Kodi kuganiza mopitirira malire kumayendetsa kugonana?
“Achichepere Achijapani akunyalanyaza kapena ngakhale kunyansidwa ndi kugonana, pamene okwatirana akuyamba kukhala ndi kocheperako,” akusimba motero The Wall Street Journal, kutchula zofufuzira za 2010. Chikhalidwe chikukula mofulumira. Oposa 36% a amuna omwe ali ndi 16 mpaka 19 alibe chidwi pa kugonana, oposa theka la 17.5% kuchokera ku 2008.
Amuna pakati pa 20 ndi 24 anasonyezanso zofanana, akudumpha kuchokera ku 11.8% mpaka 21.5%, pamene amuna pakati pa 45 ndi 49 adachoka ku 8.7% kufika ku 22.1%.
Japan si yokha. Ku France, kafukufuku wa 2008 adapeza kuti Pa 20 peresenti ya amuna a ku France achinyamata analibe chidwi ndi kugonana. Amuna Achimereka akunena kusintha kosafunikanso. Ndipo onani Anthu aku Italiya Amavutika 'Anorexia Yogonana' Atagwiritsa Ntchito Zithunzi Zolaula.
Woyang'anira kafukufuku ku Japan anati, "Achinyamata akuwoneka kuti ndi ovuta kwambiri kuchitira anzawo maso ndi maso. Kwenikweni, pali kulankhulana kotereku pakati pa abambo ndi amai. ” Ngakhale machitidwe azimayi sanali okhwima, ma Juliet azaka zonse, omwe anali osachita chidwi kapena osagonana, nawonso adawonjezeka.
Chikuchitika ndi chiani? Ndipo chifukwa chiyani achinyamata, omwe mwamwambo amakhala ofunitsitsa 'kuchita izi,' amakhudzidwa kwambiri? Anatero bambo wina yemwe wakhala ndikukhala ku Japan zaka 18 zapitazi, "Palibe njira padziko lapansi pano [amuna] ambiri aku Japan omwe alibe chidwi chogonana. Sindikuganiza kuti gulu lililonse linganene izi, makamaka gulu lachiwerewere lodzaza zolaula. ” Zanenedwa wotsutsa wina, "Japan ili ndi zolaula zambiri. Kuchuluka kumeneku ndi kwakukulu kuposa dziko lina lililonse ku Asia kapena ku Europe. ”
Choncho, nkhaniyi sikuti anyamata akufuna chidwi. Zithunzi zolaula zawo zimasonyeza kuti ndizo. Nkhani ndi chifukwa chake safuna kugonana ndi anzawo. Kumbukirani kuti zolaula zakhala zikuvomerezedwa kale, zotchuka gawo la chikhalidwe cha ku Japan, kotero sitinganene kuti ndi opondereza ogonana.
Kodi ziwerengerozi zitha kukhala zokhudzana ndi kuchuluka kwa kukondoweza komwe kumapezeka kudzera pa intaneti komanso lero zoseweretsa zoseweretsa? (Hi-chatekinoloje Kuseweretsa maliseche a ku Japan-zipangizo tipange zathu Fleshlight zikuwoneka ngati china chomwe mungapeze ku Dollar Tree.)
Ubongo si chiwalo
Kukumana ndi chiwerewere chogonana kumamaliza pakati pa makutu, osati miyendo. Ngakhale kuti zowonongeka mopambanitsa zimakhala ndi gawo, chiwerengero cha kuwuka chimatsimikiziridwa ndi kuchuluka kwa, ndi kukhudzidwa kwa, mankhwala osokoneza bongo omwe amamasulidwa mu gawo loyambirira la ubongo wotchedwa mphotho yoyendayenda. Pansipansi, kukwatulidwa ndi kugonana ndipamwamba kwambiri zakuthupi, zomwe zimatetezedwa ndi mankhwala omwe timakhala nawo.
Mankhwala osokoneza bongo omwe amachititsa kuti kugonana kukhale kovuta (ndi kukwatira) ndi dopamine. Dopamine imalimbikitsa "Tapeza!" mphotho woyang'anira ndi uthenga: "China chake chabwino ndichabwino pompopompo ndikangopitiliza." Makoswe atakulungidwa kuti athe kugogoda cholembera kuti athandizire ozungulira mphothoyi muubongo, sanachitenso china chilichonse. Amagogoda mpaka kugwa, kunyalanyaza ana asanagwidwe—ndi akazi olandira.
Dopamine imakhalanso kumbuyo kwa cocaine, mwa njira. Cocaine imatseka kubwezeretsanso kwa dopamine, chifukwa chake imangokhala muubongo ikutulutsa zikwangwani zosangalatsa. Oyang'anira mphotho yathu mwachiwonekere sanasinthe kuti atipangitse kumwa mankhwala osokoneza bongo a cocaine - kapena kutchova juga, mowa, hentai, kugonana kwa cam2cam, kapena choloweza china chilichonse chotha kulanda dera lino. Zinasintha chifukwa zinatigwirizanitsa bwino ndi mafuko, abwenzi ndi ana athu. Tikakhala m'chikondi / chilakolako, timangokhalira kumangokhalira kumangokhalira kumangokwatirana-kwa kanthawi.
Kukhoza kwathu kuti tigwirizane ndi zibwenzi kumadalira kwathunthu Kuphulika kwa dopamine kupatula chikondi chathu (mphoto) maulendo. Komabe makinawa amangogwira ntchito monga momwe amafunira ngati palibe chozungulira chomwe chingayambitse kupanga Zambiri dopamine kuposa zomwe cholinga cha chisinthiko (mafuko, okwatirana ndi ana).
Tsoka, kupanga kwamasiku ano, kukokomeza kwamphamvu kumayambitsa maulendo ochulukirapo a dopamine kuposa chilichonse chomwe makolo athu adakumana nacho. Zachilendo zokha zimatulutsa dopamine, chifukwa chosavuta kugwiritsa ntchito intaneti masiku ano kumangodina china chatsopano chomwe chingapangitse kuti zolaula za lero zikhale zolimbikitsa kwambiri kuposa mnzake wodziwika.
Wamng'ono wogwiritsa ntchito intaneti, makamaka amadalira kukopa kopitilira muyeso kwa zolaula zamasiku ano zaulere, zotulutsa zolaula, komanso zida zakuseweretsa maliseche. Mwina ndichifukwa chake anyamata achichepere akuwonetsa milingo yayikulu yakusakhudzidwa ndi okwatirana enieni.
Mgwirizano wa awiriwa
Kodi ma Romeos athu achichepere (ndi ma Juliet ena) atha kukhala okwera kwambiri pa dopamine yawo yodzipangira, kudzera pazithandizazi, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti azibwenzi komanso azibwenzi enieni sizikhala ngati zopindulitsa poyerekeza? Zachilendo monga zikumveka zikusonyeza kuti kukondoweza kwambiri kwaubongo kumatha kusokoneza machitidwe a mammalian awiri, zikuwoneka kuti zikuchitika. Wendy Maltz, wochita zachiwerewere ku America, anati:
Ndi zachilendo zopeka zasayansi, zolaula [zikulimbana] ndi anzawo enieni, ndipo [zikuwonekera] ngati chinthu chofunikira kwambiri pakukhumba kwamakasitomala ena.
Mwina sizachilendo. Chaka chatha, asayansi atasokoneza dopamine mu ubongo wa nyama zogwiritsira ntchito pogwiritsa ntchito mankhwala (amphetamine), nyama zokhazokha zokhazokha sadayanjanenso ndi mnzanu wina. Kulimbikitsana kwapangidwe kunagonjetsa makina awo ogwirizana ndi dopamine, kuwasiya iwo ngati zizoloŵezi zowonongeka (zonyansa) zomwe zimapangitsa ubongo kuti zisagwirizane.
Kawirikawiri zinyamazi (voles) zimagwirizanitsa bwino, ndipo zimakhala zosokonezeka kuti azikhala akuphwanya nyumba omwe akuyang'ana kufunafuna kanthu. Ochita kafukufuku anaganiza kuti mwina kudodometsa kungachititse kuti chitetezo chitetezedwe mwamsanga, kumangika mapangidwe awiriwa.
Kafukufuku akuwonetsanso kuti kukondweretsa kwakukulu kumapangitsa kuti anthu asamagwirizane. Malingana ndi a phunziro 2007, kumangokhala ndi zithunzi zambiri zachikazi kumapangitsa mwamuna kuti asayese mnzako weniweni. Amamukongoletsa osati chidwi chokha, komanso komanso kutentha komanso nzeru. Ndiponso, pambuyo pa kugwiritsira ntchito zithunzi zolaula, nkhani za amuna ndi akazi sungani zosakwanira ndi wokondedwa wawo-kuphatikizapo chikondi cha wokondedwa, mawonekedwe, chidwi chogonana komanso magwiridwe antchito. Komanso, amuna ndi akazi amapatsa kufunika kogonana popanda kukhudzidwa.
Kodi tiyenera kusamala kuti zothandizira masiku ano zotsogola zogonana zikusokoneza pulogalamu yathu yokwatirana? Kupatula apo, dziko lapansi ladzaza.
Nazi zifukwa zitatu zosamalira:
Choyamba, kukakamiza kwambiri kungachepetse mphamvu zathu zosangalatsa kusokoneza madera ozungulira a mphotho. Izi zingachititse kufuna chikhumbo chosakhutiritsidwa kuti chikhale cholimbikitsana komanso cholimba-kuonjezera chiopsezo cha kuledzera, kupsinjika maganizo, nkhawa, kukhumudwa, mavuto a ndondomeko ndi zina zotero, monga momwe dopamine dysregulation ikukwera. Monga momwe katswiri wa sayansi ya sayansi ya Stanford Robert Sapolsky anafotokozera Chifukwa Chani Mbidzi Sizimatenga Zilonda: "Kuphulika kwamphamvu mwachilengedwe kwapangidwe kazinthu komanso kutengeka ndi chisangalalo kumadzetsa chizolowezi chomazolowereka mwachilengedwe ... .Tsoka lathu ndikuti timangokhala ndi njala."
Chachiwiri, njirayi ingachepetsenso chidwi chogonana. Amuna ochulukirapo azaka makumi awiri akuti akulephera kugwira bwino ntchito. Akatswiri amati poizoni wa chilengedwe, kupsinjika ndi kusadya bwino ndizo zomwe zimayambitsa, koma akunyalanyaza njovu m'chipinda. Kulimbikitsana kwambiri (dopamine) kungayambitse kuchepa kwa zina zotchuka za dopamine zofunika kwambiri kuti zikhale zathanzi, monga momwe tafotokozera muzithunzi izi Kusokonezeka kwa Erectile ndi Porn.
Mwachidziwitso, Juliet akuwoneka kuti akungodandaula ndi kumvera kwake kwa kugonana. Mayi watsopano posachedwapa atumizidwa:
Ndinayamba kugwiritsa ntchito vibrator ku koleji, ndikuganiza kuti ndinali mayi wamakono, wopatsa mphamvu zachiwerewere, ndipo sindinakhulupirire kuti ntchitoyi idakwaniritsidwa bwanji. Pasanathe mwezi, sindinathenso kukhala pachibwenzi ndi chibwenzi changa, ndipo miyezi ingapo pambuyo pake, sindinathe kuzichita ndi dzanja langa. Vibrator idapita mu zinyalala, ndipo kuyankha kwanga pamapeto pake kunabwerera.
Chachitatu, monga anyani amtundu wathunthu, timalumikizana kuti tikule bwino muubongo wamaubongo wopangidwa ndiubwenzi wapamtima, wodalirika komanso wachikondi. Zoseweretsa zakugonana ndi maliseche zolaula siziperekanso phindu lomweli.
Timapindula chifukwa chodalirana osati pazinthu zazikulu zokha za ubwana wathu, monga Freud adanenera, koma m'miyoyo yathu yonse. Mwachitsanzo, kulumikizana kumathandizira kuchepetsa cortisol, yomwe imatha kufooketsa chitetezo chathu cha mthupi tikapanikizika. “Timawonongeka kwambiri ngati tili ndi wina woti atithandizire,” akufotokoza katswiri wa zamaganizo / sayansi yamaganizo James A. Coan.
Zopindulitsa kuchokera ku mgwirizano zikuwoneka bwino kwambiri. Mwachitsanzo, kukhudza tsiku ndi tsiku pakati pa maanja kumapindulitsa anthu ndi kuchepetsa kuthamanga kwa magazi. Odwala kachilombo ka HIV khala motalika ndikukulitsa Edzi mofulumira. Mabala amachiza kawiri mofulumira ndi chiyanjano, poyerekezera ndi kudzipatula. Komabe mphatso zakuya za kugwirizana kwapafupi zingakhale zomveka. Kutseka kugwirizana kwa maganizo kumakhudzana ndi mitengo yafupi osokoneza ndi maganizo. Amasintha maonekedwe a ubongo ndi ubongo wa iwo omwe amachita nawo, kulimbitsa mtima wawo wokha ndikumvetsetsa komanso kumvetsetsa.
Mwina chifukwa cha mphamvu zake chopereka chopatsa thanzi, kugonana kumakhala ndi zotsatira zopindulitsa pa thupi kuposa maliseche. Kugonana kumatulutsa mankhwala osokoneza bongo omwe kuchepetsa nkhawa bwino, ndipo phindu limakhalapo kwa masiku. Kwenikweni-ndipanda kapena popanda chikondi chogonana nthawi zambiri ndizovuta Zosangalatsa komanso zopindulitsa chifukwa cha mitundu yodalirana. Komabe, ngati sitingathe kumva zokondweretsa zobisika chifukwa chakumva kwakanthawi kwaubongo, chikondi chimawoneka chopanda tanthauzo kapena chobweza.
N'zosangalatsa kuti anthu amene amasiya kujambula zithunzi zolaula nthawi zambiri zindikirani kusintha kwakukulu Pokhoza kucheza, kukopana ndikuwona kukopa kwa omwe angakhale nawo pachibwenzi. Kukondweretsedwa kwakukulu kumasiya, oyendetsa mphotho amakhalanso omvera pazabwino zomwe adapeza kuti apeze: kulumikizana mwaubwenzi komanso okwatirana enieni, pakati pa ena.
Posakhalitsa nditasiya zolaula ndinawona mphamvu yowonjezera, chidwi chochulukirapo, komanso kudzidalira. Patatha mwezi umodzi - ngakhale zidatenga zoyeserera zingapo kuti afike - kusintha konseko kudali padenga. Patapita miyezi ingapo, ndimagonana kwenikweni. Ndizabwino kudzutsidwa ndi zinthu zazing'ono, monga bulawuzi yowulula kapena tsitsi loyenda la mkazi, lonyezimira komanso kununkhira.
Mwina pali chiyembekezo cha Romeo ndi Juliet.
Ndemanga pansi pa "Psychology Today" positi
Kuwonerera zolaula kumadzetsa chisokonezo ndi zomwe amuna amachita zogonana, mpaka kuyamba kumva kuti alibe chidwi ndi anthu enieni.
Ndipo kuunikiridwa kwakukulu kumene ndakhala nako pa izi kunali kuti AKAZI ANALI OONA!
Zikuwoneka kuti zolaula ndizokhazikika pa amuna, ndipo nthawi iliyonse ndikakhala ndi mzimayi kuti ndiyankhule za zolaula ndimayankha kuti: "amadziwa bwanji?" ngati kuti samadziwa zomwe amalankhula komanso kuti zolaula sizimachotsera chilichonse, kuti sikunali kubera pang'ono, ndi zina zotero.
Koma ndazindikira kuti zolaula zili ngati magudumu achitetezo. Ikayamba kupezeka kwambiri, imayamba kukhala momwe amuna amayang'anira zochitika zawo zogonana, ndipo zimawatengera m'malingaliro omwe amasintha nthawi zonse, kukhala ndi zithunzi ndi makanema ooneka ngati opanda malire amitundu yosiyanasiyana ya amayi ndi kugonana. Komanso zimakutengani kutali ndi moyo wabwinobwino wogonana, mosazindikira, tilibe zomwezi zomwe munthu wopanda zolaula amakhala nazo tsiku lililonse.
Ndi njira yosazindikira, bwanji mupite kwa akazi abwinobwino pomwe mutha kupeza chilichonse, kwaulere, mwachangu komanso mochuluka? Ndikuganiza kuti kugonana kwamwamuna kumayenera kukukakamizani kuti mukakomane ndi akazi, kuyanjana nawo ndikuyankha moyenera zosowa zake ndi chiyani, pomwe zolaula zimakupangitsani kuganiza, modzipereka, ngati sagona nane pompano, ine Nthawi zonse ndimatha kupita ku porntube ndikukhala ndi zoyambitsa zonse zomwe ndikufuna kuti apite ku gehena. Ndi mpikisano wa amayi womwe uli wopanda thanzi, chifukwa zachidziwikire sizokhutiritsa zomwe zili ndi zenizeni, komanso zopanda chilungamo, chifukwa mutha kuyang'ana azimayi amtundu uliwonse, ndi kuchuluka kwawo, m'njira iliyonse yomwe mungafune.
Ndipo choyipa kwambiri pa zolaula ndikuti mukudziwa kuti sichokhutiritsa kwathunthu. Sizochita zenizeni ndipo sizidzayandikira. Chifukwa chake mukuganiza chifukwa chomwe mulibe moyo wathanzi, mukuganiza kuti bwanji simukumana ndi akazi mwachizolowezi, bwanji mukadali nokha ndipo simulumikiza ngakhale zolaula, chifukwa mukuganiza kuti zolaula ndizabwino, kuti sizikuvulazani. Koma ndikuchotsa chilakolako chanu chogonana ndikuchiphatikiza ndichinthu chopanga komanso chosakhutiritsa.
kuchokera ku ulusi wolaula
Kuchokera kwa mkazi yemwe akutuluka misozi. Ndikufuna uphungu.
Zikuwoneka kuti anthu ambiri pano akungopita "kuthana naye", koma ndikuganiza kuti mwalingalira izi koma mudabwera kuno kudzapeza upangiri wina.
Lingaliro langa ndilakuti, muyenera kumpatsa mwayi. Ndine wophunzira wama psychology ndipo sindimadziwa za nofap kwanthawi yayitali. Kuchokera pazochitikira zanga, kukula kungathe kusokoneza ubale wonse ndipo sindinadziwe bwino. Mukakhala pachibwenzi ndipo mbali yomwe mumayambirabe zolaula imasokoneza ubongo wanu, chifukwa ngakhale mutha kukonda omwe muli nawo, ubongo wanu umamvetsetsa kuti mukupezanso atsikana ena onse otentha m'makanema ndi Zimenezo nzabwinobwino, ndiye umangopita kukatumiza uthenga kwa atsikana ena. Zili ngati zodziwikiratu, osaganizira nkomwe za izo. Ndinali pachibwenzi cha chaka cha 3 chomwe ndidasokoneza ndipo ndikuganiza ngati ndikadadziwa za nofap sindikadakhala nazo. Tonsefe tinamaliza kubera chibwenzicho ndipo ngakhale tidayesa kuthana nazo, ubongo wanga udasokonekera kwambiri ndi chilichonse chomwe chimachitika ndipo panali zakumwa zambiri zomwe zimachitikanso. Mukakhala mukuonera zolaula nthawi zonse malingaliro anu amakhala opanda pake ndipo ndizovuta kuganiza bwino. Ndizosavuta kuphulika. Pamapeto pake ndimangokhala wokwanira kwathunthu kwa iye ndipo sindimatha kuganiza bwino ndipo tsopano sindinataye ubale wazaka 3 zokha komanso bwenzi langa lapamtima. Koma mwina zinthu zimachitika mwabwino chifukwa kwa ine, nditataya ubalewu womwe unali wofunikira kwambiri kwa ine, ndimadziwa kuti ndiyenera kusintha zinthu zambiri pamoyo wanga ndikuyamba nofap anali m'modzi wa iwo. Komanso kudya wathanzi, kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi, ndipo tsopano ndimangomwa mowa munthawi yapadera. Ndikuganiza kuti nofap inali yothandiza kwambiri ndi zonsezi, ngakhale sindinakhaleko motalika kwambiri. Koma zikuwoneka ngati sizili zovuta kusiya kukula. Sili ngati ndudu zomwe mwatuluka. Kungoti mukasankha kuzichita, mumazichita, ndipo zikachitika, kumakhala kosavuta kusiya zizolowezi zina zoipa. Zomwe ndikudziwa ndikuti tsopano ndikumva bwino kuposa momwe ndimamverera.
Choncho zomwe ndikuganiza ndikumuuza za nofap mwanjira ina ndikuonetsetsa kuti akuwona izi Nkhani ya TED. Ndipo mupatseni mwayi UMODZI. Ndikumva ngati ndikadadziwa izi ndili pachibwenzi sindikadakhala ngati bulu. Ndikadakhala kuti ndikadatha kumwa ndikumwa wathanzi ndikungosungaubwenzi wanga. Ngati mukufuna kuti awerenge ndemanga yanga. Ngati akadali ndi inu ndi chifukwa mwina akufuna kusintha. Mwina alibe chidziwitso chokwanira. Ngati mukufuna kusintha, nofap ndi njira yabwino yoyambira. Ngati mumupatsa zidziwitso zonse zomwe amafunikira ndipo amasankhabe kukhala yemwe ali, ndiye kuti ikhoza kukhala nthawi yoti musunthe.
Ndikukhulupirira izi zimathandiza mwanjira ina
ZOCHITIKA - MAPHUNZIRO:
- Zolaula ndi zogonana? Mndandandawu uli ndi zofufuza zoposa 40 zomwe zimagwirizanitsa zolaula / zolaula ku mavuto a kugonana ndi kuchepetsa chilakolako chogonana. The Zotsatira za 7 zoyambirira mumndandanda ukuwonetsa zovuta, pamene ophunzira adasiya kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula ndikuchiza matenda opatsirana pogonana.
- Zotsatira za zovuta pazoyanjana? Kufufuza kwa 80 kumalumikiza zolaula kumachepetsa kugonana komanso kukhutira ndi ubale. Monga momwe ife tikudziwira onse Kafukufuku wokhudza amuna adanena za kugwiritsira ntchito zolaula zambiri zogwirizana osauka zogonana kapena ubale. Pomwe kafukufuku wowerengeka amangonena za zoyipa zazimayi zomwe azimayi amagwiritsa ntchito pakugonana ndi akazi, ambiri do Nenani zoyipa: Maphunziro a zochitika zokhudzana ndi akazi: Zopweteka pa kukwatira, kukondweretsa kugonana, ndi maubwenzi
- Zizindikiro za kuledzera ndi kuchuluka kwa zinthu zoopsa kwambiri? Zofufuza za 60 zofukufuku zomwe zikupezeka zikugwirizana ndi kukula kwa zolaula (kulekerera), chizoloŵezi choonera zolaula, komanso ngakhale kusiya (Zizindikiro zonse zokhudzana ndi kusuta)
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