Elude Coolidge Mmene zimakhudzira kugonana
Zolemba zaposachedwa zikukambirana (1) chifukwa chake okonda angafune kudziwa zambiri pazomwe zikuchitika ubongo wamagetsi, (2) momwe zokopa kwambiri kwambiri a ubongo wakale wopatsa mphotho mayendedwe atha kubweretsa kusinthasintha kwamalingaliro ndi a akusowa zolimbikitsa zambiri, ndi (3) momwe kusintha kwa dopamine kumayendetsa Zotsatira za Coolidge (chizolowezi chofuna kutaya chidwi ndi wokwatirana naye atakhutira pogonana.) Ndanenanso kuti pali njira yopangira chikondi yomwe imathandizira kuchepetsa kwambiri dopamine komanso kulimbikitsa mgwirizano.
Ndinachitika pa mfundo imeneyi zaka zambiri zapitazo mu bukhu lokonza chikondi cha Daoist. Nditasintha malingalirowa pogwiritsa ntchito zochitika zomwe ndinapeza ndikuwerenga buku pa karezza-ndipo ndinazindikira kuti linalongosola zomwe ine ndi mwamuna wanga tinkachita. Karezza ndi wofatsa, wokonda kwambiri komanso wokondwa, koma popanda cholinga chofuna kugonana. (Inde, izo zikuchitikabe pa nthawi zochepa.)
Mchitidwewu mwachiwonekere wakhala ukugwiritsidwa ntchito kukulitsa ndi kugwirizana maubwenzi kwa zaka mazana, akupita ndi mayina ambiri kupyola mu mibadwo. Izi zikuphatikizapo: Daoist kulima awiri, le jazer (cortezia), amplexus reservatus, tantra (momasuka bwino), sex transorgasmic, ndi zina zotero. Pofuna kulawa phindu, onse awiri amatsindika tsiku ndi tsiku makhalidwe abwino (monga kugonana kwa khungu ndi khungu, kupweteka kwapakhungu, kupopera, ndi kugonana mofatsa nthawi zina) ndi kumangodutsa masabata atatu. (Zambiri mu Arabu a Chofufumitsa cha Cupid: Kuchokera Ku Zizolowezi Kugwirizana muzogonana.)
Poyamba, kugonana kosakhudzana ndi chiwerewere kumawoneka ngati ... ”WTF ?!”Koma izi zitha kuchitika chifukwa chakuti ife kumadzulo tidasinthiratu zomwe tikukondera, mpaka kunena kuti kugonana sikunaperekedwe. Momwemo, karezza amapanga anthu ogona ogonana. Papa Pius XII nawonso anatsutsa izo. M'nthaŵi yake, Akatolika ku France ndi Belgium anali kutamanda amplexus reservatus (karezza) ngati njira yovomerezeka yopewa kutenga pakati, komanso ngati njira yopezera chikondi changwiro, chambiri chauzimu. Papa adati mwina sichinali "ukwati weniweni," kapena, pamene anachita chifukwa chazithunzi zosadziwika, zinali zowopsa chifukwa cha kuthekera kwake kwa hedonism. Nthawi zina sungapambane.
Kwa zaka zana zapitazi, madokotala atatu adalemba mabuku otsimikizira za karezza. (Stockham, MD, Lloyd, MD ndi Jensen, MD) Awa ndi malingaliro a amuna ena amakono (palibe m'modzi wa iwo):
Lingaliro lochotsa chiwonetsero cham'mbuyo / zina zotero ndizosokoneza. Malingaliro anu amalimbana nawo. “Zikhala zosangalatsa. Kodi tichita chiyani pabedi? ” Mukangoyesa, kwa ine, palibe kubwerera. Osakwaniritsa satiety pogwiritsa ntchito karezza ndizodabwitsa kwambiri. Inde, satiety sichingafikiridwe kudzera muzochitika zogonana, koma kusowa kwa kukhuta nthawi zonse kumawoneka ngati kumabweretsa chidwi chofuna zambiri .... Izi ndizosiyana. Ndi yakumwamba, posowa mawu abwinoko. Ndine wokhutira, koma sindine. Sindikumva kuti changu chomwe ndimakhala nacho ndikakhala kuti sindili wokhutira. Ndikumva kuti ndine wangwiro, mwamtendere, koposa zonse, ndili mchikondi…. Ine ndi mkazi wanga tikugwirizananso kwambiri.
Mkazi wanga ndi ine takhala tikuchita / kuchita zomwe zingatchedwe karezza kwazaka zingapo. Pakapita nthawi, tinapeza malo omwe amatigwirira ntchito, lumo waluso, ndikupanga chizolowezi chomwe chimasiya zomwe zikuwonetseratu zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zomwe zikuchitikazo zisakhale "zotentha". Timagwiritsa ntchito mafuta a jojoba kuti tizipaka mafuta polumikizira tisanakagone komanso m'mawa uliwonse. Takhala tikuchita izi kwa zaka 6-7, ndipo ndizabwino. Okwatirana onse mwachiyembekezo amapeza njira yawo yopangira chikondi nthawi zambiri popanda kukakamizidwa, kupsinjika, kapena kutaya. Karezza amatigwirira ntchito. Timakhala okwera komanso othokoza pafupifupi nthawi zonse. Kusasamala kumatha nthawi yayitali chifukwa mphamvu zathu zabwino zimapangidwa ndikuthandizidwa tsiku lililonse.
Poyamba mkazi wanga amandikwiyira ndikumuchotsera chisangalalo chake. Chifukwa chake tidanyengerera. Tinaganiza zokhala ndi ziphuphu tsiku loyamba la mwezi komanso nthawi zina zapadera. Tsopano tili mumwezi wathu wachitatu wokonda zopanda pake, "chifukwa sitikufuna kuwononga chinthu chabwino." Nthawi zambiri timakhala otanganidwa kwa ola limodzi kawiri pamlungu. Timayankha tsiku lililonse momwe timawonekera wokongola. Ndakhala ndi mwayi wogonana ndi banja langa zaka khumi ndi zisanu ndi zitatu zapitazi ndipo sindikudziwa momwe ndidakhalira wokhulupirika. Tsopano malingaliro anga ndikuti palibe chomwe chingafanane ndi zomwe zikuchitika m'banja mwathu.
Chodabwitsa, Kafukufuku wa ku Canada posachedwapa watsimikizira kuti "kugonana kwakukulu" nthawi zambiri osati yang'anani pamaliseche. Wofufuza wamkuluyo adatinso, "Pali umboni wambiri woti anthu ambiri amakhulupirira kuti chinsinsi chokwaniritsa kukhudzana ndi kugonana ndichachidziwikire, ndikuti ndi njira zabwino zolimbikitsira pamanja komanso pakamwa." Komabe, kafukufukuyu adawonetsa kuti "Mutha kukhala ndi chiwerewere choyipa ndi ziwalo zoberekera komanso ngakhale zili ndi zotupa, koma mutha kukhala ndi chiwerewere chabwino osagonana."
Kodi izi zingatheke bwanji? Ndikuganiza kuti karezza imapindulitsa chifukwa imayimitsa kugwa kwamankhwala amitsempha. Chiwindi, makamaka chokwaniritsa kugonana, ndi kuphulika (kokoma) kwamankhwala amitsempha, komwe kumatumiza ziphuphu kwa milungu iwiri pomwe thupi limabwerera kuti likhale lofanana. (Zambiri mu "Mtsinje wa Passion. ")
Mwina iwo amene akhala akuvutitsidwa ndi Zotsatira za Coolidge mupeza karezza makamaka yopindulitsa. Pamene okondana amapanga chikondi modekha ndipo samangomaliza kumene kumaliza "samangokhutira" ndi wokondedwa wawo. Amapewa zomwe zingatheke chiopsezo choopsa kuti adziritse kugwedezeka kwapopopotopang'ono (kupusa, kukhumudwa kwakukulu, kuvutika) ndi zovuta zambiri.
Alangizi a mabanja nthawi zina amalangiza kuti maanja omwe akufuna kuyanjananso ayambe pokana zogonana, koma amangogwiranagwirana kapena osagonana. (Zonsezi modekha zimatulutsa dopamine ndi oxytocin popanda kuyambitsa chidwi chonse.) Mwina njira zolumikizirana zamtunduwu zimabwezeretsa malingaliro abwino chifukwa mapulogalamu athu a "mating" ndi "bonding" amagwira ntchito zizindikiro zosiyana. Tikayika zizindikiro zosemphana izi (za kukopeka / kukopa ndi kukhuta / kuipidwa) kwa mnzathu tingamve ngati tikugwa, ndikutuluka, chikondi m'njira yodabwitsa. M'malo mwake, tikupereka ma siginecha osakanizika pamlingo wotsika kwambiri wamalingaliro.
Posachedwa, ndikufotokozera zomwe kafukufuku angatiwonetse kale zamankhwala am'magazi omwe akukhudzidwa ndi chidwi chathu, ndi zina zambiri momwe izi zingapangitsire ziwonetsero zosavomerezeka.
Kupezeranso mankhwala osokoneza bongo kungapezekanso chidwi.
Kukula kwasayansi umboni wokhudzana ndi kupuma kwa msana (maphunziro)
Zofufuza za kugonana pakati pa kugonana ndi mankhwala mu ubongo
;