex life, and that he wants to replace me. He swears that even when he used to watch he never ever visualized himself with the women in the videos, he never replaced himself
with the guy, and he never fantasized about having sex with them. He just used the visuals for arousal.

After several fights and lots of long discussions, he had me convinced that I was the problem; that I didn’t trust him, and that I had insecurity issues that were really the problem. He also told me that I was controlling and that I had locked down his sex life. He wanted to be able to enjoy better self-love and excite himself the way he used to. I was devastated, but I love him and I
want to make him happy, so I started doing research. All my research said that he was right, that I was insecurity and controlling and that all men look, so I just needed to get over my fear and my trust issues and let my man look, before he cheated on me. Again, I felt like a waste of a woman, a sexual failure, and that I was no better than a fleshlight in bed.

So I talked to my husband and explained that 98% of men who look are imaging themselves with the women they are watching and that 73% of wives consider that cheating.

To top it all, we have two daughters and a son. I don’t want my son hooked, and I never want my daughters involved in that lifestyle nor do I want them to ever feel like I do right now – utterly worthless.

He doesn’t want any of our children hurt by it either, but he believes it is fine for him to watch.

I cannot tell you how badly I am hurting from all of this. But based on all the research I had done and all the forums I had read, I decided to trust him and believe all he was telling me,
even though it flew in the face of what all other men were saying.

So I trusted that he was not replacing me, that he did love me, that he did find me desirable, and that he was not cheating on
me in his mind. I told him that I had no interest in watching with him at all, but that if wanted to

replay all the videos he wanted during his masturbation, I would not be hurt by that. But that I was not at all comfortable with him watching and that I probably never would be. I didn’t want to give in, but all the websites I read said I had to or he would cheat, and that I was wrong for trying to control him.

Then I found your website. I read and read and read. We have talked and talked and talked. He said he would do whatever I wanted to keep me feeling happy, safe, and secure, but that he will
always want to look, and he will always believe in could make everything better for him and me.

He believes he WAS an addict, but that he is over it, and it is not an issue for him now. He believes he has already “rebooted” and that now he can safely look without ever being addicted again because he loves me so much. He believes that he is different from all the other men who are just cheating on their wives in their heads and that watching porn isn’t bad for him. He especially doesn’t want to give up his masturbating.

We discussed last night what rebooting would look like for him. He asked me specifically, what exactly do you want me to do? I told him I needed him to focus his thoughts only on me and our love life and that he would have to give up masturbating. He would also have to limit his thoughts to only me when fantasizing while we are making love. He said that he felt like that we might as well only have PVI in the missionary position. He said that was too vanilla for him. He explained that masturbating is so much better when he fantasizes about his porn than when he thinks about me (“Because I don’t look like those women.”).

I finally thought we were on the same page, until last night. I feel like he resents me and that even though he isn’t watching porn – it is still hurting our marriage. What does it mean that he
still wants it so badly? What does it mean that he wants to hold onto his private fantasies that do not have anything to do with me? What does it mean that he says he will always want it? Why
wouldn’t he want to be completely free from his addiction? Can he safely go back to watching without becoming an addict again? Are all those other sites right? Am I really the problem? I feel completely insecure now, and I feel like I need to give him whatever he wants to keep our marriage and sex life as wonderful as it is now.

I am asking you guys for help, because I do not want to bring this topic up with him again. I am so very tired of fighting with him. I just want to know if it is even worth it, should I just let him watch and see what happens or should I stick to what I believe is right and true and healthy for our marriage? Why does this hurt so much?

Ginger Ladybug

First, I am not a therapist. There are links to several good sites under the support tab. I just interviewed Wendy Maltz. She and her husband (also a therapist) work with couples and addicts' partners too. Her site - http://www.healthysex.com/

She says that porn addicts have a sense of entitlement, and that it takes a lot of time to subside.

Addiction is the inability to satisfy. It means the "wanting circuits" are stuck in the brain. Since your husband demonstrates many of the behaviors/attitudes of a severe porn addict, he still has those circuits present (sensitization). They can easily be reactivated, and he's likely doing that by fantasizing about porn while masturbating if he isn't using directly.

Using porn OR fantasizing about porn reactivates those addiction circuits, since the brain doesn't know the difference between reality and fantasy. Think dreams. As a result, he has been keeping his addiction alive by masturbating to his porn memories.

One solution that may actually lead to greater satisfaction (paradoxically because it is less stimulating) is for him to learn to masturbate to sensation alone. And it's likely that if he did that...he'd find he didn't need to masturbate much at all because he's already getting plenty of sex (and perhaps too much - see "Does Frequent Ejaculation Cause A Hangover?" http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201205/men-doe...)

Is the problem you? That's the typical response of any addict - blame. It is quite hurtful in the case of porn, because it makes you feel like you aren't enough. Wrong. Addiction is never satisfying, so his brain will always perceive lack no matter how much kinky sex you provide and no matter how much porn you watch with him. Was an endless steam of novel porn ever enough for him..hour after hour, day after day, for years? No.

Ask him if he watched the same clip over and over. He didn't. He clicked from one novel porn star to the next. As AA says, "One drink is too much, and all the alcohol in world is never enough (to satisfy)."

His addict brain is at work here. His fantasy about porn means he has never rebooted.....he is still using porn. Read these -

I doubt that he can go back to using safely. He had no control when he did use.

"Why would he want to?" That's the question. Answer is real simple - he's an addict. You are dealing with addict-think.

While it's true lots of guys use porn, today's ever-novel porn is a new phenomenon. If he argues that men have always used porn, realize that Playboy has no relation to today's highspeed, multiple tab, hard core videos. He should know - he became an addict. See "Porn Then and Now: Welcome to Brain Training" http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201108/porn-then-and-now-welcome-brain-training

If he's not willing to heal his addiction, there's little you can do. It must be his choice. Just know that it's unlikely any of the solutions he proposes are likely to satisfy him. It's your choice if you want to play along, but playing may not be "enough". An addict brain is never satisfied.

Good luck.

 

Thank you for taking the time to give me such a detailed and sensitive post. Reading it brought me to tears last night. I am honestly broken for the man I love. I know he doesn't want to hurt me.
He found me sitting at my computer late last night reading your post and crying. It allowed us to talk once more about this, but much more honestly without anger. He held me for hours talking to me about just how important I am to him and how my feelings are vastly more important than anything he could ever get from a video. He had no idea I was hurting so badly over this request. He thought that since he had proven himself to be madly in love with me, completely trustworthy and able to give up his addiction for me without one slip up, that he could handle watching with me. He admitted last night that he had actually only used his memories to masturbate once since we became romatically involved. He told me he had never looked at a video or a picture of another woman, since the July 6, 2010 - the day he told me he loved me and wanted to date me.(Only I remember the date, because he wrote it on the poem he gave me to tell me he loved me. It's not like he has been counting days or anything.) He also confested to looking at a video on a technique he wanted to try on himself, but it was only educational and only had men in it. He does subscribe to an toy company newsletter, mainly to buy fun things for me, but he told me he had never searched that website, or an yother, or did a google search for images of beautiful women or anything to try to cheat and find stimulate. He said he had honestly only been looking for educational books, toys, and things to share with me to make our love life better and more exciting. I don't know if those count as "relapsing" but he was very, very honest and transparent with me last night. He also told me that while he is not sure he can ever make the desire to look go away, he is willing to admit that he will always be an addict and that he wants me to feel safe and secure with him. He volunteered to close the subject forever (shut it, lock it, and melt the key), that he would never ask me again to consider watching with him or letting him look. He also promised to quit doing research on sexual techniques, to stop looking for educational information on the one thing he wanted to try to give himself, he would unsubscribe from the newsletter, and would put his google filters back on strict. He said that the image of me broken, red-eyed, and crying over this issue will forever be imprinted on his brain and that he never wants to see me that hurt again by anything he has done.
I really wanted him to come and read the information on your website, but he said that he trusts that everything I have told him is true and that I am completely trustworthy. He doesn't feel like I am trying to control him, he wants to do this for me. Knowing that I feel safe, secure, and loved is more important to him than anything in this world. He never wants to hear me say again that I feel used, betrayed, and no better than a fleshlight. He had no idea that his words, thoughts, and past addictoin was having such a profound impact on me. He thought that because he gave it up for me that he had not brought all that baggage into our marriage. He now knows differently. But he said that dealing with his own feelings about realizing he is an addict is enough for now. he might come look at this site at some pint, but that right now, it would be too much to have it thrown in his face over and over again. Plus, he still believes that he is different from a lot of the men here, because he never wanted to have sex with those women, he never visualized himself as the guy in the movies, and he gave it up cold turkey. He knows he was addict, but he still believes he is a recovered addict; however, he believes that hurting me is not worth trying to prove his point, and he would rather just commit to never, ever letting it be a part of his life or mine.

Ginger Ladybug

The good thing about addiction is that the longer you stay away from porn the weaker the brain pathways become.

Maybe I was hard on him, maybe not. His comments about the fleshlight, wanting to share porn, and "looking for sexual techniques" were his addict brain at work, while last night's conversation was the "real him" talking.

Lets's hope the real him stays in the drivers seat.

Best of luck to both of you.

You said "an addict's brain is never satisfied." After he reboots, will he be able to be satisfied? Will he take more pleasure in us? What are married, recovered men experiencing? Is he really different from most men?
Thanks in advance

Ginger Ladybug

You said "an addict's brain is never satisfied. After he reboots, will he be able to be satisfied?

Rebooting is a term that we use for experiencing what you are like without porn. Guys do it for many reasons.  He says he hasn't used porn for a few years, so he should know what its like to be rebooted.

When the addict brain is fully activated it can never get enough, that's all I meant. He seemed to be heading onto a slippery slope, "searching for sex toys", and "techniques"; and masturbating to porn fantasy; and craving porn in the bedroom.

Addiction pathways are called sensitization - and it is the core brain change caused by addiction. See -

Why do porn cues still trigger a rush (sensitization)?

From what he has revealed, he has been reactivating these pathways, and these circuits are calling for "more". That's why he wasn't satisfied with your sex life - these pathways can never be satisfied. These aren't sexual circuits, these are addiction circuits. Just as an alcoholics craving to drink aren't thirst pathways.

Will he take more pleasure in us?

I certainly hope so. He needs to leave porn behind. Stop searching for "porn-like", but "not really porn". Internet porn addiction is real simple: artificial vs real. Has he left all screen-based (including replaying memories) stimuli behind?

Anyhow, here's a few articles that may help - they are about "Bonding Behaviors". Take from them what is most helpful.

What are married, recovered men experiencing?

There are few in the rebooting page - search for married or girlfriend. They absolutely love the new found feelings of ---love, and excitement.

Is he really different from most men?

I don't know what that means?

 

doesn't get better because someone has more orgasms. Sex isn't like water...where you drink enough and then you're no longer thirsty. Overconsumption of hot sex can leave someone hungrier than ever for novelty over the following days. (See Do You Need A Chaser After Sex? )

This is what women need to understand. We can't keep men happy by acting like porn stars. At least not after the "honeymoon neurochemistry" wears off. (For more see Will Orgasms Keep You in Love? and What If She Were Always in the Mood?)

The more he stimulates himself with hotter and hotter visual cues (or related fantasies from his memory banks) the less satisfied he is likely to feel with his relationship. This is not a comment on your relationship or you. It's a comment on the fact that his brain is growing numb to normal pleasure and desperate for his addiction (which can still hammer his reward circuitry because of his sensitized addiction pathways - See Why Do I Find Porn More Exciting Than A Partner?)

I realize this flies counter to every bit of advice in the mainstream, but what I'm saying is based on recent neurochemistry and a deeper understanding of sex's effects on the brain. For a much more thorough explanation, see my book Cupid's Poisoned Arrow.

Eventually the mainstream will catch up, because too much stimulation numbs the pleasure response of the brain, leaving the person in pursuit of more and more stimulation...and often making him resentful toward his partner because the partner senses that more "fixes" will only make the problem worse. In this case, you are right. His solution will not lead to lasting satisfaction, but the solution (satisfaction and harmony) may lie in a completely different direction than your current habits. See An Uncanny Love Potion

A kinky sex life is not necessarily a better sex life...because it has the power to overstimulate the brain...leaving the partners increasingly dissatisfied. Not sure you two are ready to experiment with a different approach that decreases dissatisfaction and increases feelings of contentment (after an initial adjustment period), but if you are consider my book or perhaps this one: Tantric Sex For Men.

At the end of the day you may be glad you had to rethink your sex lives. There's a lot more potential there than you can find through continually attempting to heat things up.

All the best.

I thought he was truly on board with understanding my feelings, but we have done nothing by fight about this one topic for a month - it seems. He goes from being incredibly understanding and wanting to make sure I feel safe to being angry with me because he wants to M. One day: He believes he has rebooted. He believes this is all my problem. I need to completely trust him. He doesn't want any rules. I am so controlling. If I just trusted him, then this wouldn't be an issue. If I had any self-esteem, then I could believe him that he is not comparing me to these women. If I just worked out and got the body I want, then I wouldn't be jealous and insecure.
Then the next day: He loves me. He never wants to hurt me. All this talk has made him never, ever want to look again. He hates that his actions have made me feel so bad. He feels like a jerk for ripping my heart out and making me distrust him. He wants to respect my wishes and doesn't believe I am controlling at all. He doesn't want me broken anymore; it is his job to protect me and my heart, and he failed to do both.
I just don't know which person to believe. I don't know how to trust his words, when his actions (and words) change constantly. He admitted that when I said I would never allow internet porn into our marriage, he was at least hopefully that he would be able to look at pictures or watch a DVD with him. I don't understand why he can't just respect the one thing I am asking of him - give it up and quit beating me over the head with the fact that "I will always want it. No matter what you say or do."
I get that he will always want it, but I want a lot of things every day that I will never have, and I'm not beating him over the head begging for them.
The one thing I can say is that I absolutely believe that he has not looked at porn at all since we started dating. He has been porn-free for 29 months. He absolutely will not lie to me or hide that from me. He has know from the being that I believe it is cheating, so he committed to never looking. He has honored that commitment; all this crap and drama is because he wants to convince me that it isn't cheating, that it could be good for our marriage, and that he can watch it safely without getting addicted again.
I cannot wrap my head around any of those statements: I believe it is cheating; I believe it will destroy me, as a person, and any trust that we have left in our marriage; and that he will become addicted. He has addictive tendencies in all areas of his life.
But I did tell him, there are no rules in our marriage that I trust him to respect my wishes and protect my heart. I trust him, and he now can prove to be faithful or a fool.
Thanks for letting me have a place to vent.
Ginger Ladybug

Ginger Ladybug

for seeing what life is like without porn. He has done this. He appears to want to go back to porn, so he's asking you to watch it with him. I guess that's what you two are arguing about. It's simple to me - the addict wants his addiction, and they get really pissed when someone blocks their access.

I suggest visiting Wendy Maltz's site. Wendy and Larry Maltz sre the real experts for couple dealing with these issues. Her website and book - Healthysex.com Authors of "The Porn Trap"

I interviewed her on my radio show.

This reboot account was psted today. Perhaps it will inspire.

90 days - Married, much more healthy view of sex & women

Um I'm glad there is porn on the net. I think it's healthy. You're trying to make people feel guilty for sex.

by suggesting we are anti-sex, when we have thousands of stories:

  • of men recovering from porn-induced ED and having successful sex;
  • of men now attracted to real partners;
  • of men no longer having delayed ejaculation;
  • of men gaining confidence so they chase girls,
  • of men who no longer have social anxiety;
  • of men no longer glued to their computers, but having real relationships with real people.

Porn is not sex. It is sitting in front of screen, mousing with one hand while jerking with another, living in an artificial world. If that's what you want to do, more power to you, but don't call it "sex".

Well, I would like to tell my sad story. I'm a 25 year old handsome guy, who has never had sex with a girl.
When I was 18 I was really focused on sports and studying, and I loved porn, playboy TV, Lesbians and what so ever, in my mind I wasjust waiting to get away to college and start getting real girls. But, while in college, I had girls, but wasn't confident enough to get to them or I would make the mistakes a kid makes when he is learning how to get girls, but I didn't even care, I had porn. My desires escalated, and I found internet porn, I would consume lesbian porn like an addict, open thousands of pages on my computer, and masturbate, delaying the dew point as much as I could, just thinking I would find something even better, and after hours there masturbating to this girls kissing each other, boom, my reward. I would do that a lot. Like the whole night.
One day I saw something different a girl with a penis, incredible breasts, amazing body, it triggered me, it was attractful. I started watching that, more and more, and it was getting me crazy, I didn't care if it was a man in a girl form, in my mind it was a girl.
Yes, I found transsexual porn. I slowly started to forget about lesbians, and even though I was interested in some girls I was afraid of rejection, so I wouldn't try shit, because I had TS porn. In my mind the day I got a girlfriend I would forget about TS porn, but no.
When I was 20 I met my first girl, I developed the most amazing game to get her, and for the first time it worked. She was perfect, hot, lovely, and wanted sex with me so bad, like the kind of girl all men want. I never got to have sex with her, I would kiss her get a hard on, but afraid of her knowing I was a virgin so I wouldn't go further, I vanished from her life, I couldn't stand the pressure of her wanting sex with me, and me not being able to do things right, the I'll go to porn. She started even thinking I was gay, but never liked men in my whole life.
After that I started to deal more and more with "shemale" porn, I would masturbate 4 times a night, and then I had to do something about it. One day I went after a Transsexual escort, have to say she had a hot body, breasts, just like on the videos. We started making out, when she took her panties out, it was weird seeing a penis, it didn't turn me on, and that night I couldn't have sex, I didn'te get hard at all, so I dropped it.
I tried escorts over and over, in my mind that was the kind of thing I liked, TS, I didn't care if it was wrong, their porn turned me on, so that's what I should go for, and that's what I did. But never could have sex, I wouldn't get hard, it was something in my mind, but not in my penis.
Then, for the first time I could have full sex with a TS, but this one was different, she was super feminine, curveous, short, blonde, her penis was shrunk, she couldn't even have and erection, she was the first person I had sex with. Meanwhile I would make out with girls at parties, get hard, but always afraid of having sex with them. So porn, porn, porn, TS porn. Lesbian, straight, wasn't appealing anymore.
I had another girlfriend, I would get hard while kissing, but when trying to penetrate, it would go down. I disapeared as well. From that time, I didn't know what to do, except watch more TS porn. Until a day I went to crossdresser porn, and twice I watched gay porn, even though I knew I wasn't gay at all, but I was getting attracted to the feminine way the guys acted in porn, the domination, whatever, and then I went back to shemale porn again, that's where my money was. I started to freak out, thinking I'm gay, people around me thinking the same because they dont see me getting girls.
I moved to this house without internet, and it was nothing but the best times of my life, it was a feeling that gradually escalated. At first it was so bad not to have access to porn, I started masturbating while imagining stuff. Then I started to become the man who loves women the best. Jesus Christ, I can't explain the feeling, I would go to school, and a simple girl with a bit of skin showing off would get me hard, like her belly showing off while she walks, her hands, nail polished, her cute face smiling at me, I was getting so horny, and hard ons, everytime, every minute. I spent 1 month like that, didn't get any girl, it was a bad time of my life, skipping coolege and stuff. I didn't know why that happened, thanks to you I know now.
Then I had internet again, and everything started again, the nightmare came on. And it still endures until today, shemale porn for six years, got me to the point where I stopped getting hard ons for a girl, even if I am kissing, getting embarrassed because now this days, girls seem to love me, and they want to get along with me, but I just make all the stories and fade away. I want them, but know in my present state I'm not able to get them, they think I'm a playa, because all girls love me, and I act like I'm over God, but that's just my defense mechanism to avoid intimacy.
I found you guys on tuesday, and I thank God for that, today is sunday 8.15 in the morning, havent slept, didn't go out, didn't drink, stayed on the internet watching movies, didn't watch any porn either, in fact I haven't watched porn since tuesday. Thank you people.

I'm a 25 man who has never had sex with a woman, and always wanted to, never related to anyone, never had pillow talk, never had a girl telling me how good I am in bed, and always envy all my friends who have that. For them I'm a playa, and I'm never lonely. The idea of me being gay completely vanished from my mind, I don't like men. I thought shemale was my thing, but I've felt how much I love women.

My reboot is only beginning, and you will hear about me in no time. With better information.

I started Nofap and have relapse so many time since January but something in me is saying keep moving forward. Any words of advice?

Three things help me are:
1) I Listen to Gary Wilson's radio show. (Right column, 7th image down.) Start at episode one. He does a great job of explaining things and his guests are also very helpful.
2) I read "Uncle Bob's Porn Addiction Tips" every chance I get.
3) A tip I read somewhere here on YBOP is to count total days with out FAP. For me I was doing it daily, so I give myself credit for how many days I didn't masturbate. An example: Let's say from my start date I went 3 days, relapsed (1), 4 days, relapsed (1), 8 days, relapse(1), 10 days....and so on. Even though in this example it has only been officially 10 days, I only fapped 3 times instead of the 26 times I normally would have!

HawkOR

Hello,
I would like to ask You for permission to translate the "Your Brain On Porn Series: Porn Addiction" to my native language (bulgarian).

best regards,
Lacho

you can translate anything on this site.